[Fea V]'s diary

766592  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-03-22
Written: (5908 days ago)

Today I woke up worried, sick to my stomach, in pain, and stressed.

I decided to make a peace treaty with my body by doing what it wants.

So I cried and threw up.

I don't feel any better.

...If you love something, you should let it go, and if it loves you, one day it will come back...

I hope that old saying is true...

732093  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-01-13
Written: (5976 days ago)


I am so fucking pissed right now.

I came into comp. lab after school and [enneigard] was upset because somebody hacked into his account on Elfpack. FIrst he accused one of my best friends, who I KNOW didn't do it and then he accused me. His reason: "Because you're a Satanist and it's Friday the thirteeth."

I lost it.

I hate that people will do this type of shit because of my religion. I will NEVER talk to him again.

725782  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-01-02
Written: (5987 days ago)

Happy fuckin' New Year.

Okay, lessee 2005 review; I've :

Been through 2 breakups and 2 hookups

Lean to hate my choir and I'm still considering quitting.

Lost my favourite teacher (MISS YOU HANS)

Been sick with MYSTERY!ILLNESS all year on and off. 2004 too~

Lost my cousin Eric to cancer, his sister (Irene) moved and is slowly dying from cancer as well

Went to my first prom

Went to NYC and had one of the best times of my entire life

Had my first real job

Fallen in love

Found a Religion, and converted

Fallen in love with Gorillaz, and have picked up a role-play with a (slashy) Murdoc and a Noodle

Been included in an amazing RP with bricriu <33

Written lots of stuff, but nothing good.

Discovered I'm a sado-masochist

Had several breakdowns

Drawn, but nothing good

Discovered I'm a follower, not a leader

Been emotionally unstable for over two months over the fact that my Grandfather is dying

Gotten HBP, had my heart broke, but recovered with RAB

Been soooo pissed over GOF

Wanted to commit suicide

Wanted to commit homicide several times

Learned some French

Done very well in Speech (this season) with a JtHM piece

Written poetry

Written music

Found out the Pru needs me, just as much as I need her

Been slightly drunk

Cried, a lot. The most I've ever cried since grade school

Discovered I'm the lost child, and the idol child in my family

Hated myself

I know there's more, so if I remember, I'll add. <3

In 2006 My resolutions are currently:

Don't be such a bitch

Hate myself less

707999  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-12-01
Written: (6020 days ago)

Ever have one of those days where you just want to drop dead?


December's gonna suck....and I've felt like that for about two months.



699276  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-11-16
Written: (6035 days ago)

Hey, I suck.

691598  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-11-02
Written: (6048 days ago)

To those who literally ripped my S&D sign off my locker to put Slater's there instead, I have a hearty : FUCK YOU.

673003  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-28
Written: (6084 days ago)

When will I fucking learn?
I'm under a ton of stress right now and I'm going through moral and mental issues that are just making everything worse.
I've broken down so many times lately, even the smallest things set me off.
I really need to learn that my feelins count too, I should be doing what I want and need to, rather than what benefits other people.

563403  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-04-28
Written: (6237 days ago)
Next in thread: 563567

Hey, you guys want some good advice?

554822  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-04-18
Written: (6246 days ago)
Next in thread: 554823

Eric died Sunday morning.

553068  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-04-16
Written: (6248 days ago)

I had a Halo2 like dream last night.
Except, I wasn't killing the covenant.
...I was killing demon schoolchildren (like 2nd-3rd grade.)

545755  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-04-08
Written: (6256 days ago)

Things are finally looking good.
Have had good luck in almost everything.
I've been inspired to write /and/ draw again.
<3 life right now.

538594  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-04-01
Written: (6263 days ago)
Next in thread: 538602

Ruined an April Fools joke today~ Yay for being a looser~
Also brought up Eric in English for just a few moments, and just that almost drove me to tears.
I hate being weak..

536860  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-03-31
Written: (6265 days ago)

I ended up having to break it off with my boyfriend mostly due to my own stress and mental problems.
Not a whole lost more is new right now...a little tired...I guess..

428282  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-11-28
Written: (6387 days ago)

I'm so tired of this...
I'm tired of not being able to eat anything withou feeling like I'm going to throw up.
I'm tired of this stabbing pain that won't let me do anything when it comes and leaving me feeling worse when it leaves.
I'm tired of all these tests and the doctors /still/ not knowing what's wrong with me.
All I want for my birthday is to feel better...but with the way things are going right now...
Please...just shoot me. I'm so sick and I don't know what's wrong and I just want this to end.
I've ruined my sister's birthday and my family's Thanksgiving because I was sick. I feel so guilty because of it.
And I'm just so scared because I don't know anything.
What the Hell did I do to make myself so sick? What's wrong with me? Why don't the doctors know?
I just want to know...

413664  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2004-11-15
Written: (6400 days ago)

My great Auntie Tina died yesterday.
Hell, I barely knew her but I still feel like shit about it.
My pills for my ilness screw me up too, feeling a little sick...headache...tired...yeah

368339  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2004-10-01
Written: (6446 days ago)

Gah, so sleep....don't wanna go to school.
Oh well.
At least we get out early because it's Friday.
But we have a pep rally.
I hate school.
Oh well...time to get on the bus and listen to NIN and maybe sleep~

366324  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2004-09-29
Written: (6447 days ago)

Things are starting to get better.
Thank Ra.
Last night wasn't so bad, just hung around until my mett with the drama coach and then for the meeting. I had a much better time then expected, but then again...I'm not suprised. ^^;

365490  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2004-09-28
Written: (6448 days ago)

Isn't interesting how like one person (or two) can figure out how to get under the thick layer you've built up against teasing SINCE THE FIRST FUCKING GRADE.
And they just fucking ruin your day.
Most important thing I have to say to anyone who ever meets me:
Just because I look alright on the outside doesn't mean I'm stable.
Almost always approach me with caution and either expect me to remain (falsely) cheerful, go mental, or just break down.

357953  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2004-09-21
Written: (6455 days ago)

Fucking Hell.
I hate this.
I'm having mental things AGAIN that I can't really open up about I seem to be in a steady systematic decline.
Jesus Christ, just fucking shoot me before I have another mental breakdown and start crying in class.
*Deep breath*
I hate this. --;

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