im pretty much gone from here on out.. im hardly ever online anymore and nobody knows im here.. ive lost contact with everything pretty much.. but if ur close to me, u know exactly how to get to me..
oh wow i havent written n this n a while..umm well skool started n it sucks i have no slacking classes @ all this semester hopefully thats gonna change..rules suck n i hate the new ones i do believe the skool system is trying to ruin our lives..but its just ur basic thing..go to skool come home sleep, talk online n study n then get a few hrs of sleep b4 skool again..typical thing n hopefully i can hold onto my grades this semester well despite my sucky classes this year totally kicks arse..even tho the guys r gone its lik i kno so many ppl n teachers n i miss mr roberts so bad i wish i could have him teach me english forever but his cancer has gotten really bad n hes losing his hair fast n that scares me..i worry bout him so much..n mrs adams who calls me juliet..ahh good ppl good ppl..well my classes this year are as follows: Honors Us History, Honors English II, Honors Geometry, Arts & Humanities, AP American History, Fundamentals of Physics and Earth Space Science, Advanced Drama II, Spanish II
but kyle n joe both dropped drama so i dunno..at least dustin stuck around for it..itll b kool im still adjustin to stuff ill work it all out later...
ok i have lik 3 online diary things including this one n i try 2 update them everyday but quite frankly im a horribly boring person borderlining EMO CHILD! EEK!!
k so i was watching heartbreakers last night n i figured out wat kinda guy i want! i want a weird one! u kno the astronomer she falls 4? the cute one w/the long brown shaggy hair that gives her a meteor ring? yea him! i want one lik him! she says quote "u dont do anything like normal ppl do u?" i want an abnormal one! theyre hotter! i also watched The Days series premier last night on ABC and may i just say THE OUTCAST GUYs WILL ALWAYS BE HOTTER THAN THE JOCKS! thank u! finally a show that proves my theory after 3 yrs! ok so the class prep slut gets him but hey its a start but the most upsetting point in the whole show is when she was over up n his room n picked up his cds n went "modest mouse? ive never even heard of these bands" n i just screamed "OMG! U SLUT! MODEST MOUSE IS GREAT!" considering theyve been around a while..just like yellowcard yet nobody knows theyre here until they have a big hit, sellout, and become mainstream..n then i have to find more indie stuff to listen to and i swear if the mass media corrupts Death Cab for Cutie like they did switchfoot, evenescense, good charlotte, simple plan, and sugarcult..i WILL kill some ppl..i WILL *shifty eyes evil midget plot* is nothing sacred anymore!? cant u just leave the good music alone n go back 2 listenin 2 rap cuz mainstreamers take the good music, decide its kool 4 a few min, then totally ruin it by making it mainstream..n us geeks that get FREAKISHLY excited over indie music tours and love the indie movie channel have 2 find somethin better 2 listen 2 n that sucks..if u dont kno who Pennywise, MxPx, Death Cab for Cutie, Ben Kweller, Ben Folds Five, or Starsailor is u should just b forced into a bubble n forced 2 listen to ur stupid sellout music FOREVER while the rest of us work on our PUNK RAWK shrines THE RAMONES! ok when dustin n kyle take over the world they better put me in charge of music! otherwise we're gonna b listening 2 a bunch of Drop Kick Murphey and japanese music..DKM isnt bad but japanese music makes me laugh
k thankz in part 2 joe n nick joe 4 sending me the lyrics 2 this song, nick 4 lettin me borrow the cd, my current fav lyrics from a song are these from Third Eye Blind 'narcolepsy' "theres a demon n my head that starts 2 play the nightmare tape loop of wat went wrong yesterday" its genius! i love it!! plus stephan jenkins is sexy for being 40! as is johnny depp!
