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Page name: The Best of Bob: Volume 1 [Logged in view] [RSS]
2011-07-16 18:50:45
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This is some random stuff... by random people... about randomly assorted things... from the RPG, gryffindorm! ...Don't mind the MILLIONS of misspelled words ...and don't worry... your enjoyment is not required... enjoy!


Their "badge" » <img:http://www.elftown.com/img/drawing/36224_1084651346.jpg> « Their "badge"





Bob stumbled in. "Sorry i'm late, I was chased by a giant man-eating rock! really! no lie!" he said sitting down. "What we doin today?"

Rose made a scarstic sound while standing up. "Hah man-eating rock... You could try to come up with a more likely story. Muggle born? We don't have stuff like that at Hogwarts" she whispered to him as she passed, moving to the back of the class to pick her instrument.

At that very moment, Professor McGonagal swept into the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt Adrian, but I've got most of your students here - mostly first years. They were held up by Peeves." McGonagall motioned for the students behind her to enter the class.

Prof. Harnowell nodded. "Thanks Minerva. I was wondering what happened to the rest of them. ^_^"

They had the same reaction Rose has when she entered. All of them were awed by the moving pictures of the painted ceiling and the magnificent chandelier in the middle of the room. They stood in a huddled circle looking at Professor Harnowell for instructions.

"Har har! good ol' peeves..." remarked Bob. "Woops, did I say that aloud?" said Bob as some first years glared at him. "Oh, am I spose' to pick a instrument?"

"Naw, your supposed to pick your nose" mumbled Soapy, while poking Bob.

"All right. Everyone new, put your books and bags by a desk. You missed the introduction, but that's ok. What we're doing now is choosing instruments. So go on -- all of you pick yours. Oh, and please try to be careful. No accidents would be nice." She looked at Bob who was looking eagerly at the instruments.





"So.... this is music, right? What exactly can these instruments do?" Sammi asked.

"Duh" said Bob. "They play notes!" he said as he banged on his keyboard.

Sammi glared at him. "Thanks for the update, Captain Obvious."

"That's Mr. Captain Obvious to you" mumbled Bob.

Prof. Harnowell sighed. Thank god the class was almost over. "You know what -- i'm just going to explain everything again next class. Right now pick an instrument. That's all that's needed right now."

"Yippy!" yelped Bob while packing his stuff up. "Almost time for lunch!"

Sammi looked at all the instruments, and eventually decided on a small metal drum. "Wonder what this does..."

Prof. Harnowell turned to see Sammi examining a small drum. "Oh, be careful of that one -- it has its days...."
"Bob, this class is NOT over until the bell rings. Take your seat please. *points*"

"Rats!" said Bob as he took his seat.

Bech looked at her flute and grinned. "this is really cool! When we start to learn magic with these?" she asked from the professor then.
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Samantha did gymnastics, flipping and spinning in mid air.
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"Professor, like the wands they have magical elements built in them too don't they? So what's my harp made of?" Rose finally voiced out what she had been thinking with much hesitation. "Oh yea - we er - do we have to pay for our instruments?"

"So close" said Soapy after shooting a spitball at Sammi. "BOB DID IT!!!" He pointed at Bob when Proffesor Harnowell glared in his direction.

Sammi put the metal drum down. "Ohh, cool! a steel drum! Like in the caribbean!" Sammi said, picking up the steel drum from behind a flute.

"Rose, ur harp has unicorn hair in the strings. And yes, you will have to play them. What else would you do with an instrument? ^_^" Prof. Harnowell looked to Soapy and Bob and rolled her eyes. She waved her wand and confiscated all Soapy's paper.
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Samantha was kidding around but slpped and fall off the roof, grabbing onto a flag pole she swung into a room, breaking the glass. She landed and looked around. "Ah shiut!" she swore. SHe had landed in the headmaster's quatres.
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"Professor, I asked if we had to pay for our instruments. Is it quite obvious we have to play them. I mean these surely shouldn't come cheap?" asked Rose waving her harp abit.

