[Albireo the Lost]'s diary

1122149  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-09-01
Written: (2609 days ago)

Breath (Until tomorrow)
Paramore

I climb, I slip, I fall
Reaching for your hands
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood

If I could find out how
To make you listen now
Because I'm starving for you here
With my undying love
And I, I will

Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way

I climb, I slip, I fall
Reaching for your hands
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood

If I could find out how
To make you listen now
Because I'm starving for you here
With my undying love
And I, I will

Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way

Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way

I climb, I slip, I fall
Into your empty hands
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood

*shrug*

1122145  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-09-01
Written: (2609 days ago)

Oh little falling star,
I wish (I wish)
I could wish
upon your tiny light
but alas, I forgot
that I forgot
how to dream


Don't really know where this little thing came from. Guess it's just been so long my brain demanded a poem for itself. I think Sam would say it's cute. Guess we'll see.

Speaking of Sam, she had a nervous breakdown on Saturday...and I don't know what to do about that. She's better now...yet I still feel responsible...I feel like if I was doing my job right...she wouldn't have to have thoughts about time and dying and wouldn't be afraid....She refused to talk to anyone until yesterday, where we promptly had our first argument over the topic of faith. She says I make it sound so easy to just believe something that makes no sense. I told her she should try having just a little faith in God's love. She says she can't believe in something that so hard to accept. I asked her if our love as any more probable. By the end of the conversation she'd bottled herself up again and her Brother told me off...

I had never meant for anything like that to happen...*sigh*...And now I've hurt her too.

1119361  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2010-07-12
Written: (2661 days ago)

Said and Done
Anberlin

Well here we are again, where we ended long ago.
You didn't learn, and I didn't listen to my friends
Well where do we go from here? Tried to walk away
Look at us now, we're back in each other's way

You just keep wearing me out (wearing me out)
But I'm wearing you down
You still keep wearing me out (wearing me out)
But I'm wearing you down

Should be over this by now
Build me up to beat me down
I hate crawling back to you, crawling back to you
When all is done and said
there is a part of me that's dead
Nearly given up on you, giving up on you

I know how this will end. Love, loss, and regrets
You leave upset. I end up losing my best friend
Sounds too good to be true
one minute heart on the line, one more time
You're not willing to work this through

Should be over this by now
Build me up to beat me down
I hate crawling back to you, crawling back to you
When all is done and said
there is a part of me that's dead
Nearly given up on you, giving up on you

You just keep wearing me out (wearing me out)
But I'm wearing you down
You still keep wearing me out (wearing me out)
But I'm wearing you down

Should be over this by now
Build me up to beat me down
I hate crawling back to you, crawling back to you
When all is done and said
there is a part of me that's dead
Nearly given up on you, giving up on you

And now it's said and done
I'll be moving right along
And I'm giving up on you


I feel like this is the song of my life...

I hope to never one day need to listen to it with Sam in my mind. I hope to never think of anyone again with this. I've lost so many best friends, gone through so many true loves, that I just don't understand it anymore. I don't understand ME.

I was never as evil as I thought I was she would tell me. And now she has vowed to never speak to me again. It would be amusing if it wasn't for the sheer sadness of it all. I don't even know where to go anymore. My heart is 3000 miles away, my mind was lost a long time ago. I just want to roll up in a corner for the rest of my life and cry, safe from everyone else, and with everyone else safe from me. I don't even know why it's effecting me so much...

Not for the first time, I wish I had never existed. Not that I were dead...no, I know what that would do to Sam, and all the people that have ever at least claimed to care for me.

Hell, I imagine even Nicole might have pangs of sadness over that.

That actually made me chuckle a bit.

Whatever the case, I find it amazing I can still actually love someone, if you can call it that. I suppose a better word is almost Adoration. I guess it's the kind of thing you can only get when you don't believe in yourself or respect yourself at all. It's just that much easier to virtually worship someone else.

