[Lady Raaz]'s diary

1153097  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2012-08-16
Written: (2559 days ago)

Tell me who I am, oh Lord.
Remind of what I was and who I will be.
Show me things once more that You showed me before.
I have strayed away and far from You.
YOu have kept me in you sight
You have kept me within Your reach.
Tell me why, oh Lord.
Why did I chose the path I travel
Tell me why I made the choices I did.
I cannot explain my reason or my desicions.
When did I lose sight of You.
Tell me, oh Lord, of Your forgiveness once again.
Tell me of Your love and righteousness.
Show me Your mercy, for I am unworthy to request it.
You, Oh Lord, are worthy of praise.
You, oh Lord, are worthy of Honor.
I, oh Lord, am not.
May the Angels sing of Your Righteousness and Glory.
Allow the mountains quake at the sound of Your voice.
The oceans roar in Your Presence.
You alone are God.
You alone are King.
Bring the world back to Yourself.
Break the chains that bind.
Release the captive and set free slave,
All of us who are bound by the Evil One.
Save us from our own destruction.
Help us, oh Lord.
We are crying out for Your help.
Save us, in the name of Your Son.
Fight for us for we have stood for You and are now beaten down.
Come soon, for we need You.
Help us, oh Lord.
Let all who stand, praise Him.
Let all who fall, praise Him.
Let all who mourn and all who rejoice, Praise Him.
Let God and His people be reunited.
Let the Groom become one with His bride.
Let stars call out in the night once more,
GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST!
Praise the name of Adoni and Yeshua!
Let me praise You once again.
Tell me, oh Lord, of You.

1104241  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-12-16
Written: (3533 days ago)

You abused me. You bruised me.
Now you expect me to let you back in?
Heck no! Stay away from me.
I don't want you in my life.
I don't want you to ever talk to me again.
Leave me alone. Leave me be.
I am tired of being scared of you and what you did to me.
I can't trust guys anymore because of you.
You hurt me more than anyone else ever could.
Stay away and never come back.

1102177  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-12-01
Written: (3548 days ago)

One of these days, I just wannu know what the big fuss is all about. One of theses days I just wannu know what love truly means on this side of heaven. One of theses days, I hope I know it when I see it. I just wannu know that there is a guy out there just for me. I just wannu know that he stands somewhere in the distance watching for me till God brings us together. I just wannu know that he will do whatever it takes to get me and then to keep me. I just wannu know that when he says that he is not like other guys he shows it and means it. I just wannu know that I am not alone in this crazy world. I just wannu know what it all means. I wish he could know what I have been through. I wish he would know how hard I fought to remain only for him. I want him to know he will be the only one he will see me inside to outside. If he can find me, he will know what I have fought for. He will not only know but also see the bruise and scars that reflect from my heart where I have been. One of these days, I will know what all the fuss about being in love is. One of theses days, I will know when i see it. One of these days, I will know who he is and will fall 100% into his arms and his arms alone. One of the days, I will know the truth behind God's design. One of these days, I will know for sure. One of these days, I will know.

1102175  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-12-01
Written: (3548 days ago)

How many times must i cry out before I surrender? How many days must I live trapped in an angry world? What else is there to do when the sky feels like it is falling? Can I run to You? Can I really fall into Your arms? Will You really hold me forever? Will You sing over me again?

I hear the music of Heaven falling in the rain. I begin to fathem the sound of the Voices of those gone on before me in the shaking of thunder. The wind blows and I hear You singing over me the song of freedom and trust. You just sing over me in your tenderness. So let the world see that something is different and that someone is singing over me.

Waves come crashing down around me. The sunset is a mixture of pink and orange light. The sky begins to darken, yet in this moment I am so captivated. I'm held in the song that is beginning to sing once again in harmony with creation as you sing over me.


I hear the music of Heaven falling in the rain. I begin to fathem the sound of the Voices of those gone on before me in the shaking of thunder. The wind blows and I hear You singing over me the song of freedom and trust. You just sing over me in your tenderness. So let the world see that something is different and that someone is singing over me.


