[NukleaЯ EveЯgloW™]'s diary

1062911  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-01-15
Written: (3834 days ago)

High above the sky,
where dragons fly.
I wonder why
Can't I?
But then I thought,
Why not?

1061460  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2009-01-04
Written: (3845 days ago)

Stupid boy

As the evil seeps closer,
and darkness encloses me,
I become so lonely,
so afraid...
I just want someone dear..
someone to be near...
someone to be right here..
I want you here right now
to be holding me tight.

I never was my self..
Just a lonely boy,
locked inside his shell..
Can anyone save me,
from this hell..
No one's ever been close..
So near that we are one.
So close that we'd break,
if we were moved apart...

I seem to always be the one,
to break and fall...
I am the mirror,
that always gets thrown...
and the shards cut my soul,
ever oh so deep..
and the past, makes me weep.
cause they always seem to know,
the right way to make me lose it all...

Cause I just keep on losing it,
almost losing myself..
But who am I to let them control me?
Who are they,
to control my feelings?
Everything is still so strange...
but I'm warped in the brain,
looking for a paradise...
one that I'll never achieve

it's ever so strange,
what's happened to me,
this fantasy,
that I want to believe...
It keeps me locked inside,
and eats me alive..
cause all I want is you,
but you don't want to believe,
in me..

Help me save me from myself,
before the darkness captures me...
before i slowly...
drive myself insane..
Calm the calamity inside the,
ceaseless static of my mind...
because it's starting to,
eat away at me..
every single night.

Is there anybody there?

1059780  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-12-22
Written: (3858 days ago)

Stuck inside a dark eternity,
I'll always be alone.
Wandering aimlessly,
stuck in my, hopeless fantasy..

No don't you get close.
Please get away from me.
What do you want?
My love's forbidden,
can't you see?

It never seems to last
And they all haunt me,
from my past.
So now it's better if I'm alone,
and my heart becomes cold as stone.

Nobody ever wants to stay.
Once there's something better,
they all seem to go away.

So now I'm
Stuck inside a dark eternity,
I'll always be alone.
Wandering aimlessly,
stuck in my, hopeless fantasy..

Nobody ever wants to stay.
Once there's something better,
they all seem to go away.

What is wrong with me?
Is there something I cannot see?
Why should I even bother
Why should I care?
It doesn't even matter,
they never stay there.

Nobody ever wants to stay.
Once there's something better,
they all seem to go away.
they all just...go away.

1059745  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-12-21
Written: (3858 days ago)

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Living a lie, is a must.

We're born to die.
So why must we try
To deny
that which we cannot defy?

What makes us think that
no matter who we are or
where we're from that everybody's
got some sort of the same old problems
that everybody's had since the existance
of man.

We're born to die.
So why must we try
to defy
that which we cannot deny?

Who said we're born,
we cry
we live
we die
Who said that it pays
to carry on?
Even though we think
the things we cannot speak.
Things that brings us to our knees
Some things you just cannot believe.
Things that knock us off our feet

Who said that it's worth it?
Whose grand idea is this?
This scheme of mankind
that'll break and warp a mind,
one that's just tryin to be kind.

We're born to die
So why must we care
if nobody's there
to save our hair
when we need it most?
Why should we care
if anyone dies tonight.
It's not as if we cannot
move on.

I'm tired of the way
people look down at me.
Trying to see what they want to see.
But they'll never see the true me
if they never give me the time of day
to get so close that nothing else matters.
They don't know me.
Only about me.

But what do I care
if anyone's there
to save my hair
when I need it most?

We are born to die
so why must I try
to even lie
about when I cry?
I'm just a day closer
to the day that I die

So bring yourself around
Don't deny yourself what
seems you cannot have.
Get a grip of reality
and what you see
through the facade of me
is a scared little boy
who doesn't want to be alone

I write what I write
so that I can fight
to end of the day
While the clock ticks life away

Going down to the ground
Nowhere to be found
Just know that deep down
There's love to be found

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Knowing the truth, is a must.

