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Your Morbid Nightmare (On a happy cloud)

Member #179811 created: 2006-08-09 03:05:26Simple URL:   

Name: Samantha



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I'm just me. That's all I have to say. I'm 6ft. tall... Music is my life. I Sing it, write it, and play it. So ya, thats it. I'm done! Now you know me. Be happy!

Ok if you want my lifes story..fine

Im from a small town. My father died when I was 8. When he died my mother and I moved back and forth from my hometown to places wed lived in before just running from our problems like we always do. My mother and I came back to that town and after a while she started dating a man named Billy. We soon found out that he was very controlive. I myself was scared of him, and I could tell my mom was too. Though he wasnt physically abusive he was mentally hurting us with harsh words. After a few years with him we all moved to a piece of land we were buying from my grandpa (dads dad)in a smaller town. In school I never really had but one friend, Brittany that was not quite that close to me but I loved her nonetheless. Though when we moved I hated leaving her, but I found the best friend that I would ever meet when I left. Her names Dallis , and she has helped me in every way possible. In Dew we still were putting up with Billy until this past summer, when my mother had left home and Billy had molested me. He had told me that if I didnt do what he said he would never let me go see my friends again, mainly pointing it at Dallis, so I gave in. That same week Id been praying that god would help me through what had happened, and listening to Good Charlottes song Hold On, which helped me from wanting to kill myself. Well My mom and Billy got into a fight that weekend where I ended up telling my mom what had happened. We went to the police that night and they caught Billy the next day. Hes now in Jail for three years on a plea bargain. Now my mother and I are back in our hometown. Ive been in counseling since then because I had taken to cutting myself with a shaving razor, because of my depression, luckily my friends helped me through that along with that same song, Hold On, and Im not doing that anymore. I think that all of this has had a horrible effect on my mom. I just want to tell my story and get the word out that everything will be ok no matter what happens to you. I want people to know that you dont have to die to feel better. I want them to know that thats just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I wanna help those people that are going through what I went through, and worse, and to thank the people that helped me through it all,Brittany(who I've now grown so much closer to), Dallis, My mom, Good Charlotte, and most of all God.

Update(Christmas Day o6')
I went to the doctor last week because of a tumor that I have in the Petuitary Gland in my brain. Thats the thing behind your eyes that controls your horomones(ya great I know) but thank god the doctor said that it isn't bad at all and I wont need surgury. I just have to keep trying new pills to get rid of my headaches. So God's really looking after me :).

Update (7/15/07)
The doctors still haven't found anything to help my headaches. They aren't as often as they used to be but still just as bad when I do have them. It seems sometimes that it ruins my life when I have them. I have to tell my friends I can't hang out with them because I have a headache and they feel hurt and think that I'm just avoiding them when I'm not. I really don't know what to do sometimes but I know I'll never be stupid again. Brittany and Dallis are always looking out for me and helping me not to make stupid decisions which I thank them for. And life for my mom and I just keeps going on. Thats all for my update now I guess...

Update (11/7/07)
Wow long time no update
Check this out...I'm no longer friends with Brittany and Dallis because I'm just tired of their bull. I'm dating my love Zachary Fletcher. And things are just...going. I have another apointment for my headaches tomorrow. The doctors still haven't found anything. This just sucks. But I'll be allright.

Update (4/4/08)
uhhh Zach and I dated for about 6 or 7 months with two small breakups in between, and we broke up...the week before last because he's a jerk. That's pretty much all there is to say...I'm going to the doctors for my annual MRI on Sunday. Hopefully the doctors will get off of their asses and do something.

Update (6/23/08)
uhhmm....*cough* Zach and I are back together again...*sigh* we're such kids sometimes. The doctors still don't do anything but give me medicine and tell me that there is nothing that they can do.

If you wanna reach me talk to me on






Here's a poem I wrote while I was mad at some people

"Can't I Just Be Alone?"

Give me my space
Give me my life
Give me my reasons to live
Give me my heart back
Give me my dreams back
Give me my life back until
I can
Give you your honest truth
Give you your freedom
Give you your laughter from my pain
Give you your stupid pranks all pulled on me
Give you your circles of people, that my crying face they see
Give you your lies, and your rumors, and gossip as my strength I retain
I'll just
Hold back my tears
Hold back my cries
Hold back my punches
Hold back my pride
I'll just
Fall down in pieces
Fall down in tears
Fall down as I try to face all my fears
Cry all I can
Cry all I have
Cry all the times I just keep falling down
I'll just
Make my way through
Make my new self
Make my own life without any ones help
Someday I'll
Learn to be strong
learn to move on
Learn to forget all the things that go wrong
I'll just
Keep moving on
Keep coming through
Keep the thought in my head that I'm done with all of you
You can just
Find a new pass time
Find a new "no spine"
Find a new person to take all the taunts meant to be mine
And Maybe someday when I'm singing on stage to this rhyme, you'll all finally move on and get your own real life.

By. SxRxL

!!! ME SINGING!!!! Go here!!!

Age: 17Year of birth: 1991Month of birth: 11Day of birth: 2

Gender: female

Fantasy race personality: Elf

Elftownworldmap missing.

Place of living: USA-Texas

Town: how about, the middle of no ware

Known languages

Elfwood artist: Yes

Elfwood writer: Yes

Favorite drawing objects

Computer interests
action gamesartBasic
chatemailinformation seeking
musicstrategy gamesvideo

adult popalternativeblues
folk musicgothgrunge
heavy metalhip hophouse
jazznew ageopera
popprogressive metalpunk

Other interests
beerbookscard games
carscatschasing the preferred sex
cookingcrime storiesdancing
poetryreligionrole playing

Civil status: single

Sexual preference: both sexes

Body shape: big breasted

Height: 183

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