Happily Ever After: Part One of the Godmother Tales.
“I just don’t understand how you can do it!
Glinda is at it again. Miss ‘Holier then Thou’ up on her high horse preaching to me about right and wrong. I stare at her over the rim of my tea cup, a smile tugging at my lips.
“What ever are you talking about?”
She gives me a lofty look, her nose held high in the air, “Don’t play coy with me, Susan. I’m talking about that deception of a business you are running. Honestly! I don’t understand how you can be such a hypocrite. Selling love when you don’t even believe in it. It goes against all that is good, and just, and......”
Here we go, another one of her tirades about good and evil. As she continues to babble about how I am immoral and corrupt, I look around at the other ladies. They all seem as bored as I am.
It is our monthly get together, THe Ladies in Magic Tea Club. Once a month each of us take time out of our busy lives and spend an afternoon together. Glinda the Good, Elphaba the Wicked Witch of the West, Milda the evil stepmother behind the Snow White Scandal, and Her frosty highness the Snow Queen. We’ve been having these teas for the last ten years and it is usually a good experience. U;Unless Glinda lets loose on one of her tears, which are the result of her reading another wedding announcement in the paper that sings praises to the amazing Fairy Godmother’s matchmaking skills. My amazing skills.
Setting my tea cup down, I fold my hands in my lap. This is not the first time we’ve heard this rant, and it won’t be the last. For all her goodness glinda is a terribly jealous person.
I’m about to interrupt her when Elphaba beats me to it, “Oh Glinda, just shut the bloody hell up. SHe’s obviously not going to change her very successful career just because Glinda the Godly doesn’t think that it is honorable. Just give it a rest, Dearie.”
Glinda huffs at Elphies comment and fidgets with the ruffles on the dreadful pink dress that she is wearing. She doesn't this when she has been mollified and is trying desperately to think of a comeback. Her eyes dart back to me, “Can you please explain why, Susan?”
I’ve Explained to her at least fifty time before, but I find myself doing it again. I know that once I tell her she will be quiet, and keeping Glinda quiet is very important.
“I do it because it is good business. Face it Glinda, the world is full of lonely pathetic people who need help finding that special someone.”
She stares at me, “But it’s not real love and you know it. Real love can’t come from magic! Real love is suppose to me from the heart.
Milda chokes back a laugh and Elphie snorts into her tea, “Please don’t lecture me Glinda. I’ve been in the Fairy Godmother business for a lone time. So what if it’s not real love as long as the client thinks that they’re happy. If they are paying the right amount I couldn’t care less.”
As always, Glinda looks at me with a horrified expression. Defeated, her reaches for a cookie and shoves it into her mouth. SHe must be upset, because under normal circumstances she would never touch a carb.
I sit back in my chair, smirking. Putting Glinda in her place is have the fun of these little get togethers.
Outside in the hall the phone rings and a minute later a maid named Elsie pops her head into the room. “Call for you Ma’am. Princess Ella is on the phone and she says it’s important.”
I smile. Princess Ella, formally Cinderella. The poster child for my business, and my most successful match. It’s always nice to hear from her, (even if she is a little high strung) because after I handled her case and people saw that there could be a ‘Happily Ever AFter, business took off like Peter Pan on speed.
Standing up I excuse myself from the ladies and leave the parlor. Taking the receiver form Elsie, I shoo her away and put it up to my ear, “Ella darling, how lovely of you to call. It’s been ages. How are you, Dear?”
The voice that answers is frigid.
“I’m divorcing Charming.” Click.........buzz.
The carriage pulls into the courtyard of the Grand Palace and it barely has time to stop before I am jumping out and barreling up the steps. Inside I tear through the halls until I reach the throne room. Skidding to a stop in front of the massive oak door, I throw them open and storm into the room.
She's hard to miss, sitting on the steps leading up to the thrones. A giant collection of poofy skirts, golden curls, and (at the moment) tear soaked used tissues. Surrounding her are those dreadfully talking mice that she insists of having around. Thankfully they are quiet.....I don't think I could handle singing rodents at the moment.
