Est autem fides credere quod nondum vides; cuius fidei merces est videre quod credis
Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe



My name is Bernadette, I'm 18 and looking forward to the day that I turn 21. 

I am generally a friendly person, except if you really piss me off. If you want to talk to me all you have to do is send a message and I'll reply. But if you send me something stupid then I'll tell you that you're a fucking retard. So I guess no matter what I'll reply to you, you just might not like the answer that you get. 

I am very involved in my high school's Army JROTC (Army Jr. Reserve Officers Training Corp) and I am the commander of the Ram's Battalion JROTC Unarmed Drill team and the raider (strength) team, as well as a member of the the honor guard, and I am on battalion staff as the Battalion Commander. So I hold the rank of c/Lieutenant Colonel. Though I had plans on joining the army and going through ROTC in college, due to medical reasons I am no longer able to do so, however I wish that I could. So please none of that anti-war, bashing military bull shit or I'll bash your fucking face, I know too many people in Iraq right now to put up with that bull.

When I'm not at school or doing JROTC crap I tend to waist my time online, playing video games, and drawing. When I can I hang out with my friends.

I hate drama, liars, ass holes, wannabies and posers, and I don't have time to put up with shit, so don't bring it here. Fuckers. Eh whatever. I don't really have a problem with people with perverted minds, saying that I have one myself, so long as you realize that I will never cyber with you, no mater how hot I might think you are.

Also, I generally don't like talking to people who are younger then me, 16 maybe, but 13-15 year olds, no. Especially younger guys. Sorry I only go for guys older then me as a rule. Oh and 12-16 year old girls who are all "omg I am so in love with my boy, we're going to be together forever" yeah please grow up, I doubt that you'll even last the rest of the school year, so if your name or your mood says something similar to that, don't even bother. I tend to find you youngins uninteresting and annoying. You can still message me, but please something intelligent and interesting/entertaining. There has been exceptions, so go ahead and try to prove me wrong.

For those of you who have asked why my sexuality is marked unknown, I believe that you don't know until you've tried, and as of right now I haven't had the opportunity to test it, other then testing and finding out I like guys (meaning I'm either bi or straight, i just don't know the answer to that yet). And to tell the truth I'm not going to test that at the moment. 

Oh and if you haven't noticed I cuss, and I really don't fucking care if that offends you, get over it. You're not 5.

I love to draw, write and take photographs, and I do so when ever I get the chance. There are examples of all three here, so please check em out and tell me what you think, critisism is always welcome for the most part.

I understand German, though I can neither speak, read or write it (comes with having an entire family of german speakers but never taking the time to learn it) and I can read and write seax-wica.

Lastly I am Pagen, my backbone beliefs stemming from wicca, though since I began I have begun to move away from traditional since of the religion. Religion is a very big part of my life and I spend quite a bit of my time researching and exploring new aspects of it. Recently I have begun to study Chaos Magick and Shamanism, which I have come to discover are in some aspects highly similar. I enjoy discussing religion with anyone of any religion and I'm very willing to ansewer any questions you have about wicca, so long as you understand that I will never, for anything, change what I believe in. And for you fellow wiccans stop fucking telling me that I can't be in the army and be wiccan...yes I fucking can, with out breaking my oath of "harm thee none" and if you don't believe me read Harm Thee None.

If you want to know more, message me. I'm generally bored and willing to talk so yeah, the rest is up to you.




and becasue I'm cool and I like my pictures
The Last Mellon's Photos
and if you have a question, but are to lazy to send me a message and ask me your self you may just find your answers here
More About The Last Mellon









First drawing done with my brand new Wacom BAMBOO Fun tablet and Corel Painer Essentials 3

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All My Wikies

The Last Mellon's Photos
More About The Last Mellon

Stuff that is now not allowed in my house becuase of the coppied writings rule can be found here
My favorite jodies
Alone: Edgar Allan Poe
Army JROTC Creed
Civilian Friends vs. Military Friends

and the next wikies are also featured in the wiccaning which was created by [Bookwyrm]

Harm Thee None
the 7 laws
Redemption, Reincarnation and Rebirth

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Book Reviews

Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft by: Raymond Buckland.
This was one of the very first books I read on Wicca (actually the second book I read) Very good for beginners who do not know much about the craft and wicca, though I found that it had little that I could incorporate into every day practice, for it was more aimed at cloven based practice and highly traditional formulas. 


