I am not going to talk about how hard life is right now, since that is not the reason I am here writing today, even though it is often the thought that is on the top of my mind most days when I come here to write a diary entry.
I say, 'Screw that BS.'
However, in reference to BabelCon, the Guild, and roleplaying, I made some promises a while back which led to me wanting to do a panel on creative gaming and storytelling at the convention. As it turned out, I did not do the panel because of timing, a change in space, as well as a lack of recording team and equipment for the panel, so that I could post it here on the web for all of you to read and be involved with.
Because I fell through on that promise, I have decided to instead do the panel in audio recordings by hosting the media in mp3 format and posting it here in my diaries and linking it around the web. So that's what I plan to do.
I will be recording the discussion within the next few weeks, and posting it. Instead of having a Q&A session, I will set up a page where comments and questions can be posted by viewers around the web. That way, it can still be an interactive session.
On a personal note, I want to clear up the issues surrounding me being gone for so long.
People have been wondering what I have been up to, and I often have nothing to tell them, simply because I don't want to have to tell them the awful truth that I am and have been homeless for quite a while now. Though on paper I have been homeless since December of lat year, I was lucky enough to have help from the people around me. However, since almost two months ago, things have changed drastically, and I had spent almost a month and a half being truly homeless, living on the streets, doing online college coursework at coffee shops, and sleeping under the freeway overpass at night. It has in no way been a fulfilling or glorified experience, but it has given me a perspective on life that not many people have, as well as being the first time in a long while where no one has relied on me, nor had I relied on anyone else. This situation and the experience centered around it have finally relieved me of a lot of emotional burden which had been accumulating over the years, causing a lot of depression and suicidal thoughts within myself. For the first time in a long while, I had finally lost the feeling of wanting to pass on to the Other Side, simply because the stresses of reliance and dependence had been wiped away by simplicity and reduction in my life and in my burdens.
Now, with this feeling of lightening and less reliance, I am ready to move onward, but to a place in my life that maybe not too many people would agree with me. A lot of people in my life are likely to become frustrated with me, but since that is a theme with the people who care about me, I am simply going to overlook it because it is not their life to live. Furthermore, I am tired of living for everyone else's stability and goals, as well as simply living to make other people happy.
My situation is likely to get worse before it gets better, if such an experience is possible. I am no longer actively pursuing becoming a small business owner, simply because of the fact that the basis of the business I had in mind is fallible at best and likely to go nowhere. Instead, I am focusing on me, my spirituality, and my place in the Cosmos. That will likely lead to me turning away from others in my life, especially those individuals that I feel are too focused on materialism and heavy-weighted factors such as personal gain, reputation, and self-promotion
I had wanted to finalize a whole host of projects which I would rather see completed than set to the side, but since this is likely to never occur, I am simply cutting my losses and moving onward. The WFR Guild had a lot to do with these goals, and I certainly hope that someone somewhere keeps the ball rolling, but since I was often the only person making things happen actively, I foresee a large amount of apathy overtaking the previous successes of the Guild instead of forward motion. Because of this, I am no longer going to feel the Guild's lack of success as my own. The Guild has always been a team effort, and without the help of the team, I cannot do it alone. A lot of people have given up... And now it is my turn. I hate to do it, because a lot of people wanted to see good things come out of it, but there are simply too many people who don't care, and not enough resources for me to keep telling people to screw off. Furthermore, because I am so busy dealing with survival, I can't feel bad about letting others down when very few people have been there to back me up when I needed help the most. For the record, I am simply talking about Guild activities, and not those of my own survival and lifestyle. Many of my friends have offered help in forms that I cannot accept, and I appreciate those offerings, but I can't accept them. Because of that, I have angered a lot of people whose emotions I cannot change.
Almost two months ago, I decided that I no longer cared for a life of materialism and gain, since it can so easily be taken away from you for almost no reason at all. I assert that this has more to do with how the world operates, and less with how I operate. When society does not allow one to succeed, it is increasingly more difficult to try to do so without care or concern for how things turn out. It is probably better for me to cut my losses than to try and keep pushing forward through the rubble.
I stopped trying to sleep on people's couches because I was no longer interested in having people tell me how much I mean to them and then putting me into a position where I could only rely on myself and being angry at both them and myself for allowing myself to be placed in that position. I am tired of placing blame or trying to find reasons, 'why?'. No more.
