[Shishiru]'s diary

1073448  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-04-06
Written: (4108 days ago)

Though you won't ever see this for sometime.. Today is your birthday, my beloved. I miss you so much, it's been forever since we've last spoken. I miss your gentle words, and your cheerful ways.. I remember the day you saves my life, from myself. You begged me not to leave you, and told me of your heart, and how you felt. you were the first I had ever felt feelings towards.. which is so strange, for someone like me, who trusts people like you so little.. I wish you were still around, so I could give you a hug and a kiss, and tell you 'Happy Birthday, my dear friend!' and hold you until the day was done..

Maybe someday we'll meet again.. Maybe someday we'll still feel the connection between us, and maybe have something to rekindle, or maybe you've forgotten me.. either way, I miss you..

If you see this, you'll know who you are.. and maybe if you know this person, you will know who HE is.. Yes, it's a boy, a very special boy. My best guy friend ever. I miss you, my friend.

1059563  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2008-12-20
Written: (4215 days ago)

Urrgh.. This is just a quick little journal thing or whatever to say I'm sorry..

yeah, sorry..

This is directed at my close friends here in Ohio, mainly Feroku

I'm sorry for acting so distant with you guys, and for being a bitch to you in the car Feroku (I know you're still mad at me) I've had so much on my mind, and it's been driving me up the wall. Norm keeps joking around with me, and told me I have a tumor in my head because it hurts to look out of the corner of my eyes, and my dad's birthday is coming up.. Im debating wether or not to call him, because he didn't call me on mine.. I'm fed up with my physical self, my heart feels like it's going to burst because I am deeply in love with someone, and I'm too afraid to tell them.. Oi, my brain's a train wreck

Okay, so I apologise for acting the way I did Amber, but you were also adding onto it by antagonizing me, so I would atleast appreciate an apology for that. I wasnt the only one in the wrong, you just misunderstood me and went off--we were both wrong, so don't try and push it all on me like I know you do with arguments you get into.

My head hurts so much right now, I'm so tempted to just go back to sleep until Jackie's party tonight..

Oh, and I know Amber doesnt have a way to check elftown, so if either Lei, Sophia or Ashley sees this, could you tell her what I said? Thanks guys

SO ANYWAY... I don't have anything good to say to balance this out, so whatever.. christmas, right.. any of you guys, try and get your asses over here before christmas, mom has gifts for you!

..later

1046161  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-09-19
Written: (4307 days ago)
Next in thread: 1046266

Right.. so.. Heartbreak, I know how it feels..

No, me and Lissa are still together, but I have found myself trapped.. I have extreme feelings for another person..

..my friend Kristy, who HAS a girlfriend x-x

I hate kristy's girlfriend.. she under sppreciates her SO much, and Kristy is too blind to see it.. I really don't know what to say, but I seriously hate her girlfriend so much that I just want her to dissapear forever, and never mistreat Kristy ever again..

I've never felt this way about anyone.. except Tobie, and that frightens me..

I had such strong feelings for Tobie, that as I spoke to her, my voice cracked, and it shook, and it wavered up and down, and my body ached, and I felt as if I was going to faint.. I was heartbroken by Tobie, so hopefully I won't feel this way anymore when I see her again.. I don't want to drive her away

..this is the same feeling.. I feel actual attraction towards Kristy.. Usually Im the one who goes out with someone who has a crush on me.. it's never been the other way aroudn before.. is this puppy love once again?

Someone, please.. I need a hug..

1043340  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-08-29
Written: (4328 days ago)

Okay, so yeah.. I'm still alive..

I havn't completely abandoned ET, but I've stopped coming here for a few good reasons.. I will only name off one or so, so my journal isnt as long as every dictionary from every country smashed together..

People need to know when to quit. with anything. I am sick of hearing your stupid puppy love stories with your boyfriends or girlfriends. I know, I've done it--but it isnt EVERY.SINGLE.FUCKING.DAY. Guys, cut that shit out, dude.. I can't stand that kind of fucking ass shit, and if you continue doing it than you probably will start to wonder why you havn't heard from me in a while. It's old, it's irritating, and I just can't take it anymore.. I hate hearing about your whining with how you can't see them every fucking day or kiss them or holding them, and shit like that.. YEAH? WELL MY GIRLFRIEND LIVES IN ARIZONA! TRY THAT OUR YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LAST A DAY YOU ARE SO PATHETIC!

su cut the emo ass shit, and talk about something WAY MORE INTERESTING

If you think I'm talking about you, you're probably right.

later.

