[roslyn]'s diary

973264  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-09-04
Written: (4559 days ago)

So I decided, for whatever inane reason, to take a break from costuming to clean my house. I admit, it has been approaching critical mass . . . I mean, I was pretty sure the carpets were supposed to be grey, but apparently, they are actually beige. It's just been so long since I could see much of them, you know? Anyway, I managed to clean the master bath and bed, and most of the living room - I still have the kitchen, guest bath, baby room and craft room (actually, the baby's room is damned clean already) - that's a lot of dusting and vacuuming and all that nonsense left to do. I'm really not looking forward to it. I already melted the skin off my hands with the damn acidic bathroom cleaner and managed to pull a shoulder tendon while shifting furniture so that I could clean up. If I keep this up I am going to wind up seriously injured, yes? Costuming is so much safer. Then all I have to worry about is burning myself, stitching myself, or possible slicing myself open with the rotary blade. That's pretty minor comparitively. Who knew housework could be so dangerous? It's no wonder I rarely do it. I want a maid. That would solve a significant chunk of my current problems. Anyone know anybody who likes to clean and wants a few extra bucks? I swear I'll lock up the attack kitty first . . . ah well. I should be done this week. I hope.

967172  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-08-15
Written: (4579 days ago)

Katrina's prognosis isn't good - she's got blood in her feces and meows like she's sobbing sometimes. The vet says she doesn't need anything except the prednesone, but I dunno about that. I don't think she'll be with us much longer. The other cats diagnosed with the same thing at the same time have already died, so I guess we're lucky we've had her this much longer. I don't deal well with extended illness - how do you cope? Should I be happy she's still with us, guilty for not spending thousands to extend her life, sad that she's dying, angry that this happened . . . mostly I just avoid thinking about it. Works pretty well.

I have a bellydance performance I don't feel like going to tomorrow. It's not that I feel bad, just kind of apathetic. But I said I would be there and my friends are counting on me. We're performing at a retirement center, of all things. I know the choreo really well, so I'm not nervous or anything. Just . . . I don't know. I keep telling myself it'll be fun. I'll enjoy it. I suppose I probably will, it's just getting myself there and getting started. 

Costuming is going slowly, but well. Justin's outfit is almost done - one panel, a few hook and eyes, a hem . . . that's it. Then I need to start on my petal skirt. And I'm still in the middle of wings, horns, and wands! I think I'll re-finish the mockup this weekend, so I should have a final decision on the fabric pattern for the draped wings then. That means I can start on the real deal next week. The bone wand is no problem, I just haven't started on it. I've got to decide on a design for it and just do it! The wood wand IS an issue - I haven't gotten my materials together for it or anything. I may have to leave it off the final, but we'll see. The horns are waiting on my purchase of wonderflex. I am enormously worried about working with it. I always get freaked out about new materials on a project. I shoulda just told my hubby to forget about big horns and stuck with good ol' sculpey. It would have been easier, anyway. Of course, no one but my hubby visits my costume wiki. It doesn't bug me though - it's there if anyone is interested, and if not, I've enjoyed putting it up. Anyway, that's all I've got energy for at the moment. I've got to go shop for a gypsy skirt. I know, I could make one, but I don't really think I'll have time. So - on to the bellydance stores, yes?

962985  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-08-01
Written: (4593 days ago)

I haven't updated my diary in awhile - I just haven't wanted to. But, today, I feel like writing, so I am. My cat Katrina just got diagnosed with Lymphoma. She's about 12 years old - we've had her since she was just 3. She's my precious little evil one. I think I'm too freaked out to cry about it just yet. I have to keep telling myself the diagnosis because it hasn't sunk in. She's been a fixture - a family member - she can't just get sick and die. I know she can, rationally, but emotionally I haven't accepted it. 

We can't afford the chemo, and even if we could, it's only a 50% chance at remission, which could give her as much as a year. I don't know how much of a comfort that would be. So, we have her on medication now and she does seem to feel better. She's eating again. That's why we took her to the vet in the first place. She wouldn't eat. Anyway, I'm babbling so I should probably just leave it at that. 

