[Mortified Penguin]'s diary

1139653  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2011-08-01
Written: (1577 days ago)
Next in thread: 1139714
1136589  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2011-06-02
Written: (1637 days ago)
Next in thread: 1136590, 1136595

As we all know, Bob's Diner has a comment based economy. As comment averages rise, Bob's Diner prospers. When they fall, Bob's Diner slips into a violent depression and has thoughts of suicide. It often cries itself to sleep at night, wondering how it's going to feed its 27 children. So, you can clearly see why the more comments you make, the better off we are and the less I'll hate you. With the current seemingly exponential comment rate, Bob's Diner is projected to surpass the 08/09 year in average Comments Per Day, making this, potentially, the third most prosperous friscal year after the 04/05 and 07/08 years, (dis)respectively. Assuming, of course, the currently increased comment rate remains steady and doesn't fall to early 10/11 rates (which, needless to say, were simply abysmal), we should, somewhat easily, be able to produce upwards of 2000 new comments before the end of the friscal year. Quality wise, though, I don't expect much of these comments, but then again, I never have. In conclusion, jerk reading my diary for some reason, please consider shutting your ugly face up and heading on down to Bob's Diner to leave somewhere between 20 to 400 comments a day for the next 89 days. After that point, feel free to only leave 20 to 399 per day for the rest of your life. Until you die. Of ugliness. Because you are ugly and stupid and have a butt for a face.

1136392  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2011-05-30
Written: (1640 days ago)

Go fan Bob's Diner, you jerks.

1134720  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2011-05-06
Written: (1664 days ago)

So tornadoes rape my home state (Bama) and I'm gone for ten days. I come back to no messages and wiki comment updates with nothing but spam and other annoyances. I see how it is, you guys! You don't even care! Fine! Whatever! Gah!

1097745  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-10-19
Written: (2228 days ago)
1092653  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-08-31
Written: (2277 days ago)
Next in thread: 1092662, 1092678, 1137034

I swear, If I see one more of your diary entries about a dream you had, so help me...

This means all of you. I'm talking to at least six of you out there... you six know who you are... unless you have amnesia... in that case, I'm sorry... sorry that you don't remember Bob's Diner that is! ...B's D is now serving real meat by-products! ...we're open 24/7... stop on by!

1092336  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2009-08-28
Written: (2280 days ago)
Next in thread: 1092374, 1092375

Back to this: <blog:1086367>

But I WILL be coming back on the 29th/30th! ...and there BETTER be thousands of comments made on Bob's Diner before the fifth anniversary!

1089629  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-08-08
Written: (2300 days ago)

Elftown is boring, so here's this:

1.You have ten dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station, what do you buy?
Condoms, lube, chocolate milk.

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you be?

3. Who is your favorite redhead?

4. What do you order when you are at IHOP?
Freakin' waffles.

5. Last book you read?
Bible, Kama Sutra

6. Describe your mood.
Enraged, high, barely lucid

7. Describe the last time you were injured?

8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Someone who puts out... someone who's a filthy whore... [Sunrose]!

9. Rock concert or symphony?
Rock concert.

10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone?

11. Favorite soda?
Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, Cream Soda

12. What type of shirt are you wearing?
Name Brand

13. If you could only use one form of transportation:
Instant transmission.

14. Most recent movie you have watched in theaters?

15. Name an actor/actress/singer you have had the hots for?
Michael Jackson

16. What is your favorite kind of cake?

17. What did you have for dinner last night?

18. Look to your left, what do you see?
John McCain action figure.

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

20. Favorite toy as a child?

21. Do you buy your own groceries?

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Not often enough.

23. When was the last time you had gummy worms?
Don't know.

24. What's your favorite fruit?
Apples... or peaches... or grapes...

25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?
Well, yeah. Who doesn't?

26. Do you like running long distances?
Yes. My hero is Forest Gump.

27. Have you ever eaten snow?

28. What color are your bedsheets?
Leopard print.

29. What's your favorite flower?

30. Do you do ballet?
Only when I'm alone.

31. Do you listen to classical music?

32. What is the first TV theme song that pops in your head?

33. Do you watch SpongeBob?

34. What temperature is it outside right now?
Don't care enough to find out.

35. Do people consider you smart?
Don't know. Ask them yourself...

36. How many piercings do you have?
One on my kidney.

37. Are you signed on AIM?

38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?