"yeah, do we have to pay for them?" Bech asked too, looking to her flute worriedly. "Hey, what magical is in my flute then?"
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Samantha stood and walked silently looking around at all the odd objects and paintings.
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Prof. Harnowell sighed, "My mistake Rose. There seems to be an awful large amout of noise in here all of a sudden..... The instruments were paid for by donations from school alumni. However if you break htem, damage them, or loose them, you will have to pay to replace them. Sounds fair?"

"Bech -- your flute's head (mouth piece) is laced with platinum from the goblin mines of Austria, like the keys of the one I had before."

"Bob and Soapy WILL YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN???"

"Okay, Professor! sounds great!" Bech said smiling.

"How am I supposed to sit down, knowing somewhere out there is a man-eating rock?! And it's still hungry..." mumbled Soapy sarcastically.




"Homework please, Mr Priest." stated Snape cooly.

Samantha looked at Snape. She was really sick of his additude.

Odian opened his bag and got his homework. He walked up to Snape and gave it to him. He gave Snape a small, forced smile and walked back to his seat.

Professor Snape sneered. "Good." Professor Snape scanned through Odain's work. "Mr Priest, did I not say three scrolls on the uses, making and history of the Draft of Peace? If you plan to save parchment and ink, I propose you go to a Muggle recycling centre to study, not Hogwarts."

Odian was so angry when Snape said that. He was having a hard time holding back, or he would have cast a spell on Snape. "I'm sorry, Sir." He took a quick look through the class and saw Samantha. He quickly looked away as his face got beetred!

"yeesh... I hope he don't find out what I wrote about his greasy nose on his desk..." wondered Bob aloud as he pick his nose and flicked it in Soapy's cauldron.

Soapy yelped, "hey! watch it punk!" He poured the contents of his cauldron out all over Bob.





Odian started, but it went wrong the first time. He dropped a herb in that was not supposed to be in, so he had to start over, but then he did it in the right order.
'Well, this is going quite well.' he softly sais to himself.

Samantha smiled at Odian. 'If he'd left that herb in he would've made my favorite potion.' Samantha thought of the time she made it and placed it on a frog. He jumped on and started to sing "Hello my baby, hello my honey." she tried not to laugh as she imagined Snape doing that.

Bob's cauldron started popping and fizzling. "Uh... proffesor? Is there any way to, um... take an ingredient out of an already fixed potion?" he said laughing nervously.

Samtnah looked over. "I would take cover if I were you."

Professor Snape looked at Bob's cauldron. "No. Just start over then." he said smugly. He waved his wand over Bob's cauldron and the contents in it disappeared.

Katty poured her potion into a little bottle made of glass. Then she watched the happenings in the classroom, waiting for getting out.




Bob sniffed his potion, which was now smelling a bit like elephant dung. "Well, better than Soapy's, I guess..." he muttered to himself.

"At least mine isn't trying to climbed out of the cauldron!" yelled Soapy, as Bob's "potion" started oozing over the top while making a buzzing noise.

Bech looked at bob's potion for a while and then started to laugh. she didn't notice that her potion was bubbling very weirdly. it was still totally black and smelled horrible.

Katty finally added the final missing ingredient and then she put the cork on that glass-bottle.





Samantha got up and got her beatle. she tapped the beatle with her wand and it became a perfect round, deep blue marble with silver smoke like lines through out it.

"Very good Miss Smith! Ten points to Gryffindor." said Professor McGonagall. "I suppose you've learnt it before?"

Samantha grinned at the Professor "Thank you ma'am. Yes ma'am, my brother taught me how to do things like this." she smiled.

"Your brother? Was he a Hogwarts' student?" asked McGonagall.

Bech looked at her beetle and grinned at it: "Hi you little shitsmelling bastard. Say goodbye to your friends. Soon you won't be that smelly anymore..." her smile was guite scary. She snapped the beetle and it turned to a blue marble. but there was little beetle-eyes on it. "damn, I almost got it!" She tried again and now the eyes were gone.

