[Sideways]'s diary

1170656  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2018-06-11
Written: (37 days ago)

https://youtu.be/V62QSDa3CuE

<img:stuff/aj/181888/1528717633.jpg>

Here! Emotions behold
You've entered a Hell where
The Devil is made of gold
Please, don’t run your mouth
The questions before have
No place in this haunted house

Reveal your selfish pleasure
One more time run for good measure
In the answer you hold
Time would be better off if our souls had been sold

Here! Where the light only dies to remember
In a place where the blind truly can see!
Hear my voice!
Dearly departed, I beg on my knees
It’s been my pleasure to serve your disease~

Welcome Home!
Shed your skin and expose your bones
Take my hand!
And follow me us into the black
So far, that we can’t get back

Here! Dig me a grave
And toss in the lives that
You can’t be bothered to save
With their blood on your hands,
You enjoy the sun,
while you shit in the purest sand

Kiss your lover!
with that filthy mouth,
You fucking monster!
Here! As evil now gropes
It’s caught us off guard with
It’s hand reaching for our throats

Here! Where the light only dies to remember
In a place where the blind truly can see!
Hear my voice!
Dearly departed, I beg on my knees
It’s been my pleasure to serve your disease~

Welcome Home!
Shed your skin and expose your bones
Take my hand!
And follow us into the black
So far, that we can’t get back

There’s no telling when the truth is clear, pay it no mind
Lines were drawn for us, for all sides
In the afterglow, echoes of time unfold
Give me your word, my dear, and promise you won’t let go!

It’s a shame, I fear,
For men to start
We walk their lines, all to play the fucking part~
A shame, I fear, for men to starve
We walk their lines, all to play the fucking part~

I fear we’ve got all we had wanted!
Close your eyes
and believe it didn’t happen
Now shut your mouth beyond your lies,
The world knows to stay away from you!
In the blood you let run,
they march as you lead
We laugh in the sun,
maybe that’s all we need

And I...
And I’m sorry
You can’t escape~

Here! Where the light only dies to remember
In a place where the blind truly can see!
Hear my voice!
Dearly departed, I beg on my knees
It’s been my pleasure to serve your disease~~

1170638  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2018-05-23
Written: (56 days ago)

https://youtu.be/Jq0CpfHqK3E

<img500*0:stuff/aj/181888/1527087228.jpg>

You made this harder
than it had to be
The absolute Marker
etching into me—

You flashed your colors at me way prematurely!
And now I know what you're up to,and
it feels so good! It's right!

We've got your number written
Reset the system screamin
“HANG YOUR SECRETS
hang 'em up, hang 'em up now!
HANG YOUR SECRETS
hang 'em up, hang 'em up now!”

These sitting ducks in season,
The march of little children,

“Hang your secrets!
hang 'em up, hang 'em up now!
HANG YOUR SECRETS
hang 'em up, hang 'em up now!”

The truth will
cut you down to pieces.
“184, let's burn it down!”
And if I can't keep from living with this regret?
I'll need to change the way I feel
about us....

I listen to them
chuckle as they eat
Their judgment hiding
behind eyes and dirty teeth-

You think I care for all these phony pleasantries?
When I want NOTHING to do,
want nothing to do with your life?!

We've got your number written
Reset the system screamin
“HANG YOUR SECRETS
hang 'em up, hang 'em up now!
HANG YOUR SECRETS
hang 'em up, hang 'em up now!”

These sitting ducks in season,
The march of little children,

“Hang your secrets!
hang 'em up, hang 'em up now!
HANG YOUR SECRETS
hang 'em up, hang 'em up now!”

The truth will
cut you down to pieces.
“184, let's burn it down!”
And if I can't keep from living with this regret?
I'll need to change the way I feel
about us...

Baby, I’m bad company,
And you don’t have a heart.
You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen
Come with me
I want to
Make you
Dirty




1170616  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2018-04-20
Written: (89 days ago)

<img420*0:stuff/aj/181888/1524197458.jpg>

https://youtu.be/O2iGUgTgr2w

  Underneath her skin and jewelry.
hidden in her words and eyes
    there’s a Wall that’s
Cold and Ugly, and
            She’s scared as hell.

Trembling at the thought of Feeling
Wide awake, and keeping distance/
Nothing seems to penetrate her because
          She’s scared as Hell!!

I AM
Frightened, too.
I am
Scared, like you.
I am
FRIGHTENED.

