Let's see, a quick update (maybe). I'm still not smoking! Finally kicked it for good. Michael's done well too.
The fall weather has invigorated me as it does every year. It gets so hot and humid here during the summer that it's hard to get outside much, but this time of year, it's perfect, and I like to get out as much as possible. Now to get a camera..
We've had a LOT of rain this month. Everyone's complaining, but it only makes for nicer fall colors, so I don't mind so much.
We went to the Pinnacle Mountain Rendezvous this last weekend, where Native Americans and Mountain Men set up teepee's and camps and sell their goods. We have gone for the past three years, and I think it will definitely be an annual thing for us. I love it! The air is filled with sage and sweet grass, and I was finally able to buy a good Native American flute, so now, I've got to work on learning how to play it properly. :)
Michael's taking a weeks vacation in early November, and I'm hoping to rent a cabin somewhere for us so we can just relax and destressify ourselves..and yes, destressify is a word. >.<
I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year for Michael's family, and maybe my mom and step dad, so that will be FUN. It will be my first, so wish me luck that the turkey remains intact and that my rolls don't burn. Luckily, everyone's pretty laid back, so even if something does go terribly wrong, the worst that will happen is that I get laughed at, and that's nothing new.
I hope that you all are enjoying the fall..or spring for those of you in Australia, and that there is good health all around. And if I don't write again beforehand, happy holidays!
In response to Skydancer's Diary:
1. Optimist or Pessimist, is the glass nearly empty or half full of a nice wine or mead? I would love to say optimist, but I am my father's child, and most times the glass is 1/2 empty...unless I've drank mead, then it would be 1/2 full for sure :)
2. Grass or concrete, do you prefer the natural world or the urban one?
Grass, all the way. I am not a city girl, though the lights are pretty at night, they don't touch the stars
3. Fashion madness or skin cult? Do you spend money like crazy on the latest fashions and clothes or are you more comfortable in your own skin and clothes are just something you wear when you need to?
I hate fashion...If I'm home alone, chances are I'm nude
4. Fantasy or common reality? Are you more immersed in your own, or others fantasy worlds to the point that they color your life choices and actions or are you caught up in the shared illusion of the "real world" with all its mania of jobs, family, wars and the media?
I can cope with the real world, but I prefer my fantasy world much more.
5. Spiritual, Religious, Agnostic, Alternative, None of the above.
Spiritual, for sure
6. Creative madness or fan girl/boy? That is to say, artist/perform
I'm a bit of both. I love to create, but I can appreciate and be inspired by other's works as well
7. Spicy or homestyle? You like your life and foods hot and spicy or prefer the comfort of homemade meals and sincere cuddles.
I love both. Spicy is great, but sometimes you just need something a bit more consistant
8. Hopeless romantic or pragmatic partner?
I am a hopeless romantic. Always have been. I think I have a bit of the grass is greener syndrome
9. Animal companions or beer and sports casts?
I have lots of pets, and life would be very lonesome and dull without them, but I like my beer too. :)
10. A hike in the forest or a night out at the club?
I like both. The forest for calm reflection, and the club for the ability to get lost among strangers
11. Polygamy, Monogamy, Open, Exclusive, Shared, Alternative, Traditional?
I'm not really sure at this point. I'm still pondering that one
12. Silk Sheets or Comfy Quilts?
I'm a comfy quilt kind of girl. Not really a fan of silk anything. Too easy to slide off of a bed covered in silk
13. Wood and Candles or Metals and Glass?
Wood and candles with a bit of glass
14. The touch of sun through the clouds or the drama of the storm?
15. Sweets or Sours?
Both again. Variety is the spice of life
16. A chance to meet a friend you know from online or a chance to meet a celebrity?
A friend I've known online
17. Lord of the Rings or the Last Unicorn, The Labyrinth or The Dark Crystal?
The Labyrinth and the Last Unicorn
18. Muppets or Anime?
19. Paint, Ink, Pencils or Photoshop, tablet and Painter?
Paint and Pencils
20. In front of the Lens or behind the Camera?
Behind the camera
21. You have one thing you may do that will be the pinnacle of your life. It is?
To travel the world. See all of the beauty and cultures that are out there
It's been a while, I know. (As if there are those of you out there waiting for my next entry, talk about ego XP) Anyways, things have been going pretty well lately. Nothing bad to gripe about. Oh, I quit smoking again. (Eighth times a charm, hopefully) and it's been a little over a week so far. They've raised the taxes on tobacco here in Arkansas, and even before the prices became outrageous, I thought smoking was somewhat a stupid idea. Spending money to kill yourself just isn't smart. But, I smoked anyways, so now I'm using the nicotine gum, and Michael is on the patches. We've had a few nicotene deprivation induced spats, but nothing major. We promised each other to make no decisions about our relationship while we are going through withdrawals.