Alexia was sitting in the very back at the darkest table, she got up and took the beetle and sat down again. she stared at it for a few moment before flicking her wand. the beetla became a large marbleblack with silver and lilac swirls inside. " A starter...I need one..." Alexia smiles.

Odian got his beatle and looked at it for a moment. "You'd better change!" He tapped it with his wand and it became round! A round with legs. "Oh..damn..."

Alexia was staring at her beetle marble i was in her hands and she starts to roll it around all around like onto the back of her hand up her arm a little way and back down into her palm.

"NOOOOO!" Screamed Bob running from his beetle, which was trying to bite him with it's fangs.

Odian looks at this kid who was running away from his beatle. He had to laugh, it was funny. A kid, chased by a small beatle.
He looks at his again and sees he isn't doing so good either. He tries to change it back to it's normal self, but it becomes a beatle with a marble as a head! "...why are you doing this to me?" He asks his beatle.

Bob laughed at Odian's beatle. "Now that's using your head!" He felt something crawling on his sholder. "Eeeeek!" He shrieked as it crawled up into his hair.

"Take it easy with that poor beatle!" Odian says to Bob. "It has done nothing to you, has it?"

"Well, it said something about my mother." Bob said while shaking his fist at the beatle.

"Hold still okay?" alexia asks shyly as she flicks her wand and the beetle become a perfectly round smooth black pearl. "uh..well thats not a marble but...its out of your hair.." Alexia says holding up the used to be beatle in hr hand.

bech had watched their little adventure and now she laughed. But not badly, it just had been so funny. "Wow alexia, that's a lovely pearl!" she said when she saw the pearl on alexia's hand.




Odian sat down and put his violin in it's position. "Ready!" Odian starts playing and soothing notes come forth of his playing.

Alexia sighs and tries again concentrating harder this time...and Her feather turns to ashes. "oh no!" alexia jumps spilling ash from her robes to the floor.

Harnowell looked at Samee. "So this is too easy for you?" She smiled. "Where, might i ask, did you learn to use music in magic?"

Bob's feather had grown teeth and started chasing him.

KAtty glanced Samee. What Samee was doing? The lesson would not end any earlier though she would already know everything.

"My older brothers taught me. I used to be in a band to...It just came naturally." Samee shrugged. She really wanted to get out of music...It was a very touchy subject for her and she really just wanted to get out and fly. She loved to feel the rush of the wind, defening everything around her and driving every thought form her.

Harnowell turned her attention to the rest of the class and their feathers. "Alright, you can stop now," she waved her wand and a cage appeared around Bob's feather, which growled at him.
"Now the next step, which we will be working on souly this semester, is to master the Songs. The Songs are a list of 364 peices of music that produce extraordinary magical effects. I hope that by the end of this semester, you will be able to play half of them, without incident, from memory."





Samee leaned over to the two. "Don't worry. The song themselves are really short. And besides, they make stuff happen. Like making people float and dress like frogs."

Katty giggled.
Then she raised her hand.
"Professor, since I don't have an intrument and by so I'll be singing, does these songs we have to learn by heart contain lyrics?"

Bob scratched his lower torso.

"Ewwww..." Samee saw Bob

Odian heard Sam making a sound as if she saw something dirty, so he looked too. "...ok. That's...not right..."

Samee shook her head. "Seriously dude, if you've gotta do that then you should go to the batyhroom and do it because none of the girls here want to see that." She turned to Odian. "I grew up with six older brothers and that's just wrong...."

"Yeah...i see your point." Odian said to Samantha. "Bob, can't you just keep your hands away from that place...?"

Samee nodded. "Listen, what you do behind closed doors is your buisness but don't do it in public..."

Odian tries to get the attention away from Bob and his...playthings. "So, What is next?"

"WHAT?!" Bob said. He shot a spitball at Samee.

Harnowell jumped as Bob's spitball flew past her head. She really had to stop dozing off.

