[roslyn]'s diary

860558  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-10-06
Written: (4728 days ago)

I think I'm finally recovered from last weekend - just in time for this weekend! Last week I did a choreography training video, helped build a house with Habitat For Humanity, went to the Pecan Street Festival and did videography for Twyla (my bellydance instructor). Then I still managed my usual Sat. night gaming session which lasted until about 3am. I've taken it easy this week, just relaxing and working on stuff a bit at a time. Good thing too! I'm getting old - I can't be running around like a headless chicken all the time. 

I had a blast at Pecan Street. I managed not to buy anything, though it was a close call. I found some lovely begemmed metal clutches that would have gone beautifully with my costume, and some hair jewelry, and sandals . . . Oh and metal art sculptures and paintings . . . I could have spent a fortune, but I promised myself if I bought anything it would be for someone else. 

I saw Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn walking down the street, just relaxing in some scruffy weekend clothes. Kara wanted their pictures but I didn't think they wanted to be recognized, so in the end we left them alone. 

We had a perfect lunch at the Old Pecan Street Cafe. It was a bit pricey for just 3 of us, but the food was good, and the service excellent. The best part of it was the ambience of the place - kind of a forties bluesy feel. I really loved it. I wish I'd had room for dessert, but after splitting a steamed artichoke and our entrees, I had no room! I felt like a happy stuffed muffin!

This week is the brief calm before the storm - next week is the hafleh, so my costume has to be finished, the choreography has to be perfect, and I'm helping to decorate and bringing dolmatas. Then the next day is the kid's Halloween Carnival - I'm doing bean bags, food, drinks, a hayride, and helping out with the obstacle course. The weeks following until Oct. 28th are last minute costuming and Ren Faire prep. I still haven't bought a new tent . . . Oh well. If you don't see me on here, I guess you'll know why!

839979  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-08-17
Written: (4778 days ago)
Next in thread: 849869

Ah yes, today I shall honor the tradition of rant. It shall be a rant on and about Elftown, and it is the first of it's kind in this diary. I generally try to avoid them, but . . . well, you know.

Why oh why do Elftowners fall into either the snobby or stupid categories? It seems like either people are of the HI UR HOTT variety or the "I hate people who . . ." type. The worst of these, to me anyway, are the haters. Sure, horny young idiots are annoying and people with no conversational skills bore one to death, but it’s the haters that make Elftown unpleasant.

They clutter their page with rules about how to message them and how much they hate anybody that doesn't entertain them with an interesting and witty initial message or uses chatspeak. Personally, I don't like chatspeak much and I have a lot of respect for people who use language and grammar properly.  But, I understand that some people prefer shorthand or simply do not speak English well enough to manage coherent, structured conversations. That doesn't make them stupid, worthless, degenerate people. Sometimes, if you can get past the "Hi" stage you find that they can be interesting to talk to. 

Mostly, the "HI" people are young and probably lonely. Rejecting them because their first message did not fascinate or enchant me with witty commentary is ridiculous. You give 'em a chance and if they ARE stupid, annoying, shallow idiots it shows. Then you reject them - ignore them - block them - whatever. 

Even the pervs can occasionally be dissuaded, with proper handling. And if not, then ignored or reported to the guards. Why devote a huge chunk of your page to discussing your dislike of them? Do they really warrant that much time and attention? Seriously.

I think the people with long and overwrought rules about messaging are ridiculous, egotistic, and snobby. It makes Elftown seem unwelcoming and cruel. It certainly makes me avoid messaging them. The really ironic thing about it is that most of the people with all these hang ups about proper grammar and spelling generally have several errors on their page. For example, LadyMoon complains extensively about bad grammar, manners, and spelling, even devoting a wiki to annoying people, but she misspells “whole”, writing instead about disclosing “the hole truth.” I’m not sure what that is, but I doubt it’s what she means. I’m not picking on her in particular; lots of people do it. She just happens to have visited my page recently, and happens to go on and on about her ‘rules.’  

My point is, the purpose of an Elftown house is to inform people about who you are and what you’re into while simultaneously showing off your skills/looks/ect. And the only reason for doing so is to make friends and impress complete strangers. So - don’t denigrate people for judging your house and the things in it, and don’t be so harsh toward those who aren’t as skilled at making friends online as you may be. Elftown is supposed to be welcoming and friendly. So, that’s my rant. That’s it. No more. I’m out.