that name..only a constant reminder of wat i cannot have..no not johnny depp! well i mean yea the name but i mean my aunt n mom can never remember nicks name but he looks JUST lik johnny depp so they call him that cuz its easier for them..they also call joe Harry Potter cuz they think he looks lik Daniel Radcliffe...WT
its like when things r so crazy n ur world is spinnin round n u do something n its totally irrational but u do it anyway cuz u cant help it cuz u think theres something there n there isnt n theres not a snowballs chance in hell but u do it anyway n u obsess n u freak n then u wait 4 that glimmer of hope n it doesnt come n u risk everything 4 that one breif shining moment lik there was b4 n u sit waiting breathless as u hope it happens n it doesnt but u dont care cuz u want it to..yea..thats it
ok so lately ive been having weird dreams n it seems the common theme is Kyle, Dustin, fitting in and being accepted, and feeling lost around new ppl..i wont go n2 detail bout last nights dream but now i think im startin 2 worry bout skool n im starting 2 wonder how this year is gonna effect my self esteem..so last year i did the whole no makeup no hair style roll outta bed grab a shower spalsh water on my face brush my teeth run my fingers through my hair grab my books n leave kinda deal..the "am i even wearing the same 2 shoes?" thing..well this yr i think ill b a bit more girly n i think that its cuz when i was in the mountains w/cat n karrie..theyre more girlie than i am n the 1st night we dressed up 2 go out i wore a skirt (yes a shocker i kno i acctually wore a skirt! but dont go getting ur hope up..it was floor length) white ruffled hippie style that was so CUTE n i wore this red girlish top that was more preppie than anything i owned (basically it was just a red top w/a white sketti underneath..no big deal but 2 me i felt lik cinderella) n i straightened my hair n rubbed some of karrie john frieda stuff in my hair n then i borrowed all of cats makeup (n she had the good expensive stuff) n i just did my makeup lik i normally do but this time i played it up a bit..i put some color on my cheeks n eyelids (ok so the color was nude but still..its a start) n i just looked..classy i felt really pretty n then the next night we went out i wore some stretch denimish capris (they werent jeans they just looked lik it) n they were bleached on the sides n i wore cats striped girlie top that was bout 4 sizes 2 small so i was popping outta the top so i took karries white knitted shawl thingy n put that on..then straightened my hair n did the cutesy makeup thing again..realize
ok so, im not sure where i am i do kno that im in m house (ya kno this thing really should come w/instruction manuals n i thank Ducky, and anthony, and bean for their help!) but i have a pic of a diary thats neglected n so i will make it happy by filling it w/my whinings! i mean..wat good aspiring writer would i be if i just left a perfectly good diary go 2 waste? so here we go!
well today is acctually the first day ive felt normal in a VERY long time..its weird but im not worried about guys or anything else! maybe most of it has 2 do w/my dad being gone or just the fact that its summer and i dont have skool or plays or anything 2 stress about..i lay around all day fighting w/my sister n being bored...althou
so i will leave everything here to not worry about it:
boys-ok its pretty clear theres no guys @ skool that r into me or that i would consider..cuz.
skool-not worrying about it i got all the stupid courses outta the way so i can start taking some things im a bit eager about Spanish II (yuck!), AP US History (totally did that in 8th grade so easy!), Arts & Humanities (the geeky things demi loves did THAT in 8th grade n its just lik Drama I so easy), ESS (astronomy n acctually stuff i can wrap my head around..none of that biology stuff), English II honors (yea i can basically sleep through any english class n still ace it..plus theres added bonuses when we read shakespeare!), Ad Drama II (me, kyle, dustin, alli, joe, duska, morgan, travis, n stevi..in a class w/a stage and costumes n props n the whole bit..for 90 min a day...enough said..u get creative), geometry (gonna hate it but its got shapes n i can do Pi so..it cant b worse than alg.), theres 1 more course im taking but i cant remember wat it is..anyway ill worry bout all that stuff in a month
thats all thats bothering me n really the 2nd one im not even thinkin bout..im doing ALOT better and i guess it was just a state of my depression or something but im fine now all kinds of contentment n may i just say i have DEFINATLY felt worse..right now im very content just bored n waiting 4 something 2 happen