I've given it so much thought and I've been back and forth, but now it's official. I'm quitting the art academy. For now, at least, for I'll be going back in 2008.
It's just too much... Too much things going on and gnawing on my mind.. In the past four years I've build up a lot of stress and I've never had the chance to let it out. I thought that once I would be studying, it would all pass over. Buh bye highschool, and hello world of art!
How wrong I was... it only got worse and worse. So many things occupy my mind and college just doesn't fit. I don't have the strength for it, at least not now.
I talked to Fa's mum (considering my mum as well), my oldest sister and finally my dad. They all support me, though my dad still doesn't quite understand. But he loves and because it's so important to me, he stands beside me. I so much appreciate that.
And today I talked with the social worker at my school. I was preparing for a great speech and all that trouble about paying back the financees and stuff... But none of it came. It was so simple. I don't have to pay anything, because I'm only 'logging off' from school. And I'm not quitting the study itself. As long as I get my diploma in 10 years, everything is alright.
I'm just so relieved... and somehow my shoulders seem so much lighter. For now the time has come for me to rest... To let all that's happened sink in. I now have the possibility to find out who and what I am, and to really be what I wish to be.
Next year I'll come back, and when I do I'll be much stronger.
From now on every day will be a day well spent. I cannot waste anything anymore, it's time for me to live. Highschool has sucked the very will of life out of me, and it's time to take it all back.
I want to grow. And I think I have, because this was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. But I stand by it. A new door opens now and I can already see that sunrise!
So prepare yourselves! For I'm going to have a burst of creativity soon! I'm gonna restore my soul and grab life at the balls!!!!!!
Kinda old news, but it popped up into my head again just now.
A few days ago I had this scray dream. I can't really remember what happened exactly, but the world was in horrible shape and the earth was angry. At one point, earthquakes and tornado's were revolving around us. I was on the run with someone else, when suddenly a volcano spit fire and the lava came to us at great speed! I tried to run, but it swallowed me and I panicked, could feel it burning, could feel it hurting like shit... that it woke me up. And for a few seconds only afterwards, I was still burning like hell... When I fell asleep again, I was alive, and dreamed that the entire humanity had been vanquished, except for a few...
ok there's this guy right
and a few years back i liked him A LOT
the more time we spend together, the more i start to like him
and now i just found out
THAT HE DAMN LIKES ME BACK!
but its so strange
we've been best friends for almost 6 years now...
and im a lil confuzzled....
Omnia says Click Me!
Go now! Shoo! Hurry, run forest run! xD
Ever have I felt the sun beaming down on me
Even now I make the vow; to face the light and see
as the trees grow and ripe, to wither again after
The circle does not start or end with an everlasting bend
we shall share the days with laughter
With a sickle in my hand, the sun reflecting upon its blade,
I shall never forget the blooming days and the goodbye I bade
I cut the grass, I cut the grain, do not let our singing be in vain
for when we have circled around the sun once more,
freshly grown flowers shall illustrate the lore
Lugh, beam down on me, rain down your rays of light
I shall dance and I shall sing, with all my virtue, with all my might
The People of the Meadows are no liars when they march around bonfires
For we shall honour the earth and the light it emits
We shall live from whatever the Great Mother permits
Oh my goooooood... my head is pounding, tears keep pouring all over my face and I'm shivering... Never, EVER, did I expect it to be so good. Sad, victorious, but good. I think I just read the most spectacular book of my life (so far...?). Dammit, I can't stop crying xD
I just finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
And here it ends. Blah, I want more! xD
Though not more, you can have to much of a good thing. But I still can't stop crying and I don't intend to! xD
I won't give anything away, of course. To those who are gonna read it, or currently reading it: make sure you have a bundle filled with tissues at your side... You're in for one rough ride.
Like two hours ago I found an ANCIENT story I started writing in first grade of high school.. And when I say ancient, I do mean 'ancient'! It's written in dutch, has like 5 chapters so far and it's HORRIBLE! xD
I mean, the story is good I suppose, but damn the context is simply horrible. I recall basing it on continious dreams I had during that period. I really want to rewrite it, and in english. Translated, the title says 'Satyr's Rock'.
I'm quite curious how it would turn out if I would recreate it... How about finding out? xD
I've already rewritten one page of the first chapter, getting comments that 'it looks a lot like Harry Potter'.... >.>
Yea right, because surely Harry Potter had an annoying little sister as well, lived on a barn near a forest, had a big black wolfhoud as a friend and lived with foster parents.
