[Raziel Ahnara]'s diary

1097302  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-10-14
Written: (3829 days ago)

What'​​s going​ on betwe​en you and the last perso​n you kisse​d?​
-He's my love. <3 Six months and a week today. :)

Does anyth​ing hurt on your body?​​​​
-Everything. :( I'm achey 'cause I'm sick.

What are you liste​ning to right​ now?
-Eye of the Tiger... for some reason. O.o It's Jacqueline's mp3 player, I dunno.

What​ were you doing​ at 2:00 this morni​ng?​​
-Sleeping. Having a creepy-ass dream. :/

Whats​ annoy​ing you right​ now?
-My cold.

What was the best thing​ that happe​ned today​?​​
-I saw my love. And hopefully made him feel better. [I also got a little toasted, and that made my pain go away temporarily.]

Will you be in a relat​ionsh​ip next month​?​​
-I damn well better be. ;P

What can'​​t you wait for?
-Samhain. <3 And Yule. :D AND for the rest of my money to come in. :P

Did anyon​e see you kiss the last perso​n you kisse​d?​​
-It was, possibly, in the middle of a dance floor, so yeah. I'd say so.

Ever dated​ someo​ne outsi​de of your race?​
-Technically. Jake was part mexican. Also, technically, because I'm half black, so just about everyone is "outside my race." :P

Do you think​ you'​​ve ruine​d your chanc​es with someo​ne?​​
-Yeah, a couple times. But to be honest, it was probably for the better.

Have you ever cried​ from being​ so mad?
-What girl who's been through high-school and dealt with stupid relationships hasn't?

Have you ever made someo​ne laugh​ when they were cryin​g?​​
-Yes! I did it today, actually. One of my besties Dina has Torticollis [look it up, I couldn't explain it and do it justice], and as a result has really bad seizures. Well, usually she feels kinda' lame and dumb and like a burden to her friends right afterward. But I'm usually the one cheering her up afterward. Makes me feel kinda' special and useful and all that jazz. :D

What was the first​ thing​ you did when you woke up?
-Looked at my phone and decided I could sleep for another half hour. After THAT, I went and got dressed.

Who knows​ you the best?​​
-My mom, David, Drew, Autumn. Collectively. :P Each of them knows more about me than another, just different aspects.

Did you get a full 8 hours​ of sleep​ last night​?​​
-At least. It was kinda' nice.

Has a boy/​girl put their​ arm aroun​d you in the past five days?​​
-Yeah. :3 And I'm glad he did. He makes me feel warm and fuzzy. :D (Literally. He's got this really bizarre high temperature and he's got the three-day fuzz for facial hair. He's warm and fuzzy and cuddles up to me!)

Would​ you like to put last night​ on repea​t and live it forev​er?​​
-NO. No. Last night was miserable and lonely and stupid. I was very, very stupid. I SO would not want that to repeat forever.

What is on your wrist​s right​ now?
-On my left is a bandanna, on the right is my friendship bracelet I got with my sister. But hers broke. WE'RE NOT FRIENDS. D': lol

What does your hair look like right​ now?
-Messy, stuffed up in a bun.

What do you like bette​r,​ hot chocolate or hot apple​ cider​?​
-Hot chocolate. :D Ees delicious. ^^

Your phone​ rings​,​ what do you say?
-"Hey," sometimes followed by "darlin," "love," or "hon."

Does a heart​ break​ reall​y feel as bad as it’s said to be?
-Yeah. :/

Who was the last perso​n you took a pictu​re with?​
-Technically, David. He took the picture because he thought I looked cute the way I was hugging him, so part of his stomach is in the picture. lol

Where​ is your favor​ite place​ to get coffe​e?​
-If I drink it, usually Starbucks or Dutch Bros. But only because I like yuppie coffee with caramel and whipped cream. lol

Do you have trust​ issue​s?​
-Not really. I trust people really easily, for the most part. Makes me super vulnerable.

Do you think​ you can last in a relat​ionsh​ip for 6 month​s?​
-Yeah. I've done it three times so far. :P Jake, Ben, and now David.

Would​ you ever get any kind of plast​ic surge​ry?​
-Doubtful. I'm not necessarily pleased with every part of my body, but I don't hate it enough to want to surgically fuck with what the Lord and Lady gave me.

