[Balthizar]'s diary

1158084  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2013-03-04
Written: (2418 days ago)

-There are things I long to say. That I should of said back then.
-But I lost my chance. To say anything now would be pointless.
-Sometimes It becomes hard to differentiate between the emotional disease,
-And what I really feel. I do wonder though if perhaps the two are the same?

-I hate reality. It's not my own. I want to dance beneath my willow.
-The very willow I see when I dream, or when I go hide while awake.

-I'm not doing well you see. Not well at all. But none can ever know.
-Untill the willow burns.

1150890  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2012-05-25
Written: (2701 days ago)

-Dance dance to the tune of the Jackal Man.
-Run run with a hint of cinnamon.
-Walk the sounds of a childs laughter.
-Sleep with the man who never stops.

-Time is the tape that binds us all.
-Life is the disease we all have found.
-Death is a gateway to a whole new world.
-Trust will burn it all.

-Dance with the Jackal Man he knows my song.
-Lie to the prison to gain my call.
-Live with a rock to learn her secrets.
-Funny is the one who knows the serious side of a joke.

-It's changing always remaining the same.
-The constant evolves into a thought.
-Thoughts are illegal.
-Jokes are candy.

-Run run little doll.
-You've found the Jackal Man.

1150537  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2012-05-14
Written: (2712 days ago)

-Last week was horrid.
-Harrased over FB.
-Accused of something stupid at work. 3 friends have been fired, two are on suspension.
-Tired as hell, lack of sugar and pop is leaving me annoyed. : \
-Bleh.

1149515  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2012-04-12
Written: (2744 days ago)

-Stupid new burn on the arm. -shakes fist-
-Working 6 days a week still.
-Either going to shave my head bald or buzz it. Just to see how it looks. It will grow back so eh.
-Working to lose weight to join the AF. Fun times.

1147790  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2012-02-16
Written: (2800 days ago)

-Let me make an amendmant to the post before this. Understand that I am happy. I really am. Though I'm exhuasted as I write this. I'm happy. I hold no ill will towards anyone, and wish only for the best for those i know. Whelp, time to go raid my bed I think.

1147788  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2012-02-16
Written: (2800 days ago)

-Shocker. I'm on ET. Told you I'd check in.
-To you, I want to say I missed you. We don't talk nearly as much. I'm glad I met you back in August when I did. You are a good person, and deserve better out of life.

-Recap on my life. I'm working hard. Working on a promotion. It's gonna be grand. Feel like I'm burning out though. Fast. I need to request some time off. I've lost a substantial amount of trust for someone. It's funny. How much I trusted and relied on them now...I don't know. It's hard. It's confusing. We'll see what happens. Maybe its for the best. It's hard to look back without hurting. Family is back. Love htem all to peices. Taking two of them to the movies tomorrow. They are in for a treat. Good kids too. Hope they stay that way.

-I've done alot of soul searching. Alot of looking over my life. The things and people tht rbought me down. What lifted me to be better then who I was at the time. I know my mistakes, my regrets. But I also know what success I've had. I'm not going to blame anyone. Every choice I made, I made of my own free will. I accept that. Both the good, and the bad. I'm changing. Who I'mbecoming I don't know. But I like who it is so far, and so do alot of people. We'll see what happens though.

1145149  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2011-12-10
Written: (2868 days ago)

-Pissed. The. Fuck. Off.

1144877  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2011-12-04
Written: (2874 days ago)

-So. Who gave up on our friendship?
-I could say I did. I know I got tired of giving it my all.
-Only to feel like it was never enough.

1144540  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2011-11-23
Written: (2886 days ago)

-I don't feel as though I can trust some people anymore.
-I hardly talk to anyone, and I sure as hell can't confide in anyone.
-Should just become a hermit. friendships be damned.

1143993  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2011-11-08
Written: (2900 days ago)

-Nothing more to say. Other then its over.

1143855  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2011-11-04
Written: (2904 days ago)

-Ignoring someone generally helps their mood, and opinion towards you.
-Wish I had the freaking force. No one ever ignored Darth Vader.

1143846  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2011-11-03
Written: (2905 days ago)

-Dieing to me. Its thining, going away. Trust was lost, its dead and gone. Have at thee life, you've taught me a lesson.

1143726  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2011-11-01
Written: (2907 days ago)

-Someones fucked up this time. I"m pissed. More then pissed. I'm sick of this.

1143347  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2011-10-22
Written: (2917 days ago)

-Fucking exhausted.

-Got home at 2 am last night, 3 am the night before.

-Work is kicking my ass. I've got work 10-8 today.

-I'm ehxuasted physically, mentally, and emotionally. I can't keep going on like this. Feels like i'm either dieing or dead half the time.

=Now time to go force a smile and energy for the sake of customer service. Fun.

1143201  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2011-10-18
Written: (2921 days ago)

I feel like shit, but whatever.

1143087  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2011-10-15
Written: (2924 days ago)

I'll just pent up all this BS eh? Sounds about right. -sagneod-
OFF TO HAVE GREAT DAY.

1143038  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2011-10-13
Written: (2926 days ago)

-I sometimes wonder how stupid people think I am.

1142918  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2011-10-11
Written: (2928 days ago)

-Honestly? Being truly honest here.
-I hate two people in my life.
-One did something horrible.
-The other did as well. They just don't know it.

1142849  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2011-10-09
Written: (2930 days ago)

-So many good movies coming out this month. DAMN IT ALL! : \

1142712  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2011-10-06
Written: (2933 days ago)

-Would just like to hear, that I---Bah. Not even going too.
-Why? Because it still wouldnthappen.

1142589  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2011-10-05
Written: (2934 days ago)

-Why do I keep trying? Why do...-sighs- It doesnt matter. None of it really matters. It never does. Never gonna be good enough.

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