I notice that she's holding a mirror about the size of a book. She keeps looking at it and breaking in to hysterical sobs. Finally she looks up and sees me standing in the doorway. I wail that could shatter glass slippers escapes her rosebud lips.
Striding across the smooth marble floor, I settle on the step next to her, "Ella, My Pet, what is all this nonsense about divorce. You nearly scared the magic out of my when you said that over the telephone." Of course I am scared. Ella and Charming were my best clients. If word got out that divorce was pending, my business would be in jeopardy.
She blows her nose into a handkerchief that I hand to her, "It is not nonsense, Godmother! I simply can't stay married to that, that....Bastard! He's gone and...and..." She covers her face with a shriek that sends the mice scattering to they holes.
"Darling, I'm fairly certain that bastard isn't the right word. Prick would be a more fitting choice." I retort in a dry tone but then my expression softens slightly. Despite her flighty nature, Ella's crying is a trifle upsetting. She was my first client after all. Putting on my best motherly face, I pat her back, "Now my dear, I'm sure it isn't that bad. Nothing you two can't work out....."
Ella lifts her head and give me a pathetic look, "That's easy for you to say....Here!" She thrusts the mirror into my lap, "See for yourself."
I'm not surprised by the mirror. I own several myself, but I am curious as to where she got it. "Where did you get this, dear?"
In a flash she's all blue eyes and innocence. "Snow lent it to me, when i told her that Charming and I were having troubles." Reaching out she touches the frame and mutters....
whom I know is quite smart.
Show me my husband
and his slutty tart."
A moving scene appears and my eyebrows shoot up into my hairline. It's all skin on skin and tangled sheets, and I'm more then thankful that the mirror is soundless. Charming seems to be wrapped around a woman who looks vaguely familiar. When she turns toward the mirror I have to bite the side of my cheek to keep from laughing out loud. Sleeping Beauty........clearly living up to her name.
At the image, Ella lets out a strangled cry and collapses onto my lap. "Godmother! How can this be happening? I never asked for this. I was a good wife, I did everything that I was suppose to do!"
My thoughts are spinning too fast for me to really register what she is saying. This is going to be a full out scandal. If Ella and I know about this, and she's told Snow White, then it is only a matter of time before the tabloids catch wind of it. The only clean way out is if Ella beats Charming to the punch and files for divorce first. Yes....that's what will happen. Ella will look like the victim, and if I support her then I can't be blamed for their failed match.
"Ella, darling, I'm not going to sugar coat this....It's rather bad. Divorce is the only option. We'll get you a good lawyer and with my support we'll be able to...."
"I can't get a divorce!" Sh says though a wail and fresh tears.
My look resembles one I might give a child throwing a fit, "Ella my sweet, you called and insisted on a divorce. So unless you are suddenly bi-polar I would appreciate it if you enlightened me on your change of heart."
"I want a divorce, Godmother. But it's not that simple.
I know what she is going to say before she says it and I can feel my stomach drop, "Why isn't it simple, Eleanora?"
An almost shameful look crosses her face and she glances down at her hands, "Well.......I'm pregnant."
Two hours later finds me standing on the door step of a small while cottage in the middle of the woods. It's off the main road, this forcing me to leave the carriage and walk down a sorry excuse of a path for about a mile. Normally, I would be a little more then pissed off at this point, but the walk has given my time to organize my thoughts. I lift the knocker and bang on the door sharply. The basket I am holding is pretty heavy and this heat of the day is making me rather cranky.
Finally, I hear someone moving inside. The door opens and I am greeted by bed linens wrapped around a long lets and a blond head of hair. Beauty. One eyebrow raises slightly, and I don't even bother trying to hide my smirk.
She gives me a stuffy look and flips her platinum hair with her hand, "Whatever you are selling we're not interested." She moves to close the door but my hand stops her.
"I'm not selling anything." My tone is dry, "I need to talk to Charming.....Now!"
She glances behind her and then turns to me with a smirk, "The Prince is indisposed at the moment. You're going to have to come back some other time."
I've had enough of this cheek little bitch. "Pushing past her I bustle into the room, leaving her gaping like a fish. The cottage has a hall way that leads to a kitchen. To the right is the open door of a bed chamber. Without any warning I stride into the room. And there is Charming, stretched out on the bed and as naked as the day he was born.