So let the wind blow. Let the angels and saints of old shout praise of Your glory. Let all of Creation say Holy, holy, holy. Let the universe sing as one to the Holy Living God and Who is worth of all praise as You sing.

1089163  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-08-04
Written: (3667 days ago)

Sometimes there are things we cannot control. Sometimes there are things we cannot hold onto. What if figured out that you were not meant to be with someone? What your heart broken so deeply that no one could ever imagined? What if things kept falling apart? Would you keep the one you have because you afraid of the one that wants you because you know he will hurt again? Sometimes we cannot stop the screaming in our heads. Sometimes we cannot stop the pain from coming. Sometimes we cannot hold back the things or hide from them. What if you knew that you die if went back? What if you knew you would lose the most important thing you hold close? What if the addiction started by someone else haunts you when you sleep? Sometimes the things we fear the most have already happened. Sometimes the worst pain has come and gone. Sometimes the place you once thought was life was actually death. Now is the time break free. To run with the speed of wind. Go run! Do not hesitate! Go it is okay! Sometimes you can control the outcome. What if you could? Would you take that advantange? Sometimes it is all in the first step. 

1079821  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-05-21
Written: (3742 days ago)

Stand your ground, don't just let him walk all over you.
Speak your mind, don't let him tell you what to think.
Shout out and make him silent.
You are not his property and you never should be.
He treats you like he owns he when the fact is he knows in a second you could walk away. Pleasure like him will fade as quickly as it lights.
The fire you see in him isn't really just a front.
Soon very soon, you will nothing but something to enjoy every so often.
When you try to connect, he will push you away.
When you try to help, he will do whatever it takes to hurt you.
If you try, you will deny.
If you plead, he will exceed the plead.
Nothing. No way to connect to him.
Don't even try. I gave it my best shot and I missed.
He never let me in unless I prided.
He never talked about anything unless I asked.
He will shut down before you can go in deeper.
He thinks he knows the truth but he cannot disdigution his lies from truth.
Try if you wish but I already have and now look where I have ended up.

1077947  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-05-07
Written: (3756 days ago)

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why...

It's NO SURPRISE I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's NO SURPRISE I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God know we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no, as NO SURPRISE

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why

It's NO SURPRISE I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

The kiss goodnight, it comes with me
Both wrong and right, our memories
The whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can't keep
Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

              By Daughtry

1077400  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2009-05-03
Written: (3760 days ago)

You thought your strength could hold me down,
But in one second I threw you to the side and ran away.
You thought you could convice me this was right,
In a second I threw you to the side and ran away.
I should have know something was up when you pushed me down on the couch.
I should have know you were going to do something when you would not let me up.
You right you should have payed attention but you didn't.
Now I am bruised up and down. I bruise easily you know.
In a second I threw you to the side and ran away.
You will never have me again.
This time I am gone for good.
You should have listened more to my heart but you didn't care.
You saw what you wanted and went after it.
In a second I threw you to the side and ran away.
You look at me as a trophy and nothing more, even when you deny it.
You wanted me but not in the way I wanted you.
You wanted me before I could give you everything, so now I am gone.
In a second I threw you to the side and ran away.
This is the way is it gonna be until you learn true control.
No more talking. No more laughing. I am gone so see you later.
In a second I threw you to the side and ran away.
I want you to know though, I forgive you but I cannot talk or see you right now.
I want you to know that, but you left me no other choice.
In a second you lost everything you loved.
In a second I threw you to the side and ran away.

