im 20 years old now, as if! i cant believe it, getting old is scary, i dont want to do it hahaha but for real though, ive grown so much, reading things i wrote years ago is really strange, its like going back in time. i loogged those feelings and memories away and now i can revisit them ... if i want to lol
some of them are so goddamn depressing! i didnt realize how tough and miserable i used to be. now im a little bit of a baby, i got spoiled by the love of my life. my fiance is like the light of my life, he really does his best to take care of me, he tries to give me everything i could want be it backrubs or cooking me supper, or driving me to work. he appreciates all the things i do for him too ^-^ i got so used to having shitty boyfriends who only cared about themselves, not that i have billy) im just totally taken aback by how well he treats me :) foot rubs and steamed broccoli with cheese sauce hahaha i love it :D
im so happy to be starting off our life together! im so excited to get married, to pick out a dress and walk down the aisle ** difts into daydreaming ** lol we went ring shopping a llittle while ago, he insists on picking it out himself or getting it custom made, but i wanted him to know what i liked too. by the 3rd place we went to he was already picking out ones i kinda liked ^-^ so hopefully he picks well :P
but seriously, hes kinda a surfer/rocker man. hes 25 and builds stuff. lol hes all built and manly, i mean, you know those calendars with the firemen or the cops, well thats him, but with a toolbelt instead *-* lmao
anyways where was i? oh ya, hes delish, but i never really expected wo be with a guy like that ... my last boyfriend was french as well as stuck up high class :/ so really not fun At All. and so lame, just reeked of lameness and sweat. god it was gross. bahahahaha
annnnnyways, im in northern ontario again, not as nice as ottawa, but this is where i am til i leave to go to school :) hopefully i can convince billy) to go somewhere close to a city xD hes all bushman like, while im so downtown in heels hahaha but we really do suit eachother so well, its not even a yin and yang thing, on a deeper level, we have the same morals and both want to be good people and get somewhere and go places and have a family, eee ^-^ i just start daydreaming whenever i think about it.
god this man had better not turn out like a dick like all the others before. i mean it REALLY sucks, cuz theres always things we leave out, and they sometimes cause things to go downhill fast, whether its our fault or not
Why does the sun go on shining?
Why does the sea rush to shore?
Don't they know it's the end of the world
'Cause you don't love me anymore?
Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars glow above?
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why ev'rything is the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does!
Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye
Don't they know It's the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye
well, im in ottawa, ive been livingg here for 3 weeks now lol so far .. im lonely. very very lonely. i hope that changes soon... well at least in september ill have one friend :D
im super excited for that.
sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice in moving down here ... i dont know. i really wish there was someone who could tell me if ive done the right thing or the wrong thing. although usually there isnt a right or wrong... theres just things. things i dont want to deal with. *le sigh*
but i guess that is what growing up is about ... but i mean im still only 17, how much dso i have to do on my own? its not fair that ive always had to take care of myself, but technically not be allowed to take care of myself
like aith school, i took care of everything on my own, but everything i wanted to do, be it change a course or go on a trip, or misssing a day i had to get papers signed, and calls made home. didnt they know that my mom wouldnt answer? didnt they realize that she didnt care if i was at school or not? there was no point in trying to get my in trouble because nothin g would happen, the papers would never get signed and the calls would never be returned. nobody gets it. im in charge of me. thats it. .... but sometimes, i dont know what to do with myself. but until im 18, im not even legally an adult, its sad to think that my boyfriend is like my gaurdian ... :\
this place is so big, i dont know what to do if i get sick, or if i need help. its juat all so frusterating and i get so lonely
nobody mind this lol im just stressed out :)
i think im happy here lol i just need to adapt
im sure everything will turn out well in the end ^-^
ok, so i am soooooooo busy this month! OMG! i mean, the weekend that just past, i stayed out of town at my friends house from friday till tuesday after school, and went to my friends party on saturday, and partied with jazz and kristin and their friends. plus school lmfao. annnnd chillin and cruisin and partying with cortni pretty much every other night. and in the weeks to come...
ive got a staf party on thu, and kristins party on fri, and college xmas party on sat and party at cortnis uncles place on sunday LMFAO! and another party on the 28 with eric..... and ive got 3 more days of school, and lots of english work... and lunch with my coop supervisor... and on the days that im partying (cuz partying is a night time affair :P ) im working extra hours at my coop LMFAO i dont know when im going to sleep :P ahahahahahaha
sooooo busy! i never have to plan this much... EVER :S lmfao
although, i guess im gunna have to plan a lot when im on my own :| LMFAO
~~~ Wish-Me-Luck ~~~ <3<3<3
a message i wrote... i really enjoyed rereading it... i like it, and its my honest feelings ^-^
well here we go!!!
mallory says :
really? but our sexuality is uniquly human... its beautiful. two people so close, in body and mind, that they become one. feeling the others heat, their body, their thoughts their needs, and them feeling yours. losing yourself and finding yourself all at the same time. letting go and holding on. aboloute trust and yet dangerous alll the same. i think its the most beautiful thing in the world. you cant trust very much. but your feelings will always be yours, and cant be taken away. but thats just my opinion :P
(now watch, noones gunna read this one, cuz everyone read the last one :P:P:P <3)
hey, its mallory again ... i always feel so bad, cuz sometimes... its hard to remember everyones names... i just end up thinking of the person as "littleweepain
i dunno.... i hope things turn out for the best..... ^-^ well, lets all hope then!!!! yay for hope!! XD !!!
i have some really great friends on here, and i really appreciate all of you. Here are some of the messages that mean a lot to me, and the people whoo wrote them...
Sounds like life has thrown a lot of obstacles a head of you. I am sorry to hear all these things are happening all at once. Don't give up though. I know you're strong enough. But about the cop situation, they can't let him go like that forever. They have to uphold the law and that is your house. It is your property. You can a get a court order or something to make him leave, maybe even sue. I am sorry to hear about the job, the boyfriend, and the best friend situation. If you ever want to talk about anything I am here. If there is anything I can do please tell me aswell. I know I will keep you in my prayers aswell. I hope everything will get better and easier.
ive got enuff problems of my own...but i dnt mind hearing other ppls...kinda lets me get lost about mine...i had something similar like that happen a few times.....ive learned its best just to let things ride out...it might take awhile...but nothing REALLY stays with you forever...keep that in mind...itll help out in tough times....yea im doing good....and dnt worry either...theyl
id also like to mention bretwalda, hes a great guy, and is really fun to talk to, even though hes been busy as of late, and my friend danni, from another site, hes been there for me for like 2 years. I love you all so much, and im so glad you are in my life, and help me with everything! <3<3<3
Yesterday, me and alx ended things, he is leaving soon, moving away for school, and we are still friends, the best of friends, as much as it can hurt once in a while. ummm, i dont know i know for sure that he wasnt THE ONE, but he was amazing. I'm sad that things had to end so soon, but hopefully it is for the best, we still love each other, but as friends. I'm trying my best to get over my other feelings, I'm on to a good start, his busy life, and mine is picking up, with my new job at Tim Hortons, so I'll think, no i know that i'll be ok. I'm stronger now, much stronger than i thought i could be. But I've got a ways to go, self improvement all hte way
This is my first day! I am so excited! Ican't wait to get all my pictures on here! Well, my friend Jesssica Marie introduced me to elftown, and I just loved it right away. Well thats al I can say for the moment, and I'll try to put up my stuff as soon as possible!