Because of all of this, I am simply going to move forward on my own terms. If that means that I go nowhere, at least it is by my own choice. I am tired of having others dictate my movements for me. I am no puppet, and I am tired of being treated like one. I am also tired of trying to figure out other people's stipulations and expectations, and then realizing that they were all wrong to being with.
If you see me here, it is because I want to be here, not because I want to be here with YOU. This is not about you. It is about me. People who turn it into something that is all about themselves are simply making more problems for me, and I am not going to pay heed to this anymore.
There have been a lot of things happening lately, and yet so few as compared to before. I have found a place to stay for the nights, but I am unsure as to how long it will last, or to what capacity it will become substantiated. I feel that I am perhaps in one more situation where someone is allowing me to stay because of their own hopes and assertions of what kind of part I will play in their lives. Again, I feel that I am someone's playtoy, and were it not for this lusty nature, I think I would still be sleeping under the bridge. Hopefully this is not the case, but because I have consistently been used for my sexual prominence in people's minds and urges, I have low hopes.
About a week and a half ago, I had moved my things and a bed I got off the side of the road into a garage parking structure near the capital building here in Baton Rouge, LA, and the police came to hassle me and move me out. They wrote me a ticket for trespassing and vegrancy, meaning that I was a homeless guy sleeping in a place not fit for people to sleep. The cops made me move my things out, and I put the bed on the capital stairs because I was angry. This made one of the cops even more angry, and he ended up spraying me with mace before the night was over. Having been my first time being pepper-sprayed
That night, I ended up staying with the guy who last kicked me out based solely on sympathy and his urges to want to have me sleep in his bed with him. When he realized that I had no further urges to be involved in his sexual escapades, things turned sour and he moved all of my belongings out to the unlocked garage, where they are likely to be stolen by the locals. Since there's nothing I can do about it, I am simply living with this outcome. I am just lucky that they are not in the garbage, which I figured was the original choice.
After that, I began staying with this newest guy, who also has secret hopes in his head which are only beginning to come out now, and which are completely unrequitted on my end.
So the thing I woulod like to leave you all with is: 'What is going on with Will (xido)?'
Trust me, you don't want to know. It's not pretty, and it isn't likely to end anytime soon. If I have a place to stay, I will be lucky, and if I don't have a place to stay, it will be what I expected to happen. Since bad luck seems to follow me everywhere I go, and I see no end in sight, I have very little consolations to give to the people that want to know when I will be back in full force. Chances are high that I will not ever be able to come back in the capacity I was before, and if the Guild succeeds in anything, it will have to be on the actions of others. I simply cannot keep giving the energy that I did before, because it was founded on time and energy I no longer have.
I really do wish you all the best, and hope that the Guild will prove me wrong in terms of doing something while I am no longer here. I also hope that things will change for me in a way which will allow me to keep goals in my life once more, but because things are so hard right now, I just see it as being highly unlikely anytime soon.
For those of you who know me personally, or who have been hoping/wonderi
I have been focusing on my inner spirituality and the ways in which I utilize those facets of myself in the outer world. So far, very little luck outside of a few decent tarot card readings, but I have begun working in shamanism, Lemurian sigilry and spiritual defense tactics, as well as the typical metaphysical studies of my past. I am hoping that I will be able to help others in this capacity, and perhaps make a slight amount of a living wage off these activities, even though the most typical line of thought is that such activities are not made to be sold to the public, but rather given freely as a healing benefit and humanitarian effort. Maybe one day that will be an accepted and promoted practice, though I don't foresee that happening in the common public social consciousness anytime soon.
How do I end a diary entry like this? I guess with a big hug. *hugs*
Now get over yourself and move on, like I am doing.
-will, Rev. Mad Raven, D.D.
http://xidorav
BabelCon was awesome, and a lot of fun!
http://www.bab
Photos (albums a and b):
http://dell.sh
I miss everyone already! I hope to be involved again next year! It was SOOOO worth it. ;)
-will
Everyone should support Earth Hour:
http://news.ya
It's 4:30 in the morning here in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I fell asleep early and woke up with a pounding headache. I then took two Motrin and scraped the remaining bud into a bowl. It was sad and hopeless, but it worked well enough.
