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CaffinatedJewel Bean (If you understand HTML or Python, message me!)

Member #181093 created: 2006-12-04 07:35:56Simple URL:   

Name: Jewel<3



Elftown titles and orders
Town DrunkInterpreterStreet child
AdventurerTravelling bard

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So the fun has begun! I am back to my cozy little home in ElfTown. I left as a child and returned a...well physically I am a woman.

Some time has past since I have been here let alone updated this darn thing. I found it about due time since I plan on being here much more often. The other social networking sites just don't bring as much pleasure as this one does to the soul. I tried to delete what I previously had on here though my heart began to break as I realized I would be deleting the only copies of my poetry from my youth as the originals were destroyed long ago. Thus, I am going to keep it and just keep adding as the seasons progress.

I like to think of myself as a one of a kind person, though I am sure most people do, in which case I am just just like everyone else. Trying to create some sort of footprint in this world that won't wash away with the high tide. Over the years I seemed to venture away from my art and it saddens me. Returning to Elftown is a step I decided to take in order to find my path again. It seems harder to find inspiration as I search for a muse. Any piece I create, whether it is by clay, strands of cloth, paint and brushes, graphite, or simple words placed carefully on paper I tend to take it seriously. Even if the piece is crap to others I will hold it lovingly because I create out of a burning passion that I wish to recreate.

Now, a bit more about me... currently.

I have a weakness for drinks. Coffee<3, tea, whiskey, rum, and well... anything with alcohol. (I might have a problem. Might.)
Nicotine is another enjoyment of mine. (This is not a problem to me.)
I have a burning passion for American Sign Language. When I watch people sign I see something beautiful. Great understanding can come from such simple gestures and can even be visually appealing. This is why I yearn to become an interpreter. How could I deny myself something that I see such beauty within?
GAMES! Yes my dear friend games! I hold a sickening relationship with my xbox360 and the games I play upon it! My currently obsession is The Elder Scrolls Skyrim. I also enjoy Fallout, Mass effect, Borderlands, and many more as well. If you are rather nice to me I might even admit to playing Pokemon still.
Lets see... what else could I mention? Hmm, nothing else seems to be bursting out for me to mention. Besides, I will be rather tickled to see if anyone actually reads all of this. People now days have seemed to sway away from communication. I find this rather odd, since the majority of the population have cell phones. Cell phones are honestly killing good conversation because people only wish to send quick small texts instead of emails, letters, and lets not forget actually verbally speaking -on the phone or face to face-. Oh well, tis the way of technological advancements I guess.

If you have managed to read up to this point please message me. I doubt anyone will. Also, you do not have to read what is after this last segment. It is the youth stuff I mentioned I could not remove with fear of my heart breaking.

Good Day! ^.^

I once was here,
But now im gone.
Ive left this world,
For the stars above.
Please don’t cry,
But rejoice for me.
I’m finally happy,
I am finally free.

I believe it is time for everyone to be honest and true, not only to eachother but to ourselves. I would love to be the first example, though I cannot since I am still trying to learn just who I am.


A little about me:
Just kidding, if I was so certain about "who" I am i wouldn't have said what I already did earlier.






<img:> yaa its me!!!! Everybody loves me!!!! ... ya okay not really >.> 


I honestly wish I had more to say. You see... one thing I am most positive about is that I LOVE words. I love to see letters on pages, the sound a sharp pen makes when it scratches upon a single piece of paper. The sound even, people speaking; it all is just lovely to me.

Enough of that though. Clearly I love to talk and I am always open to meeting new people. Please message me, it would make me very happy.


You don't have to read past this point... these are poems I wrote when I was much younger, back when I first got on ET... perhaps.. I was... 14? That sounds about right.

And now for some poems...



A Fallen Angel Am I?

Banished from the heavens above
What have I done so wrong?
Wings gone so I can no longer fly
Fallen to this filthy earth, is this gods demise?

What had I done, I don’t know?
To fall from Gods golden abode?
Take me hack to the light
I won’t give up without a fight!

All mortals must die as I am now
Ill earn my wings back, someday some how
And when I die in mortal skin
Perhaps ill have wings again.