831336  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-07-28
Written: (4798 days ago)

YEAH!!! I just joined a bellydance class, and am really excited. My instructor said I am a natural dancer because I pick up on the movements quickly . . . ahhhhhh how I love being complimented. Of course, now that I'm in dance, my hubby wants to get back to his Shaolin classes. He's meeting with his old seifu tomorrow. He positively glows with excitement. Thomas is still too young to get into much, but I can't wait to enroll him in baby gymnastics. Just a few more months! Of course, once we're all 'involved' we may never actually see each other :( I hope not.

I was told on the phone last night that I am not 'average' enough to do a market research study. I'm rather peeved about it, since it would have been 2 hours of work for $150. Damn them all!!! Not average enough huh? I'll show them! I'll be so average it'll not quite but almost sorta blow them away with my complete and absolute banality. Yeah. Then I can make some extra cash. So there.

Still working on costumes . . . Justin found some gorgeous lions head clasps he wanted for his doublet, but they only come in silver, so now I have to redo his color scheme and change the gold braiding to silver or grey. Blah. It's not a lot of work, but I wish he'd found them before I got started (coincidentally, I asked him to do it that way). He really should join the procrastinators wiki. 

827937  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-07-21
Written: (4805 days ago)

So, about the whole quandary thing - yeah, I decided to mind my own business. If some people want to do things behind other people's backs, it's none of my business. I don't know if this makes me wise or callow, and I don't care. I just don't want to be in the middle of a crapstorm. 

Anyway, on to more important things. Thomas is 6mos old, and enjoying himself. He rolls over, tries to crawl, holds his own bottle, and sits up with little support. All in all, quite impressive considering his age and prematurity. He just got his vaccinations on Wed, and hasn't been particularly happy since. He'll get over it I'm sure.

For me, well, I'm getting MUCH better at bellydancing. I can do belly rolls, hip bumps, chest circles and undulations, hip circles, eights, hip and shoulder shimmies . . . the list goes on. I'm rather proud of it, though. Who says fat chicks can't dance? And my husband's costume is coming along nicely. It'd be further along if I'd quit trying to repaint the interior of my house. I just can't decide which is more urgent. 

I think that's about it for the nonce.

823436  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-07-12
Written: (4814 days ago)

I am in a major moral quandary. Do I betray an old friend I haven't seen for years to do a new friend a favor? Is that ethical? Is it nice? Does it matter? I don't know, but it's on my mind. Worse yet, neither action benefits me personally. Keeping faith, breaking faith . . . I'm damned either way. I know, I know . . . I don't usually bitch like this in my diary. I try to keep it short and to the point, as factual as possible and light on the rant, but I feel this today. Totally. Ah screw it. 

817600  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-06-30
Written: (4826 days ago)

Ok, so no new news really. I just felt like typing another entry. Let's see - Thomas is learning to roll over and trying to crawl. It's really cute - he can't get his legs positioned right, so he just tries to pull himself along by his arms. Ummmm . . . I started costuming for this year's Ren Faire. Justin will be wearing a red satin doublet with white linen shirt and black faux suede pants (because real suede is a bitch to stitch and pricy to boot). I will be beautiful in a bellydancer costume - copper skirt with purple inlays and brown fringe, beaded; a purple vest with green fringe, green genie pants underneath the skirt, and a brown beaded hip scarf/veil, completed by a modest, yet sexy, ecru linen shirt. I'm just not brave enough to show the world my belly - even if I have mastered the belly roll. Thomas will be adorable in a Toby (as in Toby from Labrynth) costume, provided I can find the proper candy-striped red and white jersey knit material. 

I am making my own jewelry for the first time this year. We shall see how that turns out. And yes, I intend to post pictures, provided I get any. Last year I just didn't take them, and I have yet to repair the damage to the costumes from wear and wash.

805226  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-06-08
Written: (4848 days ago)
Next in thread: 808994

Not much to write about these days. Let's see - Thomas is teething . . . I am slowly and painfully learning the art of bellydance. I can do a belly roll pretty well, but undulations are beyond me. What else, you ask? Oh yeah, I had to go to the airport at about midnight to pick up a friend, which I didn't really mind doing. The thing was, I was already tired when I agreed to this thing, and really, I shouldn't have been driving. As a result, I nearly ran down some poor guy who works for the airport shuttles. I don't know why he didn't shout or something. My window was down, so I would have heard him. Instead the guy just walks right out in front of me. I only hit the baggage cart, but it was kinda scary. 
My friend wound up spending the night on my couch, which was kinda wierd for me (I used to date him, so sleeping under the same roof with him and my husband was odd). Then I had to drive him out to get his car early the next morning. I was soooooo tired . . . I didn't try to run anyone else over though. 