When he registers who I am he makes a mad lunge for a sheet."Fairy Godmother! What is Merlin's name are you doing here."
My face is a blank mask, but I tone cold enough to create permanent shrinkage. "I suggest you get dressed and meet me in the Kitchen. This is not a negotiation!"
Turing sharply I stomp out of the room and towards the kitchen. On my way there I can't helo but notice the upkeep of the little house. The cottage used to belong to Snow White and her dirty little dwarves. After the whole Evil Queen, Fairest in the Land episode, Snow wanted to sell the place. The last time I was here had been about three years ago, when Charming and Ella were looking at the property for a summer hunting lodge. Back then the place had been a wreck. Dwarves may be good miners, but they are terrible house keepers. But the cottage was spotless now, adding to the ever growing list of evidence that Charming and Beauty had been at this for a while. Ella had always hated this place. it was too far away from anything convenient and she hated having outdoor pluming. She hadn't been here since the day they bought the place. it was obvious that Charming wasn't cleaning house for his wife.
Walking into the kitchen, I take a seat at the table and set my basket down. Outside the room I hear frantic movement and hushed whispers. After about five minute, Charming bursts in to the room dressed in a pair of britches followed by Beauty who has had the decency to shed her sheet and pull on one of Charming's shirts. They both take seat across from me and Charming flashes one of the dashing smiles he's famous for.
Ass! I bet you're wondering why I am here." I force a smile and gesture for them to sit.
He lowers his head, giving me a guilty look as his chestnut curls fall into his face. This would win over most people but....I'm not most people, "I'm sure it has something to do with Ella finding out about this whole situation."
"Yes. But it's not what you are thinking. I'm not going to try and convince you to save a failing marriage. In fact, I believe I should tell you that Ella wants a divorce."
My remark catches Beauty's attention and she turns to Charming, pushing herself against him. I watch with disgust as her hand travels down his chest and pulls a moan from him as it comes in contact with his royal bits below the surface of the table. "Teddy bear that means, with her out of the way, we can get married. Then I could be queen and live in a palace again. And all those lovely dresses that Cinderella has. Oh, I would look lovely in them. And you know how much I like to dress up for you." She fairly purrs in his ear.
Charming lets out a little groan and nods, his eyes glazed over with lust. I think I'm going to be sick.
Attempting a sweet smile I direct my attention towards the little tramp. "I'm sure you would make a lovely queen. From the way you are behaving you seem more then willing to give the prince as many heirs as he wants." She doesn't reach to the gibe and I'm to surprised, she's to stupid to pick up on something like that. The smile fades from my face as I look at her, "But dear, you're looking thinner then the last time we met. It's not healthy to be too thin."
Beauty give me a horrified look, "Too thin? I didn't think you could ever be too thin."
I give her a comforting smile, "I'm sure you're just stressed from all your running around. You need a little meat on your bones my girl. Charming likes his women with a few curves. Don't you, Charming?"
The Prince gives me a dazed nod and grunts at Beauty's "under the table" actions.
She pales and I chuckle, "Now now, nothing to worry about, dear. Here, why don't you have an apple?" I push the basket I have brought, filled with lovely red apples, towards her, "I passed these on the way here this afternoon and couldn't pass up such a delicious find."
At the sight of the fruit Beauty's eyes seem to glaze over, and she reaches her hand out to take one. As she does this I turn my attention back to Charming, who looks a little more then disgruntled at the lose of Beauty's hand. "Now Charming, my dear. Ella sent me because she was to distraught to come herself. However, she wanted to ask about the prenuptial you signed at the wedding."
He is about to say something when, next to him, Beauty freezes in her apple munching. We both look at her, him with confused worry and me with cold satisfaction. She lets the apple fall from her hand and suddenly crumples to the floor. There is no fuss or hullabaloo. In fact, she looks to me sleeping, save for the trickle of blood breaking over her pink lips.
Charming lets out a strangled gasp and drops down next to her, "Beauty, my Beauty! What is wrong!"
