[the Indigo]'s diary

731290  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-01-12
Written: (5202 days ago)

For all of the things that I cannot see or help and for all of the times it hurts and you wonder why, imagine that the birds take you away; that the clouds hold you high above the ground, and that you can take refuge in all of the hearts that care for you so dearly.

... well, the last one, you don't have to imagine.

725990  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-01-03
Written: (5211 days ago)

I'm 15 for a moment...


Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15…there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15… I'm all right with you
15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…

Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15… there's still time for you
22… I feel her too
33… you’re on your way
Every Day's a new Day

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

716800  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-12-17
Written: (5228 days ago)

I just...ran. I could hear my footsteps reverberating off the walls of the buildings. I didn't know where I was going...yet at some point I found myself halfway to your house. I sang songs to myself...I sang about letting go, and love. Because they were the things I needed to believe in. When your father answered the door, he asked if I was okay. I couldn't think of anything else to say...I just kept asking for you. I fell onto your shoulder and let my tears go. And I remember you whispering in my ear...telling me that you were there. You told me I was cold, but I couln't feel anything. It was twenty degree weather...yet my anger and frustration kept me warm as I ran through the cold night. Your mother...in a way, in the short time that she held me and stroked my hair while I tried closing my eyes to shut out all the feelings pouring out, she replaced that hole my own mother had ripped out of me. You held my hand and let me cry on your shoulder.

And the next day...you thanked me for it.

When you held me in your arms...I felt that you did not want to let me go.

And I thanked you for that.

716790  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-12-17
Written: (5228 days ago)

the speed of sound


AM I のgonna の立場どの位





713797  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-12-11
Written: (5233 days ago)

Ooold charry dsc. Needed somewhere to put it

Rynn always wears biker gloves with holes at the knuckles, knee high boots with the works (chunky, straps, buckles, and laces), a black trench coat with red plaid lining that reaches to her knees, a black shirt w/ a pic of donald saying 'suddenly donald realizes he never wears pants', depending on her mood, a skirt (seen on avi) or black and red bondage pants, black, purple, or brown eyeshadow, and occasionally puts her hair into buns.

709951  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-12-04
Written: (5240 days ago)
Next in thread: 712389

Since my mother would call me a hypocrite for staying and pretending to listen to the service, I took the liberty of walking home. The ice bit through my thin shoes, raw and bumpy from being shoveled from the road onto the sidewalk as snow, only to sit around and harden, making the concrete almost impossible to walk on and get anywhere fast--much less with the shoes I was wearing. It was even worse for me, considering since I almost broke my ankle slipping on it, I've been terrified of walking on ice. When your mind has nothing else to concentrate on than where you are walking, though, wanders a bit. The cold mountains of ice made me wonder what it would look like if Colorado was still the plain it used to be, with only deer and buffalo treading the snow. Would it create such a harsh, tossed, old look after the first day was over? Would it have the dirt and fumes built into it still? When I was halfway home, I was stopped by a man in a truck leaving the gas station. He told me he had seen me walking on his way there and asked if he could give me a ride so I would get where I was going faster. I told him no, even though the way he put it sounded more like it was spontatious than anything else, and his intentions were most likely good. I was enjoying the walk at that point, and I was not in the mood for complying with the American mindset of needing a car to take us everywhere. The sidewalk from then on was better, as it was shoveled and ice was seldom. I was thinking about church, and how, if man had known earlier about time and space and planets whether or not we would have religion based on gods. All religion is to me anymore is an old explaination for what's beyond our line of sight here on Earth. But, that's just my opinion. It's not like I can prove it anyway. Which got me on to thinking about why humans try to explain everything. Afterlife, ghosts, parallel universes--it's just humans trying to make sense of what they cannot see or explore. They have been trying to find answers to everything for years upon years. Maybe that "light at the end of the tunnel" is a common hallucination created by the mind as it shuts down. Maybe the sensations created by "ghosts" are just minor shifts in the Earth. Maybe there is nothing beyond Pluto--just a gigantic space filled with even more stars. But I wouldn't know--I haven't experienced any. And then I thought, why do I wonder about this? Why humans? Why do they think so differently than everything else? What if llamas were born with the thought process of humans; would they be the most populated on earth? When I got home, I thought to myself...