You know, during these hypes it seems rather hard to come up with something original, doesn't it? I just wish people would get their heads out of the clouds and start to realize that there are also OTHER stories than HP or LotR... >.<
Sigh... oh dear Elora...
my harddisc died.. I guess it lived out the last of his days..
This is bad, so damn bad. Why am I suck a dickhead, forgetting to make backups? >.>
I lost everything, truly everything. My new chapters of Children of Ílma, my project files, my website storage, MY ART! T_T
I know I know... it's not the end of the world. The real challenge is to find a new disc, since I have... like no money at all. Sure, I can buy one with my salary, but then I won't be able to go to Castlefest and celebrate Lughnassadh... Meh >.<
So, what do I do now? It's so boring without being able to work on my projects. I'm just goofing around on my dad's pc now, doing a lil cleaning and standing in front of the mirror doing my hair (can you picture that? 0_o).
A bright lining though: tonight I'm gonna see Harry Potter 5 at the movies, together with my brother and dad. Too bad [Hellcatje89] can't come along... Meh >.<
On top of that, I'm working hard on becoming a multi-miljonai
The weather's fine today... A blue sky. Meh >.<
I'm gonna cook some lunch now.. See ya all.
fuck emotions, fuck this, im never gonna have a bf again i swear (though in a year from now that thought'll change lol), breaking hearts is just not my thing.... what's it take for a person to get a quiet, simple life around here? with space, room to breathe, energy to act.... >.>
again, it's nearly 1am and i wont sleep for another 6 hours or so...
meh, who needs sleep anyways
woohoo another period of dark days coming! i embrace them and ask you all friendly to feel the sarcasm >.>
ok, enough whining for me, im gonna play sudoku
I've become 18 today. Doesn't feel different, nor exiting. I'm just gonna keep doing what I planned. Nothing changes.
The Great Chronicles of Ílma
5th Era, Account Number 28
"Alas, we have failed to surpress the anger and hate of mankind, and therefore I fear Ilmarissë shall be punished. For not only has this hate consumed all hearts, it has now taken shape. The Dimath no longer holds the sanctity from earlier reputations, but is now covered by a lingering twilight. I fear that if the sun will set, darkness will swallow everything.
We, the dragonic angels known as the Saríth, have failed. We watched how our people sent off their greatest legions to destroy this new evil, and we have watched them die, one by one. Not even our sacred powers are a match for this reïncarnated form of darkness, for the splendor we cast upon our people is being blocked by a dark cloud.
When the time had come for desperate meassures, the Council of Ílma gathered once again in the Great Halls of the Holy Island. They have debated for long hours, while I sat on the side taking my notes, when I noticed that my heart had been clouded as well. I could feel the shadows moving around me, but was unable to see, unable to touch.
Now, my good friend Dyros, formerly known as The Giver, has given us a simple formula to take down this menace: Only pure innocence can overcome pure evil.
This is how we define pure evil. Ripped talons and glassy eyes, watching all from the inside. It is the combined force of our own darkness, shaped as a blade that can cut through souls.
And this is how we define Ílma. The force of sanctity, our sacred light. Our hopes, dreams, lands and lives. Ílma is all the good we fight for, a choir sang by a thousand birds.
The Council of Ílma has made her decision. Tomorrow, at dawn, we shall send forth seven children, alive and honost. They must use the force of Ílma to light their inner candles and to retrieve the sun over our lands.
What I am about to say I regret deeply. I am afraid that not even we, the Saríth, are able to aid our children at all times. For on this very moment I wish for the power of immortality, which is my darkness. I am ashamed.
Take heed, my children! The hatred that has spread over Ilmarissë lurks from the dark and has the power to crush souls. Let your candles burn and spread your light. I realise that light also creates shadows, but shadows are all they are. Highlight this world and vanquish the darkness, shatter him into nothing more than shadows, dancing on the flanks of my mountain. You have my faith, Children of Ílma. Fight forth, but beware of the Soulbreaker, for he does not tolerate resistence."
Who volunteers to help out?
How can you help?
1. By becoming a member of the staff (tasks will be shared)
2. Message me good wikis that go into certain sections at Renaissance (name its owner(s) too)
3. Become a member and put a badge in your house
5. Sending in thoughts and suggestions on how to bring Elftown back to the old days
6. Put a link to Renaissance from your own house/wiki
Ok enough with the signs already! So it's pretty clear I should rewrite Children of Ilma, that's it! I'm gonna do it, lero lero!