Getting to my feet I walk over and place my fingers against her delicate neck. No pulse. I smile as I look down at the pathetic Rice who is trying desperately to revive her, "Seems she is dead, dearie." I pick up the apple and slide my fingers along the blood red skin. "Poison, don't you think?" I ask with a mirthless chuckle, "It's true what they say, the old ways are the best ways."
Charming gives me a confused look and then when my words finally hit home he jumps to his feet, reaching for a knife on the table. "You killed her, you Bitch! You killed my Beauty!"
Of course, I am quicker then him and already having my wand trained on his neck. "Now now Charming, that would be a rather silly idea, don't you think?"
Feeling the point f my want at his throat, he sinks to the floor next to his lover and his eyes cloud with tears, "Why would you do that, you god damned bitch?"
I pitiless smile touches my lips, "Charming, no need to get nasty. The answer is quite simple. You are you're little slut slighted my business with your sexual escapades. I can't let you and Ella divorce....That would be bad for business. Think of what epople would say about me if my "number one, Happily Ever After match" ended in divorce! I would be ruined. Oh, and I do hold some loyalty to Ella. I always stay true to my clients."
"But I loved her!"
My laugh echoes off the wall of the tiny kitchen, "Please Charming, you don't love girls like that. They're not meant for loving. Just a good fuck." He looks more then a little shocked and hurt.
I smile wickedly, "Now for your punishment, Charming my dear." He gives me a fear glance, "Come come, I can't have you running around with other little sluts. Not with Ella pregnant and all. Now what should it be. A frog? A Crow? Or should I simply sever the offending appendage from your body? That would make things a hell of a lot simpler."
Upon hearing my suggestions, Charming makes a break for it. But one again I am too fast. I flick my wand and when the smoke clears I am in the presence of a small white rat. I grad him before he has a chance to even think about scurrying off, and through him into my apple basket.
Before I leave I turn Beauty's body into a small tea rose pant, which I proceed to grind into the bottom of my boot. Brier Rose. I'm nothing if not a sucker for nostalgia.
Closing the door behind been a thought occurs and I laugh to myself and give the basket a good shake. Well, at least he's a rat. Ella seem to be able to put up with rodents.
Glinda puts the paper down and folds her hands in her lap. I can feel her staring at me, waiting to say something but I don't look at her. I'm much to preoccupied with the little princeling who is making burbley noises on my lap.
It's been a year to the day since the the little "Forest incident" and things are just starting to get back to normal. The papers barely mention it anymore so I can't imagine what Glinda is in a huff about. Ella sits next to Elphaba and is all smiles as she watches me coo at her infant son.
"Peter seems to like you, Godmother."
"Seems so." I answer and look up at Ella. She's a queen and a mother now, and the responsibility has seemed to calm her melodrama and flightiness. "I assume you haven't changed your mind?"
Ella chuckles and shakes her head, "No, things haven't changed. I still want you to be is godmother."
A grin breaks across my face, "Wonderful." I wave my wand and a tiny gold crown appears. I place it on Peter's head, "We'll make you into the greatest ruler this kingdom as ever seen."
"Thats what I want." Ella says as she sips her tea.
Looking up form the cookie she is nibbling, Elphaba turn to Ella, "I'm still not clear as to what you did with Charming?"
I'm about to answer but Ella beats me to it, "I honestly don't know what happened to him. As you know, the papers reported that he was killed in a tragic hunting accident. When I showed him the paper, he became very upset and scurried off. I haven't seen him since, but this morning, when I was coming down the stairs, I saw one of the palace cats with a rat in it's mouth. The rate was white as the snow save a little circle of golden brown hair on the top of it's head..." She sighs, "Oh well, it doesn't really matter, and even if my 'fairy tale ending" didn't work out I could be happier."
Glinda scoffs and glars at me, "So there you go, the client is happy. Tell me Susan, how much are you charging my this one."
I glance down at the beautiful baby on my lap. This baby will be payment enough. he will grow, and I will be there to watch, to teach, and to mold him into what I want. Maybe with the right influence and a touch of magic he will turn into a half descent somebody. I somebody that they write stories about. yes, this baby will be my Happily Ever After.
"This one's on the house..."