1035888  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2008-07-08
Written: (4380 days ago)
Next in thread: 1037821

so, yeah..

sorry I havnt been on much.. I've been a bit hung up..

I found out two of my best friends from conventions, live right down the freaking street from me.. I've been hanging out with them, to hang out, and get out of my house..

I really need to get out more, this house will be the death of me in college..

I've also been doing a big of self-talk.. which is driving me in and out of a depressed kind of mood.. which isnt fun.. I know, you're probably thinking im going to start telling you the whole story, and whining, but I'm not.. I'll just keep it to myself for now..

1034028  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-06-06
Written: (4413 days ago)

Right! So...

I probably wont get on.. at all next week.. starting monday, all the way to next tuesday.. know why?

IM ON MY WAY TO NEW HAMPSHIRE, BABY!!

FUCK YES!! My older brother Shaun got me a plane ticket to visit for a week, and see my best friends's graduation!!

IM COMING HOME GUYS!! I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU!!

...maybe some day one or both of you guys can come out here and visit, too D:

1023862  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-04-13
Written: (4466 days ago)

[Not Anymore]

I didn't hear you say you're sorry.
The fault must be mine.
I wish you all the best of luck at
finding somebody more like you.

You said you'd love me always truely.
I must have changed.
Because you don't need me like you used to.
I hope you find somebody more like you.

I hope you finally find someone,
someone that you trust and give him everything.
I hope you meet someone your height so
you can see eye to eye with someone as small as you.

You came out of nowhere and made me smile.
Then tore me in two.
Sayin we're very different people so dear,
I hope you find somebody more like you.

I hope you find somebody more like you.

1019404  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2008-03-22
Written: (4489 days ago)

[Not Anymore],

Remember when we used to look how sun sets far away?
And how you said: "This is never over"
I believed your every word and I guess you did too
But now you're saying : "Hey, let's think this over"

You take my hand and pull me next to you, so close to you
I have a feeling you don't have the words
I found one for you, kiss your cheek, say bye, and walk away
Don't look back 'cause I am crying...

I remember little things you hardly ever do
Tell me why
I don't know why it's over
I remember shooting stars, the walk we took that night
I hope your wish came true, mine betrayed me

You let my hand go, and you fake a smile for me
I have a feeling you don't know what to do
I look deep in your eyes and hesitate a while...
Why are you crying?

Tallulah, It's easier to live alone than fear the time it's over, oo-ooh...
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me, oh, Tallulah,
This could be... heaven

I see you walking hand in hand with long-haired drummer of the band
In love with her or so it seems, he's dancing with my beauty queen
Don´t even dare to say you hi, still swallowing the goodbye
But I know the feelings still alive, still alive

I lost my patience once, so do you punish me now
I'll always love you, no matter what you do
I'll win you back for me if you give me a chance
But there is one thing you must understand

Tallulah, It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s over
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,
This could be...

Tallulah, It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s over
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,
This could be...

1016843  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-03-10
Written: (4501 days ago)

[Not Anymore]

Finally got over that song of ours; stopped chasin' little red sports cars,
To check the license plates and I quit drivin' by your place.
Back makin' the rounds at our old haunts: Honky Tonks, restaurants.
And seein' some of our old friends: it feels good to dance again.
And I can finally smell your perfume and not look around the room for you.
And I can walk right by your picture in a frame and not feel a thing.

But when I hear your name,
I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.
And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes.
And nothin's changed, and we're still same.
And I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss,
And I'm hangin' on to every word rollin' off of your lips:
And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.

Got someone special in my life; everyone thinks she'll make a great wife.
Dad says he thinks she's the one; reminds him of Mom when she was young.
But it's way too soon to be talkin' 'bout rings; don't wanna rush into anything.
She's getting over someone too, kinda like me and you.
And she talks about him every once in a while, and I just nod my head and smile,
'cause I know exactly what she's goin' through; yeah, I've been there too.