936649  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-05-04
Written: (4682 days ago)

I don't know why I feel the need to post right now, but I do. Nothing much has happened in the last few weeks - though I have gotten more done on my wings, and am nearly finished with Justin's tie-pants. The wing frames are done, except for the additional wire on the left side for support and of course, the upper curli-cues. They can't be done until I get the fabric on. Of course, I haven't even cut my practice fabric. I need to put a hold on ren costuming until I get my bellydance outfit done for our june performance. I have a choli, a skirt, and a gawazi top to sew. It's a lot and it has to be done in just 3 weeks. I am going to be a busy girl! It's all pretty basic though. I should have pics up soon of the wing frame though. I have taken them - I just haven't gotten around to posting them.

924911  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-03-30
Written: (4718 days ago)

I don't have a lot to post, but I feel like writing, so I'm updating my diary anyway. Let's see - I've lost 13lbs since Jan. 1 which is nearly a pound a week (my goal); I am enjoying my Tai Chi class where I am learning slow, pretty motions that apparently break bones and throw people and such if I speed them up. I have been advised not to try to use them like that, for reasons ethical and practical. I am still dancing like a fiend with my bellydance troupe. In fact, we're celebrating next week, so I may have new pics to put up. 

I haven't gotten much done on my costume. I haven't had as much time to work on it as I would like. I finally got my dyes in for the silk chiffon, but before I do anything to it, I'm probably going to make an undyed muslin mockup. This week I've been focused on the wire support work for the wings, which is a pain in the neck to get twisted just so. I'm not very good with metal, but I am learning. I'll have to get better if I actually get around to making the wood and golden wire wands I want to do. Well, my will be wood and golden wire. Justin's will be bone and silver . . . My dad is supposed to be lending me his little dremel tool, but I may wind up buying my own. They aren't that expensive and I have several projects I can use it for. 

Once I get the wire support and muslin mock up done, I'll post some pics to give an idea of what the final wings will look like. Of course, I fully intend to post pics of the finished product, but that's at least a few weeks away. 

I have started on my husbands pants. They are pretty simple in design - just a pair of loose tie-on trousers similar to harem pants or hakama. The hard part on them, or tedious part anyway, will be the embroidered leaves up the outer edges. The best part of that is that once I get the pattern down, actually stitching them won't be that bad.

I am currently reading the Dresden files, Octavia Butler's Xenogenesis, and Dawkin's The God Delusion. All very good books, though not all on the same level. Anyway, I guess that about wraps it up.

Oh yeah, last item of note - I taught my adorable baby boy to shout Huzzah and pump his fist in the air. It's soooo freakin cute!

920442  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-03-16
Written: (4731 days ago)

For anyone who's been following my harrowing tale of a vidoe job gone wrong, let me reassure you - the client likes the footage, is happy with the dvd and is not demanding my head on an attractively garnished silver platter. Thank goodness! I like my head right where it is!

Let's see - I still haven't gotten around to dyeing my wings, but I am building a muslin mockup not this weekend but next. This weekend I'm painting my backporch and planting another tree in the backyard. I need to do it soon, or it will be to hot to plant until late fall. That, and all my other trees were eaten by my dog. Mugen really loves pulling them up and chewing the rootball into mulch. I don't know why - he just does. This tree will be protected by an anti-border collie force field, otherwise known as metal stakes, chicken wire, and sour apple spray. I hope it works. 

Today is our St Patrick's Day office party, and I have enough green on to pass for a chubby dryad. Or maybe a thorn (as in the D&D MMIII, if you're as nerdy as me ^_^). I will NOT be pinched this year. 

Last year I went home bruised in tender places. Places I'm supposed to be able to use for important things - like sitting. I don't appreciate that sort of thing. Unless of course, I'm doing it to someone else silly enough to forget their green on St. Patty's. Ah well. Tomorrow is the real deal and I shall spend it quite happily with a few friends and several trays of lime-green whiskey-sour jello shots. MMMMMMMMMMM . . .

You know, I ought to be excited about SXSW. I'm not though. I don't get to go to any of the shows - not even Iggy Pop, so I refuse to be happy for anyone who does. SO there. 

910957  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-02-16
Written: (4759 days ago)

Ok, so I went to the Valentine's Feast and Fundraiser to video the event. Everything seemed to be going well - the event coordinator heeded my advice and left the auxillary lighting on; the entertainment planner got me and my second cameraman a schedule; I didn't forget anything in my pack. It was great. Right up until I went to adjust the settings on my main, expensive, pro rig camera. Right at that moment, whatever forces of fate, random chaos, the gods, whatever you want to call it - decided to screw me over. My beautiful, beloved camera DID NOT WORK. 