We also got a new puppy. This brings the dog count to five...crazy, but somehow not overwhelming. She's a boxer/lab mix, and is the daughter of my Charlie, who is the boxer I rescued from my husband's sister. He is my little love, and I hope his daughter has his temperment. We've named her Shadow, and if the size of her feet are any indication, she's going to be BIG. Oh, are there any of you out there who live nearby and want a Yorkie/Maltese mix? I'm wanting to find a good home for Bailey. I also rescued him from Michael's sister, but I just can't keep him too. He's a sweet little thing, and I've recently gotten both he and Charlie neutered, so there will be no more puppies from them.
Other than the goings on of my farm, we've been doing a lot of fishing. We don't catch much most days, but it's relaxing being outside, and that makes it worthwhile. The weather here has been very nice lately. It's warmed up finally, and it feels like summer is coming quick. Right now, I can open the windows and let the house air out at night, and that makes for a nice sleep.
I hope you are all doing well, and I should have the internet again within the next few years XP...hopefully
A little bit of Sarah McLachlan tonight. I saw her at the Memphis in May Beale Street Music Fest in 2005. I loved her music before then, but I loved it even more after. She has such talent, and can truly perform. This song is called Elsewhere, and the lyrics are special to me. If you've not heard it, I highly recommend you check it out.
I love the time and in between
The calm inside me
In the space where I can breathe
I believe there is a
Distance I have wandered
To touch upon the years of
Reaching out and reaching in
Holding out holding in
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it as long as I can be
Left here to linger in silence
If I choose to
Would you try to understand
I know this love is passing time
Passing through like liquid
I am drunk in my desire...
But I love the way you smile at me
I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near...
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
If I choose to
Would you try to understand
Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
The mold that clings like desperation
Mother can't you see I've got
To live my life the way I feel is right for me
Might not be right for you but it's right for me...
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
If I choose to
Would you try to understand it
I would like to linger here in silence
If I choose to
Would you understand it
Would you try to understand...
For those who may be curious, I fully support artistic nudity. I just haven't found the acceptance of self (aka the balls) to do any yet. Have a nice day :)
It's been a little while since I've written an actual diary entry on here. Things have been going pretty well here, and I've no room to complain. (Wow, eh?) I've not been up to much, just the usual back and forth from my house to my aunt's. Michael mentioned to me the other day that I'd been spending a lot of time away from home, and it occured to me then how new to this marriage thing I am. It's strange for me to have to tell someone where I'm going, much less ask their opinion of it. I know it's only common courtesy, and I like for him to do the same for me, but my independant streak is hard to quiet. I love him though, and really, I'm lucky that he's more the kind of husband who will let me do what I want as long as I tell him before hand, and it's not something that will harm me or our relationship.
I've read three books these past two days! It's nice to be reading again, but I've found that lately, I'm preferring light reading over something more philisophical, so no Plato for me. I did, however, read The Diary of V trilogy, and for you women out there who enjoy a book with lots of comedy and sex, I'd recomend them. ;)
The zoo at my house has grown by one. Michael's sister is someone who is not so good at regaurding the wellfare of animals (we aren't getting in to that), so I "liberated" her boxers from her. She had a male and female, and though I had no room at my home for both of them, I did keep the male, and found the female a wonderful home. So now I've got four dogs, three fish, two cats, one snake, but no partridges in a tree. Needless to say, feeding time is hectic. But I wouldn't trade them for the world. Charley, the boxer, thinks that it's his duty to guard me at all times, and though I've told him that I need no protection from the toilet, he feels it's necessary to stand by the bathroom door and observe my goings on....somewhat unsettling, but it's nice to be so loved. At least he doesn't taunt "I know what you're doing".