"Bob if you need to use the restroom, please leave. Your attention up here please," Harnowell raised her wand and a glass cup appeared on each of their desks.




bech walked talking with Mark when they suddenly saw katty walking alone infront of them. She shouted "Hello, cousin silver!" to Katty and smiled. "My cousin, Katty" she explained to Mark.

Bob scarfed a peice of chicken down and flung the bone over his shoulder.

Samee flew in a window into the great hall and flipped down and landed then took a seat. "Bob you're disgusting."





Alexia sighs continuing to do her work...and extra work, because she was bored. Artemis on the other hand cocks his head and follows Samee and Odian curiously.

Bob pulled a chocolate eclair out of his pocket and scarfed it down. There were crumbs all over the floor. "I really need a pet" he mumbled.

"It sometimes helps." Alexia giggles looking up from her work for a minute or so.




Samee laughed as she pinned Katty's hair up so that the curls fell gracefully down her back and did a complicated design using her favorite clips which matched Katty's dress. "Pretty as a picture! AH!! I have to go get dressed!" She ran up and got changed.

Bob slipped on a "too-long" pair of pants and scarfed another eclair. "I think I'll buy me a pet soon..." he mutter looking at the crumbs scattering the floor.

Artemis walks in and licks it before jumping up his forepaws on Bob's shirt licking the crumbs on Bob's shirt.





"I know, I know but...I can't make friends...I've tried it just doesn't work. Artemis is the only one who has stayed with me. only samantha has been nice..other then you...I mean everyones kinda nice but...you two are the only ones who have tried to be my friends..." alexia says softly, wanting to hide her face but not moving her head away.

Up in the common room, Bob was busy casting a spell on his pet monkey to make it grow wings. "Fly... Fly my pretty!" he yelled, throwing the monkey out of the window. He looked down on the grounds below. Apparently the monkey didn't know how to use it's newly acquired wings.

Steven looked up to the Gryffindor tower. "I'm seriously considering killing that boy." he said spitfully. "Then maybe you need a new start. Why not come with me and Samantha back to New York. I can assure you it's very different there then anywhere in England."




Bob sat all alone. He sneezed. He wiped his nose on his chair.

Cynthia walked down from the girls' dorms. "Will you get a tissue or something. Someone esle might like to sit in that chair," she said, amused.

Bech heard Cynthias words and smiled. "Waste of time to tell him that.. You don't know him.." She rolled her eyes

Cynthia shrugged. "Yah, I suppose. Would it be a waste of time to know him so that I could say it?"

"Maybe not. Who knows.." Bech said.

Bob shook his fist.

"Bob," Cynthia said, "who do you belong to?"

"Nobody knows..." Bob replied.

"Not even you?" she asked turning to Bob. "Well then," she smiled sweetly, "you can belong to me if you would like."

"Wh- what?!" retorted Bob, choking on a biscuit. "...Sure... why not..."

Samee entered the dorm, attemtping to fix her long hair and straighten her dress. She heard the last comment. "Why the hell would you want to own him?? I mean, he's not that bright or witty or cute or polite and he threw a monkey out of a window. For God's sake he doesn't even have a sense of humor! He's a total waste of-" Samee cut herself off seeing the snot on the chair. "That's....just....ewwwwww..."

"That is exactly why I want to own him. He's gross and you can't take him anywhere. He desperately needs an owner." Cynthia retorted. She tuned to Bob. "Bob, your first lesson will be the effective use of a tissue. First step: go find several tissues. Second step: blow your nose with one and immediately throw it in the rubbish bin. Next you'll take the other tissues and wipe the snot off of that chair. Lastly, throw the rest of the tissues in the rubbish bin. Think you can handle it?"

"Why, of course!" Bob said. He picked up a tissue, stuck a firecracker up his nose, lit it, blew off his nose, tossed the remains of the massacred nose in the "rubbish bin", got another tissue wiped of the snot on the chair, threw the tissue at Cynthia, and tossed the box of tissues in the "rubbish bin".

Samee looked at her sideways. "See what I mean? Hey, I'm all for molding men the way you want em. I'm a woman too. But he's beyond help. He needs shock therapy."