My heart without you cries like someone died
My mind without you aches and doesn’t know why
My eyes without you search but don’t know for whom
Lost without out I don’t know what to do

Inside I feel empty and frozen
My body an empty shell simply posing
Constantly I search for your face though didn’t know it
I am aware that I lost something but don’t know what

Without you I have no purpose
Without you my words are useless
Without you I walk around dazed
Till one day I realize its you who’s missing

In panic and disarray I run for you
Please just wait till I catch up to you
I never realized that you moved on
I can progress, I can move on just don’t leave me

For when I'm with you my heart spills over with joy
By body energized and aware laughing beside you
My eyes locked onto yours full of life and joy
With you fell whole and complete
And I just realized
That I love you


(no title)

I looked into the eyes of deat
It asked me what I see
And I replied: a lovely lady waiting patiently
I spent a day with blissful peace
Is asked what do you want of me?
And I replied: nothing but your company
So when my days have passed me by
When the time has come to die
When the worm stripped flesh from bone
When I’ve made the grave my home
Then there will be only death, blissful peace, and I alone


Finally Happy

Once upon a time in broken dreams
A young child falls to her knees
Falls to the floor razor blade in hand
She toke her life away
She didn’t know they wanted her to stay
She lost so much and wished for it back
Troubled by her past haunted in her dreams
She wanted them to stop and leave her be

She made a friend that fit in her hand
It promised her the sleep she never received
Now she lays razor blade in hand
And smiles as she sleeps.


I can’t define
The finer things in life
Let alone the things
That I hold dear.

I can’t revile
The images of love
Or even the images
That I keep deep inside

I do not know these things
I do not know what they are
The images of love
And pictures of life

I am but a child, stuck
In an older body, with
No adolescent mind
And no knowledge to share.


Is their a God?

Why am I punished when I do nothing?
Why am I backed into a corner scolded?
Why am I hit mercilessly for no reason?
Why am I hated for being good?

How could anyone be so cruel?
How could anyone be so evil?
How could anyone abandon another?
How could God have let this happen?

Is there a God?
Is he real?

Why am I so resented?
Why am I loathed?
Why am I despised?
Why could anyone enjoy being mean to another?

How could my life lead me here to destruction?
How could my future ever build from this?
How could all of humanity have died before my eyes?
How could God allow any of this?

Where is God when I prayed to him?
Does God pay attention to me?

There is no God, he does not exist
I give up my faith I believe in me
I can succeed on my own
I will live without this so called God.


Long Ago Queen

Crying to herself
Sulking on the floor
The long ago queen
Destroyed by her past

Haunted by her dreams
Torn from her senses
She lost he kingdom
Many years ago

Though she doesn’t know
Because she’s blinded by her tears
That her kingdom long ago
Could be resurrected

If only the crying queen
Could forget her past
And hold her head up high
The kingdom would come back alive


My Light

When you gaze at me
What do you see?
Does my beauty blind you?
Or do you see the light

I am more than a pretty face
I have a brain to
I am more than a model
I am a living human being

Please don’t question me
Or even try to impress me
I do not even care
Not anymore

Because this whole time
That I've been here standing
All you see is my beauty
And never wonder of my personality


My love and I

Knowing of my lovers grace,
I wait for him in my faith.
I do not know his face nor smile,
But the way his heart desires.

He longs to hold my heart and hand,
He’s so much more than just a friend.
He’s the one I dream of at night,
He’s the one I want in my life.

Someday soon we shall prevail,
Then his face would be reviled.
Then for once we might finally kiss,
And hold each other in sweet utterly bliss.


My Darker Side

Just who are you
And why do you stare so hard
Your lustful gaze
Penetrates my soul
Your mischievous grin
Tells me your dirty thoughts

I know you are following
I can hear you steps
Don’t inch any close
Nor reach out to me
I don’t want you near me
Any closer and I shall scream

I will scream and wield a blade
Spinning around thrusting it deep
Am I so pretty now dear man?
That I have shown my true demented side?


New Age Queen

Tainted for eternity
Never knowing purity
Ill never have certainty
Corrupted by society

Never am I to be clean
My mind lost in these filthy scenes
Perverted things before my eyes
My life filled with evil fiends

As for me, I’ll be the queen
Ill embrace today’s society
Tainted and loved for eternity
I am the new age queen.


One more step to bliss

One more step and I could fall away
If it happened would it matter?
I cant tell if I should go or stay

How can anybody know what’s best for me?
Will my decision bring me to my knees?
Its time to do what’s best for me
All it takes is one more step and I’m free

Once upon a time in broken dreams
A young girl falls asleep
Razor blade in hand
She will never wake again

Tears of blood down her face.

<img:> <img:> <img:>
Missing: </center>

Age: 23Year of birth: 1991Month of birth: 4Day of birth: 11

Gender: female

Fantasy race personality: Duck

Elftownworldmap missing.

Place of living: USA-Missouri

Town: Springfield

Known languages
Sign LanguageEnglish

Elfwood artist: No

Elfwood writer: No

Elftown crew wannabe: Yes

Favorite drawing objects

Computer interests
action gamesBasicchat
emailinformation seekingLinux
musicPythonstrategy games
use communities

adult popalternativeblues
heavy metalhip hophouse
jazznew ageopera
popprogressive metalpunk

Other interests
board gamesbookscard games
carscatschasing the preferred sex
poetrypornrole playing
travellingwatching sportwhisky

Civil status: single

Sexual preference: opposite sex

Body shape: big breasted

Height: 173

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