I have done *nothing* but trust in you and support you, throughout anything wether it be more serious life stresses, or just petty fun or sillyness.
I have tried to protect you from things that I thought were wrong, I have tried to help you things I thought were worthwhile.
I have defended you when people have come to me with nasty, vicious things to say about you. I have defended you when people who are suppose to be your friends, who *you* think are your friends have talked shit about you behind your back - and I have put them in their place for doing so.

You have shown your true colours to me.
The one thing -anyone- can do that will actually destroy me is to call me a Liar. Anyone who knows

JACK SHIT

What are you doing at this very second?
Eating bacon ranch fries, being a music pirate and watching toy story with sky

Do you believe that there's good in everybody?
Not everybody

Are your eyes the same color as your dad's?
Yes.

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn't around now?
Yes

Will you ever run away and get married at Las Vegas with no notifications?
Not las Vegas, no. I think that's a sleezy way to get married - but theres nothing wrong with eloping.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?
Yes, but not commonly. I think it takes 2 special friends for it to -permanently- stay pluetonic, but yes I think it's entirely possible.

Can you ever see yourself and your ex back together?
HA. haha hahahah....never. ever.

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?
Plenty of times.

Did you ever think that "lol" meant "lots of love"?
....no ? were any of us supposed to?

Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?
Yes.

Are you hurt about anything right now?
Not hurt - aggrivated. But life is good :)

When was the last time you threw up?
Not Long enough ago! I don't *remember* when, so that means PLENTY long ago --- but I utterly DESPISE puking, it's the single most horrid thing the human body can do....so i don't care how long it's benn - it's not long enough! :P

What does the shirt you're wearing look like?
It's a grey tank

What can you hear right now?
The TV

Where is your mom right now??
probably at work

Where are you?
sitting on the couch

Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
As long as it's not excessive all the time <- i agree with squee

Is there anyone you couldn't live without?
Yes

If you could change one thing right now, it would be?
Having plenty of money to not have to stress about bills/finances

Do you get freaked out when you're in the dark?
No

What are you gonna do now?
Draw / Paint and download my music and make CDs to continue to draw/paint to.

Do you like to make the first move?
If I really want to then yes <-agreed

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
Yes but unsincerely. I really don't give a shit if they ever do though, because people who hurt me don't phase me that much. I cry, pick up the pieces and try to grow from it.

Looking back in time did you ever waste your time on a certain boy or girl?
Sure, hasn't everyone?

Is your hair longer than your shoulder?
ppphhhhh, my hair's to my ass. it's a main.

Do you like to walk in the rain?
Yes and no.....In Theory yes, but in practicality - no. 

Do people asking you too many questions in a row bother you?
No.

Do you like looking up at the stars?
Yes, when I can see them.

Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot?
Hot with cold ranch.

Like anyone?
Yes

Can you honestly say that things are running smoothly for you?
Yes. They could be smoother ;P but they are not bad :)

Where do you think your number one is right now?
Digging a ditch to lay a water service.

Will this weekend be a good one?
Hope so.

Are you texting anyone?
No.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
No

Was your last kiss a mistake?
No

Does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
Yes. He's my son, of course -- if he didn't then DFCS woulda long been called on our asses

Which is more romantic: Sunrise or sunset?
pphhh, both are cheesey and over-rated.

Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Yeessss. :)

Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
Hidden - no. If I like the bottle itself, then when it's empty I'll wash it and set it out with my other knick-nacks.

Would you ever shoot up heroin, if given the chance?
Hell no.

Who's bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine

Do you want your tongue peirced?
- n o -
stupid.
stupid.
you know you can bleed to death from that shit?
did you know it's the second most dangerous piercing you can get??
fuck that.