It's going to be a whole other thing, though same stories and many the same scenes. But damn, it's been 7 years since I first started on that damn story. So I'm gonna make it better than even and PUBLISH it. And what's more, I'm actually going to finish it xD
The story's being introduced totally different than before. Wanna read the "retroduction"
I will start with new artworks, after my exams the real writing shall begin. Here's a little preview of quotes from the new intro:
"But the hardest task was to befall upon the Children of Ílma from Yennevar, the very place where hatred took shape."
A strike of thunder tore the sky apart, as the twilight turned darker and the abyss before her blackened even more.
"The power of our stones have been enough to break it," Owen said. "They hold the power of Ílma, the power of good!"
"Well done, my most loyal servent of many," a deep voice galled through the hall. "I may be defeated, but this wretched world shall taste my wrath."
"How?" the boy cried as he looked up at his friends. "We defeated him! The power of Ílma had ended him, then why did this have to happen?"
"He's alive," Lianna said quickly and put her sword back into its sheath. "The Saríth owe us an explanation."
"Yanduryn is harmless now, his power has been shattered to bits. When the day comes on which he will return, our own children will be his ending."
I need to know who on Elfwood had a gallery under the name [laraneu2]!! Gallery doesn't exsist anymore.
You see... for fun, I typed into google images: Children of Ilma.
And what do I get? A picture of my lovely Náriël Elenilimba which I have NEVER seen before? This is clearly fanart and I want to meet the artist! But damn, the page couldn't be found when I tried to enlarge the image, the gallery has been suspended due to inactivity, I think.
This is the thumb:
Help me find the artist, please! T_T
WHAHAHAHA stupid ideas are the BEST EVER!
Soo... I'm going to Israel this summer, together with [Hellcatje89], to visit my friend Evyatar Levi. Because by that time I will be 18 so I can travel on my own, and [Hellcatje89] will be under my "care"! xD
Don't you just LOVE this idea? Yea yea I know... why of all countries in the world do I have to pick Israel? Simple: a challenge, innit?
Though, of course first I must know everything we need to know in order to behave well, we don't wanna end up in jail for chewing gum in public 0_o
Anyways... high five for the wierdos! [Hellcatje89] and I have always been good in going on adventures together, but we haven't done anything good for years. So this will be our greatest adventure so far. We both haven't flown before, not ever, and we're only going for 5 days. I know myself, I will be homesick if I stay longer than a week, since I've never really been on vacation before... Sad, innit?
It's gonna be g0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Now I just have to tell my dad... >.<
A little confession here... something I thought a lot about, something "wrong" I did last year...
You know how people say I'm an elf? They always say "Hey, are you a Santa-Elf?".
The truth is, I'm not. At least not anymore...
Yea.. me and Santa had some words last Christmas.. Gave him a wedgie...
Well, it's all Binkie's fault, really. He was the head of my department, Tic-Tac-Toe Toys for the Tiny, or simply T5. He's a jerk, you know, always wearing his glasses tilted. About two years ago he gave me 6 extra shifts, only because I came to work all wasted, throwing up over the Make-Over Barbies.
So last Christmas he told Santa on me. God what a mess... I accidentally knocked over a pile with boxes, all filled with wind up toys. Well what of it... I was carrying a plate full of Tic-Tac-Toe tools and it blocked most of my vision.
So Binkie became angry, because he had to clean the mess up and it was the year we switched from Giant Brooms to Compact Brooms. Why we did that? Because Santa hired about 50 dozen more Elves, more hands and tiny brooms do more than just a few hands with large brooms...
I tend to get a little sarcastic during Christmas... just because I'm a bit of an anti-christ sort of elf, and for some reason Binkie didn't find it funny. I just said: "We still have Clover Magic Hands in stock, why don't you use those to steer the brooms?"
He didn't really appreciate it.. due to the Mickey Mouse Wizard Apprentice joke we had last year...
And so he told Santa on me. The Fattie McFat began pointing his finger at me while lecturing, but I'm kinda poke-a-fobic..
So Santa edges back and tripples over the fallen boxes with the wind up toys, who all begin to start up, all at once!
But before work I had a little spacy cake, if you know what I mean... with my ex-fellow elfling creature [Gilraen Miriel], who got fired last year (the Mickey incident was your genious doing). Imagine... a woozy elfish head and about a thousand toys winding up over nothing, clapping their furry hands together.
I went CRAZY! I totally started bouncing around the room, making funny faces, funny noises and before I knew it, I was actually mooning Santa. He started yelling at me, but I totally lost control, and so I went like: "I might not be wearing underwear, but you are!"