793383  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-05-16
Written: (4871 days ago)

Ok, so I shoulda done this sooner, but I've been . . . busy. Anyway, I finally did go to Scarborough for my birthday instead of easter. It was a lot of fun, and in fact, I'm going again this weekend. And this time, I get to go with friends, though we are still not camping out. I got the cutest dragon picture for my son's room- it's called Scorch and it's a print from the Lawrence A Williams. I really love his stuff, and surprisingly enough it's not terribly expensive. Thomas could care less about his room decor, but you know how mommies are!

Speaking of Thomas, my poor baby got shots today and now he's all fussy and pissed off in general. I don't blame him though! I swear they used like, a 2" needle in his little legs for all 4 shots. The only good part about going to the pediatrician is getting an official height and weight. My baby boy is now 15lbs 4oz and 24 and 5/8". Nifty, huh? The doc was a little pissed that we already started giving him food, but I had to! It's the only way to get him to sleep for more than 3-4 hours. I guess you can't please everybody . . .

This past mother's day was wonderful - I got cards and taken out for lunch and my husband bought me some new cds (Modest Mouse and Tool, both of which ROCK!). I think being a mom is quite nice, most of the time. Oh, and I got to watch the second disc of Desert Punk, which is probably the most awesome, horribly funny, tactless anime I have ever seen. Seriously - it's almost like the trainwreck theory - it's so awful that you can't look away, except that I also can't stop laughing even though I know it's WRONG. I'm sure if there's a god I'll be roasted over hot coals for enjoying it. 

779211  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-04-17
Written: (4900 days ago)

I was supposed to go to Scarborough Faire last weekend, but instead I got sick. I actually got sick on Wed. but it hadn't gone away by Sat., so I didn't get to go. Rather than enjoy shopping and music, costumes and performers, I stayed home, sat on the couch, and tried to hold food and water down and in. I am better now, but not happy. All my friends went last weekend, so even though I will get to go this year, it won't be as much fun with just me, my husband, and our lil boy. Oh well. I will still enjoy it. I think we are gonna go my birthday weekend - may 5, but we'll see.

776227  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-04-11
Written: (4906 days ago)

Today has not been good. My husband is sick as a dog, I have no money, and Scarborough Faire is just a few days away. Justin must get better and money must magically appear in my bank account before Saturday . . . otherwise I will be unhappy. If he's not better, I either can't go to the faire, or I have to go alone. Just me and the tyke, well, and all the friends we are meeting there. But still. And if I have no money, it means no faire yummies, no new toys, and no alcohol . . . I hate being the only sober person in our group (for more on that, read my section on Renaissance Faire 05). 

Thomas is doing so well! He's 12lbs, which is just HUGE! And he finally hit 21in. That means he's still short for his age, but is in range weight-wise. He looks around now and smiles. The best part though is that he finally recognizes me and only wants his mommy sometimes. Talk about a payoff! I'm still having issues with his grandmother - she seems to forget he's my kid - but they are getting better. Justin sorted her out on it. Finally.

I haven't been getting on with my dad well lately. He's been going on and on about how I shouldn't 'drag the baby' to my gaming group on Saturdays or to faires, and that I am too old for video games. He says real, mature grown ups spend their time appropriately. I wonder if he means I should get drunk out of my mind on weekends like he and my stepbrothers do. Is that properly adult? Hmmmmm . . .

769301  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-03-27
Written: (4921 days ago)

I don't have a lot to talk about. I'm trying to learn to be a mother . . . that's hard. I'm trying to make new friends that are also mothers through a meet-up group, but I'm not fitting in very well. The other moms are mostly older, from CA, and have like 3 kids. They watch Desperate Housewives and Guiding Light - and they couldn't tell an elf from a halfling or an orc from an ogre. Let's just say the conversation topics I can join in on with them are limited. I wonder if there's a fantasy lovers mommy group around here? Anybody? No? Figures.

I watched The Libertine with some friends last week and LOVED it. It's not a nice movie, or a sigh and sweat over the beautiful Depp kinda movie either. It's cynical and tragic, poetic and beautiful. The film style was gorgeous, though I tend to prefer less grain (don't get me started on digital vs. film). The pace of the movie was slow, but it suited the plot well. I had a great time watching it and even more fun discussing it over beers later. Ahhhh . . . how I miss film school.