"Dull Flame Of Desire"
(feat. Antony Hegarty)
I love your eyes, my dear
Their splendid sparkling fire
When suddenly you raise them so
To cast a swift embracing glance
Like lightning flashing in the sky
But there's a charm that is greater still
When my love's eyes are lowered
When all is fired by passion's kiss
And through the downcast lashes
I see the dull flame of desire
....Oh, and turtles :P
Things are going well this week. My aunt and I have been baking like crazy so that we can arrange decorative paper plates full of stuff for neighbors and friends this Christmas. So far, we've made: chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, divinity, rocky road, fudge, Swedish Pecans, and brownies. Tomorrow, we make peanut brittle, date pinwheel cookies, and chocolate and white chocolate covered pretzels. THEN we're done.. :) All of it completely home made, and very time consuming but great fun. You should be here [Skydancer] ;)
Two entries in one night...Everyo
Michael's at home, enjoying his alone time. I don't blame him, and definitely don't feel the slightest bit put out because of it. I'm typically a solitary person myself, which is why my closest friends were shocked that I got married at all. He, on the other hand, doesn't have the option to be solitary, since he's at work all day, and then comes home to me. Since I'm not working, unless I'm visiting someone, I'm ALWAYS home, so he's never really alone much. I think that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so these times when I escape to my aunts are as beneficial to him as they are to me. We trust each other completely, and that helps as well. I know about what he's doing when I'm gone, playing Halo, or some other video game. He's 31, and still loves his games. I'm 28, and a Zelda/Mario fanatic, so I can't say much. I don't go so far as to have a ton of stuff portraying the games though. Just a wall-hanging of Link in the living room, standing in a castle with sword drawn...and a Super Nintendo, N-64, Game Cube, and the Game Boy adapter for the Super Nintendo. Yes, while most women collect purses and shoes, I collect CD's and video games.
I wonder if we'll ever truly grow up....that doesn't really sound like much fun though, and I'd like to be the type of parent when I have children who enjoys watching The Dark Crystal, and The Labyrinth, and building fortresses and such. My own mother used to read to me a lot, and I think that helped to instill my love of fantasy. And hence my being at Elftown. :)
Ok, I'm done for now, I could ramble all night. I hope you are all having a great October :D
It must be noted that I have chosen my favorite guitarist. After twenty-somethi
I was having a nostalgic moment, listening to Tears For Fears-Head Over Heels, when it occured to me that I have a weakness for British boys with big brown eyes. They are so lovely and kind looking. This could very well explain my Duran Duran obsession of yore. I'm sure the accent doesn't hurt either.
1. What time did you get up this morning?
2. Diamonds or pearls?
3. Last movie you saw?
The Bucket List
4. What is your favorite TV Show? I don't really have one
5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
6. What is your middle name?
7. What food do you dislike?
Olives, and intestines...
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
9. What kind of car do you drive?
A Mercury Sable
10. Favorite sandwich?
I'm not sure..I like Cajun Turkey with spicy mustard and white American cheese
11. What characteristic do you despise?
Ignorance, and the unwillingness to learn
12. Favorite item of clothing?
Night shirts...long ones
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
14. Favorite brand of clothing?
I don't really care, I go for comfy
15. Where would you retire to?
I'm not sure really...somep
16. Favorite birthday?
My 21st when I went to Vegas with my mom and Gram
17. Favorite sport to watch?
18. Furthest place you are sending this?
Not really sure
19. Person you expect to send it back first?
20. Beach or Mountains?
21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
22. What is your shoe size?
3 dogs, 2 cats, a snake, and four fish
24. What's your favorite holiday?
25. What did you want to be when you were little?
26. How old are you today?
27. What is your favorite candy?
28. What is your favorite flower?
Anything that smells nice and doesn't make me sneeze
29. What day are you looking forward to?
The day where I'm financially stable enough to do little things that I want to do...like clothes shop, or go to Germany, or a fair..anything really!
30. What are you listening to right now?
31 What was the last thing you ate?
32. Do you wish on stars?
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
It would change from day to day...today, orange, I think
34. How is the weather right now?
Sunny and warm
35. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
36. Favorite soft drink?
Cherry vanilla Dr Pepper, but only fountain style
39. Favorite restaurant?
40. Hair color?
Currently growing out my black hair...I wanted to go for the red lipstick black hair look, and then, inevitably grew tired of it, and now I'm stuck with it, so I'm growing it out (slowly) and then going blonde, I think..
41. What was your favorite toy as a child?
My little ponies
42. Summer or winter?
43. Hugs or kisses?
44. Chocolate or Vanilla?
It depends. I don't care for chocolate that's too rich
45. Coffee or tea?
46. Do you want your friends to re-post this?
If they wish
47. What is under your bed?
48. What did you do last night?
Drove to my aunt's
49. How many keys on your key ring?
Eight, six that are functional, and two that are nostalgic
50. How many years at your current job?
I've not worked for two years
51. How many towns have you lived in?
Oh shoot....I'm not really sure, 13 that I can remember
52. Do you make friends easily?
I am a bit shy, until I get to know someone, but people tend to like me once I meet them, or at least they seem to, so I guess???