"Nah... I've had shock therapy before... despite popular belief, it's shockingly refreshing!" Said Bob, in response to Samee's asinine comment.

Samee looked at him, utterly digusted at how someone could be so digusting. "¡Usted hoyo de asno! ¡Hágale qué demonios piensa que su tan encima de los otros que usted puede hacer cualquier el jode que usted quiera? ¡Qué el jode está equivocado con usted?" She screamed at him, so angry that she began to curse in spanish which only happened when she was extremely pissed and one step away from hurting someone

"Ha! My best friend is Spanish!" he said, pointing at the seldom heard from Soapy. "Oh... and WHAT?!" Bob leaned back and picked his nose (he had suddenly sprouted a new nose) with his wand. "I'll become the next Voldemort... then you'll see... oh yes, you'll see..."

"Really? Then what did I say? Please enlighten me! Hah! You the next Voldemorte? You can't even cast a straight spell!"

"You called me an 'arse' hole and whatnot." Said Bob, taking his wand out of his nose. He pointed it at Samee and muttered a curse. A burst of green light shot out and bounced off a nearby wall, hitting him. "AAAHH!!! MY EYE!!!" Bob screamed.

Thankfully Bob's aim wasn't up to par and he missed hitting Cynthia with the tissue. "You are the foulest thing to ever walk the earth," she told him. She muttered a spell and the wad of tissue shot straight at Bob, heading for his nose.

Samee shook her head at Cynthia. "No, no dear. Do it like this..." she took out oher wand and muttered words silently and a large brown light in the shape of a monkey shot towards Bob's butt. "Butt monkey's hurt more..." she grinned.

"Cough! Snort! Huh...? Wha...?" Bob had woken up from a brief sleep. "Sweet! A new test monkey!" He said, pulling the monkey out of his pants.

"frankly right now you are all disturbing me. But I won't complain so goodnight." alexia says, she had been in a chair covered by shadows so no one had seen her as she studied. like always. she stands up and walks towards the girl rooms. "Samee...I wanna talk to you about someone later though...if you don't mind I mean." Alexia says embarressed just to ask this.

"Not at all...I'm happy to get away from this buja!" she punched Bob, not hard, just enough to send him flying acorss the room and over a couch. "You should thank her..she just saved your life." she turned on her heel and headed up with Alexia.

Bob chucked a rock and hit her in the back of the head. "My 'life' was never in danger to begin with, you wench..."

Samee caught the rock before it hit her head and threw it at his most private area and heard a sickening crack, knowing that it hurt, a lot. "Actually you no nuts moron, I'm a bitch, not a wench." with that, she turned again and followed Alexia, slamming the door behind her

The real Bob stood, leaned against a tree, on the lawn. "Ah... that poor golem..." he said with a sigh.

"uh..."Alexia doesn't really know what to say after all that. so she stands there by her bed and fidgets instead not looking at Samee but everywhere else.

"Yes, he's single, yes he's real and yes, he's an idiot." Samee said, guessing wha she wanted to discuss.

"s-single? I... but... I wanted to know where he hid was all..and that...uh...he...he said that, well... did he tell you?" Alexia asks she didn't want to impose and ask to live with her for the summer or anything. she hoped Steven would come in explain everything the way he always seemed to so she could stop being so worried.

"He said that he wanted you to live in New York with us this summer." Samee said as if it was a known fact. "My apartement is too big for just me and him and the occasional brother. Since bartending and fighting proved to be very lucrative, I'm getting a bigger one after school." she shrugged. "DO you wanna come?"

Bob stood alone. He glanced to the left. He looked suspiciously to the right. Seeing no one, he farted.

In the silence that overtook the room when Samee stopped speaking, she heard the sound of a very loud fart. "Oh God! Bob! Would you go to the bathroom and do that you sicko!"

"Looks like it's just you and me, Piggy," Cynthia said to Bob. "If anything comes at me from your general direction I'll make sure it's sent back ten times worse." She turned and occupied a comfortable chair and opened her Charms book which she left in the common room the night before.

