2007-04-29 [dragonos]: First one is not one of my biggest but has alot of meening to it
2007-04-29 [Vampires Anonymous]: there's a lot of love in theses poems. they're great!
2007-04-29 [dragonos]: thank you I like to write poetry about love it makes me feel happy
2007-07-30 [I'm her Georgia *Peach!*]: PROOFREAD. Lots of common misspellings. That's my first critique. Let me finish reading....
Oh, and if you try to make something in a rhyming, symmetrical scheme (Like
I wonder now
Abour you, cow
You are the one
That I see now.
...okay, so it's lame. But each line is four syllables. It rhymes. It's very disorienting having something be 4-7-9-5 and rhyme. @.@ Others are free-verse, and nice. Like the first poem. Good free verse. But, uhm... what's a 'thoa'?? I just can't figure that one out.)
Forgive me if I sound harsh. I don't mean to. but the 'perfect match'... it totally throws me for a loop.First you atart off with a nice 4-4-4-4 piece that rhymes ABCB, but then you make the verses off-balance, and then lose any concept of rhyme whatsoever. I would consider revising it to be either your 4-4-4-4 or a longer-line rhyme scheme, or a free verse. It just confuses me.
Oh, and cliches. Avoid them like the Plague. I mean, they have their uses, but no more than one per poem, please. ^^ It makes a poem lose most of its power.
Honestly? I think these have a lot of potential. I'm itching to revise them to make them pretty.
2007-07-30 [Linderel]: To be completely honest with you... I can't even stand to read these because of the poor grammar and spelling. I'm sure they have potential, but the previous commenter is right. Please, proofread your works.
2007-10-04 [dragonos]: You see that is why I have them that way in there own way's. Not for perfection, Not for grammer, Not completely rhiming, For there own unique style base, Oh before I forget (thoa) as in thoa art a perfect beauty-You are a perfect beauty. As I write my poetry it is not for fame or perfection or even complement's it is to see what each indavidual sees when they read it, For each person has there own opinion they all see thing's differantly. Where one see perfection other's see failure. That is why I have them the way they are. But the way I have thoa in the first poem meen's your.
2007-10-17 [Rising Death Dragon]: dragonos, check out my poem on my house page
2008-02-02 [Mordigen]: *twitches* i think the point they were trying to make is that "thoa" is not an exsistant word......at all. I think they got what you were trying to say, but it is spelled Thou not thoa.
2008-02-03 [dragonos]: Ok I have done some minner spelling error fixes so if you want re-read them and tell me what you think of them now and if you want you can pop over to my story page and read that and tell me if it sound's ok at best.