1057805  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-12-07
Written: (3873 days ago)

Feel free to ignore it and/or answer it :-D

1. Were you smiling when you woke up this morning?
i haven't slept since i woke up at 3pm

2. When was the last time you met someone new?
idk

3. What is irritating you right now?
tiredness

4. When did you last eat pizza?
this week

5. Who is the last person you held hands with?
idk, that other kaili chick on halloween?

7. What's the furthest distance you've gone in the past 3 days?
To Polk's

9. Have you ever kissed anyone named Mike?
never!

10. Besides your bed, what is your favorite thing in your room?
my ps2

11. Do you enjoy piercings and tattoos?
not yet

12. Who is in the room with you?
no one

13. What are you wearing on your feet?
nothing

14. What is/are your favorite pair of shoes?
skater shoes or converse

15. Who was the last person you told you loved them?
idk

16. What was the last thing you ate?
Brownie

17. What were you doing before this?
Checking New Diaries

18. What's the closest item near you that is blue?
mom's old college textbooks

19. What instant messaging service do you use?
Uhh...I use pidgin for them all.

20. What is your favorite website?
ummn...either icanhascheeseburger.com or youtube or thepiratebay.org

21. What's the most abnormal thing you've done in the past?
idk

22. What do you wear more, jeans or sweatpants?
jeans

23. What is the last movie you watched?
idk

24. What do you hear right now?
the whirring of my cpu fan

26. When did you last take a picture with someone?
idk

27. Where's your favorite place to be?
away from my parents, or them from me.

28. Where did you sleep last?
bed

29. Where do you shop the most?
idk

30. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
walmart

32. Where was your default picture taken?
computer/dining room?

34. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
idk

35. Are you happy with where you are?
fuck no

40. Where is your number one person on your friends list?
home with his parents again

41. What's the story behind your headline?
idk

42. Describe your dream car.
ummn...don't wanna

43. Describe the background on your cell phone.
looping neon/lime greeny thing

48. Describe what you're wearing.
wifebeater, jeans, underwear

49. Do you like candles?
vanilla

51. Do you sleep naked?
no

52. Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
no.

53. Do you burn easily in the sun?
idk

54. Do you speak another language besides English?
not fluently

56. What did you do last weekend?
watch a movie with matt

57. Who were the last people you went out to dinner with?
idk

1055667  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-11-19
Written: (3890 days ago)

stolen from [de Morte]

Basic About you

Name: Clayton
Gender: Male
Height: 5'6
Eye color: Brown
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Age: 19
Birthday: 10/10/1989
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: Lefthand
Piercings: none?
Tatoos: None..(yet??)
Zodiac Sign: Libra
Ring Size: I forget
Grade: Graduated HS

More about you

Are you named after anyone? Nope.
Do you live in the moment? I try.
Do you consider yourself tolerent to others? Depends
Do you have any secrets? Yeah
Do you hate yourself? Nah
Do you like your handwriting? Not really
Do you have any bad habits? I guess
If you were another person, would you be friends with you? who are you????? lol
Any regrets? Yeah
Do you think life has been good so far? I guess
Are you confident? Depends
How long does it take you to shower? 5-15 minutes for a shower
What color is your room? A light beigish white
Where do you want to attend college? IDK! What are you, my mom???

Do you...?

Smoke? Socially/Occasionally?
Do drugs? Nah
Drink? Socially/Occasionally?
Go to church? Whenever I want to or whenever my dad drags me along -_-
Sleep with stuffed animals? Yeah
Take walks in the rain? I wish sometimes
Talk to people even if you hate them? Not really
Drive? Nah
Believe in premarital sex? Depends
Want to get married? Ya
Want to go to college? Eventually
Want to have children? Yes
Sing in the shower? No
Get along with you parents? Sometimes [mainly my mom]
Get along with your sibling(s)? As long as they don't bug me too much
Color/highlight your hair? Sometimes
Like coffee? Yeah
Wear makeup everytime you go out? I'm...not a girl/emo
Love roller coasters? Yes!
Like to cook? By cook you mean microwave? Yes. I like being full.

Have you ever...?