"Oink, I say... Oink..." Bob threw a wadded up bill at Cynthia. "Now... times that by ten for me!"

Samee sighed of course. "Now, don't get me wrong Alexia, I love ya but everyone who stays at mine and Steven's place has got to do thier part. Now, I can't cook to save my life and Steven shouldn't have to do it everynight. Can you cook? What about cleaning? Can you work? What muggle jobs are you good at? We could get you a summer job and get you set up over in New York." she reached into her bag and pulled out a broushier. "This was the place I was looking at. 3400 square feet, a fireplace in everyroom, hardwook floors, newly redone kitchen and it's the top apartment, so what goes on the roof is our say. Plus the furniture's already there."


....................
useless crap
....................


Cynthia took the bill and stuffed it into her robes. "Oh I'll multiply it by more than ten," she said standing up. She pointed her wand at Bob and monopoly money shot out of her wand and sped toward Bob and gave him thousands of tiny paper cuts. "Paper cuts are just the worst, aren't they?" She transfigured the paper money into lemon juice which landed in the tiny cuts. "Night Bob," she said and ran up the stairs to her dorm; tip-toing as she entered so as not to wake her roommates.


"pounce on me?" alexia says softly climbing under the covers, artemis laying on her chest head resting on her breasts over the covers comfertably.


Steven laid on the foot on Samee's bed. But as soon as she was sure that Alexia was alseep, she climbed out of bed and sat on the window sill next to it. Steven transformed and looked at her. "What's wrong?" he asked.


Cynthia could hear Bob's attempts to be quiet as the lemon juice's sting wore off. She chuckled and went to sleep.


Bob scratched the slight cuts. "Interesting..." he muttered.


Just then, Soapy burst into the room. "I'm back!" he wheezed. "Sorry I've been gone for so long... I was visiting a small town in Virginia in the U.S., when I forgot and used some magic. They tried to stoned me to death... luckily, I was wearing my rock proof vest."


Bob smacked his head. "Shhh... people are trying to sleep!"


"Oh... sorry... where are my manners...?" Soapy pulled out an air-horn. "Hey everyone! Wake up!!!"


Samee ran downstairs with a black panther b her side, took the horn from Soapy and cracked it over her knee. She punched Soapy and went back upstairs. "Damn Virginian's can never do anything right. They can't even kill someone properly..." she muttered to herself before settling into bed.


"Tisk, tisk..." Muttered Soapy, repairing his airhorn.



NEXT DAY...


Samee smiled, running over to Alexia's bed with Steven at her heals. she jumped on Alexia's bed and screamed "WAKE UP YOU MUFFIN!"


In the boys dorm, Odian slowly woke up, with a huge headache. ..what happened? he said in himself. He took a few minutes to try and remember yesterday, but failed and fell asleep again.


Alexia pulls the covers down half awake, she had been reading under her covers as she was waking up. "M-Muffin?" she asks yawning. Artemis starts jumping with Samee


Samee laughed and nodded. "C'mon...I'ev got a hang over and I'm hyper andI'm taking you down with me. Get up!"


"A hang over? um...alright... I'll go change..." Alexia says stretching before grabbing her school clothes and walking to the bathroom. she comes out in like three minutes hair brushed and she was braiding it as she walked out. " all I need are my books and cloak." she says she was only half done with her braid. Artemis started nipping at Steven trying to get him to play with him.


Samee laughed and grabbing her wand did a simple charmand turned her long hair fire red. she got dressed quickly and grabbed her books. Steven begasn to play with Artemis, nipping him lightly back so he would hurt him.


"You know who I haven't seen in a while...?" Soapy asked.


"Whozat?" Bob replied groggily.


"Why, ol' [enter headmistress' name here] o' course!" exclaimed Soapy.


"Let's go see her now!" Bob stated as he jumped up in his underwear. The two then began their trip to [enter headmistress' name here]'s office, making a brief stop in the common room to think. "Hmm... is it breezy in here?" Bob inquired, not realizing that he was pantless.


