[Consciously Unconscious]'s diary

1141024  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2011-08-26
Written: (2244 days ago)

Your eyes remind me of the morning light; shining down upon me, caressing my face with such a touch that only love can give. I feel their presence as I move across the room and my heart pounds at the thought of those heavenly orbs bearing awareness of my movement. Every twist, every turn, every blink of my eyes is meant for them. It seems as if the rhythm of my body is paced by your glances. An eternity is the seconds that exist between our momentary meetings. Our eyes are married across space, reaching towards each other with a longing unmatched by a thousand words. Each glimpse brings my lungs to a halt and hope into my future. It's as if your eyes control my fate, beckoning trust from my heart and wonder from my mind. The unspoken passion woven into our silent dance traces the stories of our pasts. Intertwined throughout history, always giving meaning to the endless days. Layers and layers of boundless memories build up to create an ecstasy so great that, at the moment our eyes touch, the impossibility of parting is visible. So noticeable that our breath catches, stuck tight in our throats. Our eyes locked in an embrace for what seems like a century, journeying through all dimensions unknown by a man not in love. All at once, the greatness of this moment seems to reach its peak. I am unable to move as I seem to free-fall into the oblivion that the world has created in your eyes. The deep blue swallows me whole and I'm drowning in unreasonable waters. I suffocate with fear as I drift towards oneness. All doubt is driven from my mind as our emotions meld together in this one quiet look. In a single realization, the heaviness of this second falls on our shoulders. The pounding of our hearts and the stopping of our breath sets in again as our eyes slip away from each other. Our lives set again in motion, but this moment cannot be forgotten. It longs to be known again, beneath the eaves of time, searching for a compromise of faiths. I move across the room again, each action performed for your eyes, aware of your lingering gaze. I already long again for the stillness of your silence, the faint heaven in your breathing.

I want to know your name.

1136625  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2011-06-03
Written: (2328 days ago)

This ship is sinking,
Swirling in this vast emptiness we call life.
Surrounded by the deep blue.
It's so hard to tell the water from the sky.
The only way we can tell the time of day is
The angle at which the angry sun bears down,
Burning our outer layers and drying out our dreams.
You were the only lifeboat on board this
Abandoned vessel you once called your sweetheart.
But now all that's left is the top of your sail,
Disappearing over that endless horizon.
You were wise and got out before your time was up.
It's too late for me.
Now that you're gone, there's no way to escape this
dwelling sea.
It's so hard for me to breathe.
I set forth on this journey with full sail and a fine crew,
All that I have left are buckets of stale water and my
thoughts of you.
Breaking the serene surface, I begin to sink,
Abandoned by my captain, half-filled with sea water and still
Burning under that relentless sun.
There's no use plugging up the holes and patching up the woodwork;
We're done.
It's no longer you and I, just me trying to find you with my clouded eye.
It's almost over now, I can see the ocean floor.
The cool depths feel good on
My scorching hull.
The mast is already broken, but I don't feel anymore.
The numbness is relief, compared to the
Blistering reality I once dared to hope for.
You once said to me that we were bound for the
Seven seas, the moon, anywhere you could dream.
I guess the sea floor is good enough for me.
The only thing I really ever
Wished for was you.
But I didn't blow out all the candles.
And I spoke before it was real.
So now everything is backwards,
Twisted, and warped
In my useless vision.
I'm blinded by the depth of this senseless illusion
We created.
Everyone says they're going to sail around the world,
But hardly anyone ever makes it.
They're shipwrecked,
Just like us.
But at least you made it out.
At least half of me gets to see a brighter day.
I don't mind if you forget
This long lost ship you once called home.
At least I'll never have to burn again.
Under that ball of liquid fire
We used to see.

1130385  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2011-02-17
Written: (2434 days ago)
Next in thread: 1131836

I would probably compare my life right now to the daily life of a sentry out in no-man's land between two enemy trenches. It's my job to look for the signs of enemy advancement and wait for the signals to relay, but at times it feels like the enemy line is advancing but my own army isn't behind me anymore. They retreated without a word. So I'm stuck, waiting for that gunshot, that grenade to take me out. The suspense keeps building, as does the fear, and just when I think it's going to hit and shatter my body, it's a false alarm. I'm stuck, wishing that the hit will come...Its my fate to either die alone, trapped in between two sides, or maybe my allies will come back, fighting for me to be saved..

1119898  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-07-21
Written: (2645 days ago)

"Mums"

The blooming blossom beckons,
Beckons me with it’s scent,
Filled with fragrant fields of flowers
And the fresh scent of spring.
My fingers leave a whisper of
The lispy lingering of leaves,
Fluttering in the fall as I touch the
Silky, smooth softness of silk of
The tender petals, that are
As bright as bursting blooms of
Autumn’s orange and gold,
As gold as the honey on my tongue
That tastes like the tingling twirls of
Tainted mums that beckon me,
Beckon me with their scent…

1119897  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-07-21
Written: (2645 days ago)

"Water-color Dreams"

She sits by the window
Painting love letters by the moonlight.
The water-color letters
Dripping liquid hope into
The darkened lines.
The colors blending under the pale light
Looks as if they’ve come to life.
The brush strokes the canvas
As lightly as a feather on her cheek.
And the twinkling stars
Reflect their beauty in her
Translucent eyes.
Her dark hair falls forward
As she tilts her head to look at
Her dreams.

This is her last painting…

1119750  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2010-07-18
Written: (2648 days ago)

"Dead Poet's Society"

“Originality is dead”, the poet said.
The dreams of the youth long forgotten.
The imagination of the people left unfed
And the world all shrill and rotten.

The written words no longer hold
The hearts of this society.
The bleeding souls all full of gold
And consenting immoral propriety.

