[lacklustre]'s diary

1170724  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2018-10-30
Written: (1092 days ago)

From your compassion I was brought life.
From your scorn I was shown darkness.
Yet of which I am caught in your gravity.
Why are you always my first choice?
The thought I think of when I first wake.
Why do I fight to keep you uplifted?
Sacrifices I have made, even when I myself am drowning.
Why do I love you, when I can barely drawn your attention?
Waves of fiery immolation, keeping ablaze but from breathing.
All I require is your acknowledgement.
Your careful consideration.
When all is given, I'll only have this shell.
A shell cannot live, a shell cannot die.
yet a shell can shatter, with a bit of love you could make me whole.
with your love, we could be one.
with your love, we live on across infinity.
with you love, we could paint the sky with stars and build better worlds.

1170593  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2018-03-15
Written: (1321 days ago)

The greatest sacrifice is perhaps the most unappreciated.

1170527  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2017-11-17
Written: (1439 days ago)

If I was dead and gone then maybe I might matter.

1170498  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2017-10-23
Written: (1465 days ago)

Pretty angry, today is my birthday and I didn't really get what I worked for. Instead I got snubbed for an asshole that has been sabotaging one of close relationships.

1170451  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2017-09-02
Written: (1516 days ago)

You're finally free, and clear from the tyrant.

Yet, in this passage of time, I seek to be with you.

Sadly, the world will fight me and push me to destroy.

1170326  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2017-04-15
Written: (1655 days ago)

No matter how much I help and provide support, I am refuted.
nevermind when I require the same, a gentle reprieve and reassuring embrace would suffice.
Instead my suffering if not understood, or felt, instead it is in languishing in hell.
My heart is rended and bleeding. I sought peace and love and instead I've been granted the unceasing despair.
I did not choose the means of my upbringing nor have I fully escaped it.
I would have like to have confided in you the truth and in turn I'd the same for you.
However full my heart is, I am a fool, for loving someone who sticks by an ingrate and a user of people.

1170309  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2017-03-30
Written: (1671 days ago)

My thoughts of you, still hit me so deeply.
I wonder why you keep me around, since you act as though I do not matter.
Actions worked in your favor, this blood of mine and sacrifice of time.
I've built an empire for you and it would appear that you do not care.
The other that claims credit for my efforts, is not the one deserving.
I crave, your touch, the delicate nature of consideration and embrace at the end of the day.
Ground down and ran through, I come back to you, the quality of the return still as it is but ever diminishing.
Do you know, you're why I exist?
It's true, but would it matter when you only care about you,
won't you understand that without me, your life would be mired in difficulty?
I wish you would.
I know you could.
I see that which remains unsaid.
The silent plots, and actions beyond, still understood.
My heart aches for your most gentle acknowledgement.
The bravery I've demonstrated and yet you don't seem to guess at the risk.
Love can be eternal. But resources dwindle and life can wither.
So mind the seed planted, nurture it, and it will pay back in dividends.
Please oh please, don't let me drown.
Pull me forth, lift me up and patch my wounds.
I would stand by you forever, that much a guarantee. Just for it to be you and me. Anything else a travesty.

1170005  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-09-10
Written: (1872 days ago)

To me, you appear as lovely as the coming storm
To me, your smile is the swelling of the sea
To me, your warmth is a hug like the suns
To me, you're like the flower and I am like the bee
To me, you're the world bathed in light
To me, your words a song of peace and hope
To me, you are my everything.

The morning moments and the celebration of the day.
The sweeping of the light across your eyes.
A beginning of time and the end of darkness.

How sweet it would be, if only it were you and me.
How wonderful a thought, the matter of us.

1169963  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2016-08-12
Written: (1902 days ago)

Have I not a right to be angry?
Have I not a right to be loved?
Either you see what it is I've done and am still doing for you and either A. you're completely naive and oblivious or B. you see what I do and don't care because I am just something to be used and thrown away.

1169954  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-08-06
Written: (1907 days ago)

My enemy is the control that people exert over those that think they want to be used, that the promise is greater than the actuality. But remember, you can never subjugate a liberator. An end will be met and you will stay where you are, far far away. So keep your darkness in the dark and do not spread it here.

1169950  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2016-08-03
Written: (1910 days ago)

I am expendable.

1169949  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2016-08-03
Written: (1910 days ago)

I do not enjoy being distanced and phased out. I do not enjoy having my validity lessened, I do not enjoy watching those I love being manipulated and turn against me. I do not enjoy being treated as a leper.

For each action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

1169936  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-07-23
Written: (1922 days ago)

I guess my super power is expendability and the unpleasantness that comes with being unimportant.

1169935  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-07-23
Written: (1922 days ago)

I am perhaps the biggest goddamn idiot on the face of the planet. How did I not see that I was just a resource to be used? I mean the writing was on the wall and the devil is in the details.

1169798  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-03-12
Written: (2054 days ago)

Well looks to me, that perhaps I've been excised.

Treated like a cancer.

If only people could see what I see.

If they felt what I feel.

Then maybe there might be hope for humanity.

1169752  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2016-01-03
Written: (2123 days ago)

I wish I could sleep.

1169443  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2015-07-13
Written: (2297 days ago)

I've come so far, and all I wish to be is there, right beside you.
At your tender mercy, if ever you act upon whims, it would be over.

 The logged in version 

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