Vies vuil tyfuswijf!
Waarom verpest je heel mn leven?
Waarom probeer je alles af te pakken waar ik zo hard voor gewerkt heb?
Waarom duw je me de grond in en doe je alsof je beter bent?
De afspraken die je maakt die kom je vervolgens niet na
De dingen die je zegt die neem je daarna terug.
Je liegt, Je bedriegt, ik spuug op je
Ik ben je helemaal zat en kan niet wachten totdat je uit mn leven bent!
You're an alcoholic,
A drug addict,
A depressed fool,
With no work, and no school,
Yet everything I feel is true.
It took alot to get me here
Days go by living in constant fear,
Its not my choice to feel this way,
Everyday full of betray.
Feel like a geek,
Look like a freak,
Tears dripping as we speak,
Yet crying is only for the weak.
You're red hair matches your face,
Red and swollen as it is,
I hate to feel this way and look like this.
Therefore little pierced girl,
Let your balls twirl.
Let go of the aggression,
Get over the depression.
Party all night long,
Pretend as if you're strong.
Go see the very first dawn.
For tomorrow, this feeling will be gone.
Today I was recently reading in the book of shadows, written by Phyllis Curott. One page really made me think. I'll post the text down below, I am sorry it is in dutch :) but since you're my diary you'll just have to understand it.
Magie is de vervulling van je bestemming. Drie dimensies zijn ruimte, de vierde is tijd, en de vijfde is waar de geest verblijft. Er zijn tweemaal zoveel als je in de spiegel van de godin kijkt. Welk gebied de schaduw werpt en welke de weerspiegeling is, moet je zelf ontdekken. Daar wacht je bestemming op je. Open je voor de beweging van het goddelijke en de energie ervan zal je voorbij alle beperkingen dragen. Het is aanwezig in elk van je ademhalingen. Het is de energie van het leven en meer. Het wentelt rond en verenigt het verleden, het heden en de toekomst, energie en materie, liefde en verlangen. Het is de reis van de ambitie van het hart en het ontwaken van de ziel. Het is aanwezig in de muziek der sferen, in het licht van de sterren, het stromen van de rivier, het groeien van de wilg, het hartstochtelij
Everything I do, has a reason. But then what is the reason of me living? I do have friends who care about me, I do have family who care about me. But why can't I find the happiness I desire.
I need to be loved in other ways then friends and family do. But every guy I'm with, eventually makes me feel like shit. They make me feel worthless, almost as if they are with me just because they would be bored otherwise...
so besides that, I have no motivation what so ever for school anymore... every day I hate kids just a bit more then the day before so I say NUKE THEM ALL!
work is a pain in the ass altough 1 of my collegues is back so I'm happy for that. Because we have a new system in the shop everything gets a bit harder then it already was, for fuck sake YOU GUYS SHOULD PAY ME MORE! so thats also a issue I think alot about. I should find a better place to work, where they would appreciate me.
alrighty... what more is fucked up in my life? ah yes... the fact my sisters new boyfriend already cheated with me... He said I'm sorry to everyone and now they're a happy fucked up couple again, wich I just can... NOT...! believe. wtf just happend there... oh yeah well I kissed your sister and even tried to get her in bed, now I'm sorry, heres a big fat hug and lets have I'm-so-sorry-s
so what else to tell you guys about the rest of my life... Ah yes, I get blamed for everything that goes wrong in the house I live. I don't have the money to get out of there since they are letting me pay for everything. So I'm totally stuck here, I'm drinking to much alcohol, I am using to much drugs, just to escape out of this world and to live on in another, specially made for me. Where all the people love and adore me, where they hand me over money as much as I can carry. Where they constantly play my kind of music. And where they have no discussions about wich kind of retard should be the next prime-minister
I hope this diary entry helped me to feel just a bit better, cause I want to cry so badly but the tears just won't come.
Now you guys all know how I really feel. I'm no longer lying.
Oh yes sundays (and saterday nights) are still my fun days, yet not because of him. Thats totally over. I have to thank my sweet girl for bringing some joy in my life. [..majo..] I hereby thank you ^^ nah seriously, you are the one thing I can always count on, and yeah I do know what you mean. I have the same thing >< like I told you a few hours ago.