39. How do you feel about your family?
Their bodies make good furniture.

40. Do you have an iPod?
An offbrand.

41. What time do you go to bed?

42. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Don't have a CD player.

43. What movie do you know every line from?

44. What is your favorite salad dressing?

45. What did you get for Christmas this year?
A savage beating.

46. What family member/friend lives the farthest from you?
Don't know.

47. Do you like hugs?
From big chested women, yes.

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
That's disgusting! Who eats butterflies?!

49. What is the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
Sometimes people accidentally call me douchebag...

50. Last person you hugged?

1086368  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-07-11
Written: (2328 days ago)

Also, you jerks...

Eat at Bob's Diner. That mother F***ing place better not die or so help me God I'll find out where everyone lives and start cuttin'! The old girl is back in [Sagacious Turkey]'s care now... *eats ramen*...

1086367  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2009-07-11
Written: (2328 days ago)
Next in thread: 1086393, 1086491, 1087865

My presence on Elftown will soon become somewhat scarce... sad, I know. I will, of course, comment on Bob's Diner (open 25/7!) from time to time, but that's about it. Don't worry though, my friends! I will return (maybe next year? I don't know) and try once more to become a guard/council member/guide/something. I'm only going to come here to save essays and such that I am working on. If I'm lucky, you'll all die while I'm away...

Hatefully yours,

[Mortified Penguin]

P.S. Seriously. Freakin' drop dead.

P.P.S. I'm freakin' serious, man! I'll cut you!

P.P.P.S. ...*eats ramen*...

1085082  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-07-02
Written: (2337 days ago)
1085005  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-07-01
Written: (2338 days ago)
Previous in thread: 1084973 In Chimes's diary
Next in thread: 1085046

Do you have the guts to answer these questions and re-post as The Controversial Survey?
This isn't that controversial...

Would you do meth if it was legalized?

Abortion: for or against it?
Against it.

Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
Not fail, but struggle.

Do you believe in the death penalty?
Only for the most extreme, unhelpable criminals.

Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Never! Stupid potheads!

Are you for or against premarital sex?
Against, unless there are extreme circumstances. (super models/millionaires)

Do you believe in God?
Sure I do.

Do you think being gay/lesbian/bisexual should be accepted?

Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
Hey! I'm Hispanic! And there's nothing that bad about it... It's preferable that they come here legally though...

A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep him?

Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
No, in fact, it should be raised to 25.

Should the war in Iraq be called off?
No? We're already over there helping the Iraqis and ensuring their freedom. How would it look if we were to just up and leave them. Without us there, another radical group would take over... Also, Bush rules. Cheney too.

Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?

Do you believe in spanking your children?
Hell yes. Beat the little bastards until they understand!

Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Depends on who saw me burning the flag.

Who do you think would make a better president?

Do you think Obama will be killed?

Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves?
Absolutely not.

Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
It doesn't matter. I hate everyone reading this anyway... (you too, mom!)

1071049  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-03-17
Written: (2443 days ago)
Next in thread: 1071363

Dear Diary,

Today I was riding my horse through a field, shooting at poes, when all of a sudden Navi starts yelling at me to listen to her. "Dude! You need to get over to the freakin' Forest Temple! They's some crazy sh*t happenin' an' you needs to check it out!"

So I headed towards Kokiri village so I could get to the temple. When I finally got there, I got off Epona and whipped out my bow. I saw a creature running at me, so I shot it repeatedly in the face. It turns out it was just Mido trying to hug me. After a brief funeral, I continued onward. Upon entering the temple, I saw a bat flying around that appeared to be on fire. I thought I would help it out by firing an ice arrow at it. Apparently, ice arrows kill bats, rather than just put out the fire. All of a sudden PETA came out of nowhere and started throwing stuff at me, so I shot a few of them in the face with my hookshot... and then... blah blah with the budget...

...*eats ramen*...

1066118  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2009-02-10
Written: (2479 days ago)
1052762  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2008-10-30
Written: (2582 days ago)

Bob's Diner review

Bob's Diner is great! Go there!
1000005  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-12-21
Written: (2896 days ago)

Damn it. Missed it by five.

 The logged in version 

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