[Shainn]'s diary

1009454  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-02-03
Written: (3601 days ago)

well..
ok...

I confess; I'm totally fucked up, my whole life is fucked up, I'm tired of wearing a mask of contentment because I do not wish to upset the moods of the nice people around me, I'm tired of not being able to talk to anyone; mom can not bear it cause she is weak, ok I do not blame her, no one has to be strong for another one; and I do not have a sibling; and my best friend is in america; and I'm alone since my last break-up 3 years ago-

I just wanna SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM real loud!!!

why is my life THAT complicated???

I'm still paying for my past errors done years ago... come on! I was just a child then!!! I just seem to be so inapt in LIFE ITSELF! everything!!!

I feel so hollow... so out of energy...



yet I shall greet the rising sun this morning...
and let it take my troubles away...

take a deep breath and keep that damn smile on your face!


hope shall prevail...

1009366  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2008-02-03
Written: (3601 days ago)

Monitoring devices, know where you go
Mass media, total control
Digital delight, desire in megabite
Data overflow, virtual suicide
This information, is disinformation
Truth is hidden, knowledge forbidden
The structures of power, will delegate
To speak is to lie, to lie is to collaborate

Refrain :
Information streams, simulating dreams
Interactive mind-control, systematic overflow

Monitoring devices, know where you go
Public mind, propaganda show
Magnetic sleep, network addiction
Be absorbed, science fiction
It's pyschological, diabolical
Societies brainwash, hospital
The sun never sets, on cyber-space
Transmit, receive, log on to interface

x-dream - we interface
soulclipse/turkey 2006

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt_65Eu3j1Q

how I miss those days...
^^

1007932  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-01-28
Written: (3607 days ago)

some beautiful work in here:

http://www.seelenflug.ch/

enjoy

1007070  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2008-01-24
Written: (3611 days ago)

OVER!!!

I'M HOME SWEETIES!!!

^_^

1005605  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-01-18
Written: (3617 days ago)

five more days to go dears.
thursday, I'm home :)

974432  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-09-09
Written: (3748 days ago)
Next in thread: 974489

mmm military training done in manisa.

now I'm at home till friday,
then I'll head off for the remainder of the duty till january 21st,

to Cyprus border.

love and peace,
Çağrı

965881  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-08-11
Written: (3777 days ago)

ooookay time to go. I'm going to manisa for six months, military training starting on monday.
see you in a month or so friends :)

peace..

^^

965156  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-08-08
Written: (3780 days ago)

yet, I DO love you all ^^

963591  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-08-03
Written: (3785 days ago)

it's my last week folks. at 12th of august I will be gone off to military duty.
so don't worry if I don't answer your messages from then on.

it shall be an interesting experience for me.

960299  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-07-23
Written: (3796 days ago)
959376  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-07-20
Written: (3799 days ago)

pain is illusion ^^

956972  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-07-11
Written: (3808 days ago)

the shepherdess has some nasty tricks up her sleeve. like sending the visitor back in time billions of years ago and trapping him there.
no reality was very hard to endure... especially for all those billions of years forward to now...
she deserves the respect she asks for...

956341  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-07-09
Written: (3810 days ago)

love me
hate me
ignore me
hug me
kick me
like me
lie to me
smile at me
punish me
help me

whatever and whoever and whenever...
yes, I embrace it all... the light and the dark, for there is no light and no dark!

^^

floOoOowww...
life is psychedelic =)

956074  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-07-08
Written: (3811 days ago)
Next in thread: 956635

attention! last long-hair days!
military 'duty' is near.
I embrace it,
simply.

I embrace all that happens.

flow.

952372  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-06-26
Written: (3823 days ago)

there is nothing more profitable than simply "giving" without awaiting any compensation.
as it is said -quite wisely- in ancient times; "everything you do turns to you threefold"

just be.

949231  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-06-17
Written: (3832 days ago)

"lust awakens the desire
to possess
and
that awakens the intent
to murder"


spring summer fall winter... and spring
kim ki duk

948819  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-06-16
Written: (3833 days ago)

some months ago, after a completely sober day (and week maybe even a month) I slept in my room, just to wake up a bit before sunrise with a feeling of 'strangeness'. I lay still, looking at the ceiling. you should guess then it was quite a shock when I extended my arm and touched the ceiling. my arm was not overly long, the ceiling was not lower than it usually was, yet I touched it.

I then noticed the faint sunlight and wished to look at the window to my left. I managed to see it all right, but I did not move, the room tilted as if I had the strings of it in my hands and the window just came on top of me. that means a 90 degree revolving of the room and the ceiling to be not on top but to the right of me. weird. I touched the knob of the window panel and saw the outside world, which was quite usual except its position; imagine looking upwards to see a 90 degree tilted world. freaky...

yet the strangeness emotion was not over, I felt I have to look around me, and as I lifted my head a little and looked at the direction of my feet, I saw that half of my room was gone, replaced and merging with a very dark jungle.

there were gigantic trees starting just five meters away from me. and there were some 'entities' who were darker than the trees and the jungle, walking slowly along the jungle -and the edges of my room, umm half of it ok. the entities were big, maybe four or five meters long, slow, and -as I felt- very old, ancient even. because of the dark, I couldn't make out their exact shapes.

they somehow were uneasy because of my existence there, and stopped to growl something at me. as I continued staring at them with amazement, one of them finally rushed over me and hissed menacingly. they were not evil, yet were uneasy and I felt I had no right to disturb them further. mind this; they were powerful, I felt it. yet for some unknown reason, I knew and they knew that I was at that occasion invincible there. they did not wish me any harm after all. they just told me I was not to be there, not then maybe.

so I decided to go back, leave them to their serene jungle and existence. I lay back down and slept.

I woke up in the morning. remembered everything, felt the residue long afterwards in the room.

I, to this day, do not know what that was, where I was, who they were etc... one thing I feel to the bottom of my heart to be true: that was not a dream.

yes, it can be a hallucination, one must always leave an open door for this kind of a scientific, materialist explanation. but not a dream, I just, know...

and if that was no hallucination...
well.. hmm...

945954  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-06-06
Written: (3843 days ago)


A complete restructuring of society based on a true secure brotherhood and sisterhood, cooperative Eden farming and culture! Happy tribal homes working and sharing to create heaven on earth!

To have their tear stained faces kissed with generosity, surrounding them with the grace of flower decked rainbows instead of hells droning bombers, butterflies to dazzle their learning eyes - this is not idealistic -this is common sense!

Helen de Mat

...

Summer solstice
We come together
Reunite the stones of our ancestors
Summer solstice
We come together
Reunite the stones of our ancestors
Celebrate the summer
We come together
Reunite the stones of our ancestors
Summer solstice
We come together
Reunite the stones of our ancestors

941091  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2007-05-20
Written: (3860 days ago)

my life is going from weird to weirder...
not that I complain about it! ahahah

hmm...

939756  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-05-15
Written: (3865 days ago)

<img:http://static.twoday.net/latviaconnection/images/Christiania.jpg>

I protest the recent attacks against christiania and her free inhabitants by the danish government.


http://english.pravda.ru/news/world/14-05-2007/91429-collision-0

939571  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-05-14
Written: (3866 days ago)

yang

 The logged in version 

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