761498  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-10
Written: (4938 days ago)

Thomas got his shots today and it was *traumatic*. The nurse was so matter of fact about it, but I was about in tears watching him cry. Poor thing. 4 shots in 2 legs is just a bit much when you're only 8 weeks old. 

I have started work on his Easter outfit, which will be ADORABLE. Expect pictures . . . many pictures. Speaking of pictures, I never did get any taken in my Ren outfit from this year, and if you happen to be looking forward to them, stop. I washed the clothes and that tore up a few of my hems. I will eventually fix them and do pictures, but I couldn't say when. I'm already getting geared up for new costumes. Thomas will of course be Toby from Labrynth. I wanted Justin (my husband) to be Jareth, but he looks at me funny when I mention his hair and makeup, so I think that's a no. For me, I will be a gypsy. A fat gypsy who doesn't belly dance. Still, it'll be a fun costume.

748494  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-02-14
Written: (4962 days ago)

I haven't been on in about a month, so if you've wondered what's been up, here's the scoop: Friday, January 5th my water broke. There I was, taking a lovely afternoon nap, when suddenly goop started leaking all over the place and I began to have contractions that actually hurt. I went to the hospital in a near panic because I was not due to deliver until February 26th. 

They admitted me and did what they could to halt labor, which thankfully worked. Since the amniotic sack was no longer intact, my doctor decided to put me on bed rest at the hospital to prevent my going into labor again, and to keep me from getting an infection. This was not pleasant, but it was necessary. I wound up staying in the hospital for exactly 11 days, 13 hours, and 32 minutes. 

During this time I was woken up every 4 hours to check my and the baby's vital signs (blood pressure for me, heart rate for the baby), and received over 2 dozen sticks (not counting the ones that I got 4 times a day to check blood sugar) while they tried to set IV's and get blood samples. I hope my son knows how much I love him . . . I was also catheterized 3 times due to pre-eclampsia and that REALLY sucks ass. Those little rubber tubes hurt and there's a certain sense of violation. I'll leave it at that. 

Anyway, my doctor induced labor Sunday night, January 15. All they did was place a cervix softener and I went into labor on my own. This was really great because pitocin causes really painful contractions, and if my labor hadn't started without it, I would've been stuck taking it. 

I had this insane idea that I would have the baby without an epidural, though I did get some pain killers (morphine is a truly INTERESTING experience). But, at 7 centimeters I decided I didn't want to feel anything more painful than what I was experiencing right then. Unfortunately, I did have to feel something a little more painful than that in the process of getting the epidural. There is nothing quite like having to hold absolutely still through contractions occurring a minute or less apart while some guy you met five minutes ago starts shoving a needle longer than my hand in and out of my back; searching for the apparently elusive epidural space within my spine. This would be unpleasant enough as it is, but the needle sticking and probing is accompanied by painful, burning twinges in my legs as the good anesthesiologist bumps random nerve endings in his never ending quest to alleviate my pain. 

So, amidst the pleasures of modern day childbirth, the epidural is finally placed and I go numb from the waist down. I think that had to be about the weirdest sensation I have ever experienced, because you can still feel, but you can't make anything move. Then the doctor decides my labor is progressing to quickly, so she gives me a shot to slow it down. Of course, the shot has to go in my arm where I can still feel it . . . 

I did finally manage to catch a little sleep between contractions at this point. Labor is exhausting! Then, I woke up feeling as if I desperately needed to push. I won't say it was painful, but it kinda feels like you're trying to shit a rubix cube. The nurse didn't believe me, so I had to lay there with this cube-ish sensation for about 2 hours, until the woman decided to check me again. The baby was about an inch or two from crowning at this point, so the doctor and her army of assistants rushed in and I was FINALLY allowed to push. Three little pushes later, and a pallid, gooey, squalling child shot out from betwixt my legs and into the doctor's waiting arms. I got to hold him for a few moments before they whisked him off to the neonatal ICU. 

He was so precious. He lay there on my belly looking around and kicking his little legs. It was the most amazing moment of my life to date. 