I had checked it over the day before; I played with the light settings, the aperture, the focus wheel and zooms; I checked the date and time settings and made sure they weren't on the recording; I even went over the tape eject and playback buttons. It ALL worked. Less than 24 hours later, the only response to pushing ANY of the buttons was a whirring sound from inside the camera. I nearly cried. 

I had to do a four hour multistage event with just one little cheap ass digital 8 camera. Don't get me wrong, the footage isn't BAD. It's just not great. It's only slightly better than what you would get if Uncle Steve did the video. I keep telling myself I couldn't have done anything differently without being psychic, but I'm still very disappointed. I have no idea what my customers are going to think. I've got 2 weeks to take mediocre raw footage and turn it into a pro event dvd. 

The worst part is, I have to provide a copy of the finished product to the location owners. If they like it, they'll put my media company as their preffered vendor - which would be quite a nice boost to business. At least I'll be giving them a general demo too. I keep wondering if I should include a note mentioning my camera disaster. Would that make the situation better or worse? I just don't know. 

Oh well. Wish me luck! 

887295  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-12-14
Written: (4823 days ago)

Ok, it's been awhile since my last entry - not because I haven't had time, or because there wasn't anything to write about. Mostly it was just that I didn't feel like it. Some days I get expressive, others days I don't wanna bother. Today, I feel like bothering. 

Let's see - Thomas has 7 teeth now, loves bananas and peanut butter, and likes to watch Willow or Harry Potter 4. He's also taken to scooting rapidly after the kitties, which, in fact, is now his first word. I was hoping for mama . . .

I know, I know, I still haven't posted Ren pics. I do have them, I just haven't put them up yet. I do plan on it - I even have pics from my first real bellydance performance to put up to. I even have a video of it that will eventually end up on youtube. I'm not real pleased with how the video turned out, but I've been threatened with death if I don't put it up. You know how that goes. Apparently, since my mother brought me into this world, she can take me out of it. Eesh. 

Let's see - I read the Wheel of Time d20 system and didn't like it, so I'm converting it to regular modern d20. It's a pain in the ass and it's taking FOREVER, but I keep telling myself it'll be worth it. Of course, my boys are pissed because when I'm done, their beloved Lankhmar goes on hiatus for a few months. I know they aren't tired of me gm'ing that game, but I am SICK of it. It's just non-stop, over the top evil. I can only take so much baby eating and virgin sacrifices, you know? Besides, I'm at a point where I have to decide whether or not I want to make the campaign multiplanar or not. That's a big decision! It takes time, research . . . doritos. 

I've been working on some video jobs too. It's not easy. I'm on my 3rd version of one video, and really stuck in the middle of editing the other. I hate noisy venues! And drunk men who stand in front of your B-roll camera! I just shouldn't go there.

Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, I'm still working on my book. You know, the one I've been working on since about '98? Yeah. That one. But, to look at the bright side, I'm nearly done with intital character bios and background. I've also got most of the story history written. So, another few months and I might actually start on the story again! Maybe. 

I'v got a Winter Solstice party coming up - I'm rather anxious! It's the first time my family will celebrate with the inlaws. Also, it's the first time I've had family over for a party. I'm not exactly Martha Stewart, so I'm nervous about how everything will turn out. I know dick about center pieces and things . . . wish me luck on this one, huh?

860558  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-10-06
Written: (4892 days ago)

I think I'm finally recovered from last weekend - just in time for this weekend! Last week I did a choreography training video, helped build a house with Habitat For Humanity, went to the Pecan Street Festival and did videography for Twyla (my bellydance instructor). Then I still managed my usual Sat. night gaming session which lasted until about 3am. I've taken it easy this week, just relaxing and working on stuff a bit at a time. Good thing too! I'm getting old - I can't be running around like a headless chicken all the time. 

I had a blast at Pecan Street. I managed not to buy anything, though it was a close call. I found some lovely begemmed metal clutches that would have gone beautifully with my costume, and some hair jewelry, and sandals . . . Oh and metal art sculptures and paintings . . . I could have spent a fortune, but I promised myself if I bought anything it would be for someone else. 

I saw Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn walking down the street, just relaxing in some scruffy weekend clothes. Kara wanted their pictures but I didn't think they wanted to be recognized, so in the end we left them alone. 