...I need to take more walks in the winter.

707983  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-12-01
Written: (5244 days ago)

Yes, I did it again :P

Name: Katia, ne
Birthday: Shigatsu! (death month! stupid double meanings) 4-9-90 >>
Birthplace: Lochwood
Current Location: see above (It will be Asia in a few years!!)
Eye Color: Hazel. Like the candy. Yeah.
Hair Color: Brown. Like my Bubbala's dog's. Yeah.
Height: 5'8" or 9"
Right Handed or Left Handed: technically both, but I can only write with the right
Your Heritage: my great-grandfather & mother were pure Russian on my dad's side, on my mom's, my great-grandmother was pure English
The Shoes You Wore Today: my black sketcher-things >>
Your Weakness: photoshop >>
Your Fears: the mailman....
Your Perfect Pizza: cheeseless with umeboshi and a little okonomiyaki sauce on the side :D oh, and maybe some caviar :P
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: confirm an exchange program...save me up some money
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I don't overuse my phrases. Please, it's overrated :P
Thoughts First Waking Up: don't have any. God, it's physically impossible for me to think at 5:20 in the morning
Your Best Physical Feature: dunno
Your Bedtime: whenever I can fall asleep
Your Most Missed Memory: I have a lot
Pepsi or Coke: coke, baby! Unless of course it's Thai Pepsi...
McDonalds or Burger King: Mickey-d's. I only have it 2-3 times a year though. Just eating that stuff makes me feel all fat and greasy
Single or Group Dates: whichever
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither. They give me headaches
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate!! chyokou goodness! ...Pocky!!
Cappuccino or Coffee: meh, whichever I can afford
Do you Smoke: nope, just took away someone's cigarette today, though. Nobody else was doing anything...!
Do you Swear: when I feel it nessesary
Do you Sing: when no one can hear me, I sing really loud ;D
Do you Shower Daily: yup. It's the only way to wake me up in the morning
Have you Been in Love: Iunno
Do you want to go to College: yup, and my bubbala and augie have made it clear that I need to stay in America until I get my college degree...
Do you want to get Married: sure
Do you belive in yourself: depends...me n' Gabby could be motivational speakers..!
Do you get Motion Sickness: on occasion, yes. I was on the bus the other day (bleh)
Do you think you are Attractive: nope
Are you a Health Freak: I'm starting to be...a little
Do you get along with your Parents: sometimes
Do you like Thunderstorms: Very much so. Especially when the rain is warm and I can sit outside and watch it...maybe take a picture or two
Do you play an Instrument: yup, several. I have a pretty sweet flute collection that I play Irish jigs n' stuff on...
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: mebeslteiethwoieha
In the past month have you Smoked: no
In the past month have you been on Drugs: nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date: nooope
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yup, went with Gabby. Brought my camera, too :D
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: nope. I've been rather healthy this month, be proud of me!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I ate most of Kim's Inari the other day oO plus I had some California rolls with my grandma when we went to that Japonais restraunt
In the past month have you been on Stage: hmm...not this month...I will be very soon, though
In the past month have you been Dumped: nope :P
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: nope again
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: I don't think so
Ever been called a Tease: iie
Ever been Beaten up: non
Ever Shoplifted: no
How do you want to Die: I dunno. It's not like I have much of a choice, anyway. Unless of course I was to commit suicide. But that isn't a very glamourous way to die. Hmm...I wanna be on a movie set in Hollywood, and I want to be all dramatic when I do it, too :D
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A monkey. No, wait, a camel! A penguin! So many choices...
What country would you most like to Visit: Japan, Ireland, China, Burma, India, New Zealand, Austrailia, Russia
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: dunno
Favourite Hair Color: dunno
Short or Long Hair: depends if it looks good on them
Height: taller than me
Weight: not incredibly, morbidly obese >> goodness
Best Clothing Style: whatever looks good on them
Number of Drugs I have taken: dunno
Number of CDs I own: enough that I don't feel compelled to go count them now in order to properly answer this question
Number of Piercings: 4 in my ears. I'm hoping maybe mom will let me get more...
Number of Tattoos: none. I am in the process of designing one for my back
Number of things in my Past I Regret: a lot. I will not recount them for you, most of them are secrets. Nanny :P

