[Little Red Riding Hoodrat]'s diary

160275  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-03-06
Written: (5737 days ago)
Next in thread: 161080

Okay, so for all of you who know what an asshole I've been to the most wonderful boy in this entire world, I am making my public apology... Not that I need to be sorry to anyone but him, but he knows how I feel, why I did what I did, and that it was stupid, and he's forgiven me (why I don't know, he's just perfect like that); but still, I feel the need to explain it to everyone else:

I'm an asshole. I didn't know just what I had with Jon, what I still have and will cherish forever. When [der hardcore] came back here, I just freaked. I guess in a way, I hoped he never would come back, that he and [Devil in Heaven] would live happily ever after and I'd never have to have the situation explained to me, etc. That I could just be with Jon and be happy. Then he came back, and I didn't know what to do. Part of me will always have a small bit of love for Richard, as much as that angers me or anyone else. I can't help that. My first reaction was to go running back to him, because I'm weak and I always thought he'd be the one to make me strong, when in reality he just made me even weaker.
Another reason I was doubting Jon and I being together is because I don't ever want to be the reason Jon made a mistake, maybe ruined his life by following me to Key West or wherever it is I'll end up, and then having him realize he doesn't want his life with me anymore. I didn't want that guilt. In a lot of ways, the ways I worry for Jon are the same as Richard did for me. He didn't want me to ruin my life here by going to him and realizing once it was too late that I had made a mistake. I don't want that for Jon either.
But I can't hurt him. I love him so much, just the thought of the tears he shed over my stupid actions is painful enough that I would die a thousand times if I could take them back. I do love him, and I always will. So if all you want to do is criticize me or hate me or whatever, don't bother telling me, just block me or whatever. Knowing I made him cry is punishment enough.

Jon, I love you.

Richard, FUCK OFF!

108936  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-12-05
Written: (5829 days ago)

And the award for most talkative male in the 2004 REHS Senior class goes to.... SEAN MOBLEY!!!! *crowd cheers*
And muh girl Joanne Hardison got most talkative female, so we'll apppear in the yearbook together... YAY! I was told I got Teacher's Pet, but today I found out I got most talkative, so I'm happy!!!

103381  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-11-22
Written: (5842 days ago)

no more gov't... no more econ... lol

102649  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-11-20
Written: (5844 days ago)
Next in thread: 110055

Big comfy hoodie, yeis.... Finals almost over... tommorrow is Econ and I gotta finish my TA log, than NOTHING until March!!! Mwuahahahahah! "I Love the Way You Move" is on.... By Outkast... Yeis.... I love this song.... "Can you feel that B-A-S-S_ BASS?".... LOL

99212  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-11-13
Written: (5851 days ago)

So today was a daze, of happy or sad or angry or depressed or hyperactive... What am I to feel like today... Picking out clothes is more fun...

91658  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-10-30
Written: (5865 days ago)

Gonna meet Patrick soon... Prolly tommorrow since it's Halloween... I'm going to a Halloween party with him dressed as the guy from "A Clockwork Orange" and he's gonna be a model... He was a model for a clothing line from Estee Lauder known as Mannequin... Quite the lil hottie... Shanna gets snaps for this one... LOL...
Shawhan is begging me to hang out with him on Wednesday, but I won't cause I have to go to Lincoln Park and he wants me to take him with me, but fuck that... He's a Navy boy.... EEeewww....
And then there's my sweet darling Richard, who came home today to tell me about his loverly lil affair.... Yay.... At least it's not Sascha (is seriously happy for this)

89914  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-10-27
Written: (5868 days ago)

Okay, so working at McDonald's truly sucks... Especially with TJ as my boss. Oh, and he hired Bryan... the skanky piece of filth that fucked me over last October and then moved to Toledo... And of course, they're fucking each other, so he was hired without even putting in an application... And they're both living with Granny Giselle, the Trolloping transvestite... Ugh... How many times have I been at work, and he's made some rude comment, and I've thought, "If Richard were here, he would kick TJ's ass into oblivion..." ??? More times than I can count anymore... I miss Richard so much... Life sucks without him...
I know I haven't always been good to him, that I've been jealous and suspicious and angstful to him, but I really do love him, and I need him... I just never realized how much until now, after he's been gone so fucking long...
Shawhan called me the other day to tell me he joined the Navy, and he ships out in June... Why would he do it? I can't understand him sometimes. And why would he tell me? I don't even care really... I just want Richard back... i wish he would come back...