We had a perfect lunch at the Old Pecan Street Cafe. It was a bit pricey for just 3 of us, but the food was good, and the service excellent. The best part of it was the ambience of the place - kind of a forties bluesy feel. I really loved it. I wish I'd had room for dessert, but after splitting a steamed artichoke and our entrees, I had no room! I felt like a happy stuffed muffin!

This week is the brief calm before the storm - next week is the hafleh, so my costume has to be finished, the choreography has to be perfect, and I'm helping to decorate and bringing dolmatas. Then the next day is the kid's Halloween Carnival - I'm doing bean bags, food, drinks, a hayride, and helping out with the obstacle course. The weeks following until Oct. 28th are last minute costuming and Ren Faire prep. I still haven't bought a new tent . . . Oh well. If you don't see me on here, I guess you'll know why!

839979  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-08-17
Written: (4942 days ago)
Next in thread: 849869

Ah yes, today I shall honor the tradition of rant. It shall be a rant on and about Elftown, and it is the first of it's kind in this diary. I generally try to avoid them, but . . . well, you know.

Why oh why do Elftowners fall into either the snobby or stupid categories? It seems like either people are of the HI UR HOTT variety or the "I hate people who . . ." type. The worst of these, to me anyway, are the haters. Sure, horny young idiots are annoying and people with no conversational skills bore one to death, but it’s the haters that make Elftown unpleasant.

They clutter their page with rules about how to message them and how much they hate anybody that doesn't entertain them with an interesting and witty initial message or uses chatspeak. Personally, I don't like chatspeak much and I have a lot of respect for people who use language and grammar properly.  But, I understand that some people prefer shorthand or simply do not speak English well enough to manage coherent, structured conversations. That doesn't make them stupid, worthless, degenerate people. Sometimes, if you can get past the "Hi" stage you find that they can be interesting to talk to. 

Mostly, the "HI" people are young and probably lonely. Rejecting them because their first message did not fascinate or enchant me with witty commentary is ridiculous. You give 'em a chance and if they ARE stupid, annoying, shallow idiots it shows. Then you reject them - ignore them - block them - whatever. 

Even the pervs can occasionally be dissuaded, with proper handling. And if not, then ignored or reported to the guards. Why devote a huge chunk of your page to discussing your dislike of them? Do they really warrant that much time and attention? Seriously.

I think the people with long and overwrought rules about messaging are ridiculous, egotistic, and snobby. It makes Elftown seem unwelcoming and cruel. It certainly makes me avoid messaging them. The really ironic thing about it is that most of the people with all these hang ups about proper grammar and spelling generally have several errors on their page. For example, LadyMoon complains extensively about bad grammar, manners, and spelling, even devoting a wiki to annoying people, but she misspells “whole”, writing instead about disclosing “the hole truth.” I’m not sure what that is, but I doubt it’s what she means. I’m not picking on her in particular; lots of people do it. She just happens to have visited my page recently, and happens to go on and on about her ‘rules.’  

My point is, the purpose of an Elftown house is to inform people about who you are and what you’re into while simultaneously showing off your skills/looks/ect. And the only reason for doing so is to make friends and impress complete strangers. So - don’t denigrate people for judging your house and the things in it, and don’t be so harsh toward those who aren’t as skilled at making friends online as you may be. Elftown is supposed to be welcoming and friendly. So, that’s my rant. That’s it. No more. I’m out.

831336  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-07-28
Written: (4962 days ago)

YEAH!!! I just joined a bellydance class, and am really excited. My instructor said I am a natural dancer because I pick up on the movements quickly . . . ahhhhhh how I love being complimented. Of course, now that I'm in dance, my hubby wants to get back to his Shaolin classes. He's meeting with his old seifu tomorrow. He positively glows with excitement. Thomas is still too young to get into much, but I can't wait to enroll him in baby gymnastics. Just a few more months! Of course, once we're all 'involved' we may never actually see each other :( I hope not.

I was told on the phone last night that I am not 'average' enough to do a market research study. I'm rather peeved about it, since it would have been 2 hours of work for $150. Damn them all!!! Not average enough huh? I'll show them! I'll be so average it'll not quite but almost sorta blow them away with my complete and absolute banality. Yeah. Then I can make some extra cash. So there.