Hurt yourself? Yeah
Been out of the country? Yeah.
Been in love? Yes.
Done drugs? Yeah
Gone skinny dipping? No
Had surgery? No
Played strip poker? No
Been on stage? Yeah
Pulled an all nighter? Plenty!
Gone one day without food? Yeah.
Slept all day? Yeah
Kissed a stranger? No
Had a dream that came true? Yes. But then it was horribly crushed -_-
Broken the law? do you mean federal or misdemeanors??
Stolen anything? yeah
Been on radio/tv? uhh...newspaper count?? lol
Been in a mosh-pit? No
Bungee jumped? No
Had a dream that kept coming back? Nah
Gone out of state? Yeah.
Live in other states? First four months of my life.
Eaten an entire box of oreos? Nah
Had a movie marathon? Nah
Spun until you were immensely dizzy? Yeah
Been on a plane? Yeah
Ran into a wall? Yeah
Been rejected by a crush? Yeah
Cried in public? Yeah
Cried over a movie? Not that I recal...how about an anime? =P
Pranked called someone? Yeah
Gotten a cavity? Yeah
Shopped at Abercrombie and Fitch? No
Broken a bone? Nah
Fallen from a tree? Nah
Passed out? Nah
Been to a theme park? Yeah
Eaten sushi? Yeah

This or That

Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonalds or BUrger King: BK
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate-vanilla swirl?
Black or White: Black
Burgers or Hot dogs: Burgers
Boxers or breifs: I wear underpants >.>
Book or magazine: Ezine/Ebook?? =P
TV or radio: TV
is the glass half empty or half full: Technically...it's always full unless in a void...
sun or moon: MOOn
hot or cold: Hot-warm?
romantic comedy or thriller: Either/or
waffles or pancakes: Wafcakes?
Florida or california: Texas!!
Black and white or color photos: Sepia
The city, the beach, OR the country: A beach in the country?
Tennis shoes or sandals: Converse?
Sweet or sour: Swour?
Private or publie school: Public
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino
English or history: English
Science or math: Science

Do you believe ...?

in miracles? Kinda
in magic? kinda
in God? Yeah
in Satan? Yeah
in ghosts? Yeah
in luck? Yeah
in love at first sight? Kinda
in Santa? Nah
in the Easter Bunny? Nah
in witches? Kinda
that it's possible to remain faithful forever? I do.
in wishing on shooting stars? Not really
that cussing is a necessity in life? No
yourself? Depends

Love and all that -

Do you consider love a mistake? Nah.
If someone you had no interest in had interest in dating you how would you deal with it? Tell em no
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them? Somewhat
What is worst about the opposite sex? Jealousy, and control issues(even worse when compounded with whining when their way isn't done)
Who and when was your first crush? Does kindergarden count o.O
First thing you notice about the opposite sex? Face

Right this moment...

What are you wearing? Wife beater. Carpenter Jeans. Navy Starter brand shirt and a white button up shirt and ankle socks and Chuck Taylor Converse with blue flames[not the plastic ones, right into the canvas]
What are you worried about? Not alot
What book are you reading? None
What time is it? 17:31
Are you bored? Yeah
Are you tired? Nah
Are you talking to anyone online or on the phone? No
Are you lonely or content? Lonely
Are you listening to music, if so then what? Nah

The Last...

Dream you had: I don't remember
Nightmare: I haven't had those in awhile
Time you cried: This morning...
Movie you watched: I don't remember
Movie you rented: Idk
Book you read: IDK
Word you said: idk
Time you laughed: idk
Person to call you: idk
CD you played: CDs??? pheh
Song you listened to: idk
annoyance: Siblings
IM sent or recieved: idk
Time you yelled: Today
Person you yelled at: Bro
time you were a skirt: I'm not a girl
time you fought with your parents: Fought or yelled one thing and then took a bath?
Time you wished on a shooting star: idk
Thing you ate: hot pockets
Time you showered: idk. bathed today
Nail polish color worn: never

Your favorite:

Type of gum: -shrug-
Restaurant: this
Season: is
Type of weather: starting
Emotion: to [lonelymoon]
Color: get
Perfume: on
Candy: my
Pizza topping: nerves
Fruit: !
Veggie: !
Type of cake: !
Magazine: !
TV Show: And
Day of the week: Those
Month: Were
Holiday: My
Number: Answers
Sport to watch: For
Flower: This..

1052697  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-10-29
Written: (3911 days ago)

Q: Type in "<your name> needs" in the Google search:
A: Clayton needs it at Teach Effectively!

