[The Unwanted And The Unknown]'s diary

696570  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-11-10
Written: (5255 days ago)

Last night I had a mental breakdown...
or at least the closest thing I'vehad to one in awhile.
and I can't say I liked it.

I did something I wasn't supposed to do...
I'd promised I wouldn't ever again
but last night I broke that promise.

And I'll do it again...

695891  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-11-09
Written: (5256 days ago)

Ah!

I feel like shit right now,

George is switching schools TOMORROW!

and I'm not sure if I can take it....
*sobs*
He's going to a Christian school.

and you know what the weird part is?

I think it might be a good thing....

I'm hoping it will help him get some stuff together...

But he's really not far enough apart t have to go...

Oh this isn't fair.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to school and cry.

I don't care what anyone says...I'll cry.

And I'll tell him I love him....I finally will...

Because I do love him. Even if he doesn't believe it.

693878  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-11-06
Written: (5259 days ago)

I got back from New York this morning at 6:45.

I'm so glad to be home, I missed everybody so much.

New York was kool though...China Town rocked.

I bought a sword, cheap one though. Burt it's hot.

mmmm....And I'm broke now. Damn prices, oh well. I got wicked shit.

689400  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-10-29
Written: (5267 days ago)

He saw the stars in her eyes
as they fell to the ground
shattering into thousands of pieces
and he knew it was [His]] fault.

Quickly he gathered her,
he helped her from her fall
he gathered her pieces,
each and every one of them all

he told her he loved her
he mended her heart
he told of a better life
a life with a new start

He led her path
he lighted her way
he would never leave her
he was here to stay

but she would mislead him
her heart tainted from a love before
she used and left him
alone in the dark

she rushed back to [HIM]
thinking he was her love
but he had found many others
she wasn’t good enough anymore...

Into tears she fell
alone once again
she had lost her loved one
as He saw the stars fall from her eyes.

683974  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-10-18
Written: (5278 days ago)

[{kill me now}]
Love is...

Knowing when to give up
Initially wanting answers, but accepting when they don't come
Lying to yourself
Lashing your own fragile body

Meaning more then you can take
Evaporating your self respect and self love

Never letting your soul rest
Overlapping your needed thoughts
Wondering if you'll ever find some one...

683586  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-10-18
Written: (5279 days ago)

       Forget Me
       [Love is...]

  Forgetting what you're in it for
   Oblivious to those who care
 Regreting it all when the time comes
    Gradually losing yourself
  Eventually falling into insanity
Timing your life and wishing for the end

   Mezmerizing to the vulnerable
Everyday dragging people into it's clutches.

         Love Is...


681852  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-10-14
Written: (5282 days ago)

     I love you
    |Love is...|

Invisible to the human eye

Lingering in the night air
Offering your life
Venturing into the unknown
Easier said then done

Yelling their name under the street lights
Overseeing their safety
Understanding when you are wrong.

678851  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-10-09
Written: (5288 days ago)

Walking down a dark street she pulls her jacket tight for warmth
A small comfort that the arms of some one else could fulfill
but there's no one here to soothe her
just an empty street.

Breathing the thick air she wishes for something to be home when she gets there
some one to go home to would do just fine
but she knows the house will be empty
nothing there but a broken tv.

Around the corner she heads pulling out her keys
but there's no tingle in her heart as she unlocks the door
only a loved one on the other side could give her this feeling
and she feels there is no one...

Into the apartment she heads throwing her cat on the floor
no need to be neat when is doesn't matter what your home looks like
Only is there when there is something to clean up for
but her night shall be silent as the following day.

To her room she treads finding a piece of paper and a freshly sharpened pencil
she sits down in an old chair and looks out the window
she writes her soul onto the paper
spilling her eotions for anyone to see, but she knows no one will.

She sighs and leaves her desk stained in tears,
soaking through the wood the small beads of watershe watched for several minutes.
not even noticing her actions, simply drinking straight from the bottle
a warm liquid burning down her throat.

Falling to her back she lays on her bed motionless
looking to her right she sees a drawer inviting her inspection
as she opens it a silver shine catches her eye
she tilts her head and beholds its beauty.