I love you babe, more and more each day, you do mean the world to me
I finally have some fun moments again :) sundays are the best days for me at the moment. sundays are the days I have a smile on my face, sundays are the days I laugh until my cheekbones hurt, sundays are the days I enjoy the most. cause I'm with him then :)
I love you sweety xxx
just to let you know...
I won't be here for two whole weeks...
cause I will be having fun and stuff in turkey ^^ HURRAY!!!
anyway I just wanted you to know I won't be writing anything here for a while so take care =)
Hugs to all my friends, I'll miss you guys
dear diary ^^
WOOT....! 4 more days and I will be in sunny turkey =) Marmaris here I come, two weeks full off fun, sun, sea, beach, alcohol, food, friends and lots of other goodies.
yeah like you noticed: I'm really looking forward to that.
To all my elftown friends, I'm gonna miss you guys but heey... I'll be back
why oh why do I always have such a bad timing...
when I was born I already had a bad timing... back then I already was a pain in the ass (probably) I also wanted things happen to early... (but I was mistaking)
When I was born they tought I came early but I wasn't...
When I was born I was laying in the wrong way... and right before I was born I turned... thank god
so yeah I'm weird, a pain in the ass, annoying and all the other stuff I forgot to mention...
so yeah :( talk to you later...
dear diary :D
yeahh I feel kinda ok atm to...
we feel the same way, somehow, someway we feel both ok
it didn't rain yesterday... for once...
and I'm in a good mood :) he still makes me feel great
I'm a bit bumbed out that I can only see him once a week :( but ok just have to live with that :) as long as I can continue meeting him.... its fine by me
lots of hugs and kisses my dear friend and companion
and yet again, it was a great day :) we went to the cinema and watched a movie (I saw abouw half of it....:P)
and uhm why does it always rains when he comes to see me??? its not fair! fucking weather....!
but the rain can't take my feelings away thats for sure...
no matter how cold it is, he makes me feel warm inside
I don't want to get to attached :( I want this to last forever but I don't know how he feels... I can't help myself... I already feel to much for him
yay I have turned myself sad again.... great!
stupid woman :(
omg :D today was fucking great... I met HIM :D he is soooooo sweet
he made me smile, he made me feel warm, he made me feel special, yeah well he just makes me feel good about myself...
I felt this way before... and I was with that guy for 1 year and 8 months... so uhm I wonder where this guy will bring me...
he is just so sweet :)
I will keep you updated sweety
omg omg omg :D
yup I like him, I like him alot :)
and in case he gets to read this...: I like you!
so there, now you know it (and I know you for 2 days :P)
*taking a deep breath*
I'll keep you updated sweet sweet diary (and yeah I'm in a good mood)
love you :D
Something went wrong at the administration from Hans Anders, so my contract begins at 15 May (in three days)
Although I already have worked some days I'm not official hired yet
but anyways I like working there :) My collegues are very nice (two guys hihihi) and uhm yeah I like the job :) I like to talk to people and help them out.
I've been working for a week now, but I am very tired (I guess that will be cause its my first real job :S) yeah well uhm it doesn't matter I'll get used to it I hope
My school sucks on the other hand... They give us soooo much homework to do, and all at the same time... so there will always be at least one teacher mad at me cause I didn't do my homework..
And then there is also my love life....(what love life :S) it seriously sucks...
I got nobody :'( everyone around me is being loved and stuff... and I just miss it :'( I need some arms around me and someone to stroke my hair and just to be there for me, someone to cuddle.
I just need some affenction...
yeah well ok now that is of my chest I can go on with my life.. to see if anything is going to change (or not)
I hope everything goes ok for you sweet diary
I love you xxxx
from this day forward I officially got a job...
my contract starts from 1 may (today that is)
tomorrow on the other hand is my first real working day
I wonder how it will be
I'm going to work at Hans Anders Optician as a student optician.
I will work tuesday or wednesday, friday night and saterday
yay I'm going to make € ;)
I will let you know how my day was tomorrow
yesterday I have been to a festival in belgium: "pestpop"
it was so cool!!! I have seen Epica, Sonata Arctica, Jon Oliva's Pain and some more bands... I really had a good time. A guy from belgium called Niels picked me and my sister up at our house and took us to the festival. Afterwards he returned us back home. Niels is very sweet :)
I hope me and my sister will go to another festival again soon, maybe also with niels.
I will wright again as soon as something interesting has happend.
for now this is it, so good day hosee.
kisses your loving skittels