Someo​ne leave​s a note and flowe​rs on your car, cute or tacky​?​
-AWWWWWWWW. Well, if it's from someone I love (like my family or Autumn/David), then it's FRIGGIN adorable. If it's from someone I don't like, it's intriguing. If it's from someone I don't like, it's creepy. lol

What do you do when you have a bad day?
-Mope. lol I vent as best I can and pretty much turn into a hermit.

Have you heard​ a song that remin​ds you of someo​ne today​ ?
-Not so far. Unless you count wanting to kill the person that introduced your little sister to the song.

Do you say sorry​ first​ ?
-Usually. lol

If someo​ne is doing​ somet​hing that upset​s you, do you tell them?​
-"Usually not >.> I'm a wimp. Depends on the person though." [Triola] had it pretty much spot on.

Are you worri​ed your ex will move on?
-Not in the least. lol As a matter of fact, I hate when they don't. Makes me feel like a bitch. :/

When was the last time you saw numbe​r 1 on your top frien​ds?​​
-FOREVER AGO. :( I miss my Bumble (Autumn).

Have you ever kisse​d anyon​e whose​ name start​ed with an A?
-Yeeeeeeeah. Autumn! <3

Who was your last misse​d call from?​​
-Shellie.

Taken​ or singl​e?​​
-Happily given. :3

Do you like it?
-Adore it.

Do you know anyon​e with such an annoy​ing voice​,​​ that you can'​​t stand​ it?
-YES. Allaina and Shellie's ex-friend Kaitlin. UGH.

Who was the last girl you talke​d to?
-Abby.

Hones​tly has anyon​e ever seen you in your under​wear?​​
-lol Most of my friends?

Is there​ anybo​dy you wish you could​ be with right​ now?
-My wolf (David) and my Bumble. <3 I don't see them nearly enough. :(

What color​ are your bed sheet​s?​​
-Purple.

You can only drink​ ONE liqui​d for the rest of your life,​​ what is it?
-I dunno... Water, I guess?

Have you ever been sent to the princ​ipal'​​s offic​e?​​
-Once or twice. nothing serious, really.

Are you curre​ntly weari​ng socks​?​​
-Yessah. Stripey blue and black and white and gray ones. :D

1065692  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-02-05
Written: (4079 days ago)

I wrote this a little while ago (maybe a month or so) for my "girlfriend" Autumn. :P



It happened when I first met you.

It happened the first time we hugged.

And it's taken me this long to realize it.

I guess you could say I’ve fallen in love with you. That’s really the
only way I can describe it in so few words.

If nothing else, it’s not quite what it sounds like.

It’s kind of like seeing that perfect sunset. It’s so wonderful that
words like “gorgeous” are an insult. And instead of being greedy and
wanting to keep it all for yourself, you want to share its beauty with
others. But you’re afraid of it. You’re afraid for it. You’re afraid
someone will come along and ruin it, and somehow make the clouds lay
in a different pattern, somehow cause the sky not to be that perfect
shade of indigo, and in some way, make the sun just a little duller.
That’s the way it is with you.

I adore you. But I’m afraid for you, of you, I’m afraid with you.
I’m afraid someone won’t do you any justice. I want you to always
be that bright, perfect sunset, but I can’t be selfish or
unreasonable. I know that things will change, just like cloud
formations across the sky. And it could ruin you. But I know that
someday, you’ll be another perfect sunset. Different from the last
time, but still you.

All I want for you is to smile and mean it, to not have to hurt again,
and to be you, completely unhindered. I want you to be the happiest
you can be, to love as wholly as your heart will allow, and to know
and never doubt that I will be here for you as long as you need and
want me to be.

I love you, Autumn, like my perfect sunset.


I’m such a fucking romantic. Haha.
Honestly, though, if there ever was such a thing as soul-mates, she would be mine.

- Deidre -
1060030  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-12-24
Written: (4123 days ago)

Thieved from [Triola]. :D

'The Movie Game'
1. Pick 16 of your Favourite Movies.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everybody to guess.
4. Strike it out when somebody guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. No Cheating! (No google, or IMDB to help!)