Full Contact Magick by: Kerr Cuhulain
Extremely good book, dealing with what it truly means to be a warrior and a wiccan/witch. Written by a ex-air force officer and police officer

Goth Craft by: Raven Digitalis
Despite the initial connotations I had when I first picked up this book I found it an insightful way of incorporating gothic sub culture and pagan culture and using each to benefit the other.

Nocturnal Witchcraft by Konstantionos
Insightful in places, though the author uses mainly ceremonial magick more then anything. Goth Craft is better and covers much of the same information.

Ritual Craft by: Amber K and Azrael Arynn K
Although it is feminist in nature, it is a great book for putting together group and individual rituals. Great ideas that can be used at any time, I do suggest reading it, though it is really long.

Solitary Witch by: Silver Raven Wolf
As reading material goes, its not a book to just read, just because of how it is put together. Great for looking up information, but reading it with intent is a lot better. Great on ritual ideas and various types of elements to use.

The Tarot by: Paul Foster Case
Traditional tarot, with only the major arcane, wordy to the extreme, though it has a lot of history with the correspondence to the Hebrew alphabet, but it is not that good.

The Urban Primitive by: Raven Kaldera and Tannin Schwartzstein
Pagan living for us who do not live with in nature.

The Way of the Shaman by: Michael Harner
Very interesting insight on the religious practice of many South American tribes, along with practical instruction to reach and altered state with out the use of drugs. Good, how ever the techniques taught are more for a group lesson, kinda hard for some one who is a solitary.

Wicca for One by: Raymond Buckland
Wonderful hands on book for a solitary which. One of my favorite books, though it is a basic belief book.

Wicca: The Complete Craft by: D.J Conway
Another "complete" guide to wicca, though contains more rituals the practical practice of most of what is explained it not great (lots of exotic herbs, oils and crystals that are "necessary" to make it work) also the belief system outlines is extremely feminist. Raymond Buckland is better.

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Ok Some of my writing...

Short Story:

[stiletto healed hunter]

[updated 9-19-07]

The taste was pure ecstasy. Life in its purest form flowing between her lips, filling her mouth. It was rich, full of memories, of hopes and fears, passion and hate. The sent was acrid sweet to her nostrils and intoxicating. He didn't struggle as she held him tight to her breasts, even as his heart rate speed up, trying to make up for the lack of blood. His body was warm and compelling, and nothing other then that warmth and taste existed. 
She could feel him slipping away, as she continued to drink. She could feel his body cool, his heart give up and slow down to a crawl. His breathing stopped, but she continued. Finally his heart gave its last shuddering beat. Life and energy flooded though her, while his life ended.
His blood lost its richness, its sweetness. It became cold and she let his limb body drop to the asphalt. She stood up, wiping a long hand across her mouth, wiping the blood from her lips. 
Looking down at him she gave him a sad half smile. It was to easy some times. To easy to lure them away from the light, with promises of the flesh. Promises that where never for filled, at least not for them. Men, they where to driven by what's in their pants to ever take a second thought.
Reaching down she pulled his class ring from his finger, which proclaimed his involvement in high school football, his glory days which had long since past. But like so many he was still trying to hold on to those days, when he was the best. It didn't take much imagination to see him lean and fit, busty cheerleaders hanging off of his arms, but still the years since then had taken their toll. Straightening she slipped the ring on to her thumb and closed her fist around it, keeping it from slipping off. 
She didn't bother to hide the kill. The dark and empty ally would hide the body, at least until morning. Maybe even longer. And by then she would be long gone. She had spent enough time in this cursed city, it was time to move on.
Turning from the man she made her way back to the better lit street. Her strides where long and powerful; purposeful. The walk of a predator. The walk of some one who knew that nothing could hurt them. Her stiletto heals clicked commandingly with each long step she took.
She was wearing a black lace corset that show more then it covered, the short black skirt showed off her thin, perfectly shaped pail legs. Yet Despite her dress, no one could mistake her for one of the prostitutes who stood on the corners. Her very presence told everything. She didn't bother to try and blend in, not any more. She was to full of the rush of adrenaline and power that a kill always brought on to her.
The air was cold, crisp. The sent of rain was pure and relaxing, and for a moment she could ignore the sent of glassine, exhaust, and human decay that lay over the city. Just for a moment she could concentrate on the sound of the rain hitting the pavement, and forget about everything else. But that moment didn't last long.
Continuing up the street, she made her way back to the bar that they had left from, only 15 minutes ago. Back to where her dark red porch was parked.
Drunks where staggering out of the bar and leered at her, but she ignored them. She had had her fill.
Smiling she got into the drivers seat and revved the engine, feeling vibration of the engine though her legs. She rolled down the windows before she pulled out of the parking lot, enjoying the cold bite of the wind against her cheeks.