Still working on costumes . . . Justin found some gorgeous lions head clasps he wanted for his doublet, but they only come in silver, so now I have to redo his color scheme and change the gold braiding to silver or grey. Blah. It's not a lot of work, but I wish he'd found them before I got started (coincidentally, I asked him to do it that way). He really should join the procrastinators wiki. 

827937  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-07-21
Written: (4969 days ago)

So, about the whole quandary thing - yeah, I decided to mind my own business. If some people want to do things behind other people's backs, it's none of my business. I don't know if this makes me wise or callow, and I don't care. I just don't want to be in the middle of a crapstorm. 

Anyway, on to more important things. Thomas is 6mos old, and enjoying himself. He rolls over, tries to crawl, holds his own bottle, and sits up with little support. All in all, quite impressive considering his age and prematurity. He just got his vaccinations on Wed, and hasn't been particularly happy since. He'll get over it I'm sure.

For me, well, I'm getting MUCH better at bellydancing. I can do belly rolls, hip bumps, chest circles and undulations, hip circles, eights, hip and shoulder shimmies . . . the list goes on. I'm rather proud of it, though. Who says fat chicks can't dance? And my husband's costume is coming along nicely. It'd be further along if I'd quit trying to repaint the interior of my house. I just can't decide which is more urgent. 

I think that's about it for the nonce.

823436  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-07-12
Written: (4978 days ago)

I am in a major moral quandary. Do I betray an old friend I haven't seen for years to do a new friend a favor? Is that ethical? Is it nice? Does it matter? I don't know, but it's on my mind. Worse yet, neither action benefits me personally. Keeping faith, breaking faith . . . I'm damned either way. I know, I know . . . I don't usually bitch like this in my diary. I try to keep it short and to the point, as factual as possible and light on the rant, but I feel this today. Totally. Ah screw it. 

817600  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-06-30
Written: (4990 days ago)

Ok, so no new news really. I just felt like typing another entry. Let's see - Thomas is learning to roll over and trying to crawl. It's really cute - he can't get his legs positioned right, so he just tries to pull himself along by his arms. Ummmm . . . I started costuming for this year's Ren Faire. Justin will be wearing a red satin doublet with white linen shirt and black faux suede pants (because real suede is a bitch to stitch and pricy to boot). I will be beautiful in a bellydancer costume - copper skirt with purple inlays and brown fringe, beaded; a purple vest with green fringe, green genie pants underneath the skirt, and a brown beaded hip scarf/veil, completed by a modest, yet sexy, ecru linen shirt. I'm just not brave enough to show the world my belly - even if I have mastered the belly roll. Thomas will be adorable in a Toby (as in Toby from Labrynth) costume, provided I can find the proper candy-striped red and white jersey knit material. 

I am making my own jewelry for the first time this year. We shall see how that turns out. And yes, I intend to post pictures, provided I get any. Last year I just didn't take them, and I have yet to repair the damage to the costumes from wear and wash.

805226  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-06-08
Written: (5012 days ago)
Next in thread: 808994

Not much to write about these days. Let's see - Thomas is teething . . . I am slowly and painfully learning the art of bellydance. I can do a belly roll pretty well, but undulations are beyond me. What else, you ask? Oh yeah, I had to go to the airport at about midnight to pick up a friend, which I didn't really mind doing. The thing was, I was already tired when I agreed to this thing, and really, I shouldn't have been driving. As a result, I nearly ran down some poor guy who works for the airport shuttles. I don't know why he didn't shout or something. My window was down, so I would have heard him. Instead the guy just walks right out in front of me. I only hit the baggage cart, but it was kinda scary. 
My friend wound up spending the night on my couch, which was kinda wierd for me (I used to date him, so sleeping under the same roof with him and my husband was odd). Then I had to drive him out to get his car early the next morning. I was soooooo tired . . . I didn't try to run anyone else over though. 

793383  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-05-16
Written: (5035 days ago)

Ok, so I shoulda done this sooner, but I've been . . . busy. Anyway, I finally did go to Scarborough for my birthday instead of easter. It was a lot of fun, and in fact, I'm going again this weekend. And this time, I get to go with friends, though we are still not camping out. I got the cutest dragon picture for my son's room- it's called Scorch and it's a print from the Lawrence A Williams. I really love his stuff, and surprisingly enough it's not terribly expensive. Thomas could care less about his room decor, but you know how mommies are!