After they took him, I found out that the baby isn't the only thing you have to squeeze out. So, I had to deliver the placenta, and then lay there as some women I have NEVER met before plunges her arms to the elbow into my womb to pull out errant chunks of placental goo. I am quite glad I could not feel that. I am also quite glad that I have never seen that woman since, because I am not sure I could look her in the face without blushing. Usually I at least get dinner and a movie before becoming that intimate with someone. And she wasn't even my type. Jeez.

Then my baby - Thomas Egan Toliver - was stuck in NICU for 10 days. This was traumatic on us. Justin couldn't take off work much because if he did, he wouldn't have time to take off after the baby came home. So, I was all by myself at the NICU for days on end, watching my baby sleep and looking forward to the brief moments at feedings where I was allowed to hold him. I won't go into detail about this time because the wound is still a bit fresh.

January 26th, I got to take Thomas home. There's more, but I can't imagine anyone even reading this far into it, so I'll leave the rest for later.

715659  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-12-15
Written: (5023 days ago)

Only a week later, and so much has changed! I failed the glucose test so it's a sure thing that I have gestational diabetes. I have to check my blood sugar 4x a day and may end up on insulin or other medication. I won't know that until dec 22. I have until the to control my insulin and sugar levels through diet and exercise. I don't mind giving up the sweets, but I miss my carbs. Oh well. It's only for 11 weeks and I'll probably be healthier for it.

I got to listen to the baby's heartbeat yesterday and he is doing well. He had the hiccups though, so it sounded funny. I have been going to lamaze classes with my husband and they've been . . . interesting. I am beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be better for me to just avoid watching childbirth for the remainder of my pregnancy, cause those videos freak me out! 

710676  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-12-05
Written: (5033 days ago)

Ok, I'm still working on getting pics of my husband and I in costume to post. I know how desperately everyone has been waiting for them, but you'll just have to stop holding your breath. I swear I'll post em when I've got em. I may also post a sonagram pic but I dunno. You really can't see much in there. 

I had a great Thanksgiving - complete with too much turkey and too much shopping. I promise myself every year that I won't shop on Black Friday, but I end up doing it anyway. Maybe next year I'll freeze my car keys in a block of ice the day before. That should keep me otherwise occupied, right? 

The baby is doing really well, and so am I. I do wish the lil booger would quit playing hackeysack when I try to sleep, but apparently it's just training for after he's born. My friends and family warn me not to expect sleep for a good 2-3 months after the birth. I hope they're wrong! So far as I know, my glucose test came up negative, so score another win on the healthy baby side. I am a little nervous about pre-eclampsia though. My feet swell and that's one of the symptoms. I'll prolly ask the doc about it next week at my appointment. I am in my 7th month, third trimester, 28th week, 196th day, 4,704 hour. I think. Wish me luck!

697089  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-11-11
Written: (5057 days ago)

Ok, this entry is like a week late, and there's so much to tell that I don't know where to start. First - the reason this was not typed up last week - I got REALLY sick. Apparently, you can get this stuff called oral thrush, which is basically a yeast infection in your mouth. Gross, right? I have NO idea how I got it, since I wash my hands obsessively. Anyway, I didn't know what I had, so I went unmedicated for nearly a week, where I couldn't eat or talk or drink anything warmer or colder than about room temp. I lost about 20lbs, which is BAD when you're pregnant, especially to lose it in 1 week. I FINALLY got around to calling the doctor (well, my husband actually talked to her) and got medicine (which is NASTY!). So, now I'm mostly better and the skin in my mouth has grown back, so it's all good.

Now, about ren fair. First off, strange men with sexual favor wheels on their chests should not be toyed with. They are dangerous and unpredictable, especially when the spinner lands on 'Kiss Anything.' Second, being the only sober person in your camp sucks. Third, when the weatherman says it might be chilly at night, be sure to bring more than blankets and pillows, or get ready to sleep in your car. Seriously, though, I had a great time. I met some really nice people from Austin, one who manages and produces for some AWESOME local bands. 

I got to see some great acts, including my perenial fav To the Hilt. You've never seen anything until you've seen comedy swordfighting. I also, for the first time, saw Cast in Bronze perform. It was so beautiful - imagine sitting in a cool, sunlit grove, light gently filtering through the trees, while the air vibrates with the pure tones of 42 bronze bells. The Carol of the Bells actually brought tears to my eyes, and not just b/c I'm all pregnant and emotional. Justin cried too. The guy who performs on the bells was pretty neat too. I got to talk to him after the performance, and had him autograph his cds for me. He wears a full black suit and mask so that only his eyes peer through a golden heron mask, and his fingers protrude from holes in silken gloves. It was great. There's so much more, but anyone with the patience to read this far impresses me, so that'll be it for this entry.