1076053  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2009-04-24
Written: (3769 days ago)

Shadows cloud my mind.
Pain of confusion explodes from within.
I cannot seem to stand.
I cannot seem to breathe.
I am choking on my own confusion, on my own desire.
Falling to my knees, I need to breathe.
Hoping in any outcome that is for the best.
Praying for my King to save me once again.
My heart is slowing, my beats are dying.
God in heaven, where are You?
I cannot find or see You.
Do You see this confusion deep within my heart and soul?
Can You so me the direction to go?
I am standing in the mist of many roads.
I am kneelings in the midst of a thousand directions.
which is my path?
Which is my road?
Any path I choose someone will get hurt.
I cannot win. I will not be able to stop crying as I begin walking.
Father, do not leave me know in my own confusion, I plead.
Do not abondon me when I stand, kneel, fall.
Please stay here holding tightly to my hand that is shacking.
Breathe in Your breathe of life and pick me up.
Carry me through the pain, the confusion, the fear.
Do not allow this confusion to kill me.
Do not allow it to choke me to death.
God in heaven, save me.
I cannot stand outside Your arms.
Do not let me fall.
Shadows are disappearing form my mind. Nothing is holding onto me.

1075767  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-04-22
Written: (3771 days ago)

Stop! This isn't a game.
It kills me to watch all this play out.
I want an answer.
I need an answer.
God in heaven, only you can fight this fight.
Draw me in close. Shield from them both.
Protect my heart, O Father.
Let neither of them near with out Your permishen.
Hide me behind You and never let them touch me.
God in heaven, fight for me, rise up and fight.
Show them both what I am really worth.
Take them away if not for me.
Destroy them both if not good enough.
This is not a game anymore.
If they want me, they have to come to You.
It is killing me inside to try and fight this on my own.
Own my, i lie broken, bloody, shattered, and afraid.
Yet You, Father, hold me close to Your heart. You heal me.
Please hold me. I was once unprepared and now I don't know what to do.
I want all doors shut. Nothing but You.
God, he can never know my hidden secret.
He can never know apart of me still loves him.
Stop this fight. End it! Only You, Father, can.
Stop this fight.

1072035  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-03-25
Written: (3799 days ago)

Seeing you like this breaks my heart.
I pushed til it hurt you.
I never ment to. Dont blame yourself I asked.
I hope you see we will make it threw this.
The end i dont what it will be like.
We will find a way threw.
We always have.
Unlike most we are just alike.
However there are things in both of us that have to be taken care of.
For now the pain will be here but soon it wont be.
Dont worry about this it will all work out. dont be afraid.
Dont push me away now.
Stay close it is the only way this will past.
Together we will make it threw this.
Caring this together is the only way.
Dont die out because of it.
Stay, and breathe threw the pain.
It will end soon.
I promise
Forever I promise it will soon enough.

1071134  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-03-18
Written: (3806 days ago)

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...


Opening Credits:
Wild Horses- Natasha Bengfield

Waking Up:
Make Some Noise- Krystal Meyers

First Day At School:
Dare You to Move- Switchfoot

Falling in Love:
Innocence- Avril Lagvine

Fight Song:
Lose Control-Evanescence

Breaking Up:
Behind these Hazel Eyes-Kelly Clarson

Prom:
Let's Dance-Miley Cyrus

Life:
Unbreakable-FireFlight

Mental Breakdown:
Numb-LinkinPark

Driving Song:
Sand Up-FireFlight

Flashback:
When You're Gone-vril Lagvine

Wedding:
No es Dificil-Annet Morena

Birth of Child:
Arms Wide Open-Creed

Death Scene:
My Immortal-Evanescence

Funeral Song:
Hold Fast-MrcyME

End Credit:
Legice-Nicole Nordoman

1070275  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-03-11
Written: (3813 days ago)

I want you to feel. Feel me shacking in your embrace. I want you to see, see me with tears in my eyes just by seeing you. I want you to catch, catch me and keep me standing when I cannot stand with out you. I want you sit, sit with me under a canopy of stars that shine bright. I want you love, love me like the world is ending. I want you desire, desire me in a way that you want to wait. I want you to believe, believe me when i say "I love you" i meant it. I want you to understand, understand me in a way that no one can. I want you to look, Look through me and still see beauty in broken places. I want you to long, long for me to the point of being breatheless. I want you to think, think of me when you feel alone and unloved. I want you to know, know how much I love you and that I am yours. I want you to embrace, embrace me to where nothing nor no one else matters. I want you to hold , hold me as if i let go. I want you to have Faith, faith that God has it all under control. I want you to hife, hideme so no one else can find me. I want you find, find me and protect me from those that try to hurt me. I want you to love, love God before me always. I want you to protect, protect me from all thats is evil. I want you to send, send me running to the Cross and He who died upon it. I want you to run, run to Christ before all else fails. I want you to want, want me but want want God's will first. Who you are is who I love. Who God created you to be is what I cannot resist. Who you are becoming makes me rejoice. In your future, I pray, I hope that I am there with you holding your hand. Let God secure us if it be His will. Let God sustain this if it be His plan. Let God show us the direction to take. I want you to let God, Let God be in control no matter what.