Speaking of Thomas, my poor baby got shots today and now he's all fussy and pissed off in general. I don't blame him though! I swear they used like, a 2" needle in his little legs for all 4 shots. The only good part about going to the pediatrician is getting an official height and weight. My baby boy is now 15lbs 4oz and 24 and 5/8". Nifty, huh? The doc was a little pissed that we already started giving him food, but I had to! It's the only way to get him to sleep for more than 3-4 hours. I guess you can't please everybody . . .

This past mother's day was wonderful - I got cards and taken out for lunch and my husband bought me some new cds (Modest Mouse and Tool, both of which ROCK!). I think being a mom is quite nice, most of the time. Oh, and I got to watch the second disc of Desert Punk, which is probably the most awesome, horribly funny, tactless anime I have ever seen. Seriously - it's almost like the trainwreck theory - it's so awful that you can't look away, except that I also can't stop laughing even though I know it's WRONG. I'm sure if there's a god I'll be roasted over hot coals for enjoying it. 

779211  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-04-17
Written: (5064 days ago)

I was supposed to go to Scarborough Faire last weekend, but instead I got sick. I actually got sick on Wed. but it hadn't gone away by Sat., so I didn't get to go. Rather than enjoy shopping and music, costumes and performers, I stayed home, sat on the couch, and tried to hold food and water down and in. I am better now, but not happy. All my friends went last weekend, so even though I will get to go this year, it won't be as much fun with just me, my husband, and our lil boy. Oh well. I will still enjoy it. I think we are gonna go my birthday weekend - may 5, but we'll see.

776227  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-04-11
Written: (5070 days ago)

Today has not been good. My husband is sick as a dog, I have no money, and Scarborough Faire is just a few days away. Justin must get better and money must magically appear in my bank account before Saturday . . . otherwise I will be unhappy. If he's not better, I either can't go to the faire, or I have to go alone. Just me and the tyke, well, and all the friends we are meeting there. But still. And if I have no money, it means no faire yummies, no new toys, and no alcohol . . . I hate being the only sober person in our group (for more on that, read my section on Renaissance Faire 05). 

Thomas is doing so well! He's 12lbs, which is just HUGE! And he finally hit 21in. That means he's still short for his age, but is in range weight-wise. He looks around now and smiles. The best part though is that he finally recognizes me and only wants his mommy sometimes. Talk about a payoff! I'm still having issues with his grandmother - she seems to forget he's my kid - but they are getting better. Justin sorted her out on it. Finally.

I haven't been getting on with my dad well lately. He's been going on and on about how I shouldn't 'drag the baby' to my gaming group on Saturdays or to faires, and that I am too old for video games. He says real, mature grown ups spend their time appropriately. I wonder if he means I should get drunk out of my mind on weekends like he and my stepbrothers do. Is that properly adult? Hmmmmm . . .

769301  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-03-27
Written: (5085 days ago)

I don't have a lot to talk about. I'm trying to learn to be a mother . . . that's hard. I'm trying to make new friends that are also mothers through a meet-up group, but I'm not fitting in very well. The other moms are mostly older, from CA, and have like 3 kids. They watch Desperate Housewives and Guiding Light - and they couldn't tell an elf from a halfling or an orc from an ogre. Let's just say the conversation topics I can join in on with them are limited. I wonder if there's a fantasy lovers mommy group around here? Anybody? No? Figures.

I watched The Libertine with some friends last week and LOVED it. It's not a nice movie, or a sigh and sweat over the beautiful Depp kinda movie either. It's cynical and tragic, poetic and beautiful. The film style was gorgeous, though I tend to prefer less grain (don't get me started on digital vs. film). The pace of the movie was slow, but it suited the plot well. I had a great time watching it and even more fun discussing it over beers later. Ahhhh . . . how I miss film school.

761498  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-10
Written: (5102 days ago)

Thomas got his shots today and it was *traumatic*. The nurse was so matter of fact about it, but I was about in tears watching him cry. Poor thing. 4 shots in 2 legs is just a bit much when you're only 8 weeks old. 

I have started work on his Easter outfit, which will be ADORABLE. Expect pictures . . . many pictures. Speaking of pictures, I never did get any taken in my Ren outfit from this year, and if you happen to be looking forward to them, stop. I washed the clothes and that tore up a few of my hems. I will eventually fix them and do pictures, but I couldn't say when. I'm already getting geared up for new costumes. Thomas will of course be Toby from Labrynth. I wanted Justin (my husband) to be Jareth, but he looks at me funny when I mention his hair and makeup, so I think that's a no. For me, I will be a gypsy. A fat gypsy who doesn't belly dance. Still, it'll be a fun costume.