87487  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-10-22
Written: (5873 days ago)

"I thought club kids dressed in pleather and vinyl, not Express" said the newbie fag with the over bite.... Ugh... Detroit clubs are just full of characters... To get on my case about wearing a sweater to a club.... So we made a bet, to see who could get the most numbers from men.... I got 12, he got 9... Oh well, fag, sorry.... Some guys just prefer boys with taste and who care how they look...
The clubs were boiring... No one there that I would even consider... I miss Richard... I wonder if he'll ever be back, but deep inside, I'm doubting it...

84746  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-10-15
Written: (5880 days ago)

'give me life... give me pain... give me my... self again... i can't reach you...'
~*.:Tori Amos:.*~

84148  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-10-14
Written: (5881 days ago)

"I don't wanna come back down from this cloud... It's taken me all this time to find out what I need... And I'm gonna find out..."

Well, TJ isn't bitter, so I won't be getting fired anytime soon. At least that is some good news. And apparently, since all teenagers have problems, so mine aren't all that bad. Just living day by day being told how worthless you are and how your father deserves a real son, not this flaming fag he was dealt. I hate this all. Sometimes I think it would be better if I just weren't here...

it's just so hard to wonder if someone truly loves you or if they're only trying to save your feelings. I need you here now Richard, but I guess you're busy. I hope I get to talk to you tommorrow then... Love you...

83648  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-10-13
Written: (5882 days ago)

All I ever wanted was to belong to someone, but even that is unattainable... It's like Tori says "Sleepovers, Beene's got soem pot, You're only popular with ANNOREXIA, So I turn myself, Inside Out... And Hope someone will see... Will See... Make me laugh... Say you know what you want... You said we were the real thing... So I show... You some more... And I learn... What black magic can do...> Make me laugh... Say you know you can turn... Me into the real thing... SO I show... You some more... And I learn..."

Yeah... Just hoping this speed makes this heart explode, so I don't ahve to face it anymore...

83625  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-10-13
Written: (5882 days ago)

Well, today I decided to quit my home life. I told my parents to fuck off, now I stay where I can when I'm not in school or at work. I work almost everyday, but I still don't make enough to get my own place... I might stay with friends, but I doubt it... Oh well..> Life goes on... Onward to Iowa or some shit...

83624  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-10-13
Written: (5882 days ago)

Well, today I decided to quit my home life. I told my parents to fuck off, now I stay where I can when I'm not in school or at work. I work almost everyday, but I still don't make enough to get my own place... I might stay with friends, but I doubt it... Oh well..> Life goes on... Onward to Iowa or some shit...

82330  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-10-10
Written: (5885 days ago)

OH!!! And I can play the start of "Horses" by Tori Amos on the piano, entirely by accident!!!! I am SO PSYCHED!!!

82317  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-10-10
Written: (5885 days ago)

Hmm... So I work fast food, right? And all of these idiots are coming through my drive-thru, yelling at me for their orders being wrong, or their food is cold, or blah blah blah,We're out of chili, we don't have cherry pies, WAH WAH WAH!!! I fucking hate people like you who come through my drive through and expect my sympathy! I smile because my job requires it, so don't talk down to me like I'M the idiot! Am I the one who just burned gas in my car for twenty minutes waiting on a $1.00 hamburger? No. Am I the one who's only 22 and has an eight year old child? No. I work at McDonald's, so FUCKING WHAT??? That doesn't make me an idiot. I am already a manager there, before my first paycheck was even given tome, what does that tell you? And the next time you come through my drive thru and bitch about your food to me, rememebr this: I don't make the food. I just take the money and give the food out!