1. "I'm breaking all the rules now anyways. Since I'm going to hell."
2. "No, you know what I do? I light a bunch of candles, and I sprawl out on my sheets, and I listen to Sting. No! I'm a guy. You give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy MacGuyver!"
3. "It was a great night, my hetero heroine."
4. "Can you believe Kat gets to shag this guy? No, really, you should send God a bottle of wine or a quiche or something."
5. "If I had survived an old lady ass-kicking I would want to brag about it."
6. "One day, none of this will be yours."
7. "The shit hath hitteth the fan...ith." 10 Things I Hate About You, [Triola]
8. "There will always be women in rubber flirting with me!"
9. "Wait a minute. My name's not 'Alvin.' Somebody else's life is flashing before my eyes. What the hell is that about?!"
10. "What would Jesus not do?"
11. "If I wasn't a key player in this whole conspiracy to brainwash the youth of America with rock music, we could totally date!."
12. "A girdle to set you free! What does that MEAN?"
13. "Laudenum. It kills them, unfortunately... but it keeps the blood warm." Interview with the Vampire, [Triola]
14. "This is not me... this is just a motherfucking decoy."
15. "I'd fight Ghandi."
16. "With the price of meat, wot it is, when you get it, if you get it. ... Good, ya got it." Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, [Triola]

1058505  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-12-12
Written: (4135 days ago)

MIDDLE NAME GAME

It's harder than it looks!

Here is what you do. Use the 1st letter of your middle name to answer each of the following... They have to be real places, names, things... nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. Middle name.
Christine

2. Famous artist/band/musician:
Coheed and Cambria

3. 4-letter word:
Chai

4. U.S state:
California

5.Boy name
Carlisle

6. Girl name.
Cecilia

7. animal:
Crane

8. Something in the kitchen:
Colander

9. Reason for being late:
Car trouble

10. Body Part?
Cranium

11.Drink?
Cherry coke

12. Something you shout:
Crap!

13. Something you eat:
Cake

1011507  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-02-13
Written: (4438 days ago)
Next in thread: 1011529

You know, it's really something, spending two hours going through old diaries and guestbook messages.

Especially about past relationships.
Or, well, the only relationship related to Elftown in any fashion, anyway.

It's a slightly disturbing feeling going through old writings, seeing into the type of thinking I used back then.
Atrocious, really.
Absolutely ridiculous.

"I'm so depressed," and "everyone hates me," and "why can't I be happy" and "blah blah blah, I'm so emo."

I mean, don't get me wrong.
I still have my days where I think I'm a worthless sack o' shit.
But JESUS, I was whiny and obnoxious.
Seriously.
I know Jake and I don't talk anymore, and things didn't end as well as it initially seemed, but damn... How did he possibly even STAND me back then?

Just goes to show you not everyone's as mature as they seem.
Even me.
Scary thought.

But, another pattern of mine I noticed was, "Oh, I love everything, life is so amazing," which, every thirty seconds changed to, "Why does everyone hate me? What did I do wrong? Quick, somebody call the wahhhhmbulance."

-.-

Meh.

It's all in the past, I guess.


Moving on?
I think so.


- Deidre -

945341  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-06-04
Written: (4691 days ago)

Survey time. I is bored.

The Seven Deadly Sins:

ANGER:
1. Who did you last get angry with? My throat. It's been bothering me like crazy. :/
2. What is your weapon of choice? Something shiny and sharp.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Yeah. But only if they deserve it. :P
4.How about of the same sex? Not usually. But again, only if they deserve it.
5.Who was the last person who got really angry at you? I dunno. Minty, probably.
6.What is your pet peeve? Stupidity and drama.
7.Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Depends on what happened and how severe it was.


SLOTH:
1.What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Turn off my phone.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? Probably, like, six in the evening.
3.Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? No one.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I don't remember.
5.Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Once. I was in the throes of insomnia.
6. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? None. I never heard it.

GLUTTONY:
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Caramel frappuccino. :P
2. Meat eaters: white meat or red meat? I prefer chicken to steak.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? Three beers, three dirty mamas (roughly three shots of tequila, half a glass of Khalua, and the rest is milk), roughly five straight shots of tequila, and four DRINKS of whiskey (amounting to somewhere around eight to ten shots). In that order. XP I was so sick.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? No.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Some days.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Sweet and salty foods, mostly. I'm not too big on spicy.
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought "Food!"? ..no.


LUST:
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Seven.
2. 2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? Five.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Hahaha, yeah.
4. Have you "done it"? Many times.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Hmm... Back or neck, probably.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Not a prostitute, but a fellow student once, yes.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? I've never HAD to, but I chose to.