So I climbed over his head, on his back, grabbed hold of his boxer (which said "To B Free" btw...) and pulled it all the way up over his head... I think at one point it even touched the tip of his nose.. How stretchy...
Anyways, that's how it ended. Finally Binkie called the Service of Santa (an army of one-legged Tin dudes...) and they all kicked me out... While doing that they all went face plant themselves, since they only have one leg...
And here I am, thinking things over. And here you are, thinking about what the hell is this crap. When you read the first lines you were like: Omg what has happened to her now...?
And now you must be thinking: Damn you're good.
And now: Eew.. I fell for it.. cute story though.
Cold hard truth, ladies and gentlemen. Being a Santa Elf is no picnic I tell ya! But now I can finally move on, because I am happy to say: I will never have to wrap Tic-Tac-Toe tools of Toys for the Tiny again!
And now you are thinking: Omg she still on it? Nope... it's finally over... Damn I just wasted like 30 minutes of my life...
Quick, I am going to my own house to see what interesting people visited me.
Yes! For one day the level of intelligence that conquers Elftown will rise again! I can swear to you that my evil army of wind up toys will whipe away all emo faces from the city!
You: Omg why is she talking about emos all of a sudden?
And now I'm done.
You: Thank god...
Hmm sup with you guys??
How am I doing? Well, very good, because.... [scroll down]..
I think I finally realized that Melocrie is my one and only internet-nick. Ever since the awesome and not-so-awesome shit that happened at FGPT (FgNetwork PristonTale), I got very well close with this particular name, and I think it should be a keeper. So here it is, Melocrie, with capital "M".
Holy shit, what a night.
Every year we have a few days of drinking and partying in a traditional way in the Netherlands, meaning crazy people dressing up like fools are partying through the night on the most disgusting music. Forgive my lack of good grammer if you find any flaws, since I'm not quite sober myself anymore.
Holy jesus I tell ya. The evening started off when me and my bf Daniel went out the dinner at the McDonalds. Damn romantic, I know, we both didn't feel like going anywhere fancy. At around 7pm we went to a bar called De Vulling, the main place for our gang to get together. There we waited for [Hellcatje89] and my brother [Makeda evil mage]. It was so quiet at first, we having fun ourselves with other foolish people, when suddenly around 10ish it was as crowdy as hell.
Air.. need air... breathe... painful stitch in chest, OmGwTf? So.. me and Daniel went outside for a bit, just to walk around.
We were walking down this lane full of people, when suddenly two guys right in front of us started to fight. One hit the other to the floor and threw a random bike at his head, crazy little bastard. On of the victim's friends stood forth and chased the crook down the street, where he bumped in on two cops sitting on crazy high horses (like 2,5 meters in height omfg).
Well... after all that we went back to the bar, but no one of our gang was left lmao. So we called up [Hellcatje89]'s "boyfriend", telling that they went to the park. So.. we went to join then, just to return to the bar afterwards. There we hang out for like an hour before leaving, taking our shit wasted heads to bed. Very fascinating, I know...
Who needs Valentines Day? If you do it right, you got no need of such a special holiday to celebrate your love. But yea.. for some people it always remains special (points at [Gilraen Miriel] and [Deleted001] :P)
Me and Daniel are gonna celebrate a bit on saturday, since I'm still sick and it's kinda like *bleh*
Right now I'm like *bleh* sick of being sick and can't wait to be back on healthy feet again!
it has been a while since I called you that. Just now I've spend a while reading through all I have written in this dairy over the years. Some really happy memories, some confusing though. But it's nice to be remembered by all of them. I especially laughed reading the moments of chocolate eggs with [Hellcatje89], and about our Elfish days with [Gilraen Miriel].
After reading again about my dream period, I started thinking more about this sentence: "Perhaps these dreams are the key to what I am looking for... "
I think I'm very close to figuring out what it is... I'm still not sure if I have found it yet, but I do know it's not bothering me as much as it did back then.
Sharing this with [Gilraen Miriel], just a moment ago she reminded me of the time we went to see the movie Spirit together, the first time ever we went to see a movie. I think that was when we had just become friends. It's a nice memory, so it also deserves a place here.
From now on I tend to write in this dairy again, just like I used to. Not that I have that much to share nowadays... except that I'm darn busy with exams, and that the guy I told about earlier is now my boyfriend <3
About my 16th birthday, "He's my best friend...", I can only say.. "meh". Oh well.. life goes on, with or without him.
Ok and last, I wanna clap my hands together for [Gilraen Miriel] and [Deleted001]. Because there's luuvvv in the aaiirr xD
Edit: damn my English has improved... 0_o