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This house may contain artistic nudity. Do not look if it offends you, and don't report her to the guards!

yoursexslave (i miss her like nothing else)

Member #87064 created: 2004-10-02 05:33:00Simple URL: http://www.elftown.com/yoursexslave   

Name: monkey

photo

thats my friend Rie, the most beautiful thing i've ever seen, i love her to death.

drawing

hey look, it's me... you know you wanna touch me! maybe not but one can dream

Elftown titles and orders
Town DrunkAdventurerFastfood worker

Description:
well im actually not all that interesting. so i will write a list of things that annoy me :

narrow minded people
people who are serious all the time
neatness
buisy signals
people who dont understand sarcasm
ugly fat girls in tight clothes
people who are extremely motivated
preppy people
people who enforce their religion
vegitarians
happy excited people before 10:00 AM
people with absolutely no opinion
people with stupid opinions
wiggers
the words: giggle, totally, vagina**, breasts (unless its chicken), tinkle, urinate, profanity, and fornicate
people who are easily offended...note: if you have been offended in anyway by anything you have seen, you can shut the fuck up i dont care what you think.

((note list will continue to grow apon impulse))

**it's called a pussy or some name other than "vagina", i dont want any vagina... i want PUSSY.
if you have anyother names for "vagina" write them in my guestbook, i would like to get a list going. (list at bottom)


with that said here's my list of people who should die...

celebrity impersonators
self important security gaurds
anyone with a watch, purse, shoes or sunglasses worth more than $500
bouncers
bob barker
annoying DJ's
naked old men in locker rooms
naked old ladies period.
anyone who religiously watches reality tv shows or soap operas
barney
anyone who brings a flag from their country of origin to a highschool sports event
tiffany
anna nicole smith
ashton kucher (spelled wrong prolly)
boy bands
girl bands
anyone who drives a ford crown vic


alright... i had to put this moron on my site... i thought this was funny as hell, here's our conversation:

aiverson: i bet you have a nice ass to,am i right.

yoursexslave: yea kid, i do... if you're into guys...you should really learn to read, and maybe be a little more respectful as well, yes she has a nice ass and no that "she" is not me. my first bit of advice is try to hit on females, the next is use a better line that one involving the girls ass

aiverson: shut the fuck up, fucken panzy

yoursexslave: are you serious??? does using foul language make you feel tough??? and are you calling me a "pansy" after you just hit on me? kid you really need to learn some respect... if you wont give the time to read the caption under the picture do you really think that any female on this site will be interested in talkin to you... and that's forgetting the fact of how sad it is to hit on someone over the internet... do yourself a favor and try it with a girl you might actually meet.

aiverson: shut the fuck up with your religeous bull shit,fucken queer!

yoursexslave: do you hear yourself??? honestly? calling me queer? come on man try a little harder than that. really, do you think thats gunna bother me??? please try and find something, anything whitty to say, calling me queer after hitting on me is prolly a bad idea, why can't you just be a man and apoligise for your mistake?

that's the end, i think it's great. anyways if anyone would like to message this guy and tell him... well... whatever... im not suggesting anything but im not discouraging it either


(x) = things ive never done
(_) =things ive done

I NEVER
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
(_) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
(_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(X) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(X) I NEVER CRASHED A FRIEND'S CAR
(X) I NEVER BEEN TO JAPAN
(_) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(_) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
(_) I NEVER HAD SEX
(X) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
(_) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
(_) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
(X) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
(_) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
(_) I NEVER BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
(_) I NEVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
(_) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(X) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED
(_) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
(_) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(X) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
(_) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
(_) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
(_) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL
( ) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(X) I NEVER BEEN SKYDIVING
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPSTER DIVING
(_) I NEVER WALKED IN ON FRIENDS HAVING SEX
(_) I NEVER WALKED IN ON MY PARENTS HAVING SEX
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN CAUGHT HAVING SEX
(_) I NEVER LIED JUST TO COVER MY OWN ASS
(_) I NEVER CUT SOMEONE AND MADE THEM BLEED
(_) I NEVER HAVE RECIEVED ORAL SEX
(_) I NEVER HAVE GIVEN ORAL SEX
(X) I NEVER TOLD SOMEONE I LOVED THEM JUST TO MAKE ME OR THEM FEEL BETTER OR LIED ABOUT LOVEING SOMEONE PERIOD
(X) I NEVER EGGED A RANDOM CAR
(_) I NEVER BEEN TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY
( ) I NEVER BEEN IN THE BACKSEAT OF A POLICE CAR
(X) I NEVER EGGED A RANDOM HOUSE
(_) I NEVER BEEN EXPELLED/SUSPENDED
(_) I NEVER CHEATED ON MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND


50 things girls need to understand about us.(list was given to me and was slightly revised. i personally do not agree with this list in its entirety but its funny)

1. We aren’t mind readers!
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is a turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
7. “Fine” or “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn’t already know.)
9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
10. Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.
11. No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.
12. You don’t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.
13. Girls (you) look good naked so stop worrying.
14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.
16. Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.
17. If were not getting love we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)
18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
19. we think you look hott when you wake up, realy, but your breath, not soo much.
20. If you make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior (not happening if im not there... i have my reasons).
21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing?
22. You shouldn’t be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. all we need is Friction.
23. Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
24. We masturbate, frequently, deal with it.
25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment(didn’t your parents teach you not to quit).
26. Giving head is never a bad idea.
27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us and save the environment.
28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
29. We don’t mind going to gay movies with you but don’t tell our friends.
30. You can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or “Old yeller.”
31. “The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caressing is strongly encouraged.
33. You’re probably not as funny as you think.
34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but we don't care how sexy he is try, telling us how much more sexxy we are for a change.
35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week.
36. Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.
37. You can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend” with one of our friends.
38. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
39. If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.
40. The red light means the video camera is off.
41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.
42. Whipped cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream, they are also neccisary equiptment for a healthy relationship.
43. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
44. The only thing left to be said after sex is “goodnight."
45. We probably dont care if you burp, farting is a different story.
46. Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.
47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.
48. If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
49. The jeans don’t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat (we realy dont think your ass looks fat, ever and if we do we like it that way).
50. We LOVE you and have no idea what we'd do with out you.


***other words for vagina***
box, garage, coochie, cooch,"no, no, Ahh," puntang, beaver, cunt(dont like that word) cave, spiders nest (1 word: eew), dick hole, honey comb, "no right here," axe wound, kooter, twat, snake pit, cherry pie, fuck hole, meat taco,twat waffle, cum dumpster, magical balogna flower, tuna casserole, badly wrapped kebab, pink taco, pink curtains, holy hole, kitten, venus flytrap, bearded clam, poon, pooter's cleavage, inverted lips, fountain, love hole, camel toe, flapper, pink snapper, sideways sloppyjoe, bova, puffy, swank, penis trap, "the squeezer," Controlling Super Power

More Vagina Words: Smiley Sam, Verticle Smile, Pink Sing, Fun Tunnel, Wormhole, Hairy Homentashin, Venus Man Trap, Clam Hat, Cooch, Coochie, Pink Lagoon, Happy Land, Wizard Sleeve, Gigi, Vagoo, Vageener, Slitty Kitty, Furry Burger, Muff, Honey Pot, Peachy Pie,



work in progress

Age: 8Year of birth: 2005Month of birth: 12Day of birth: 27

Gender: male

Fantasy race personality: Orc

Elftownworldmap missing.

Place of living: USA-Florida

Town: Lakeland

Known languages
English

Elfwood artist: No

Elfwood writer: No

Elftown crew wannabe: No

Favorite drawing objects
demonsdragonssex
vampires

Computer interests
Basicemailmusic

Music
alternativecountrygrunge
heavy metalnew agerock

Other interests
beercarschasing the preferred sex
eatingelectronicsfishing
gamblinghuntingmotorcycles
partypornslacking
sportingwatching sportwhisky
wine

Civil status: single

Sexual preference: opposite sex

Body shape: muscular

Height: 168


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