Q: Type in "<your name> looks like" in Google search:
A: Clayton looks like a natural as he effortlessly swings a sturdy rope known as a MoneyMaker Junior above his head before cleanly releasing it with a flick of the wrist.

Q: Type in "<your name> says" in Google search:
A: Clayton says pride hurt by benching

Q: Type in "<your name> wants" in Google search:
A: Clayton wants the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to 'Let him play'.

Q: Type in "<your name> does" in Google search:
A: Clayton Does My 2 Year Interview

Q: Type in "<your name> hates" in Google search:
A: CLAYTON HATES BEING IN DEBT

Q: Type in "<your name> asks" in Google search:
A: Clayton Asks - Can Newspapers Reinvent Themselves for the Internet Age?

Q: Type in "<your name> goes" in Google search:
A: Clayton Goes Tribal!

Q: Type in "<your name> likes" in Google search:
A: Clayton likes the forest on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Q: Type in "<your name> eats" in Google search:
A: clayton eats a doughnut
mmmm donut

Q: Type in "<your name> wears" in Google search:
A: Clayton wears a gold service star in memory of his brother. I don't have a head brother o.O

Q: Type in "<your name> was arrested for" in Google Search:
A: Clayton was arrested for speeding and driving while impaired

Taken off [XxTsomexX]

1051969  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2008-10-25
Written: (3916 days ago)

Relapse prevent
Trigger intent
Now drown, high-strung
Say X amount of words
Your solar bipolar panic disorder seems
Harder & harder & harder
Still you try to control it
You mold the mold
Yeah you shape to mold
Boy your bold your bold
But your shape is bold
You’re symptom superficial
To what they call nonia
Minus the speed
Could you imagine the phobia?
OH!
(Recording )x2

Your brain is falty wiring
The reason for tiring
Keep treating the curse
Imagine the worst
Systematic, sympathetic, quite pathetic, apologetic, paramedic,
Your heart is prosthetic
A plate of quite peculiar on a dish of my own
A tablespoon of feather, tickle me to the bone
Give me recipes for happy
With the chemicals gone
Drinking freedom from the bottle to the tune of belong
Oh!
(Reporting…calling you to see)
Oh!
(Reporting, reporting, I can’t believe)
Oh!
(calling you to see)
Oh!
(I can’t believe)
The main game…
(Calling you to see)
Oh!

I’m Sick of shaking never waking
From the hell I achieved
I never knew you till you left me
With the crying disease
Another curing reassuring way to buckle the needs
"So mistreated," I repeated never blessing your sneeze
Now deleted & defeated I will stand on my own
Yeah, your memory that punches me
Has broken the bone
Give me recipes for sorry I’m admitting I’m wrong
Still your memory that punches me
Has broken a bone
OH!
(Reporting…I only want to see)
(Reporting, reporting, I can’t believe)
Oh!
(Reporting, I only want to see)
Oh!
(Reporting, Reporting)
(I can’t believe)
The main game…
I only want to see
The Main Game!
(Calling you to see)
(2 call outs…)

1051968  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2008-10-25
Written: (3916 days ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiOM0R3Dh8U

Have you ever been so lonely
there's no one there to hold
just pull me in or disown me
and then
climb inside
my arms are open wide
have a look inside

It is not that I am scared to learn
just why I'm empty inside
just hold my hand to show some concern
if I live or die
My eyes are are open wide
help me look inside

Singing (justin sings)

I hear the water drip from the faucet
it's sweetly falling into
who know
I'm gently closing the closet
and I fall to the floor
and crawl to my room

the thought of ending it soon
just let me sleep in my room

hear me CRY...
cry
cry
cry


No, I hear a knock at the front door
Don't come in
I try to look at you but I can't stop shaking
leave me alone just go away
Mother I'm soo scared
I'm so scared

An empty bed but all of my sheets
are gone
they're wrapped around me and you
all is quiet but the drop of my gun
'cause I...
I want to belong to someone
but maybe life's not for everyone.

1051967  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2008-10-25
Written: (3916 days ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOziJi-1hHE
[message on voicemail:] Hi Justin! This is your mother. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya. See ya! Bye Bye!