687426  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-10-25
Written: (5074 days ago)

Well, the sonagram went fine and the baby is OK. Not that I was worried, but confirmation of good things is always nice. My mother in law did alright . . . only a lil weepy and mostly coherent. 

I'm going to the Texas Renaissance Faire this weekend and am REALLY excited. If you're going to be there too, feel free to stop by our lil campsite - just look for the ugly blue canopy and a flag with 3 crescent moons on it. We never get to go on Halloween weekend b/c a dear friend of mine doesn't like to deal with the crowds, but this year we talked him into it! YAY!!! It's supposed to be one of the best weekends for costumes, and I LOVE looking at other people's designs . . . gives me ideas for next time. Anyway, I'll have more after I've actually gone to it.

677664  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-10-06
Written: (5093 days ago)

Ok, since last post I lost my job as a video editor at VTV. I kinda miss working with media everyday, but I don't miss working for assholes. My direct boss there was a sweetie, but corporate execs are almost always (in my experience) some of the most awful people around. Anyway, I got another job as an admin assistant, so now I do business paperwork for my in-laws. It's nothing fancy, but I make enough to cover my insurance bills and since it's part time, I have more time to prepare for baby.

No new news on the baby yet - I'll be going next week for a full sonagram to check on the his physical development. Basically, it's just a standard check to make sure each of the major organ groups is developing. My mother in law will be coming along, and is very excited to see the sonagram. I am not thrilled at the prospect, since I know she'll be all weepy, but I'm more interested in how the baby is doing.

672062  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-09-26
Written: (5103 days ago)
Next in thread: 672535

It's been awhile since my last post, but that's because things have been soooooooo busy. My great grandmother died, and I miss her . . . she had a beautiful funeral and the procession to the graveyard was like 1.5 miles long. I think a lot of people will miss her. She was so awesome - she used to tell me stories about traveling through the west looking for work, traditional courtship, chores the old fashioned way, and naughty fun with moonshiners and rum runners. I wish the baby I'm having could have known her . . .

Speaking of the baby, we had an amniocentesis done and we are clear of any form of chromosomal abnormalities. I am really happy we don't have to worry about trisomy 18 or 13, because if it had been positive for that I would have had to abort, and that would've been really sad. As it stands, we have a healthy baby BOY!!! I can't believe it's a boy . . . now, should I name him Thomas Egan or Colin Jareth? Choices, choices.

658267  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-09-02
Written: (5127 days ago)

Well, my great grandmother has gotten worse. Because of the cancer, her body is no longer processing toxins out of her blood. This has caused her to be more confused and even demented. She attacked the nurses and my aunt the other day because she thought they had stolen her baby, and then later refused medication as she believed we were trying to poison her. Now the hospice nurse is keeping her sedated so that she will stay calm and mostly asleep until she passes. 

I had a doctor's appointment last week, and everything went well. This wasn't with the specialist for trisomy 18 or 13, just my regular ob/gyn. We listened to the baby's heartbeat and had another sonagram. She says everything looks good, so I'm happy. That and I just love getting more sonagram pictures for my baby book. Of course, once again, weenit refused to get in a position where we can determine it's gender . . . Maybe next time, right? 

652658  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-08-24
Written: (5136 days ago)

Some sad news in this entry, I'm afraid . . . My great grandmother is dying of cancer right now. They just diagnosed it Monday, and gave her about 10 days to live. She's very traditional, and has decided to refuse treatment. I'm a little upset about this because she has a pretty serious case of Alzheimer's and is confused so often that I'm not sure if she made this decision in her right mind. It's hard enough to know what you are signing when you're on serious pain medication, but imagine adding the confusion of memory loss every 5 -10 minutes . . . However, I respect her decision. I visited her last night and about half the time she wasn't sure who I was or where she was. It was disturbing, but also comforting, as she has no recollection of her illness.

On the pregnancy front, I'm apparently at a 1% risk for a very rare disorder called trisomy 18 or 13 (yes that's really the name) and have to go in for more tests soon. I'm not sure if I should be worried or not, since it's such a low risk factor, but per the doctor, it's odd to have even that much of a risk involved. I'm trying not to get worked up over it, but the disorder causes some pretty severe birth defects, and that's scary. I could write more on this, but I just don't feel like it.

 The logged in version 

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