I am now up checking emails, because I had hoped to hear back from someone, and there's news on Yahoo!
http://news.ya
Now I am not stupid, and I have been keeping my eyes open for years. I think I have an idea of what's going on, and if you were to ask me in two years if I had foreseen it all, I would say, "No, not really... But my guardian angel did, and she told me about it in pictures."
http://nesara.
You better believe it, people. We're there. It's called the New Age, and it demands worldwide peace and order, and it works completely without Bush, his cronies, or their supporters. The aeon is ruled by Horus, son of Osiris, in the form of Harpocrates, or Haar-poor-kraa
I wish you all the best.
-will
Alright, people. I don't often blog, but I have had some serious thoughts racing through my mind these last few weeks, and I feel once more like we are all under attack by fallen angels or something.
I just sent this letter to the author of the article:
Who do I have to scream at in order to stop the nonsense? How many people have to die in order for this country to feel 'safe' from 'terrorism'? What about the terror I feel knowing that my government spends my tax dollars on this kind of shit?
http://cosmicl
It's bad enough they spend billions upon billions of dollars on a war that is outright wrong, without my consent or approval, but now this? And think of the big businesses profiting from this insanity.... Truly sickening. I am ashamed to be an American right now.
I will be contacting my congressional representative
Let's get one thing straight here. This war was supposed to be over when we claimed it had been a victory. We've been there for how many years now?
This is bullshit. My American government completely sucks. It's obvious that they are only out for themselves at this point.
It's like one of the commenters posted on the article blog: why are we not spending the money on education, poverty, multinational relations, and internal self-bettermen
It's sickening to know that this stuff happens, and worse still to know that we as taxpayers are the ones funding it!!! Where do we draw the line? What has to blow up in our faces before we finally say, "Oops, my bad" and knock it the fuck off?
My money pays for Bush's CIA protection and the government's black book projects, while I starve and get more and more sick every day. I am watching the economy fall apart around us while they sit back and claim that, "Everything is okay, people. Don't freak out just yet."
NO!!!! Everything is not okay! You are lying to us! You are deceiving us! You are USING US for the wrong reasons!
The IRS was created to help fund the World Wars when we were told that there was a need. Now we pay them too much money every year so they can screw us and help pay for war to kill each other and the growing population.
Tell me how okay that is....
I can't fucking wait for the aliens to show up and smack us in the face for being stupid assmongers.
-will
Ha HA!
I just figured something out.
For a long time, people have thought me a brash and rude American guy with a penchant for developing my own ideas, often at the detriment of others' projects. Some have called me tyrannical, others just say they can't stand me.
That's okay. You're obviously not on key.
The most amusing part to me is the history of the WFR Guild, which began as the Wiki Fantasy Roleplay in 2003.
A lot of people would claim that I am taking too much time in my own projects, and that I don't spend enough time making good things happen in the community.
I think Kara Peters might disagree with you.
The WFR was created by [Maedilynn] for the sole purpose of wiki-format, semi-advanced RPG styles for gamers and fiction fans. Not only that, but it's not even an American product!!!!
So ha! You think I am a rude, brash American, with only his own interests at heart? You would be wrong. My community is much more important to me than my own pet projects, and I need not look to my own sordid country in order to find good work.
The WFR was born on 2003-04-03 at 02:26:33 by Elftown time. Kara Peters, its original creator, lived in Canada at the time of its inception. Ha! Stupid non-Americans hating stupid Americans!!! Ha HA! Yay for stupidity!
I will be doing everything in my power in the coming months to help pinpoint [Maedilynn]'s estimated birth-place for the WFR in April of that year, so that I can be better prepared astrologically for its destined state of being. This is important to me now, because now that I know it was not such a close-to-home project, I can easily feel within my rights of calling it my first international endeavor.
Awesome work, Guild! And you didn't even have to try too terribly hard for it. ;) Good job!
As for me, I am still a stupid American doing stupid American things like making people hate me by trying to do fun things aroun the town. Awesome!
-will
This messages has been plastered all over the WFR Guild pages. I feel very strongly about it, and I am willing to do anything to make this right again.
Please, if you see this diary, take note:
http://apps.fa
http://news.bb
http://www.foo
Hasbro is suing these Indian guys. They made an application, and so did Hasbro (affiliated with Mattel for the Scrabble product line), so now the big guys are trying to squash the little guys. It's the age old story; I'm sure most of us have used it a time or two in our own campaigns.
This is the moment of truth.