 
Wide awake, and
Keeping distance from my soul.
1170601  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2018-03-27
Written: (114 days ago)


Suck and suck
Suckin up all you can
Suckin up all you can suck
Workin up under my patience
like a little tick, you
Fattened lucky parasite

Suckin me dry

My soul is bruised and borrowed
You thieving bastards, you have
Turned my blood cold and bitter
Beat my compassion Black and Blue

Hope this is what you wanted
Hope this is what you you had in mind
Because this is what you're getting

Taken all I can take
taken all I can, you fuckin take
Taken all you can,
taking all you can fuckin take

I've nothing left to give to you


Blood sucking parasitic little
        Tick
Blood sucking parasitic little
     BLOOD
sucking parasitic little
     TICK

TAKE WHAT YOU WANTED, AND GO!


Is this what you wanted?
Is this what you had in mind?
Because this is what you're getting.


1170594  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2018-03-16
Written: (124 days ago)

<URL:https://youtu.be/iOKV9Stri_M>

Eye on the TV
Cuz tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavor it happens to be

like:
"Killed by the husband,"
"Drowned by the ocean,"
"Shot by his own son,"
"She used a poison
in his tea...
And kissed him goodbye!”
That's my kind of story!
It's NEVER fun 'til someone
dies.

Don't look at me like
I am a monster
Frown out your one face,
But with the other:

Stare like a junkie,
Into the TV
Stare like a zombie!
While the mother

Holds her child.
Watches him die!
Hands to the sky, crying
“Why, oh, why?"

Cuz I need to watch things DIE
  from a distance.
Vicariously I
live while the whole world dies!
You all need it too, Don't lie.


Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit it?
We won't give pause until the blood is flowing

Neither the brave, nor bold
Will write us the story, so
We won't give pause until
the blood is flowing.

I need to watch things DIE
from a good safe distance.
Vicariously I
live while the whole world dies!

You all feel the same SO
why can't we just admit it?


Blood, like rain come down.
Drum, on grave and ground


Part
     vampire
Part
    warrior.
Carnivore
and    voyeur
Stare   at the
transmittal.
SING
to the
    death rattle!


Credulous, at best, is your desire to believe in
Angels in the hearts of men...
Pull your head on out your hippie haze, give me a listen
I shouldn't have to say it all again.


The universe is hostile
and so impersonal
DEVOUR to survive!
So it is, and
So it's always been!

So we all feed
   On Tragedy
  It’s like blood to a vampire...

VICARIOUSLY I
LIVE WHILE THE WHOLE WORLD DIES
MUCH better YOU
than I

1170585  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2018-02-24
Written: (144 days ago)


If I could hock my love, could I trade?
For your wings
to cover me? unless I fall...?
Half inside, I heard the most brilliant lie
To sleepless eyes!
close the light
And let the mind wide open


You can't stutter when you're talking with your eyes
By cutting out your tongue, you save face.
And I’m feeding on the blood that's running from a black day!

Cry on,
Black Rain
Cry on,
Black Rain
Cry on.

1170583  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2018-02-23
Written: (145 days ago)

Raindogs howl for a century
A million dollars a steak,
As you search for your demigod,
And you fake you’re a saint

There's no sex in your violence.
There's no sex in your violence.

Try to see it once my way?
Everything Zen? Everything Zen?
I don't think so.

I don't believe that the King is dead, yeah
I don't believe that Elvis is dead
There’s no sex in your violence
There’s no sex in your violence.

Try to see it once my way?
Everything Zen? Everything Zen?
I don't think so.

1170582  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2018-02-18
Written: (150 days ago)

Killers are the boys nobody ever cry for
And once they kill
They are the men nobody ever will cry for
But by the time they kill somebody
They already have accepted that no one was ever sorry for them
And they’ve decided to never be sorry for the world
It’s pain that makes a man kill
And nobody gives a shit about lessening pain the pain of others

What is bullying, but transferrence of pain?
What is media, but a mockery of pain?

We only care once the point of no return is crossed
Then the hysterical bleating of fucking sheep begins

“What would you say to those boys who attacked the school?” asked the interviewer to Marilyn Manson.

”Nothing. I wouldn’t say anything. I’d listen to them. Because nobody else did.

Nobody cares until the blood is already on the ground.
We think it’s crazy that the killers always claim to be a Judge
Punishing the world for it’s inhumanity.
But is the world really humane?
You know it is not.