80347  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-10-06
Written: (5889 days ago)
Next in thread: 80976

So now I am breakfast manager of McDonald's, only one week from my start date. Talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing, because now I deal with all the stupid little minors bitching that I stole their job. Give me a break... I am exhausted from working all weekend and not sleeping... Got myself obsessed with the Express thing now and I'm buying everything in the store... Senior Pictures are coming up soon and I wanna look like the snob everyone says I am. Shawhan was right, "Sure, I'm arrogant... Oh well, it gets me through the day and losers won't talk to me, so it does me good." I am beginning to see the value in that. Put yourself on a high enough pedastal to where nobody can reach you to knock you down, than nobody will. And gaurd the heart as well. the only person it is valuable to is yourself.

78834  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-10-03
Written: (5892 days ago)

Well, my major problems now, aside from being dumped by Richard, are this: my ex boyfriend is gonna be my new manager as of Halloween, so I'll prolly lose my job after that (T.J.) Last night was my first night on drive thru, and I hate it. A lot of assholes who talk too quiet then treat YOU like the idiot. I hate people.
and I need to get my car fixed, new brakes and muffler...
Oh, how dull life seems with no major drama...

I guess I'm a snob too... Yippee... There's a 30-80% off Everything in Overstock Sale at Express this week, I'm excited1 New pinstripe blazer and pants, new pleated dress shirt and black silk tie, all for $125.00... It's lookin so cute on me too!

77106  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-29
Written: (5896 days ago)
Next in thread: 78039

What do I do now? I'm so fucking confused! Why is it that when I don't want anyone's advice, they always offer it up, but when I do, they're all stupid idiots about it and give me that glazed look and that "I don't know..."??? WHY???
FROM NOW ON I NEED ONLY RICHARD, AND IF NOT HIM, I NEED ONLY THE GUY I AM WITH! I HATE FRIENDS, THEY CAUSE TOO MANY PROBLEMS AND TOO MUCH DRAMA! THE ONLY FRIENDS I WANT ARE THE FRIENDS I HAVE RIGHT HERE AT HOME!!! AMY VISGA, [klyde noone], STEPHIE, KB, AC, YOU ALL ROCK! JEFF, SHAWHAN, TOMMY, YOU ALL KEPT ME SANE DURING THIS TIME AND I LOVE YOU ALL FOR THAT!
Richard, once you are back, and you can hear my side of the story at last, you can decide what you want to do. But I am not going through your friends anymore. I refuse to battle wits with unarmed opponents!

77104  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-29
Written: (5896 days ago)

I never worry- Never care- That's what you think isn't it? I tried to be loving, tried to care, tried not to worry, tried not to be suspicious- But it doesn't matter...
Words are spoken through more tongues than my own-- Leave this place and journey home-- Back to the way my life was before-- Lock you out-- Barricade the door...
I can't leave you, I love you, I hate when you're in pain, but I'm too far gone from you now, And HE loves you again...
So I'll not look for answers... If they matter, they'll come, and I can't sit around, while my life is undone... Can't think of you, cause it'll bring me to tears... I wanted you bad... I wanted you near... But now he's too close for comfort... What am I to do? The words that I mean will never even reach you... Will you ever believe me? Ever know that I care? WIll I ever awake in bed to find you there? I can't search for answers... If they matter, they'll come... So now I gotta do what everyone does... And look out for number one...

75440  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-09-25
Written: (5900 days ago)

i'm always the bad guy. now everyone loves sascha and thinks i'm an asshole. joy. oh well. what do i do? wait for richard? go find someone else and ditch elftown? mail me soon richard, i miss you. i hate it here alone.

73059  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-09-20
Written: (5905 days ago)

I wish everyone would stop misinterpreting what I say...

 The logged in version 

News about Elftown
Help - How does Elftown work?
Get $10 worth of Bitcoin/Ethereum for free (you have to buy cryptos for $100 to get it) and support Elftown!
 
Elftown – the social site made for fans of scifi and fantasy

Visit our facebook page