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so f***ing far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

1050747  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2008-10-18
Written: (3923 days ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDqzzZxMpjk
PULSE OF THE MAGGOTS - SLIPKNOT
This is the year where hope fails you
The test subjects run the experiment
And the bastards you know is the hero you hate
But cohesion is possible if we try
There's no reason, there's no lesson, no time like the present
Tell me right now, what have you got to lose?
What have you got to lose, except your soul?
Who's with us?!

(I fight) for the unconventional
(My right) and its unconditional
(I can only) be as real as I can
The disadvantage is I never knew the plan
(This isn't) just a way to be a martyr
(I can't) walk alone any longer
(I fight) for the ones who can't fight
And if I lose, at least I tried!

(We) We are the new diabolic
(We) We are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life, you can have it
(We) We are the pulse of the maggots

(I won't) be the inconsequential
(I won't) be the wasted potential
I can make it as severe as I can
Until you realize you'll never take a stand
(It isn't) just a one-sided version
(we've dealt) with the manic subversion
(I won't) let the truth be perverted
And I won't leave another victim deserted

(We) We are the new diabolic
(We) We are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life, you can have it
(We) We are the pulse of the maggots

(Do you understand?) Yes (x4)

Say it again, say it again
(We won't die) (x8)

(We fight) 'til no one can fight us
(We live) and no one can stop us
(We pull) when we're pushed too far
And the advantage is, the bottom line is
(We never) had to fight in the first place
(We only) had to spit back in their face
(We won't) walk alone any longer
What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger

(We) We are the new diabolic
(We) We are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life, you can have it
(We) We are the pulse of the maggots

(Do you understand?) Yes (x4)

Say it again, say it again
(We won't die) (x4)

1049820  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-10-12
Written: (3928 days ago)

These slipknot songs are awesome =D




Slipknot - Everything Ends

You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think I'm gonna be sick and it's your fault
This is the end of EVERYTHING
You are the end of EVERYTHING
I haven't slept since I woke up
And found my whole life was a lie, motherfucker
This is the end of EVERYTHING
You are the end of EVERYTHING

Shallow skin, I can paint with pain
I mark the trails on my arms with your disdain
Everyday it's the same - I LOVE, YOU HATE
But I guess I don't care any more...
Fix my problems with the blade
While my eyes turn from blue to gray
God, the worst thing happened to me today
But I guess I don't care anymore...

You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think I'm gonna be sick and it's your fault
This is the end of EVERYTHING
You are the end of EVERYTHING
I haven't slept since I woke up
And found my whole life was a lie, motherfucker
This is the end of EVERYTHING
You are the end of EVERYTHING

My flaws are the only thing left that's pure
Can't really live, can't really endure
Everything I see reminds me of her
God I wish I didn't care anymore
The more I touch, the less I feel
I'm lying to myself that it's not real
Why is everybody making such a big fucking deal?
I'm never gonna care anymore

What the hell am I doing?
Is there anyone left in my life?
What the fuck was I thinking?
Anybody want to tell me I'm fine?
Where the hell am I going?
Do I even need a reason to hide?
I am only betrayed
I am only conditioned to die



Slipknot-Duality

I push my fingers into my eyes...
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all the things I have to take...
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside...
If the pain goes on...
Aaaaaaaah!

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited as my time's elapsed
Now, all I do is live with so much hate
I've wished for this, I've bitched at that
I've left behind this little fact:
You cannot kill what you did not create
I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

Put me back together
Or separate the skin from bone
Leave me all the Pieces, then you can leave me alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I found out the hard way,
Nothing is what it seems!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane!
All I've got...all I've got is insane!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!



Slipknot - Wait and Bleed

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is 3D blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I can't control my shakes
How the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Get outta my head cuz I don't need this
Why I didn't I see this?
I'm a victim - Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
My flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

And it waits for you!




Slipknot - Snuff lyrics

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camaflouge for what resembles rage again

So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I cant destroy what isn't there
To live with me into my fate
If Im alone I cannot hate
I dont deserve to have you
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me, saver every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

So save your breath I will not hear
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
My hope was bannished long ago
It took attempt before to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I wont listen to your shame
You ran away your all the same
Angels lie to keep control
My love was punished long ago
If you still care don't ever let me know

If you still care don't ever let me know
1048474  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-10-05
Written: (3936 days ago)

Would you even care?