Think back to September, were you in a relationship?
Yes

*cringes*

...i am overwhelmingly reminded why I left the TAPS online team >.<


I do not suggest anyone to put your trust in anything related to the TAPS website, or the TFM whatsoever.......ever.

sooooo

i've found a satisfactory internet resolution :)..........more like :D! XD!

now!
i just need to find a job to pay for it, because I've only got 9 bucks left in the bank  (woot! i'm rich!)

cont.......so! seriously?? they only charge 5 bucks a month - charge us more! i'd much rather pay more for the feature than not have it at all...i mean, still jack it up to 20 a month and it'll still be th damn cheapest internet around so everyone will STILL be wanting to get ot and use it...wth ! stupid marketing,douchebags...so now the only internet i have is actually physically on my phone...so thats why if you see things lookin wonky or acting weird....like 2 diary entries for one subject- its cause im on my phone and im either too lazy to correct it or dont know how to yet and i only have a certain number of characters to type with so if i have a lot to say i have to make multiple posts XD

ok so i bust my ass runnin around all over the place hunting down wifi spot to wifi spot all over the city for 5 days. get into ampley heated fights and threats with motorola,s RETARD customer service reps.....seriously..the dude asked ne if i was on the phone i was calling about and i tell him YES because its the only phone i have, he then tells me to take out the battery and give him the serial number......take out the battery....of the phone i *just* told him i'm USING! aaaannnndddd wants me to magically stay on the phone to tell him the serial...with mo battery in the fucker??? yea- retard.  SO! i do all this just to try to get the proper software for our new phone because our old one died so i can make our friggen internet work FINALLY get the software on day five - yesterday- to find out that our cell company has discontinued the tethering option due to too high data rates on their servers to be able to offer the web at the same price........! i wanted to cry - all that bs in vain....and SERIOUSLY?

ok so i bust my ass runnin around all over the place hunting down wifi spot to wifi spot all over the city for 5 days. get into ampley heated fights and threats with motorola,s RETARD customer service reps.....seriously..the dude asked ne if i was on the phone i was calling about and i tell him YES because its the only phone i have, he then tells me to take out the battery and give him the serial number......take out the battery....of the phone i *just* told him i'm USING! aaaannnndddd wants me to magically stay on the phone to tell him the serial...with mo battery in the fucker??? yea- retard.  SO! i do all this just to try to get the proper software for our new phone because our old one died so i can make our friggen internet work FINALLY get the software on day five - yesterday- to find out that our cell company has discontinued the tethering option due to too high data rates on their servers to be able to offer the web at the same price........! i wanted to cry - all that bs in vain....and SERIOUSLY?

*aggrivus*

I've been sitting at a krystals restaurant for 2 hours trying to fix my fucking internet >:(

i'm getting a bit peeved off with this whole moving shit. more and more lil shit keeps going wrong making us spend more and more money and i still dont have another job yet...so it's only going to be so long before all my money is dried up and davids gonna have to foot the bill for everything...which is going to be hard and obnoxious. for example we had the money for the deposits for the utilities then our phone decided to die so we had to fork out the mone for a new phone which is awesome!...but that means we had to push back turning on the utilities a week - which would be tuesday. and then we were supposed to start moving in some of our boxes and our washer and dryer this saturday....but the bitch, who was supposed to be gone LAST saturday decided that she wasnt gonna leave til today...pushing back the work they had to do on the place before we move in to this weekend instead of already being completed which means it wont be finished until wednesday.....all of 1 day before we were supposed to be officially

i'm getting a bit peeved off with this whole moving shit. more and more lil shit keeps going wrong making us spend more and more money and i still dont have another job yet...so it's only going to be so long before all my money is dried up and davids gonna have to foot the bill for everything...which is going to be hard and obnoxious. for example we had the money for the deposits for the utilities then our phone decided to die so we had to fork out the mone for a new phone which is awesome!...but that means we had to push back turning on the utilities a week - which would be tuesday. and then we were supposed to start moving in some of our boxes and our washer and dryer this saturday....but the bitch, who was supposed to be gone LAST saturday decided that she wasnt gonna leave til today...pushing back the work they had to do on the place before we move in to this weekend instead of already being completed which means it wont be finished until wednesday.....all of 1 day before we were supposed to be officially

Life has suddenly become good.
It's exciting.