697807  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-11-13
Written: (5262 days ago)

   Looking over my shoulder, I could see from the corner of my eyes that the shadows were growing. My muscles were burning, and tears of pain dripped from my weary eyes as I struggled for breath. I ran straight into the trees, barely avoiding collision with a low hanging branch. I fought for my balance as I vaulted over logs and piles of dead pine needles.
   The icy voice seed to pierce the very moonlight streaming through the branches surrounding me. It was that same voice...I had not heard it since it had predicted my insanity three years before. A few months afterward, it had foreseen my death. A woman lay on the floor, her clothes glued by blood to the creaking wooden panels on the floor, wounds still oozing life, spilling like waterfalls into the icy river of souls harvested by Hades himself.
   After the funeral, my father suddenly found me as an obligation. His angry screams echoes through my head as I ran. I could never forget...
   "What the hell is wrong with you...?!" He bellowed. I looked down in order to avoid the persecution in his eyes. "Look at me!" He brought his fist down, knocking me to the floor. I wanted to punch him back...to slowly sever every one of his arteries until he lay in bloody pieces on the floor, no muscle connected to its host that could hit me, to dump him in a lake far away...but I could not.
   "Get up." He growled. I shakily started to move, but that was not good enough for him. Nothing was. He seized my hair and jerked me upward. Staring me down, his nose dangerously close to mine, I was forced to inhale the stench of whiskey on his breath. "I asked you to do me something as simple as get some friggin cash, and..." He hocked and spat in my face. "Hell, you could've screwed some guy for all I care as long as he paid you." He threw me back to the ground, tearing out a chunk of hair that he tossed after me. "You did sleep with someone, didn't you? You whore!"
  He beat down on me, tearing at my clothes and releasing blood onto his fists, both mine and his. I could not scream. It would just make him hit harder. He held me down and raped me sometimes, too. When he felt horney, and could not drive down to the local bar and pick someone else up. And every time I felt his body on top of me or his fist raking my head, I hoped he would kill me...just to save me from something worse than Hell...

   I ran away...so far away, he could not find me. I was sure that he was somewhere right then, finding some other girl to lure into an alleyway...all the time pledging that if he goes to jail, it should be my death.
   My legs were still moving, though burning with exhaust. Branches tore at my flesh as I cleared the forest, stumbing onto a paved road.
   Light struck me, and I fell back, shielding my eyes from the street lamp whose dim, yellow light stared through the darkness at me.
   My frantic mind finally remembered that there were no shadows in the light, no voices to haunt my memory.
   I limped over to the lamp, the muscles in my legs twitching from fatigue. Leaning my back on the pole, I slid to the base, falling asleep as I touched the ground.

687573  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-10-25
Written: (5280 days ago)

    Deep in the backwaters of Alabama, near the dusty Civil War infirmary on Sabbath way, the creaky old McKinstry house lay, built by the hands of Old Man McKinstry himself. The kids in Piedmont admired the McKinstrys, mostly on account of their daughter, Alexandra (or Miss Alexie, as was popular among the townsfolk). That girl could play the piano, and filled the local bar up every night (except for Sunday, of course).

aaaand....cue writers block >>

I know how it's going to end, and I kinda know what's going to happen in the middle, I'm just having problems getting there.

Erm...if you have any ideas, please help

686178  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-10-23
Written: (5283 days ago)

Cake - Friend is a Four-Letter Word

To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
End is the only part of the word
That I heard.
Call me morbid or absurd.
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
End is the only part of the word
That I heard.
Call me morbid or absurd.
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.

When I go fishing for the words
I am wishing you would say to me,
I'm really only praying
That the words you'll soon be saying
Might betray the way you feel about me.

But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.

676015  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-10-04
Written: (5302 days ago)
Next in thread: 677866
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