Her home lay well outside any human city, isolated and dark. Trees pressed thickly along that badly paved road that led to the small house. The house where she had been born.
She had returned there after years of wandering alone, coming back to face the memories that had still haunted her. Echoes of her families screams had fallowed like vengeful ghosts, until she thought that she would go mad. Hoping for some peace she had returned, and never left.
Through a break in the trees she saw it. It had once been cozy, well kept, a perfect place for a religious zealot to raise his children, with out the interference from the out side world. Or so they had thought. Until that night her father returned from the town, with a man, preaching like he always did, about finding salvation.
He had been pail, cold with the most vivid eyes she had ever seen. Blue in the ocean of white, like beacons, leading you forward. Never had she seen anyone so beautiful, so cold, but filled with so much life, and like any other female she found him compelling, his stories and tales intriguing. 
It didn't take her long for her to become infatuated with him, and one night she left her room, and went down the hall to his. That night he claimed her as his, taking her blood, forcing her to take his.
Then he left her, left her to change in her family's home. When she had awoken she knew not who she was, what she was doing. It wasn't until she had killed them all, draining them dry, that she remembered who they where; her Father, Mother, Brother, and two-year-old Sister.
Later that night he came back to the house, laughing as he stood over her and the bodies, approving at the devastation that she had created. She killed him where he stood, his laugh turning to screams as she ripped out his heart with her own hands.
He had destroyed hers, so she would take his.
She left that night, and didn't return for nearly 70 years.
Predawn light was beginning to show in the East when she pulled up next to the house, killing the engine. Getting out she walked over the uneven ground to the decaying deck and the door that hung steady on its hinges. The windows that flanked either side of the door where boarded, showing no sign of what lay inside.
Pulling out keys she unlocked the 4 locks on the door, letting herself into the pitch black front room.
"Tresa," A male voice said quietly from the corner, a statement not a question.
Reaching along the wall she flicked a switch and a single light bulb flickered on. 
The man hissed, holding his hands over his eyes for a moment, before looking at her, but he smiled, clearly glade that she had returned.
"Good morning Amadi," She said with little emotion as she looked him over.
Tresa had found him, eating rats in an ally way and took pity on him. He was a half turned, a human bitten by a vampire and not killed or given the blood of a vampire to make him change. Forever in a half state, week and helpless, unable to survive on his own, needing blood but without the strength to hunt more then rats himself and with an extreme aversion to light.
Who ever had bitten him was cruel to leave him in such a state, but for some reason she had been unable to kill him. So she had brought him back here, giving him blood from her kills, feeding him like a mother bird would feed her nestlings.
She had given him the name Amadi, for he remembered nothing of who he was before he was bitten.
Crawling towards her he gasped for air, the blood from his last feeding wearing off fast, until he was no longer able to stand. As he reached her she ran her fingers through his hair and he looked up at her. Maybe it was his eyes that had prevented her from killing him, hazel touched with green, just like her brother's had been. Even now he had an attractive face, his hollowed cheeks making his face sharp angles and casting crisp shadows.
Weakly he reached up for her hand and she allowed him to pull her to the floor beside him. "How was hunting," He asked his voice rough and little more then a whisper.
Tresa smiled. "Not bad considering." She lifted her wrist to his mouth and he bit into her vain, drinking the blood that flowed through her. He never took enough to effect her, only enough to regain his strength until she would go hunting again. He was the reason she went so often.
Slowly he dropped her wrist, licking the blood from it as it healed quickly. "He was drunk."
"Yes," Tresa nodded and smiled.
With out saying anything Amadi rapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. "Sleep now Tresa, rest off the blood high," He said like he was her care taker, instead of reality.
Or maybe this was why she hadn't killed him, maybe she missed contact with out the urge to kill.



my pathetic attemp at poetry

[What is this feeling?
This echoing,
Reverberating.
Bouncing around my chest.
What could this be?
Love with out knowing,
Pain with out feeling,
Why is the emptiness,
So consuming,
So demanding,
Addicting.
What is this feeling?
Constricting my breathe,
Holding me back.
I hate not knowing,
I hate always waiting,
It's almost like I'm fading.
What is this feeling?
I'm always longing,
Always wanting.
A little bit more
It is never enough.
What is this feeling?]



bitten by [NexusGecko]



The Wiccaning