At the pit of our downfall in flood and slumlord issues - we found a place to move to, we'll be moving in 2 1/2 weeks at the latest......very exciting.
it's cheaper, closer to his work so we can cut the car out of the picture until I find another job, making it even cheaper, and we've found that our utility deposits and set up are cheaper than we initially expected, and our monthly bills are going to be a shitload cheaper than here because this place has no insulation and is drafty as shit, and has cracks in the floor/wall joints and in window panes so theres even less insulation.
I've downgraded our cell phone bill so that is even cheaper now, and we're able to get a fuller cable package for our enjoyment because of all the consolidation.
and after we get moved - because we wont have constant BS problems popping up that never get solved because of a slumlord, I'll be able to completely and fully focus on job hunting instead of worrying about BS.
And....it's a two bedroom! *faints*  we'll have a fucking DOOR!
for those who didn't know - we're in a one bedroom apt. right now, and using it as a studio so Skyler can have his own room......this is a 2 br!!! He can have his room, AND we can have our room, and that means we'll have an actual place for our couch, instead of it just being crammed in next to our bed like a full-king extension piece XD (yes, we've got ghetto-fied furniture arrangements.....but we're dorks, so we can pull it off as if it's the cool thing to do ;P)
some people at work were nice enough to give us a loan for all the moving and utility deposit expenses, that they told us we didn't have to pay back until our tax-return comes in...even though we have the money to pay for, at least, 80% of all expenses, they told us to just hold on to it because you never know what could pop up, and just pay them back at tax return because at least then you'll know you'll have that extra money.... and then someone else gave us a bran-new lcd tv so that we can have a TV in all 3 rooms (we have a lil one for sky's room, and then just a basic one in our living/bed room) and said they didn't want to be paid back for it 
our jaws dropped.
she said we could count it as a both me & david's holiday gifts for the year :P

we were floored. absolutely floored.
we're lucky to know some absolutely amazing people

AND I've been in a real productive & creative streak.

so.
life is grande right now. I feel so..........
relieved
for the first time in a LONG time, I'm seriously......not stressed.
about anything.

that is a -beautiful- feeling.
absolutely awesome. *giddy*

and lemme tell ya - I've got moving FEVER! I've already packed up a bunch of shit, eager to get more boxes to pack even more (though I really shouldn't till it gets closer to our move-in date) I've gone through everything in the house and really downsized and cleaned out crap ---- moving is the perfect excuse to do spring cleaning, and get rid of junk. and boy have I done it.

I'm gonna try to update some stuff on my market place page (i know, i've been slacking of that lately) before I drop off everything at goodwill, just by chance if any of you guys want any of it. Most of which I'll only put up for the cost of shipping.......because I'm gonna give it away anyhow, kinda skeezy to charge people for shit I was gonna give away anyway ;P

I feel like I'm loosing my mind.

I haven't gone into detail - but just for the record, the past two weeks of our lives have completely sucked.