GREED:
1. How many credit cards do you own? None.
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Torrid.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Pay off all our bills and such and take my family and a couple friends to Florida or something like that.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich, I suppose.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Possibly.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? Yeah.
7. how many MP3s are on your hard drive? Hahaha... I'm a pirate. :P Over six gigs. :P


PRIDE:
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Managed to stay drug-free.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Probably graduating high school (I will in three days)
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? Succeed in business, have a happy marriage, have kids, etc.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Sometimes, yes.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? No.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Yeah.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Nothing.


ENVY:
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Money. :P XD
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Scott, probably. I'd like to see what he'd do to my room. :P
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? No one.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Yes.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? The ability to trust people more.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? No.

926740  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-04-04
Written: (4752 days ago)

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting.

Here we go!

Opening Credits:
Perfect World - Billy Talent
(Hm. Interesting. And kind of misleading. XD)

Waking Up:
Gone - Switchfoot
(Well, yes, yesterday is gone. It's got a nice beat. Easy to wake up to. ^^)

First Day At School:
World in My Eyes - Depeche Mode
(That's... different.)

Falling In Love:
A Question of Lust - Depeche Mode
("It's a question of lust, it's a question of trust, it's a question of not letting what we've built up crumble to dust. And it's all of these things and more that keep us together." ^-^)

Fight Song:
Faggot - Mindless Self Indulgence
(Hahaha. Yeah.)

Breaking Up:
Bed of Lies - Matchbox 20
(That's really fitting and extremely disconcerting. :/)

Prom:
Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer
(Hahaha, and at that age, it's so true. <3)

Life:
Oh! Gravity. - Switchfoot
("Oh! Gravity, why can't we seem to keep it together. Friends of my enemies, why can't we seem to keep it together?")

Mental Breakdown:
Cinema - Floater
(Not so much a mental breakdown than a bad acid trip, but it works.)

Driving:
93 Million Miles
(That's a long ass drive. XD)

Flashback:
Tonight - Staind
(That works really well, actually.)

Getting back together:
Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge
(That's perfect. That totally makes it about make-up sex. XD)

Wedding:
You're a God - Vertical Horizon
(Awww. ^^ I adore this song. <3)

Birth of Child:
You Can Still Be Free - Savage Garden
(I like it. It seems fitting.)

Final Battle:
A Question of Time - Depeche Mode
("I've got to get to you first, before they do. It's just a question of time before they get their hands on you. They'll make you just like the rest. I've got to get to you first.")

Death Scene:
The Shadow Proves the Sunshine - Switchfoot
(Aww. No matter how bad it is, there's always something good to come of it. "We are crooked souls trying to stay up straight, dry eyes in the pouring rain, well, the shadow proves the sunshine.")

Funeral Song:
A Time to Be So Small - Interpol
("As the cadaverous mob saves its doors for the dead men, you cannot leave.")

End Credits:
Line and Sinker - Billy Talent
(Awesome. Even though it's kind of angry. XD)

916975  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-03-05
Written: (4782 days ago)

Lateralus is inspiring.

It fills my soul with happiness.













































































And thoughts of Scott, but that's not so surprising. :P

<333



- Deidre -

915327  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-02-28
Written: (4787 days ago)

Title: Here's to the Night
Artist: Eve 6
Album: Horrorscope

So denied, so I lied.
Are you the now or never kind?
In a day, and a day, love,
I'm gonna be gone for good again.

Are you willing to be had?
Are you cool with just tonight?
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

Here's to the nights we felt alive.
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

Put your name on the line
Along with place and time.
Want to stay, not to go, I want to ditch the logical.
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

Here's to the nights we felt alive.
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

All my time is froze in motion.
Can't I stay an hour or two or more?
Don't let me let you go.

Don't let me let you go.

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

Here's to the nights we felt alive.
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

Too soon...

Here's to the nights we felt alive.
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

886711  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-12-13
Written: (4864 days ago)

I ruin lives.


Get
over

it.

875047  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-11-15
Written: (4893 days ago)
871744  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-06
Written: (4901 days ago)



I want you to cry over me.
Die over me.
Even for a moment,
even for a moment.
I want you to hurt over me,
feel like I feel.
I want you to cry over,
die over me, baby,
just one time.


It's so easy for you
to forget about me.

Did I ever mean anything?




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