busy, busy, busy....
that's about it. i have enough time and energy to write that i'm busy, however i have much going on i wish to write about.
i will try to write more later, once i have the time to actually write that i'm NOT busy and then write about those things which made me busy in the first place.
i hate being busy. yes, i know, i've heard all the phrases before...."idl
however that is not me in any way. i like enjoyment. i like the idea of having time to enjoy the things i like best, no matter what it is. but right now, i can't even find time or energy to enjoy those same things, because of this constant running around, forgetting to sleep, studying like crazy...
i hate busy, i like relaxed. and right now, i'm constantly busy. arrghgh....
hmm...1st entry in long time, only i happen to be in a very despondent mood tonite...unfor
i came up with something that should aptly describe the situation i'm going through. so i shall place it here, for someone to read, don't know who will ever come across this note. but whatever...
"imagine, you are in a large house that suddenly feels cold, empty, dark, and you are the only thing living and moving around.
your best friend and partial family member is now dead, but the only reason that happened is because you made the decision that she had to die.
you pick up the phone, but there is nobody to call.
you walk out the door, but there is nowhere to go.
you go to work, but suddenly feel like the work no longer matters anymore.
while you are at work, you suddenly notice you have become invisible, and nobody even sees you are there.
you leave work, and expect to meet a friend who might cheer you up, only to find that they have disappeared.
you try to talk to people whom you know quite fondly, only to find out they do not know you at all.
so after all that is done, you finally return home; only to find that the house is just as cold, empty, dark, and lonely as when you left."
...but to what end...?
much ado about nothing...
except when there is much ado about something...
and sure enough, i find myself with something to do about everything...
strangely enough, there is a bushel load of material swimming around in my mind that i wish to pen here. however, i don't have the mental capacity to scribble everything down that has happened to me recently. try to imagine the world's oceans suddenly thrust into the sky, then have all that limitless mass of water come crashing down into a narrow ravine; such an effect would have occurred if i simply burst forth with every detail about the events i've experienced in the last few weeks.
unknown to me
once more i see
very cool, ET is hosting a poetry contest! stranger still, is the circumstances that suddenly appeared around this moment...in a rather serendipitous act of creation, i churned out a pretty good poem right on the spot~
i haven't written any good prose like that in some time. and thanks to the idea of a contest, by submitting the entry i can at the very least acquire a writings badge--even if i'm not successful with a total win in the contest, the non-colored badge looks good nonetheless.
once i finally get crackin' and finish this wiki for my house, i'll have to add this entry within the new poetry page.
this entry is merely an added thought; if by chance there is somebody reading my journal here, then i wish to convey this notion:
seems like i keep having the same dream, repeatedly each night. or other times it is the same dream and yet not the same, similar points and attractions or interests or familiar places that seem to spring up out of the ground of my subconscious. and then again, it is not a dream at all, but a simple thought, a mere glance or mental image, a wish not yet granted or the whimsy of personal desire or fantasy. it is either a series of dreams, or perhaps just one grand scheme of images and landscapes all conjured up out of a necessity in my life to pursue some inconceivable yet physically attainable goal that i can't quite put my finger on.
oh well, whatever...
a pull of the rope...
a twist of the knob...
and weary spectators witness the diary being kick-started into gear once more.