1170530  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2017-11-22
Written: (238 days ago)

https://youtu.be/7KGnGNHju8Y

Here is my blood
cause you will use up no other
I've hollowed this heart
to hide you within

I'm so sick of these things I do!
We're so hollow! I blame you

Now wallow
     With sick and disease!
To measure
         a man I know I can't be

Go learn your turn and
SWALLOW a Shepherd if they
FOLLOW,
Please grieve them as they Grave goodbye!

You didn't,
you could! but there's nothing left
no more after all..
Shame on you,
you know that the secrets kept would one day kill us all!

Now wallow
     With sick and disease!
To measure
         a man I know I can't be

Go learn your turn and
SWALLOW a Shepherd if they
FOLLOW
Please grieve them as they Grave goodbye!


1170490  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2017-10-12
Written: (279 days ago)

There's a shadow just behind me
Shrouding every step I take,
Making every promise empty,
Pointing every finger at me
Waiting like a stalking butler
Who upon the finger rests

Murder now the pattern, must we?
Just because the Son has come?

Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
Something but the past and done?!
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
Something but the past and done?

1170478  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2017-09-28
Written: (294 days ago)

<img:stuff/aj/181888/1506558329.jpg>

1170446  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2017-08-27
Written: (325 days ago)

Oh, I'm a slave, and I am a master
No restraints, or unchecked collectors

I exist through my NEED
To self-oblige
SHE is something in ME

That I despise

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real

1170439  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2017-08-19
Written: (333 days ago)

You believed in me
You conceived of moments I would not see
So what have I done?
To be son to an Angel
What have I done?

Broken, and opened,
What have I done
To be worthy?

Daylight dims leaving only cold flourescene
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question:
But what am I supposed to tell these ghouls tonight?

She never told a lie?
Maybe told a lie,
But never lived one.

So it's all right now
It's time for us all to let you go

1170437  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2017-08-18
Written: (334 days ago)

This is what I want as the epitaph on my tombstone. If I ever generate the sort of quote people make posters of, with my ugly face looking stoic in black and white, it would read:

"When everything is information, lying is the ultimate Evil.
Stop. Fucking. Lying."
-Darran Kern.

And thought the "fucking" part may seem crass, the world can be such a sickly thing, and falsehoods such a cancer, that the disgust and revulsion articulated by a "fucking" is entirely appropriate, and deserves no censor.

1170427  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2017-08-12
Written: (340 days ago)

Sometimes I'm sick of people. There is only four people I trust in this world. And I hate trusting people. Some of the people I've trusted in the past are just people I don't know anymore. But most people I've ever trusted have stabbed me right in the fucking heart. So I stay away from people, and keep my world vanishingly small. It's lonely but it's traitor free. Just sucks that that's the choice I've had to make, because most people I've ever met are vain, selfish, greedy, egotistical fucks. And I hate them. I don't obsess about it. Not like I did when I was young.

It's a very odd feeling, to realize you have gone a whole day without speaking aloud, or talking to anyone. You think
Why don't I have more friends?
and then you remember
Because people are fucking scum.

It's not really healthy to think about people like Daniel Plainview does, or Rorshach.

But really, I don't know how I can ever develop a tolerance for all these... "people."

1170413  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2017-07-20
Written: (363 days ago)
Next in thread: 1170416

See You, Space Cowboy...

Everybody remembers that one. Everybody likes it. It's bittersweet way to send off a bebop. But nobody rememberes the real ending. Which is the real way it went, the real fate of those who sing the blues.

YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT

1170402  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2017-07-09
Written: (374 days ago)
Next in thread: 1170417

"Wretched," said the man staring at his own reflection.

This is the nightmare that keeps every man awake at night

1170348  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2017-05-03
Written: (441 days ago)

<img300*0:stuff/aj/181888/1493796339.jpg>

Orange and black, take me back to Halloween
I've given to the blind, you can see
Gasoline runs thru my veins
So don't you mess with me
I couldn't tame that beast with a handful of meat!

Just wait till my robe falls at my feet
Cold and dilated like my memories
Strange voices in my head
Who could they be?
It's the master of disguise, and he's breaking me

You will find spirits never rise
Without warning
Feel your fate, as you come alive
They're here to take you home

Crashing through the walls
You're the one I want to see!
Bent all up on a moon-soaked night
Death is riding with me

Dripping blood with hell froze at my feet
Use a razor blade to cut some lines
And now I'm going to speed!

