another rainy cloudy morning.. and I will be off to work in a few minutes. with the deadline of my thesis presentation fast approaching and not so much of a work at the workplace, it's a complete nightmare everyday. I sit and wait. sit and wait.
in the evening I come home and after a little cruise on the net, I contünue to work on my thesis. No time for social life, no time for hobbies even for drawing. anyway I didn't have any inspiration for drawing for quite a long time. this includes my thesis.
I don't like my work, I don't like my school, I don't like my life. I only suspend everything and try to wait for the time I will be off to Nederlands. long time to december.. vey long.
I kick many (and it's really 'many', fate has begun throwing them at me!) chances of relationships aside also, no energy for another one. but being alone is also tiring for the being!
I'm "in the mouth of madness"!!!
I humbly surrender myself to music and meditation... my only refuge...
om namah shivaya...
I have the habit of forgetting how shallow and wretched a member of humankind can be because of my great love for all the humans.
I think I must -someday- accept this fact.
Here is a recent example,
In a member's house which I came upon by chance, I found out that she uses a random ASCII image. By choosing not to report but kindly warn her, I wrote a polite warning that what she does is against the UAR. She elegantly failed to understand what I mean and wrote as reply: "u need to find somethin better to do than pick on little 16 yr old american girls"
I still, patiently, tried to explain what I mean. This time a reply from her mother (!) came: "Leave my daughter alone!!!!!!" and some insults... Of course, this was a fake..
Then I suggested that she'd rather question where she is and what she does. I explained about Elftown and its purpose. And told that I wish no more messages or insults, or I would report her. By the way this member has no interest about fantasy and such.
She then wrote in her presentation a common rude insult about thanksgiving (My country's name is written in English as an animal related to the thanksgiving day. What a great genious Ohh what a witful sarcasm... Peh...) So I understood why she behaved that way.
Racism is an illness that must be eradicated from the world.
I sometimes think I really overestimate humankind.
Why should people have to make an effort to hurt others who are merely trying to help them?..
Loneliness... I.. am beginning to forget even what love is.. or was...
One more day crumples... One more night, one of those endless nights, comes...