748494  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-02-14
Written: (5126 days ago)

I haven't been on in about a month, so if you've wondered what's been up, here's the scoop: Friday, January 5th my water broke. There I was, taking a lovely afternoon nap, when suddenly goop started leaking all over the place and I began to have contractions that actually hurt. I went to the hospital in a near panic because I was not due to deliver until February 26th. 

They admitted me and did what they could to halt labor, which thankfully worked. Since the amniotic sack was no longer intact, my doctor decided to put me on bed rest at the hospital to prevent my going into labor again, and to keep me from getting an infection. This was not pleasant, but it was necessary. I wound up staying in the hospital for exactly 11 days, 13 hours, and 32 minutes. 

During this time I was woken up every 4 hours to check my and the baby's vital signs (blood pressure for me, heart rate for the baby), and received over 2 dozen sticks (not counting the ones that I got 4 times a day to check blood sugar) while they tried to set IV's and get blood samples. I hope my son knows how much I love him . . . I was also catheterized 3 times due to pre-eclampsia and that REALLY sucks ass. Those little rubber tubes hurt and there's a certain sense of violation. I'll leave it at that. 

Anyway, my doctor induced labor Sunday night, January 15. All they did was place a cervix softener and I went into labor on my own. This was really great because pitocin causes really painful contractions, and if my labor hadn't started without it, I would've been stuck taking it. 

I had this insane idea that I would have the baby without an epidural, though I did get some pain killers (morphine is a truly INTERESTING experience). But, at 7 centimeters I decided I didn't want to feel anything more painful than what I was experiencing right then. Unfortunately, I did have to feel something a little more painful than that in the process of getting the epidural. There is nothing quite like having to hold absolutely still through contractions occurring a minute or less apart while some guy you met five minutes ago starts shoving a needle longer than my hand in and out of my back; searching for the apparently elusive epidural space within my spine. This would be unpleasant enough as it is, but the needle sticking and probing is accompanied by painful, burning twinges in my legs as the good anesthesiologist bumps random nerve endings in his never ending quest to alleviate my pain. 

So, amidst the pleasures of modern day childbirth, the epidural is finally placed and I go numb from the waist down. I think that had to be about the weirdest sensation I have ever experienced, because you can still feel, but you can't make anything move. Then the doctor decides my labor is progressing to quickly, so she gives me a shot to slow it down. Of course, the shot has to go in my arm where I can still feel it . . . 

I did finally manage to catch a little sleep between contractions at this point. Labor is exhausting! Then, I woke up feeling as if I desperately needed to push. I won't say it was painful, but it kinda feels like you're trying to shit a rubix cube. The nurse didn't believe me, so I had to lay there with this cube-ish sensation for about 2 hours, until the woman decided to check me again. The baby was about an inch or two from crowning at this point, so the doctor and her army of assistants rushed in and I was FINALLY allowed to push. Three little pushes later, and a pallid, gooey, squalling child shot out from betwixt my legs and into the doctor's waiting arms. I got to hold him for a few moments before they whisked him off to the neonatal ICU. 

He was so precious. He lay there on my belly looking around and kicking his little legs. It was the most amazing moment of my life to date. 

After they took him, I found out that the baby isn't the only thing you have to squeeze out. So, I had to deliver the placenta, and then lay there as some women I have NEVER met before plunges her arms to the elbow into my womb to pull out errant chunks of placental goo. I am quite glad I could not feel that. I am also quite glad that I have never seen that woman since, because I am not sure I could look her in the face without blushing. Usually I at least get dinner and a movie before becoming that intimate with someone. And she wasn't even my type. Jeez.

Then my baby - Thomas Egan Toliver - was stuck in NICU for 10 days. This was traumatic on us. Justin couldn't take off work much because if he did, he wouldn't have time to take off after the baby came home. So, I was all by myself at the NICU for days on end, watching my baby sleep and looking forward to the brief moments at feedings where I was allowed to hold him. I won't go into detail about this time because the wound is still a bit fresh.

January 26th, I got to take Thomas home. There's more, but I can't imagine anyone even reading this far into it, so I'll leave the rest for later.

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