[(¯`•¸·´¯) ƒ ª § ª ® ª »-(¯`v´¯)-»]'s diary

787546  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-05-03
Written: (5861 days ago)
Next in thread: 787568

This is a poem based on a fucked up dream I had.

My vision bluring,
and forming tears.
I hate crying,
cant stand this dying
feeling inside.
Sometimes I use my blade
release the pain
watch life fade
each cut closer to the vein
am i just a stressed teen
or am i insane?
It seems I cant win
but have nothing to lose
bash my face in
give me a bruise
I wanna get fucked up
and wanna see the world spin
my thoughts are messed
I cant help but grin
and then a friend
of mine
will seek
and will find
my bleeding and screaming
my heartache and crying
dont try to save me
I dont want you to try
please dont care about me
just leave
I'll be alright
wrap up my wrists
dry my eyes
sober up
and look in your eyes
you all stare at me
like I'm just some crackwhore
like I dont know what im doing
is kicking my ass back down
to the floor.
So i get up and run
the best that i can
fall through the door
and in the yard
where he stands
holding the gun
that he stole from his father,
aimed at my broken heart
why should i bother
to try and run
this is what i deserve
this is what ive won
a shot rings out
and one last tear falls
I drop to my knees
life spilling out of me
I stare in his eyes
and say "I love you."
he stares back
and cocks the gun again
looks at me intently
"I love you too"
and one last shot
his down on the ground
and im standing above him
my soul finally free
no more tears
no more pain
he's free now too
and standing behind me
he holds me close
and we fade into
that alternate reality.

~Fasara~ April 30th, 2006

787544  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-05-03
Written: (5861 days ago)

I dont feel like myself lately, like i'm altered or fucked up.
I see and hear and feel this life, but yet I seem to be numb to all this,
I dont care what anyone says, I'm all I have, and the only one I trust,
anyone who cares, I wish you'd give up on me,
it would make it so much easier
to follow through.
Am I demented, selfish, or what?
I dream fucked up things and wish I was fucked up,
Am I a masochist, or am I just dumb?
I want to hurt, and want some pain,
im numb and dumb and full of shame
for who I am, is what I fear,
friends and family, they all care about me,
I know this is true
but the only love I long to have
is one I cant seem to receive,
I want to love myself, but that may never be,
I dont know why I wrote this down,
perhaps to get it out in a less destuctive way
bleeding it out is getting so lame.

But still I long for this pain...

786211  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-05-01
Written: (5864 days ago)

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

783665  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-04-25
Written: (5869 days ago)

Love. From the other piont of view.

I'm in love.
Why does it hurt?
I shouldnt feel this way,
this isnt the same as its says in the books
what everyone says
wherever you look
but thats cuz their sane,
and free,
and staight.
and im stuck in a world full or hate.
Love and Hate
Like twisted fate.
Why does it hurt?
I am in love.
She's breaking my heart.

783189  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-04-24
Written: (5870 days ago)

I am sick and tired of being single!!!

 The logged in version 

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