[lacklustre]'s diary

1124982  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-10-21
Written: (4056 days ago)

just got my feelings spiked like a football. Man alive, I hurt. I just wanted to be honest and not be persecuted for it.

1123915  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2010-10-03
Written: (4074 days ago)

Today was a fucking scrub day and I stayedup all mother fucking night last night cleaning just to be fucking let down. I feel absolutely used right now.

1123286  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2010-09-21
Written: (4086 days ago)

There is always failure. In order to have success you must fail. Without either there is nothing. One must always acknowledge there is hard work involved with any sort of 'adventure' though stagnation brings an urging for freedom and will ...to act accordingly.

Achievement is the visible result of marked success. Remember, if one truly wants to succeed then they must realize that reservation and deliberation are the key part to planning even if by the seam of your pants.

The impossible is what ultimately drives us.

1123109  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2010-09-18
Written: (4089 days ago)

I feel like a fuck up! Like I had a chance to play everything smoothly and my bluff was called. Doh fucking doh! i need to get a rein in on my emotions. I need to control myself or I will be even more lonely than I was.

1122854  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2010-09-13
Written: (4094 days ago)

The guy that finally wins out with bar charm and faux confidence will be your downfall. Know that, I am still the better choice. Not overconfident just perceptive of some kind of bigger picture. Wish I could make heads or tails, making me confused, one thing leading to another. Wanting to stand tall, not caring if we live on borrowed time soon expiring. I much rather be there at the beginning, even if we're bleached skeletons smiling at a grand predetermined cataclysm. And if it should be a farce, then so be it, better to be the fool with their falsehood than to be the one who called it right on mass extinction. I'd say let love in but the utilization of it is slavery, so I say embrace the concept and flow freely like a wisp amongst of the aether. I say, let us be something greater but for what I aspire to is something some call hopeless. Though nary I say that for honestly it's the thrill of getting there that has me giddy. Making it work after the fact, and in action ever practiced will determine to see, how many autumns we get through. Though the world dies a little every season tilling, planting and rebirthing every spring to come another chance at a grace filled bounty.

1121915  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2010-08-28
Written: (4110 days ago)
Next in thread: 1121929

I'm confused since it appears that no one understand me. I understand them but it's like whatever because it would appear they don't care, my heart is so full of hurt over the way the past year has panned out for me. It's been nothing but loneliness and pain and I want things to go well for everyone and myself and it never does I try so hard to keep it together but no one else picks up the slack. So I'm getting pulled off ship inch by inch and for what? People that don't appreciate or love me. The only I have going for me is that I'm always outnumbered but never outgunned.

1121155  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-08-12
Written: (4126 days ago)

The difference between man and gods is weakness. Our vulnerabilities range the cosmos yet define us more so as beautiful, brilliant burning effigies to serve purposes of absent creators.

1120022  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2010-07-23
Written: (4146 days ago)

I am fucking exhausted. I wish my friend of forever friendship would actually contact me back when I try to contact them. It would be awesome and make me feel less shitty.

1119770  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2010-07-19
Written: (4150 days ago)

http://dirkrichards.deviantart.com/art/Badass-of-another-kind-171866683 new art

today is the day. My failaversary. The ending of an era to herald in another. Not saying that things are shit but I am also not saying they're perfect. I am saying things changed. Choices were made, bad ones, selfish ones made outside of logic or rational reason. You don't get to be a god, you don't get to be right this time. You get to sit this one out in the personal hell you've trapped yourself in because it is not my fault you went there. You only went because the choice was yours and you thought it was genuinely a better one. Or so manipulation would lead you to believe. There is no justification that makes what you did right. You sinned that day and there is no confessional both or church service that is going to remove that taint you wrought upon yourself that day. The people you let act without direction or control had their try and their little bit of fun but at the end of this I know I was right. I know that despite all the harmful intentions you had planned or that affiliated parties had planned that I persevered. Note that trash will always be trash and there is no amount of lysol, perfume or pinesol that will clean up the shit of deceit and hatred they harbor for those who've weathered hell and it's infernos to come out living. Via Con Dios Muchacha! May you one day earn the redemption through hard work and tears though at present you don't deserve it.

1119003  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2010-07-05
Written: (4164 days ago)
1118763  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-06-30
Written: (4169 days ago)

The most bloodiest battles I've fought, I've fought alone.

1118313  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2010-06-21
Written: (4178 days ago)
1117784  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-06-10
Written: (4189 days ago)

Godamnit. This whole week has been fucking depressing. I wish people would quit with the dying and shit. It's honestly very aggravating. I hate not being able to do something about it. I wish I wasn' out in the black all by myself. I feel fucking alone on this one. And where is everybody?

1116383  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2010-05-15
Written: (4215 days ago)

Still in success you can fail. If perception is not noticed of the lessons learned.

1116382  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2010-05-15
Written: (4215 days ago)

The passed year has been a clusterfuck. At least I am alive and am lucky enough to know good people. So this battle ain't always mine to fight alone. Life is short and the stories people tell are tall. Generally I am forgiving and I would be forgiving when people would admit fault and guilt of their selfish actions. I absolutely can't stand betrayal. And especially can't stand liars especially one's who do not understand me and still insist on speaking about me on my "behalf."

1113386  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2010-03-29
Written: (4262 days ago)
Next in thread:

I want a fucking breaking. Goddamn idiots. If only St.Darwin would here my prayers. Argh! Stupid people and their inability to fuck off.

1112605  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2010-03-17
Written: (4274 days ago)

I want to lay waste to the injustices in this modern era. I am tired.

1111419  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2010-03-01
Written: (4290 days ago)

my chest hurts aa bit right now.

1110812  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2010-02-22
Written: (4298 days ago)

I am the master of fighting up hill battles. I am the master of making my enemies pay for every inch they try to take away from me. Win or lose, I am more than a foot note in the bloody sands of history.

1110482  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-02-18
Written: (4301 days ago)
Next in thread: 1110496

my god I can smell blood. But I am not bleeding. Or covered or near blood. What the hell.

1110201  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2010-02-14
Written: (4305 days ago)
Next in thread: 1110214

RAWR! Fucking fuckin hell I hate Valentines day. Seriously cupid if I had an AA gun I'd shoot your ass down! >.<

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