If I ran away...would you care?
Would you care if I bled?
If I was dead would you care?
If I disappeared...would you care?

If I showed up tomorrow...would you care?
Would you care if I was healed?
If I stayed alive would you care?
If I was found...would you care?

If I didn't call you...would you care?
Would you care if I needed more time?
If I was locked away would you care?
If I layed around crying...would you care?

Would you care if any of this happened?
Would you care if you never saw me again?
Would you care if I never talked again?
Would you even care...?

1046109  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-09-19
Written: (3952 days ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=437Xhc89rns
Colon Open Bracket - The Heartache of Soccer Moms lyrics

From you,
The water seemed to fall
The fire seemed to burn it out
Hold that candle to your heart

For a time
For a time we'd wait it out

& I'm sorry i moved on
& I'm sorry you're not gone
But hear, don't look for me
Because I already waited

& I promised you a heart
& I'm sorry we're apart
But hear, don't look for me
Because I already waited

For you
I'd write another song
But you'd forget that one aswell
You know you're 10% above us all

To see you mourn
To keep inside
To hold it back and not talk online
What was I just meant to think
It looked like you were moving on

& I'm sorry I'm happy
& I'm sorry what you've seen
But hear, dont look for me
Because I already waited

& I'm sorry I moved on
& I'm sorry you're not gone
But here, dont look for me
Because I already waited for you

1045960  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2008-09-18
Written: (3953 days ago)
Next in thread: 1046028

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1044109  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2008-09-04
Written: (3967 days ago)

Never Whole


I am alone once again.
Days come and ago,
but one thing I long to know...
Why can't I last to the end?
The world is not my friend...

Do I have some flaw?
Something hidden far from me..
When will I wake from this dream..
Cause nothing is like it seems...
When will I finally see?

The world is not my friend.
It will never see me to the end.
I need somebody to save my self
But there is nobody else.
And now it is all so clear

I am an example of pain
All the torment and the shame
I am all that is left to blame
I can never be whole again
I never win at this game

It is all so clear to me
These aren't my darkest days
There is more pain to see
It will find its way to me
It has its devious ways...
1026275  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-04-28
Written: (4096 days ago)

...OMFG >_<
how many people here are from waco?!
hrm...oh wait, i can go check...
to the search option!!

update!



Search for members


Total number of members found: 1138


...and how many people live in waco???
off to teh googlez!!


update!

update!


Waco City, Texas Statistics and Demographics (US Census 2000)
Waco Population: 113726
1023947  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-04-14
Written: (4110 days ago)

Not Over (Written by Me, [NukleaЯ EveЯgloW™])

When the world comes crashing down
And all is lost...
When no one is around...
All hope may seem to be gone,
But I know...
I know that it's not over.
Not over, not over.
I know it's not over...

I need someone there beside me,
Someone to love me...
Just to hold, for my own...
To wash away, the pain,
Make everything feel alright...
I know I may have messed up,
Screwed up, failed again.
No one's perfect...

And I know...
I know that it's not over.
Not over, not over.
I know it's not over...
So please forgive me....
For what I've done...
I'm sorry
I just don't know what to do.

But I know,
When all hope may seem gone...
I know what I need,
And that somethin, is someone...
To love for my own...
To make it feel alright
I'm sorry, but I know,
I know that it's not over.
Not over, not over.
I know it's not over...

I'm sorry, but I know,
I know that it's not over.
Not over, not over.
I know it's not over...

1015926  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-03-05
Written: (4150 days ago)

Subject: 50 years should be enough!

Copyright in sound recordings currently lasts for 50 years. An independent review (the "Gowers review") commissioned and endorsed by the UK government says it should remain at 50 years. Yet the recording industry continues to demand that this term be extended. But term extension would be an injustice to European musicians and musical culture, and may harm our economy.

Major record labels want to keep control of sound recordings well beyond the current 50 year term so that they can continue to make marginal profits from the few recordings that are still commercially viable half a century after they were laid down. Yet if the balance of copyright tips in their favour, it will damage the music industry as a whole, and also individual artists, libraries, academics, businesses and the public.

If you agree that copyright term on sound recordings should not be extended past 50 years, please, sign this petition today:
www.soundcopyright.eu
Together, we can defeat copyright term extension.

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