Manufacturing conformity
Is what the game’s about.
The hierarchy of animosity
Suppress the screams and shouts.

The newborn poets silenced.
The truth hidden from the past.
Forgotten, is rebellious defiance.
All wisdom from this world is cast.

1119723  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2010-07-18
Written: (2648 days ago)

100 (Or More) Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Sleep under the stars. *
2. Swim in a public fountain.*
3. Give $50 dollars to a complete stranger.
4. Go skydiving.
5. Go to every country in the world.
6. Learn to speak a different language.
7. Go on a random road trip and not know where I’m going.
8. Be in a peace rally.
9. Be on T.V.
10. Learn how to play at least five different instruments.
11. Have my work win an art contest.
12. Go backpacking in the Appalachians.
13. Go horseback riding.
14. Climb Mount Everest.
15. Make a difference in someone’s life.
16. Have a beautiful child.
17. Make my own t-shirt.*
18. Win at monopoly. *
19. Get married.
20. Go scuba-diving.
21. Go snorkeling.
22. Start a band.
23. Volunteer with a relief organization.
24. Sing in front of a large crowd.
25. Meet at least one of my favorite bands.
26. Give my heart entirely to someone.
27. Stand on a live volcano.
28. Save someone’s life.
29. Ride an elephant. *
30. See more than 100 bands in concert.
31. Learn how to drive a stick-shift.
32. Eat an ice cream cone 10 scoops high.
33. Be someone’s best friend.
34. Start a food fight.
35. Sail around the world.
36. Learn how to skateboard. *
37. Be able to play “Eruption” by Van Halen on guitar.
38. Learn how to play drums.
39. Be a member in the audience of a T.V. show. *
40. Comfort a dying stranger.
41. Try sushi.*
42. Have a book published.
43. Have my hair in dreads.
44. Go to Yosemite.
45. Have purple hair.*
46. Meet Jimi Paige.
47. See the ancient pyramids.
48. Throw a huge party and invite every single person I know.
49. Tell someone the story of my life, sparing no details.
50. Write a children’s book.
51. Swim with a dolphin.
52. Go to the Louvre.
53. Learn how to salsa dance.
54. Witness a solar eclipse.*
55. Climb all the steps of the Eiffel Tower.
56. Learn to fly a plane.
57. Ride a camel.
58. Crowd surf.
59. Dance in the pouring rain.
60. Go to Disney World.
61. Go windsurfing.
62. Invent or discover something that changes the world for the better.
63. Go cliff diving in Acapulco.
64. Have a star named after me.
65. Fall in love.*
66. Shower in a waterfall.
67. Ride on a roller coaster.*
68. Make love on a beach.
69. Visit an active volcano.
70. Hike the Pacific Crest Trail.
71. Fly first class.
72. Build a house.
73. Visit the world’s largest book store.
74. Find a four leaf clover.
75. Learn to juggle.
76. Do the splits.
77. See a shuttle launch.
78. Feed a homeless person.
79. Donate an organ to someone in need.
80. Drive the Autobahn.
81. Catch fireflies with someone I love.
82. Raft through the Grand Canyon.
83. Cross a country on a bicycle.
84. Surf.
85. Cross a glacier on foot.
86. Win the lottery.
87. Solve a Rubix Cube
88. Experience zero gravity.
89. Memorize pi.
90. Walk the Great Wall of China.
91. Learn to ride a unicycle.
92. Touch a tiger.
93. Ride in a hot-air balloon.
94. Run a marathon.
95. Send a message in a bottle.
96. Have my portrait painted.
97. Give every belonging to Good Will.
98. Live in a foreign country for a year.
99. Play a game of truth or dare and always pick dare.
100. Live without technology for a year.
101. Live in a tree.
102. Jump on a pogo-stick.
103. Wear moon boots in public.
104. Meet Stephen King.
105. Set foot on all seven continents.
106. Swim in the Great Barrier Reef.
107. Play rugby.
108. Be in two countries at once.
109. Swim in the Ganges.
110. Attend the Olympics.
111. Visit every capital city in Europe.
112. Shake hands with someone who has truly changed a country.
113. See the Northern Lights.
114. Watch a meteor shower.
115. Speak in an accent for an entire day.
116. Kiss someone in the rain.
117. Perform on the street.
118. Write a will.
119. Take a vow of silence for a day.
120. Go to Burning Man.

1119714  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2010-07-17
Written: (2648 days ago)
Next in thread: 1119715

"Ballet of Lovers"

Poor soul, the center of my sinful earth.
Locked in this endless dance, forever mine.
You and me, we know what it's really worth.
This love is as sweet and bitter as wine.
This caricature of intimacy
Will not withstand the beating of our hearts.
This darker half, this pestilence is me.
Drowning our love and tearing us apart.
This charade we're playing is crumbling.
How can we keep this up? We are doomed.
Doomed to keep falling, forever fumbling.
This flower died before the first bud bloomed.
So, poor soul, center of my sinful earth,
Will you tell me what this dance is worth?

This won a writing contest that my creative writing teacher made me enter. It ended up getting published in the yearly anthology.

1119558  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-07-15
Written: (2651 days ago)

I'm going to start posting my poems, I think.

"Inky Escape"

The ink runs down the page in a frenzied fury of escape.
The hasty writing jagged and broken with rage.
The emotion explodes from the pen,
Decorating the paper in a violent array of dreams.
The hand behind the pen shakes with the pain of release
And truth, but it does not stop.
The thoughts free-fall in a cascade of memories and nostalgia,
Filling the stagnant air with broken promises.
The darkened lines scream out in longing and
The forgotten wishes breathe themselves to life.
The words slow into doubt and disbelief.
The weary hand drops the pen and
Abandons the guilty paper in unreason.
But the ink still runs down the page…

 The logged in version 

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