53. How many people will you send this to?
I'm posting it here, so whoever reads this
54. How many will respond?
I don't know, I got it from Cia_mar..
I just wanted to write a bit and tell everyone that I'm not dead or anything. Just no internet yet, and I'm not really sure when I'll have it again.
We are enjoying our new house, and have got a zoo nearly already due to me and Michael's inability to turn down anything fuzzy, or otherwise cute. XP We now have Cali (of course), another kitten Tasha, a pomeranian mix who is my little man Skipper, Mr. Bojangles our shepherd mix, four fish who I call Lumeire, spaz, and tetra #1 and #2, a rat snake named Nake, and that's all, so far. I think it's plenty for our small home. Mr. Bojangles stays in the back yard, but my kittens and Skipper and the others of course live in the house with us. All were adopted in one way or another. However, Merlin had to be adopted out since he was more an outdoor cat, and we moved next to a highway. I miss him, but I'd rather miss him and know that he's safe in a new home than find him smushed one day.
Michael and I are doing great, and I'm very happy that I took the leap of faith and married him. He is wonderful to me, and I try to be for him as well. I'm finding myself more and more in love with him every day. It's strange, we were together two years before we got married, and yet everything has changed since we've married. For the first time in my life, I am content with the knowledge that I've found someone to grow old with, when before, I was always looking for the next best thing, full of doubt and fear. It is such a comforting feeling knowing that you are going to have someone there to share everything with, and I think as the years go by, and we share more and more experiances together, we will only grow closer. This will however be tested soon I'm afraid. Since the economy is in the state it's in here, it's hard for many people with lower incomes to get by, so to fill the gap in our financial status, and for us to live not paycheck to paycheck, but more securely Michael has decided that he's more than likely going to take a job in Washington state as a seafood processor, which means that he'll be away from home for six months..
Of course, once we become more secure, I'll be able to fly up and spend time with him, but it's going to be so hard to wake up every day and him not be there.
It reminds me of a song by Bjork called Unravel. I hope that we are able to stay close in spirit, even though he's so far away. He loves the fact that he'll be able to be the sole means of income, and I really don't mind that either. I'm not too fond of HAVING to do something every day. I've always preferred to leave my days unscheduled. It's strange that way...I'd make a great artist, if I could draw. XD I envy those of you who can make that work. You deserve it though, I know it's not all talent, but a lot of work as well. Kudos...I'll stick to making hemp necklaces and scarves of yarn. It's what I know. ;)
I feel like much of this is random..may be the pain pill I took earlier. I never take meds unless needed, so this has knocked me for a loop I guess. It's nice though...not something I'd want to make a habit of, but at the moment, it dulls the muscle pain....I don't know how I managed to strain my bum muscles....(innocent look and such should be inserted here...note to self, find new emotes)
I miss you guys! It's strange how close one can become to people they've never met face to face. I hope that you are all doing wonderfully. I'll be on tomorrow as well since I'm spending a few days at my aunts. I hope to talk to a few of you anyways. :) Take care...love and such <3
We finish moving into our house tomorrow! It's exciting, but nerve-wracking at the same time. I won't have the internet for a little while though, so I just wanted to say bye for a bit, but hopefully not for long.
Taken from [Cia_mar] ;)
Right Handed or Left Handed........
The Shoes You Wore Today.........
Your Perfect Pizza.....Mich
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year.....Be happy
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger.....
Thoughts First Waking Up............
Your Best Physical Feature.......
Your Most Missed Memory........
Pepsi or Coke..........
MacDonalds or Burger King.....MacDo
Single or Group Dates.........
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea........
Chocolate or Vanilla.......
Cappuccino or Coffee........
Do you Swear.........
Do you Sing..........
Do you Shower Daily.......Mo
Have you Been in Love.....Yes
Do you want to go to College.......
Do you want to get Married.......
Do you believe in yourself......
Do you get Motion Sickness......
Do you think you are Attractive....
Are you a Health Freak.........
Do you get along with your Parents....I love my parents, but sometimes we don't like each other
Do you like Thunderstorms.
Do you play an Instrument....
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol.......
In the past month have you Smoked........
In the past month have you been on Drugs.........
In the past month have you gone on a Date........No
In the past month have you gone to a Mall........No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos.........
In the past month have you eaten Sushi.....No
In the past month have you been on Stage.........