Biblical proportions of rain have opened up on the southeast. Atlanta has not been spared.
Our apartment is flooding. Regularly. Every time it rains. In the kitchen, in the bathroom, into Skyler's room - that entire side of the house just leaks and swells up a pool. 
Our wall under our circuit breaker, aparently, has a leak in the exterior brick - turning the inside of the wall into a fountain. We did not discover this until scrambling for towels to sop up ponds in the kitchen and sky's room, when I picked up some stuff off my desk and everything was drenched. Completely confused,I looked up - no water marks on the ceiling, so the ceiling is obviously not leaking so I felt the wall (as it's the only thing touching the desk) and it -literally- crumbled in a dripping pile of mush and dust in my hand. So we have a giant gaping hole in our wall that you can look through and see the outside brick, that is dripping a sheet of water -- all over the electrical panel -- and running out of the hole down the rest of the wall and seeping through to the floor - which we now have to roll up towels and stuff in the hole. And, it also seeps a nauseating odor of mold & mildew......which makes me even more stressed out and nervous. Having to just breathe in this crap - with a son - and wonder if we're all gonna come down with lung infections, or mesothelioma, or some other random strange fucking disease from fucking mold.  Branches and trees have been falling at the drop of the hair --- we have a very tall, slender red oak that leans at a fucking 50 degree angle away from the house RIGHT behind the wall where our bed sits.........if that tree falls, it's taking our living room wall and ripping up at LEAST 1/2 the floor with that root-ball. This is another stress factor. Every little creak or crack of wood or branches, I freak. I have had -zero- sleep since wednesday night because I am constantly on flood-patrol. Checking the wall, checking skyler's room, picking up soaked towels and changing them out for dry ones - gathering up soaked towels and scurrying to the laundry room to dry them to be sure I have dry towels to change out the ones I just laid down when THOSE get soaked through and through. Once the rain has stopped I get to does off for a few minutes, but as soon as it starts raining again, everything begins to leak and drip and sop again, and I'm immediately up again. I feel like I'm in a constant state of panic. As soon as I check and replace one section - it's time to check and replace another. It's a never ending cycle - and the rain shows NO sign of letting up through saturday. This also means I can't leave the house to go job hunting or apartment hunting because that puts the house at risk of over flowing, and what little we have getting destroyed and ruined. The most fun part is that our landloard doesn't give a shit. After pitching a hissy fit, he finally said he'll replace the sheet rock that crumbled..........
???
you serious dude? really?
The fact that the entire east side of our house acts like the peer at tide change, and the fact that theres a huge leak INSIDE the wall that causing the sheet rock to crumble.........and you want to just replace the sheet rock?
Not get an inspector to see what the problem is with the basement and our wall, and then hire a licensed contractor to FIX that problem -- and fine where the leak is in the EXTERIOR brick and hire someone to appropriately FIX that fucking problem, and THEN properly weatherize the INTERIOR side of the brick and THEN lay the new sheet rock down. and then get a health inspection done for mold, and if there is an unhealhty level, have it killed and preventive measures put in place.
no.
not the LEGAL or RIGHT way for sake of structural integrity and safety and HEALTH.
no.
how insane of us to think so.
Not to mention he's out of town and absolutely -refused- to come back even a day early to help fix these problems he's responsible for, so we are stuck up shit creek without a paddle. literally. We've been scrambling to try to find some where else to move to - anywhere else, we dont care at this point, but everything we can afford is way out of the location we need, and the few things we do find that is affordable monthly........have absolutely -insane- shoot me in the head ridiculous deposit fees, and application fees and pet deposits and administration fees and first months rent. then, not to mention, we have to put all the deposits down to set up all our utilities........
....
do people not get we're in a recession?
wtf are everyones fucking fees so insane, this is bullshit. Who the hell is gonna have that type of money to just simply MOVE - that's not even living, that's just the 3 hour trip of moving fucking furniture from point A to point B, wtf.
$2500 total it was gonna cost.
!!!!!!
are you fucking kidding me?
if I had $2500 to just hand away at the drop of a hat do you think I'd be in this fix to begin with???
I then she gives ME and attitude when I was shocked at the total cost.
I wanted to smack her.
I wanted to smack her ratty ass brittney spears hair extensions right out of her spoiled fucking brat lil head.

......and then spit on her. I should have. I have been smoking so much this past week from stress, I coulda worked up a real nice n purdy lugy to chunk at her.

our car is still fucked up from the jackass side-swiping david a few months back, so our car is out of commission, and then the only other ride I have to get to interviews or to the grocery store, which is my mom---- he fucking windsheild wipers died. So she can't drive in the rain anymore. So we have to sit and wait and watch the radar and plan all our trips around the fucking Doppler image.......and I've been on my period since wednesday too, the dar the flooding happened, and I'm so over fucking bleeding and flooding..........OMG, I'm OVER IT

so then today I had to scramble up to the store, RUSHED around the store to grab everthing I needed trying to beat the rain to get groceries and get back home and I rush rush rush rush, just to find out that when I get home Skyler's lil snackers that he loves so much.........we're his lil snackers that he loves so much - I had grabbed the wrong boxes in all my rushing.