*sigh* I wonder when exactly my life went so incredibly wrong. Is it too amatuerish and simple of me to simply blame Nicole and be done with it?

1119320  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2010-07-11
Written: (2661 days ago)
Next in thread: 1119321

Hmm. History really is cyclical. Here I am again, and for some reason I still care what she thinks about me.

You know, I already have one person like this in my life. The last thing I need is two.

I guess it's fates payback for giving me someone like Sam?

1118829  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-07-01
Written: (2671 days ago)

Let it Ring

Amy Ray

When you march stand up straight.
When you fill the world with hate
Step in time with your kind and
Let it ring

When you speak against me
Would you bring your family
Say it loud pass it down and
Let it ring

Let it ring to Jesus 'cause he
sure'd be proud of you
You made fear an institution and
it got the best of you
Let it ring in the name of the
one that set you free
Let it ring

As I wander through this valley
In the shadow of my doubting
I will not be discounted
So let it ring

You can cite the need for wars
Call us infidels or whores
Either way we'll be your neighbor
So let it ring

Let it ring
in the name of the man that set you free
Let it ring

And the strife will make me stronger
As my maker leads me onward
I'll be marching in that number
So let it ring

I'm gonna let it ring to Jesus
Cause I know he loves me too
And I get down on my knees and
I pray the same as you
Let it ring, let it ring
'Cause one day we'll all be free

1118699  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2010-06-29
Written: (2674 days ago)

The Closest Thing

The Juliana Theory

You're the words that come out easy,
And I am speechless at best.
Your star it seems to shine above the rest.
You're the face before the cameras,
The smile i'd like to earn.
The closest thing to perfect,
In a hollywood to burn.
You're the beauty that is deeper,
Than eyes can merely see.
The closest thing to perfect.
But the farthest thing from me.

[Chorus: x2]
I'd love to be,
The shoulder that you cry on.
I'd love to be,
The friend you call when things are great.

You're the dream that hasn't ended,
And I'm still anxious for rest.
Your words they seem to hang above my head.
You're the bud before the flower,
Unfurls into full bloom.
Captivating beauty,
But it maybe all too soon.
You're the song that writes a story,
But leaves a lot to read.
The closest thing to perfect,
But the farthest thing from me.

[Chorus x2]

And like I really deserve a chance to,
Sit across the table,
And tell you that I think you're wonderful.
And I think you're something special.
I guess this is my only chance to,
Say I wish I knew you,
Because I'm sure you're wonderful,
If I'd get to know you

1117002  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-05-26
Written: (2708 days ago)

Huh. A poem I wrote is on the featured page today. Interesting. Well, kudos to me.

1116824  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2010-05-23
Written: (2710 days ago)

The Scientist

Coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Oh tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I’m going back to the start


Sam..Where are you?

I guess I knew this would happen, just my luck. But it was the right thing to do...wasn't it? She couldn't keep it from her family. She just couldn't. They're more important then I am. There's always more guys for a girl like her.

And yet, how can I say something like that? I know myself how strong one's pull can be to another person, even when such a love is impossible. Nicole taught me that. So how can I doubt that I might be the same way for Sam?

In that case, what right did I have to make her do something that would likely result in us getting torn apart?

I wonder how she feels right now...All I can do is look at the moon and know that she's looking there too, tracing the sky for one lonely star. As much as I thought I had moved past associating myself with Albireo, I feel more of a kinship for the lonely star now more then ever. Never has my dualism been as pronounced as now, as I've never longed both for the past and the future so fervently at once.

I know it's crazy, but I'm honestly thinking about just leaving this place and going to Canada. It would be a fresh start, with the only thing there being the one I loved who loved me. And maybe I could finally outrun my past.

1116803  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2010-05-23
Written: (2711 days ago)

Pieces

Sum41

I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.

This place is so empty,
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don’t know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
that nothing can save me,
But it’s the only thing that I have.