A single shot and she's gone
spread across her white silk sheets all alone
just as in her mind

While clutched tightly in her hand the soft paper read
"I want most the thing that i could never ever have,
and though I try to explain to you it seems you will never understand. 
Your love I need and for you I bleed but
tonight I bleed no more."

674834  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-10-02
Written: (5295 days ago)

[“I love you,” She whispered as she ran her fingers through his soft brown hair, a tear sliding down her cheek. “And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Just know that I love you and I always will.”
He watched in stiffening silence as she rose to her feet, seeming to walk on air as she made her way to the tall oak tree. The September air blew through her long red hair, she closed her eyes and spread her arms embracing it. Turning her head she tried a small smile to reassure him. The smile was unfitting to her tear-stained face but he took in that moment with all he had, memorizing every small detail as she sailed away; falling over the edge of the mountain.
The time had passed by so quickly, it seemed they had only been together for a brief moment rather then three years, but now time seemed frozen, for without her he felt he had nothing. His eyes began to feel heavy as he cried for her. Sobbing, he took ragged breaths and threw his head back against the tree supporting him, and he died.
]

Sound like the beginning of a good story to you?
Well it's the beginning of one of mine. Anyone want to hear more?

667250  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-09-18
Written: (5309 days ago)

I Fear.
I fear the worst and push away the best
I worry of the consiquinces it could bring

I fear.
I fear the love that I long for and I don't believe your words
I think of losing you and for this I cry

I fear.
I fear all the things I want to say but am afraid too
what will happen if I don't?.......

I fear.
I fear you need more then I can give
I'm afraid some one else can.

I Fear that you don't know, but I really care 
I may not always tell you
but just know my love is there.

665495  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-14
Written: (5312 days ago)

A week has passed since I found a purpose. And he's still here.

662329  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-09-09
Written: (5317 days ago)

Through teary eyes I see the world on a new way

The ground beneath my feet has shifted and now I smell the air with a passion

Things aren't so pointless and it just might be ok

all because of this.

No longer a I alone, and no longer am I in pain

I found some one to make me happy
and now I shall rejoice.

With a smile on my face I'll walk down the halls
and with you by my side I'll feel like I am worth something.

and I'll do my best to make you feel the same.

660804  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-06
Written: (5320 days ago)

From happy to sad
Joyous to mad

So unpredictable are these feelings.
and frankly I don't give a fuck anymore.

One of the most dangerous and self-destructive traits of the human is the state of emotion which one holds.

Some have a worse case then others...because everyone is different

and truthfully

I'll tell you

I have one of the most emotional.

So now I'll cry and wish to die
though true death I would never want.

660009  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-09-05
Written: (5321 days ago)

Do you know that special person, that you could never live without?
The one for which your heart beats?

Do you know that perfect some one,
For which you have desires?

Do you wake every morning, with soaring thoughts of them?

Do you lay awake at night and wonder, what would happen when...?

There's a person in the shadows, maybe you can't see
There's a person in your mind, some one out there for me.

But this person I don't know yet
and because of this my heart cries

Because without my person to live for...there's nothing to do but die.

660007  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-09-05
Written: (5321 days ago)

Every morning she wakes,
and she only thinks of him.
All the time that she's wasted,
all the things that could have been.

Every morning as she combs her hair,
she thinks it's too late to move on;
Maybe he'll change,
she's been waiting for twenty years...

And everytime he hits me,
I just think of her face
and all the while he's screaming,
I think of a better place.

All the marks he's leaving,
I deserved it in the end
and all the things he's cursing,
I just turn my head and then...

Every day the same thing happens
and all the years go by
Every day nothing changes
the years just seem to fly

And one day she'll realize the truth
one day she'll know
and one day once she's lost all her youth
she'll think of all the signs she's missed...

And everytime he hits me
I just wait for the day
and in my room I'll cry

And everytime he hits me
I picture my revenge
but this I could never do...

All the cuts I've hidden
the ones within my soul
and one day I'll pour my heart out
and then the truth will show...

Every lie he's told you
I just never did correct
but from all the shit he's sold you
this shit I most regret.

But for now I'll turn my head
and let you make your own mistakes.

What's another busted lip?

But with all the threats you know he's yelled to me
I keep hoping you'll catch on...

 The logged in version 

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