I lost it.
I just lost it.
My mom's sitting there trying to pick me up out of the broken-down heap of a mess on the kitchen floor telling me
"it's alright! it's alright! we can go return them - it's no big deal"
which, btw, was COMPLETELY true. It was alright - we could go exchange them, it was NOT a big deal at all........but I just couldn't take it. I couldn't take anything else. Done - clocked out - over, no more.
So my mom gathered them up, ran back to the store exchanged, cam back - took all of ten minutes because luckily the store is just 1.2 miles down the road, so ppphhhh, was easy as pie.
It was fixed! all better, but I still couldn't pull myself together. I'm just so over everything. One person can only "be the trooper" for so fucking long.
Our home is falling apart, and probably mold infected, the tree could cave in at any moment, have no job yet, have no money, can't move because we have no money, landlord is a piece of shit, and then I just felt like the worse mommy on the face of the earth because I came home with everything I needed, everything David needed, and then the special thing I get for Skyler is fucked up......
how can you buy stuff for yourself, and for your husband but not have anything for your son? that's just wrong, it's like telling him "mommy and daddy are important - but you'll have to wait"
god, i felt like utter shit. I just couldn't pull it together.

Paul is gonna have an earful when he gets back in town is all I have to say - I'm over shit, and I know David is non-confrontational with people who have higher authority than he does and has an issue with gulling up and stating what needs to be stated out of fear it's gonna bite him in the ass.........but I don't . *sneers*

don't get pissed off at me for being pissed off at you for legitimate reasons - if it's petty and stupid, i get it - but if i have ever right to be upset and offended at something, don't blame me for being upset and offended by it! Be pissed off at yourself for doing something stupid, upsetting and offensive.

don't come home in a pissy mood bitching at me, then wonder why my perfectly good mood all the sudden went bitch-mode.

don't publically announce shit, openly talk about it in a blog, diary, journal etc etc or call in to fucking radio stations if you don't want people knowing your business. That makes you a hypocrite.

Don't ask for my fucking advice if youre going to bitch me out when I give it to you.

Don't ask me to pick sides between a brother and you.......even though you've happened to be my friend for a long ass time, brother - good friend. Seriously? Who the hell do you think I'm gonna pick - and I know you're asking me becase you WANT me to tell you you're so right, you're so right, he's such a jackass.......but ya know what?
no.
no, you are NOT right. He is NOT being a jackass - you are being a clingy obsessive psycho bitch - and even if he WAS being a jackass, he's my brother! I'm gonna side with him.
so don't even ask it, unless you're damn ready to get a slap in the face, because news flash, I'm not gonna pick you when it comes to family >:O.


FYI - YOU'RE BEING A CLINGY OBSESSIVE PSYCHOTIC BITCH!
look at yourself - you're sobbing you eyes out over a fucking Facebook update......
A F A C E B O O K U P D A T E!!!
?!?!?! do you not see the psychoticness of it?
and, btw, before you completely flipped your lid over retarded shit, that "in a relationship, but complicated" updated, could have actually been talking about YOU! *whacks head*
you're psychotic! I wouldn't continue calling you either! You completely flipped out over your fucking credit score just because he mentioned the fact that someday in the FUTURE he'd like to own his own home.
!!!!
when did you guys get married???? oh, NEVER
when did you move in together????? oh, sorry, NEVER!
When did you guys become exclusive???? thats right - NEVER
.....do we see a trend?

so......

one more thing that I missed this summer because I have to work:

Today is the Atlanta Arts Festival, which is making a really huge come-back because it's been closed for over 5 years because of the drought making the park unusable for big events like that, so it's coming back with a bang......and i'm at work :C

....but.

 TODAY'S THE LAST DAY THE POOL IS OPEN!!!!!!

* Y A W N *

....so busy.

....

I'm jealous.