In the past month have you been Dumped........
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping.......
In the past month have you Stolen Anything......
Ever been Drunk.........
Ever been called a Tease.........
Ever been Beaten up............
How do you want to Die...........
What do you want to be when you Grow up.........I'm not sure if I want to grow up..but I guess responsible
What country would you most like to Visit.........
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:........
Favourite Hair Color.........
Short or Long Hair..........
Best Clothing Style.........
Number of Drugs I have taken....4
Number of CDs I own...........
Number of Piercings.....
Number of Tattoos.......
Number of things in my Past I Regret........
Taken from [nathie] XD
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A . A rather large box full of fragile things yesterday....m
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No, but close once. I was running down the driveway with my dog at my side, and she decided to run in front of me, and my head bounced off the asphalt...that was bad.
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. Maybe...I don't know. If you knew, then you could enjoy certain parts of life that you may have been afraid of before, but, you would dread that day as well..That's a hard call.
Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. I wouldn't. I like my name alright
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Blues, totally
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Yeah, the occasional fly while riding my bike...among other things..
Q: Do you smile often?
Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Most of the time, but there are those days when being friendly is a little hard
Q. Do you hold grudges?
A. I try not to, and fail most of the time. I know it only hurts yourself, but if someone's really hurt me, it's hard to forget that.
Q. Who do you tell your secrets to?
A. Michael, and a few close friends
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Of course
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. No, the thought of losing a body part is a major fear of mine...that and it would hurt!
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. I don't know..maybe
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Depends on the type of hotsauce
Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. It would really depend on the person. I feel a little guilty that I couldn't flat out say no, but if a person offered me that much to kill someone who hurt their child or beat on an old person or an animal..someth
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: I don't currently have a left pocket
Q: Do have a hardwood or carpet floor in your house?
A: carpet and linoleum
Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: It's hard..I'd rather not
Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: None..I don't really like flip flops
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: A few years ago
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: If I grow up, happy
Q. TV show?
A. LA Ink, Ghost Hunters
Q. Flavor of gum?
Q: Missing someone?
A: Freshly awake
Q: Listening to?
A. My Cali cat attacking her stuffed mouse..Too cute!
A. What I'm doing here
Q: Worrying about?
A : When our tax refunds will come in
Q: First place you went this morning?
Q: What cant you wait to do?
A. Be completely moved in to our house with everything turned on such as internet and satellight.
Q. What do you dread?
A. Moving our bed and our desk...they are heavy. I may leave that to the men :P
Q: What will you do when you answer this question?
A: Run to the restroom then have a smoke
The medication I got from the pharmacy was not Prozac, but Paxil. Since it was the generic, I didn't catch the difference until I looked a bit closer at it today, of course after I had taken a dose of it. I will not be taking another one, that's for sure. I was dizzy, and nauseated, and just felt generally like poo. Have any of you tried Paxil, and if so, how did you feel? I've been reading online that withdrawals are hell, so I know I don't want to ever have to go through that. Perhaps I can find an herbal remedy rather than these pills and such. I'm not sure...if you know of anything, advice would be most welcome. :)
Well, I went to the doctor today, somewhat eventful. I've lost a pound, yea, and she is putting me on Prozac for my night time anxiety. I hate being medicated, but I also hate not being able to sleep due to thoughts of doom and such. So...I'm not sure how the meds will affect me, hopefully I won't be zombie-like, only mellower. Just wanted to explain the situation in case there is to be a change in my outlook suddenly. XP Take care all, and I hope that 2008 is being good to you so far. Loves, hugs and such XOXO
I'm having a hard time even thinking about sleep tonight. It's nearly four in the morning, and my mind is racing uncontrollably
I'm 27, and just now realizing that there are a great many parts to me, and I'm clueless as to what to do about it. Am I supposed to choose one way to be and just do what I can to be that, or should I embrace them all, even if they sometimes contradict each other?
I wonder if this is a realization I should have come to years ago, or if it's natural for me to start to see these things at this age. My childhood was anything but ordinary, and I wonder at times if the things that happened then somehow delayed this particular stage of mental development.
And now, I'm married, and though I adore Michael, and am happy with him, was this a decision that I might should have held out on until I got all of this figured out?
I've heard before that ignorance is bliss, and I'm realizing that whoever said that must have been a wise person, because having this sort of thought process is anything but blissful. Sometimes not knowing seems to be better than knowing. At least if I didn't know to worry about these things, I would be able to sleep..
In some ways mentally, I feel older than I am, and in others I feel like a child. Utter confusion.