If you believe it's in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.

On my own...

I tried to be perfect,
It just wasn't worth it,
Nothing could ever be so wrong.
It’s hard to believe me,
It never gets easy,
I guess I knew that all along.

If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.



Or rather, everyone else is better with me on my own.

1116720  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2010-05-21
Written: (2712 days ago)

Said and Done

Anberlin

Well here we are again, where we ended long ago.
You didn't learn, and I didn't listen to my friends
Well where do we go from here? Tried to walk away
Look at us now, we're back in each other's way

You just keep wearing me out (wearing me out)
But I'm wearing you down
You still keep wearing me out (wearing me out)
But I'm wearing you down

Should be over this by now
Build me up to beat me down
I hate crawling back to you, crawling back to you
When all is done and said
there is a part of me that's dead
Nearly given up on you, giving up on you

I know how this will end. Love, loss, and regrets
You leave upset. I end up losing my best friend
Sounds too good to be true
one minute heart on the line, one more time
You're not willing to work this through

Should be over this by now
Build me up to beat me down
I hate crawling back to you, crawling back to you
When all is done and said
there is a part of me that's dead
Nearly given up on you, giving up on you

You just keep wearing me out (wearing me out)
But I'm wearing you down
You still keep wearing me out (wearing me out)
But I'm wearing you down

Should be over this by now
Build me up to beat me down
I hate crawling back to you, crawling back to you
When all is done and said
there is a part of me that's dead
Nearly given up on you, giving up on you

And now it's said and done
I'll be moving right along
And I'm giving up on you




If only.

1116696  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-05-20
Written: (2713 days ago)

I want to stop dreaming about the girl who defined what it I love, and start figuring out hopw to just forget about her.

Is such a thing even possible? What do I become without her memory? How much of what I've become becomes invalidated at that point?

I'm selfless because her leaving me taught me to be worthless. I'm loving, because for a time to her I was the world. I write because she inspired me to. Hell, I even play magic just to forget all about her and everything else fucked up in my life for a just a few minutes...

What else is there?


And Sam's parents didn't...react quite as well to our relationship as I might of hoped. We've been forbidden to talk and that's that.

I don't know what to do. When I fight to keep the people I love, I just hurt them, and thus myself. Would t he true act of love here not be letting her go and just starting again?

But wasn't what this was all supposed to be? Starting again?

1116578  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-05-19
Written: (2715 days ago)

Welcome to the Masquerade

Vs 1/
We’ve got the fire, who’s got the matches?
Take a look around at the sea of masks/
And come one, come all, welcome to the Grand ball,
Where the strong run for cover,
And the weak stand tall/

Take off your masks,
And lets let it all out,
Release what’s undercover,
‘Till the truth comes out/
Cause there’s no other way,
We can formulate change,
And unmask the lion, from it’s,
Rusty cage/

Pre Chorus/
I’m not one to scatter ashes,
But there’s some things that’ll,
Melt the plastic/
Try and dig down deeper, if you can../

Chorus/
I’m not afraid, I’m not ashamed,
I’m not to blame,
Welcome to the masquerade/
I’m not ashamed, I’m not afraid,
I’m not o.k.,
Welcome to the masquerade/

Vs 2/
We’ve got the power,
Who’s got the action?
Break it down,
‘Till there’s nothin’,
But a mere fraction/
…Out of the fire,
Rise from the ashes,
Re-ject ..ya doubt,
And ..re-lease the passion/

Let’s get on it,
Believe, if you want it,
Step into the realm,
Where the real one’s flaunt it/
Come, back, re-wind,
Another time on it,
Reach out, take that,
One off, step on it/

Pre Chorus/
I’m not one to scatter ashes,
But there’s some things that’ll,
Melt the plastic/
Try and dig down deeper, if you can../