1065607  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-02-04
Written: (3848 days ago)
Next in thread: 1067213

Hidden secrets loom in the passage way
  Hidden desires that cannot be explained stand still
      Hear is my Hidden secret.
    Getting over you is hard that it seems.
Your lies pulled me, Your eyes held my heart; but hear you knew not of.
     You broke my heart everyday
    You broke me everytime you spoke.
My thoughts were hidden from you. My emotions distorted in my heart.
    You never saw it; You never cared to know.
  As long as you had me, nothing else matter to you.
    Your hidden secret is deeper than everyone knows.
      You never saw.
  He sees, he knows. He wishes me healed.
      His eyes see every part of my soul.
   He sees the brokeness you left me in.
      So hear is my hidden secret.
    I may be broken, I may be shattered;
      But he cares not.
 He loves even still.
He cares only if He hurts me; He cares for the hidden emotions;
  He looks deeper than physical beauty. He looks the beauty inside.
      He is now my hidden secret, tho known by all.
    Your hidden secret will never hurt me again,
   For next time you see me I will be in his arms.
    My hidden secret is love that cannot be torn by distance,
By anger, by pain, by war, by innocence.
     He sees my innocence and will not take advantge of it.
          My hidden secret is love everlasting.
 This is the Hidden Secret of all who truly live.
     Our one common secret. Our one common Hidden Secret.
      The world's Hidden Secret.
    But wait is this really my hidden secret?
Or Is it that I still feel for someone else.
       If I do, I will push it away for the love I have now is irreplacable.
I will not keep it long soon it will fade and My hidden secret will once again diappear in the night.
     Here is my hidden secret.

1055639  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-11-19
Written: (3925 days ago)

Shadows cloud my mind,
Voices whisper and speak of the end.
Thoughts of death enter in.
Someone helpme fight this.
I cry for help and no one helps me.
They see but they really don't.
They say fight them but how can I?
I don't know how.
Is there anyone who knows how to?
Help me.

1053842  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2008-11-06
Written: (3938 days ago)

Beliveing in love has never been easy.
Hoping in something that I can never imagine.
Seeing it broke me down,
Feeling something like it made me drown,
Wanting it just drove me crazy,
There I was trapped praying for something to happen.
Than you found saw me, saw me for what I really was.
You saw how I was broken, but called me sweetly broken.
Your hug caused me to be faint,
Your smile caused me unbreatheable.
Shock how you could see but cared enough to care for me,
Here I am entrapped by Your love. You brought him to me.
I will only continue if it be Your will. AMEN.

998599  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-12-13
Written: (4267 days ago)

I am sorry for what I did to you.
I never ment to hurt you.
Sometime maybe in the future you will forgive me.
Until that day i will wait saying i am sorry.

998596  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-12-13
Written: (4267 days ago)

Trapped in this thought of blocked memories.
Pain that screams through the heart and mind.
Life and breath no longer there.
I have created my own prison.
This prison is not cold or dead,
But full of life and love.
This prison is comfort, peace,
Joy, and love.
I have created my own prison.
This prison I will stay in for all of my life.
Even after life here will I stay.
Here in the presence of my God and Savior Jesus Christ.

 The logged in version 

News about Elftown
Help - How does Elftown work?
Get $10 worth of Bitcoin/Ethereum for free (you have to buy cryptos for $100 to get it) and support Elftown!
 
Elftown – the social site made for fans of scifi and fantasy

Visit our facebook page