[BillyThePsycho]'s diary

1143452  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2011-10-25
Written: (2188 days ago)

Feeling the need to write things down is odd.
Its a feeling i rarely ever got in the past 2 years
yet again
here i am today doing that very thing.

I feel the emptiness consuming me day by day.
I seek a meaning but i cannot find it, instead i just sit and watch time pass by like i m having the time of my life.
I m not having a wonderful time to be honest, but i m not having the worst time possible either.
I feel like i m missing out on too much
I feel the need to do and feel complete but instead i m stuck in the very opposite situation

So what do you do
what do you when things turn out like this for you
when you have that one year plan you know you are supposed to do
and hope for whatever the futures brings to you
but you feel so empty while that year is passing that you are afraid that this might overtake you ?

you seek an answer for all these
but you find none.
you seek to find
a way to breathe
a way to walk into new things
but light never really shines

you seek it, but don't see to find it
and the walls keep closing in

but there will be a tomorrow
and you have to manage
because there is nothing else you can do but manage
and carry on with the effort
because you yourself have already made that mistake
it lasted long enough so having to take back for the lost time is hard

hopefully
when this year is over
you ll walk away from most of these
and start anew


hope never dies
so let us hope
for that future we are not getting to see just yet
let's hope that it will come and be complete for us
because we really need it at the time being.

1113535  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-03-31
Written: (2761 days ago)

There are times when thinking isn't good enough
because what you have and what you might lose is too damn important
those times
you just tend to wander what it is you should do.
Its like
you have someone
that means the world to you
that makes you feel amazing
that makes you have everything you ever wished for
and yet you hurt them
not just once
twice
and you dont even show the courage to tell them
you are too damn afraid
afraid of not being good enough
afraid of losing them
afraid that it all might end someday
and you are unable to handle it
unable to think
unable to function
unable to speak ,to listen , to breathe, to exist at that very moment.
and now you don't know what to do
you stay silent
you cry
you turn off your phone
you go offline
yet you feel like what you are leaving behind , even if you were requested to , is your very own life
you feel your hurt being torn
torn apart
to very little pieces
you open your mouth to scream
because you are in pain
and yet nothing comes out
you carry on
you , the only thing about you apart from the fact that you are still moving is those tears that won't stop coming out from your eyes
and all you wanna do is take back what you have already done
because its not good at all
you know it isn't
but you can't take it back
so you just sit there
and do
nothing.

951188  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-06-23
Written: (3774 days ago)

I think i am starting to understand what i m afraid of.
Oh wells
i never realy have experienced something like it before
and now i come to think of it i would actually take it ehm different than i thought
[thoughts that needed to be typed]

948369  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-06-14
Written: (3782 days ago)

i think i d rather be left alone today
i dunno
it was feeling way tooooooooooooooooooo lonely
head still hurts
and
i dont think i might sleep
though i think i m gonna go walking
i know its like 1:16
but i dont think there is something else i could possibly do
anyway
see you around tomorrow hopefully
night

934303  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-04-26
Written: (3832 days ago)

should just say stuff
but i dont really feel like it atm
and i dont have time for it anyway
so
i will just go away... for now

929572  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-04-12
Written: (3845 days ago)
Next in thread: 930531

hmmm
today i thought i d just get my hair cut so....
i felt like doing it
i thought i d take a pic before i d do and here it is...
<img:http://www.elfpack.com/stuff/z/5792/apithanowiki!!/P1010154.JPG?x=200&r=r&y=0>
and well all of you should know how i look like now.... there you go ...
<img:http://www.elfpack.com/stuff/z/5792/apithanowiki!!/P1010155.JPG?x=200&r=r&y=0>

920288  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-03-16
Written: (3873 days ago)

i just noticed
i m pretty different
but still
i m just hopeful
this has so been a bad week
and i still aint done with it yet... well all i can do is just hope that the end will be pretty much alright
i ve noticed things happening around
but oh wells i dunno
today i so didnt feel like being me
and i dont think that doing anything will help right now
so i m gonna do what "sounds" best
sleeeeeeeeeeeep
its like 6:14
sun is almost starting to shine
arggh another day
and then
sunday
*sighs*
need myself back
more than ever

908028  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-02-09
Written: (3908 days ago)
Next in thread: 908092, 908101

hmmmm that was me
last night ...
carnival =)
<img:http://www.elfpack.com/img/photo/5792_1171037182.jpg>
<img:http://www.elfpack.com/img/photo/5792_1171037362.jpg>
hope you people like it xD just the days thoughts gathered lol

890151  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-12-22
Written: (3957 days ago)
Next in thread: 890152, 907292

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/115549_1166753817.jpg>
hmmm
just another random pic of these socks ?xD loving em ^^

889141  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-12-19
Written: (3960 days ago)

hmmm
well people
i actually wore a tie today...
i forgot my digital camera at achilles' place though and there were no pictures may be if i convince people to use their mobile phones xD
you ll see lol
cya all around

<3

878881  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-11-25
Written: (3984 days ago)
Next in thread: 879051

lsat night was brilliant
till the moment we had to go home xD
we had 3 bottles of ursus in one hour
it was ehm funny xD
the glasses were emptying all in once...
but then
someone had to throw up and went to the balcony
luckily noone was passing the street xD
the other one that wanted to throw up went in the bathroom
apparently i got them both at their homes xD
i didnt know where they were but oh well xD drunk people have the 7th sense xD

863185  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-10-13
Written: (4027 days ago)
Next in thread: 863778, 864975

the past days why do i just feel like breaking in pieces ?
is it just so right not to be complete ?
perhaps i wont feel complete anymore i dont know
and perhaps this break thing will help me
well i just know that things wont be the same anymore...

862491  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-10-11
Written: (4029 days ago)

perhaps this is just another habbit ?
but ehm
i m not in a good mood today
like i havent been for days
its not like i can help it anymore
i did my best the other days and things quite changed but ehm now ?
i just cant 
so i think i wont be around  till i feel better i mean its not like there is much sense right ? ehm anyway thought you should know... i m just tired of these days *sigh*
things will so be alright NOT

861552  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-10-09
Written: (4031 days ago)
Next in thread: 1024644

its been like one week since things have changed
again
and yet all i can do is think bout her
ehm feels just quite weird every single day
and there are always the same thoughts on my mind
and always thinking what if?
but then i just understand that all i can actually do is ehm ?
think of her
and yet i dont know if i can actually tell her ><
mad at myself perhaps
i really wanted to say these....
other than that ehm i m going to leave for thesaloniki next monday so.... ehm enjoy :)

856283  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-09-24
Written: (4045 days ago)

just read the mood ><



PS
Dont expect replys.....

852981  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-09-15
Written: (4055 days ago)

1st
i was quite happy
then i got annoyed
then i got angry
then i dont know
i guess
bye

 The logged in version 

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