Chorus/
I’m not afraid, I’m not ashamed,
I’m not to blame,
Welcome to the masquerade/
I’m not ashamed, I’m not afraid,
I’m not o.k.,
Welcome to the masquerade/

Bridge/
I’m not afraid, I’m not ashamed,
I’m not to blame….,
Welcome to the masquerade/
I’m not ashamed,
I’m not afraid,
I’m not o.k…..,
Welcome to the masquerade/
…..Welcome to the masquerade/

Pre Chorus/
I’m not one to scatter ashes,
But there’s some things that’ll,
Melt the plastic/
Try and dig down deeper, if you can../


Chorus/
I’m not afraid, I’m not ashamed,
I’m not to blame,
Welcome to the masquerade/
I’m not ashamed, I’m not afraid,
I’m not o.k.,
Welcome to the masquerade/

1116466  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2010-05-17
Written: (2717 days ago)

We Are One Tonight

Switchfoot

Tonight!

Tonight!

I'll rise
I'll fall
I'll fail you all

We built these cities to stand so tall
We've lost our walls

I don't want to lose it, coming down
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

Two eyes
One tongue
I've come
Undone

I'm no victim
I paid these dues
I came to lose

I don't want to fight about it now
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in, now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

I don't want to lose a common ground
With the whole world upside-down
I don't want to fight about it now
And the world was burning out

Let's slow the evening down
Slow it down
Slow down
Please slow down
Down
Down

The stars are comin' out!

We are one
We are one
We are one
We are one tonight
We are one tonight
And were singing it out
We are one tonight
And were dreaming out loud
And the world is flawed,
But these scars will heal!

1116429  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2010-05-16
Written: (2717 days ago)

If loving you makes me crazy, then Yes Nicole Dinisi, I suppose I will always be crazy. Deal with it.

1116389  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2010-05-15
Written: (2718 days ago)

Racing on a faultline
Bracing for a landslide
Conscious of every move getting harder
Has the race gone underwater?

I keep stalling out
I just can't keep up
There's alarming doubt
Am I good enough?
But you keep coming around
To convince me
It's still far from over, oh

We are still far
We are still far
We are still far from over



Sam, I know it's been hard recently, and I know there's alot of questions and I don't have many answers, but I know that I'll figure it out one day.

I can only stall out so many times.

1116343  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2010-05-14
Written: (2719 days ago)

Two Weeks in Hawaii

Hellogoodbye

You've got your airplane
And I've got the plain air of here
You're gone and I've gone insane
Oh when will you reappear
I'm just some new kid
Who can't get his mind off of you
And I know that it's stupid

Cause you've got Hawaii
And I've gotten no letters from you
I should stop whining
Cause its only been a day or two...
I don't know what you did
But you got me to fall for you
I know its stupid

Your families rad and I
Wish that they were here today
But they're thousands and thousands of miles away
I felt so bad when your mom
Caught us eating ice cream in your
Room at three in the morning

'Cause id hate for her
To not want me around her daughter cause my heart stops everytime

You've got Polaroid
And you even know how to rhyme
Id be overjoyed
If we could just hang out sometime
I don't know what you did
But you got me to fall for you
And I know that its stupid
But you know that I try

Your drawing's rad and I
Put in on my wall and I made
Sure it wouldn't fall cause if it did
My straw wrapper might tear
And there would be no knot and I would
Feel like id been shot right through the heart

And id fall apart but id remember how
My heart stops everytime

You are so special
I just hope that we can be friends
I'll wait forever
But I guess that it all depends
On you and yours
So come on and dance with me
Cause you are so special

I hope that this makes you smile
And you might stay that way for a while
Cause you deserve every grin that you get
And you'll get em a lot from me
Uh ho, uh ho

You are so special
I just hope that we can be friends
I'll wait forever
But I guess that it all depends
On you and yours
So come on and dance with me
Cause you are so special

And my heart stops every time

1116339  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2010-05-14
Written: (2720 days ago)

<img:stuff/aj/188469/Anivia%2c%20Cryophoenix.jpg>
<img:stuff/aj/188469/Twisted%20Fate.jpg>
<img:stuff/aj/188469/Ezreal%2c%20Prodigal%20Explorer.jpg>

Yes, even League of Legends. Nothing is sacred, everything is permitted.