I do not speak on behalf of the WFR Guild when I say this (yet), but as a human being with goals, dreams, and aspirations to do something with my life.
I have been playing D&D for years. I know so many people who - between all of us - have bought at least a thousand dollers worth of RPG publications, games, or supplements from Hasbro over the years. I'm not sure how many Mattel products have earned my money, but seeing as to how there are children in my life who deserve birthday presents every year or so, I can imagine my money has been to both of these companies SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE. That's called investment, my business friends.
How much have you spent on Hasbro or Mattel products? Try and add it up for yourself. Now figure that most of us have spent similar money, because their games are fun and memorable. How long ago did you buy your first Scrabble board? Ever had a good memory about it? Good, because they want you to buy it all over again.
I am broke as a joke right now. It's not even funny. It's scary. Seriously, I am worth $.88, a broke-down car, and a screwy old laptop. I have my intelligence, and my creativity. I am also in school for my dream, which is a bonus because I get financial aid. Nowadays, I call myself a professional artist, and a storyteller.
I just got in touch with Wizards of the Coast Corporate email earlier this week in order to work with them in connection to publish WFR-oriented content with the d20 mechanics logo, through my own personal business endeavor with my long-time friend [Torr-maat] (xidoraven studios Production Phase I). They have given me good replies, and I am awaiting more news.
Now I, like you may be currently, have learned that Hasbro - the makers of Scrabble, and the parent company of the subsidiary, Wizards.com - is partnering to sue these two Indian applications creators (a craftsperson like you or I) instead of working with them legitimately and ethically in order to better negotiate a method of keeping Scrabulous alive. It mainly has to do with the fact that Hasbro/Mattel are (more than likely) ALSO releasing an online version of Scrabble, which would mean that THEY MIGHT LOSE PROFITS in 2008 (on top of splitting the rights to the product line). O.o
Let me tell you something, Hasbro. I have bought your products for years, and must continue to do so, in order to stay current in my creative field. Don't you DARE tell me that you are willing to squash the little guy for your own benefit, or you will see heinous results!
Now, having said my piece:
I am approaching all moderators of the Wiki Fiction Roleplayers' Guild, as well as those who are willing to listen.
The time is now. If you ever had a dream, if you ever wanted to be something more than you are, and if you have EVER studied ANYTHING to do with business ethics, stand with me now.
To Hasbro: I have purchased your products, and will continue to do so, but if you hurt these Indian boys, I will NEVER play scrabble again... I will NEVER play an online version of Scrabble made by Hasbro... And I will do everything I can to make sure that your profits fail miserably in the face of independent adversity and the 'love of the game'.
We as people are allowed to aspire. Give us an outlet, give us a say, give us back our spending power. We are humans too.
I do not yet speak for the Guild, but the Guild must know. This is not the time to say that it doesn't matter, because it DOES, and it IS important to defend what you believe. I believe that this is corporate insanity at its finest.
To Hasbro: if you want your marketing campaign for 2008 to succeed, you will act in an ethical manner, or you will have the WFR Guild Members acceptance, appreciation, and wealth no longer.
If you are not a member of Facebook.com, I do not encourage you to join a new site that you would not otherwise join. But if you ARE a member, please access the following application, and sign the petition to Save Scrabulous:
http://apps.fa
Keep watch for more updates. Those of you who have my email (xidoraven@gmai
WFR Guild Knights, you are being called to arms. We are defending the People this time, and it could get gruesome.
Best wishes,
-will
After-the-fact thought:
By the way, I also noticed this comment on the BBC blog opinions:
Added: Thursday, 17 January, 2008, 14:35 GMT 14:35 UK
'PSOTINLSSE
I'm sure I can make a 9 letter word that describes this HYS...
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom'
1. HYS deals with current affairs, not just politics, so it's relevant.
2. Technically every HYS is pointless - all you're doing is complaining about this and that with people who are bored at work. It wont ever amount to anything. Your posts here wont lead to change in government policy or revolution.
3. I'm pretty sure that 9 letter word doesn't have 3 S'.
Sophie Shinigami, Belfast, Ireland
Recommended by 44 people (http://newsfor
To Miss Sophie, from Will Thompson:
I'll take that bet, and raise you three.
63817 (the key)
oh, the wormholes.....
[61927 (Unknown or private posting)]
<poll:8366>
*sigh*
it's just too easy.....
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