And when the conversation turns to you,
I get caught in a "you were the only one for me",
Kinda thought, and your face is all that I see.
I know I can't go back but I still go back.
And there we are, parked down by the riverside,
And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time,
And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.

I stop thinkin' 'bout the words I left unsaid.
(Every time I hear your name.)
I stop tryin' the change the things I can't change.
(Every time I hear your name.)
In my heart I know you're gone, but in my head,

I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.
And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes.
That's all it takes, and I'm in that place.
And there we are, parked down by the riverside,
And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time.
And I can't explain, but I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.

Every time I hear your name.
(Every time I hear your name.)
Ooh, ooooooooh, ooh, ooooooooh.
(Every time I hear your name.)
Aaaaah aaaaaaah.
Every time I hear your name.

1016003  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-03-05
Written: (4505 days ago)
Next in thread: 1016183

Just a diary to point out some things to someone.

[cyberhavok], you face you! Homies since freahmen year, and years to come! I love you, man! I never can say it enough.. You're the cream in my coffee, and my homeskip for life, yo! Without you or Sophie, school would be dull, and completely useless.. I know I get on your nerves alot with my constant whining, and my clingyness, and especially when I'm rude, and obnoxious to Jacob.. But I still love you! Even when you're feeling down and in the dumps, just sit and talk with me, alright? You know I'm always there to listen when you need it :3 beside, I love to hear you talk! You always make things so much more interesting! Plus, you've helped me out through a few things I'd rather not mention at this time, and I am eternally greatful! You've adapted to how I act, and I'm even more thankful for that, because I know alot of people can only take so much of me XD;

But back on the subject of you; You're a beautiful, amazing person, Leila, and I thank you for being my friend :3 I'm so glad to have met you, even when it was at McTigue, and I didnt think you liked me all that much XD; I don't like it when you talk bad about yourself, because even though you're beautiful on the outside (no matter what you say), it doesnt compare to the you I see inside of you. You're a gorgeous person on the inside. Like a newborn butterfly. I know it sounds sappy, but it's true...and hey... I'D TAP THAT! >3 You aready know! So, yeah, just getting my feelings out there.. I'm not good at these kinds of things, so I wrote what I was thinking.. I love you lady! D< and you better tell me if someone at school wrongs you! I'll pop a cap in thier ass! ...even though I barely know what that means! :3

~Love always, Suki-chan.

Oh yeah, p.s: you don't have to respond to this if you don't want to :3 just a bit of thought I thought you should know.

1015921  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-03-05
Written: (4506 days ago)
Next in thread: 1015940

[Not Anymore];

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart, you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your hand
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile

I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bare my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

1015881  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-03-05
Written: (4506 days ago)

FUCKIN PISSED OFF DUDE!!!

Okay. so.
Know how I was going to the hospital?
finally!
after like, what
FUCKIN NOVEMBER OF 2007?!
Weeeell guess what
aint happening
my appointment was cancelled
FUCKING.CANCELLED!!
they rescheduled it
ON A DAY I CANT GO!
MY MOTHER WILL BE ON FUCKING VACATION!!
I want to fucking kill whoever made that decision
I cant go on another fucking month
IN FUCKING PAIN!!
..This whole day sucks..

1015533  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-03-03
Written: (4508 days ago)
Next in thread: 1015795, 1015878

It's okay be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Father figures we are
You're a shooting star you've come so far
I was once in your shoes
In a closet like you
I had nothing to lose

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
You've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
Hooray! For the man!

Ooh, strong man
queen of the balls
some brotherly love is a pleasure for all
Come out
open your eyes
it's a matter of size

Hey man gay man pick up the soap
Get on your knees and pray
Hey man gay man
Release your load
you've got to cease to delay
The gay way

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Okay to be gay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

Sing hallelujah (sing hallelujah)
It's getting to ya (it's getting to ya)

Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho! Mo! Hey! Ho!
Now remember
There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over

It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
It's okay!
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way

West is where you should go
To San Francisco
I get that you know
Would you gather my face
So united we stand in a gay parade
A human serenade

Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay, let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way
Hooray for the kind of man that you will find in the gay way
It's okay to be gay!

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