And of course, the obligatory song:

She Cries
East West

Won't you come away with me tonight?
We can fly past the moon and the starlight.
It doesn't matter where you've been before
On a night like this
It doesn't matter where you've been before
I'll love you like this
(And she cries, she cries, yeah)

Can't you see, I won't leave
But you have to open your eyes
Here I stand, take my hand
Let go of the fear that you hold

Don't throw your pearls to the swine tonight
Don't let them take your innocence
Just remember the times that I held your hand and kept you close
Remember the times I held you up and now
(She cries, she cries, yeah)

Can't you see, that I won't leave
But you have to open your eyes
Here I stand, take my hand
Let go of the fear you hold

Number of people who know this is really my favorite song...?

Like 2

And a bonus, one I just remembered. Appropriate I suppose:

Vulnerable

Secondhand Serenade

Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in
because its cold outside cold outside its cold outside
share with me the secrets that you kept in
because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

I was born to tell you I love you
isn't that a song already
I get a B in originality
and it's true I cant go on without you
your smile makes me see clearer
if you could only see in the mirror what I see

and your slowly shaking finger tips
show that your scared like me so
let's pretend we're alone
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

slow down girl your not going anywhere
just wait around and see
maybe I am much more you never no what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone I can be anything
just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed
I can be anyone anything I promise I can be what you need

tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
impossible

1115414  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-04-28
Written: (2735 days ago)

Untitled 3 (A poem for music, perhaps)

He was a different boy, he just liked to live on,
Followed his heart like his own sun,
He was a dreamer, with star-croseed eyes,
Who always hated yet always told lies.

He was a loner boy, always by himself,
And no one seemed to care just how he felt,
He spent his life fighting off his heart,
But always lost one, never finished liked his start.

And she was a simple girl, she just liked to have fun,
Always opened her heart to just about any one,
But she cried that she was just so plain,
but he was just the same, and they still loved right on.

She always worried that she was just too far,
but she lived in his heart, right from the start,
She said she didn't know why, Couldn't justify,
but he loved her more then the sky, and never cared why.

1115174  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2010-04-25
Written: (2738 days ago)

Maryl: And how do you now Miss Maryanne could of done it?

Vash: Because form the moment I saw the look in her eyes I knew she had a beautiful heart

Maryl: You're the easily deceived type who cries himself to sleep every night?

Vash: *Tch* Thanks alot, sister.

Lol.

1115071  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2010-04-23
Written: (2740 days ago)

At this point I'm fully convinced,
That if this love did not persist,
I'd give love it's goodbye kiss,
And commit to life without bliss.


God do I love her. I guess i finally just managed to move on. I never thought I really would...but I guess I sort of had to. I can't be ruled by my past forever...Sam's right. I don't know why I hang on to everything the way I do. Everyone else keeps moving, and forgets me and everything we shared. But I always remember. It never goes away. If I don't think about it it haunts my dreams. Why? Sam says it's a good thing I remember. I just wish I knew how to forget.

That upsets her and I don't understand why. She says if it wasn't for how badly Nicole treated me, I wouldn't be the person she loves now. I suppose she's right. I'm not the same person I was back then...

*sigh* If only I could get Nicole to see that. I just want my best friend back.

And Nicole's going out with someone else now. Don't know why that matters to me. But it does. *sigh* I guess I'm just pathetic. I might cling to y past, but that doesn't mean I still want her...Not that anyone seems to understand that.

1114923  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-04-21
Written: (2743 days ago)

So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
(All the time)
Time together is just never quite enough,
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
WE need time, only time!
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
(All the time, All the time!)

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