You will find spirits never rise
Without warning
Feel your fate as you come alive
They're here to take you on

1170298  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2017-03-20
Written: (485 days ago)

We carried on unnoticed, thinking that
All dreams were ours for the taking.
And out of that we found ourselves
Back at the start of it all,
So scarred and incomplete!

Only; now I've come to this moment in my life
Fitting pieces to a puzzle, with no regrets...
But if I had just one chance left?

I'd hold on to it close,
With what little confidence I have! And
Make no mistake,
As your life's surely about to change for the better

Now on your mark, get set, clock starts to count...
Cuz Higen, everything's about to go down!

So sleep tight, sweet Hitome
Cuz when your daddy goes off, just you know:
That you're the weight of his anchor!
The love that is guiding him home!
The love that's guiding him home.

Oh, I've had my share of leaving this retreat, but never did it once
Feel anything like you, you see?

And if there's one good thing that comes from my ways,
It's that you won't be anything like me!
And so better for it, you will be!

So sleep tight, sweet Hitome!
Cuz when your daddy goes off, just you know;
That you're the weight of his anchor!
The love that is guiding him home!
The love that's guiding him home!
The love that's guiding him home!

There's no running away from what's been done here.
Will you sink with the ship?
Or will you burn it down?
Now give us the man that you've been hiding!
Cuz this is is it!
This is your life now!
This is your life now.


1170281  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2017-03-05
Written: (500 days ago)


Last night I saw that Beauty Queen
Watched her paint her face on
I wanna be that magazine
That she bases life on...

I wanna waste her monthly blood,
Wanna get some on my love
Wanna get some Gasoline
And burn her house down!

She’s got nothing to say,
She’s got bills to pay,
She’s got no one to hate
Except for me...

Last night I saw that Beauty Queen
She's getting high on Revlon.
I wanna be that magazine
That she wastes her life on

Wanna waste her monthly blood,
Wanna get some on my love
Wanna get some Gasoline
And burn her house down!

She’s got nothing to say
She’s got bills to pay
She’s got no one to hate
Except for me...

ME.

Last night, I saw that Beauty Queen
Watched her paint her face on
I wanna be the one, unclean
That she wipes her ass on

Wanna waste her monthly blood,
Wanna get some on my love
Wanna get some Gasoline
And burn her house down!

She’s got nothing to say,
She’s got bills to pay,
She’s got no one to hate
Except for me.

She's got nothing but shame
She takes pills for pain
She's got no one to blame
Except for me
For me.


https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=0OVAdpc-tH4

1170253  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2017-02-07
Written: (526 days ago)

For Rc, a batman song

<https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=7ftUzydGNh0>

When you've gone about things all wrong, Bury them here
With a lifetime you would never regret.
In savoring sleep, what do you mean?
I toss and turn everywhere?

I'll miss you when you're gone, With pretending that
you weren't the world to me...
With that you'd call me a liar,
And in making mistakes, you'll rest incomplete

~I will be home~
In graver mistakes,
Dear mom and dad, I'll write you
In this letter that states
"I'll be moving on..."
When the new day's begun
Forget your son when he's out on his own...

When the hand reads 7:30 and your night begins to sink
In a short, but faster fall
In your anxious but calm retort
To a mirror that frames your face, baring the finest tell..

When the day begins to break, like the tears that run across your cheek!
Stand straight and imagine you then...
In the things and the way they could have been!

When the thoughts, they race across your brain
Here in the Never-end

~I'll be home~
In graver mistakes, dear mom and dad,
I'll write you in this letter that states
"I'll be moving on."
When the new day's begun,
Forget your son, when he's out on his own


Point your gun in another direction!
Now that you've cried yourself to sleep
Point your gun in another direction!
Now that you've cried yourself to sleep, here buried there,
After the fall!


~Further along now~
When he's found figuring, "will he be home again?"
~Signal loss and stereo~
With wide open windows, will she be waiting for me?

~The sound surrounds like novocaine~
With severance complacence when the day's dark, cold and dead!
~This dead man is waiting for you~

We'll write her a letter, in the long time passing by!

~I'll be home~
In graver mistakes, dear mom and dad,
I'll write you in this letter that states
"I'll be moving on."
When the new day's begun,
Atone for this son, when he's out on his own

Point your gun in another direction!
Now that you've cried yourself to sleep
Point your gun in another direction!
Now that you've cried yourself to sleep, here buried there,
After the fall!


After it ALL, Now I swear!
I'll be moving on!

 The logged in version 

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