The things you miss when you have a weekend job -
1- I missed Serj Tankian Concert.
2- Missed Warped tour
3- Missed Family Values tour
4- Missed Dogwoods Festival
5- Missed the Wrecked & Rampage Tattoo Convention.
6- Missed the Paul McCartney concert
7- Gonna miss Dragon Con
8- and now today, David got to take Skyler out to the Red Bull Soap-Box Derby at Peidmont Park........which was gonna be THE SHIT!!! and ssoooo much fun AND AND AND.....he got there before all the big crowds hoarded in, and got to Meet Travis Pastrana and Max hartwright.
dont think I spelled either of those right, but! YOU GET THE POINT!

*facedesk*
*SOBS*

I miss all the friggen fun!

EDIT:: oh, yea, I forgot last weekend we missed the Masquerade's Water Balloon Fight where they were trying to beat the world record.
And if you know anything about the Masque - it's just the shit anyway, and then ad that factor into 5,000 + crazy nut cases with water balloons = madness of an awesome time.

:P
this is where you insert the "PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL" BS sound.

people are stupid.
I want to establish my own site.
I know I've said this many times now - but I always chicken out of it because the financial aspect of it freaks me out because I'ma po' broke bitch. But, truth of the matter is.........it really is not that expensive, I spend more than that a month on crap I *REALLY* don't fucking need, so I need to get the fuck over that financial paranoia CRAP and just go for it.

only.
i got no clue where to start.
I got the idea behind my site, i'm not that stupid - but as far as what is the best, simplest, and most effective and efficient for the money type hosts or servers.
no-fuckin-clue.

anyone got some tips they'd like to share?
I'm gonna do my own research too, of course, but tips and advice shared from friends is always a plus :)

oh yea, i figured out whats going on with my internet too.
aparently, metropcs is pissed off at the high level of data rates and customers that are tethering their phones -- so they started blocking all user agent strings from browsers other than the mobile browsers used on Metro Phones.

SO!

....i just went and downloaded the Opera browser for PC and all was better XP

Stolen from[de Morte] [Chimes]&[Nehirwen]:

Go to: http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi
Put your name in, and generate slogan after each question.



1. What do you say to yourself every morning?
Its not TV. It's Mordigen.  [this is my new personal motivation phrase]


2. What do you want other people to say about you?
Happiness is a Cigar called Mordigen.  [... ? really?]

3. Someone asked you out, your answer is...
All you ass is Mordigen. [ ! XD!!!]

4. How would you answer a booty call?
Good to the last Mordigen. [eww.suddenly i sound like a hook up hooker.]

5. How would you introduce yourself to someone you really like?
Don't just Book it. Mordigen it.  [this would be funnier if it didn't get generated on everyone elses too...]

6. To someone you dislike?
There's First love, and then there's Mordigen love. [awe-some. I'm totally gonna use this the next time I'm about to be a TOTAL cuntbagger bitch to someone XD]

7. You're in a conversation and you suddenly feel the need to pee, how would you excuse yourself?
Go to work on a Mordigen.

8. Your parents ask you why you got home late, you say...
There's more than one way to eat a Mordigen...  [*DIES* omfg...]

9. You're failing a subject, you say...
Make fun of Mordigen. [beautiful...]

10. The love of your life asks you to marry him/her, what do you say?
Try Mordigen, you'll like it. [so true. >:}]

11. Your bf/gf is breaking up with you, you tell him/her...
with a name like Mordigen, it has to be good. [how.....smug of me.]

12. Someone told you you're an asshole, you tell them...
I wish I were a Mordigen Weiner. [XD! I would so say that....]

13. What are the best words to describe you?
Naughty, but Mordigen. [perfect]

14. If you're going to have a movie about your life, the title is...
What would you do for a Mordigen? [ha. hahahaha.]

15. Your last words before you die...
The World's favourite Mordigen. [hell yea, bitches]

16. Your message to a special someone..
don't be an Amber Mordigen. [wtf?]

17. Title of this post will be... (if I reposted with a title)
Let the Mordigen take the Strain.  [...i am good with straining]