Alexia Finishes her braid, and grabs her bag. "PLay nice Artemis." she says lightly.Artemis meanwhile jumps on Steven and procedes to try to chew off his ear, while wagging his tail.


"Imma go pizzle..." muttered Soapy. As the duo entered the bathroom, a rather large cockroach skittered out. Moments later, Soapy stepped out of the stall. "Ahh... Everything went smoooothly..." As he pushed the soap dispensing apparatus, nothing came out. "Out... of... SOAP?!" He screeched. He ripped the dispenser out of the wall and hurled it at a passing ghost. "I'm getting angry... YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY!!!" At that very moment, tiny Tim entered the bathroom. Soapy grabbed Tim's crutch and began to beat him mercilessly.


Samee heard them and sighed. "HEY! DIPSHIT! SHUT UP!"


"She's not into the whole 'holiday joy' thing." Whispered Bob.


Soapy reached into his coat pocket and pull out a lump of molded meat. "Hmm... when did I last have kielbasa...?" he wondered aloud. "Must have been from that Polish fair three years ago..." He shrugged and stuffed it into his mouth.




As Bob and Soapy walked silently down the isles of the Great Hall, Soapy suddenly stopped in his tracks. "What is it?" Bob inquired. "I- I-" Soapy started, but he fell to the stone cold floor. "No! It can't be! I thought the doctor had cured it!" Yelled Bob. "Don't worry, B-... Bob... I go in peace now to meet God on his throne..." He replied, grasping Bob's hand. "Mourn not for my death, but rejoice... for I go to a better place now..." he mumbled, life slowly leaving him. "But Soapy! You can't! You can't die this way! What about your seven children?! Or your wife, damn it! Don't die on me!" Bob screamed, shaking Soapy. There was nothing he could do. As a feeling of sorrow swept over his body, Bob felt his knees weaken and he fell forward over the body. A single tear trickled from Soapy's eye. He had died before ever fulfilling his dreams. As Bob wiped away Soapy's final tear, he too shed a tear... followed by others. Soon, he was sobbing. "WHY?! WHY?!" He shouted over and over again. As he lay there weeping, the clouds outside opened and began a downpour. It was as if the sky itself was mourning the passing of a great man. Suddenly, Bob and Soapy stood up, dusted themselves off, and took a bow. "Dinner theater!" they said in unison as they took their seats and began to eat.


"You know," mumbled Bob with a mouthful of bacon, "I think we're a bit late..."


Samee looked at her and whispered in her ear "You don't think the front door is the only way to Hogsmeade do you?"


"Oh ...I couldn't sneak out! That..that wouldn't be right..."Alexa says looking hard at the floor as she continued to walk.


"Yeah well neither is Bush getting a second term in office but hey, shit happens." Samee shrugged. "Life made rules for people to break them and have fun."


Alexa blushes at Samee's rough language and terminology. "I... I don't think I want to go anyways... I'm perfectly content on the grounds..."She says shyly.


"Cmone on! If you can't handle Hogsmeade, you're never gonna be able to handle New York. Of yeah, you're coming over this summer." Samee laughed. "No you don't have a choice and yes, it's for your own good. I have an apartment in the city. It'll be fun."


"Personally, I've been to New York. It's not that bad a place. Nothing to do but check out the sites... AND THE THREE STORY TOY STORES!!! WOO-HOO!" Said Bob, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. "Besides... it's an easy going place... I don't know what Samee's talking about... 'you're never gonna be able to handle New York'... what are you?! A drug dealer?!"


"They have the best shopping, the best hot dogs, pretzels, rides, everything! It's awsome!" Samee told Alexia. "There's Lord and Taylor uptown and they decorate their windows every christmas. People come from all over the country just to see it. You can get a real designer bag for fifteen dollars on the street." Samee smiled, thinking about the places where she had been born and raised. "And I'll take you to Throgsneck and you can meet the guys. I'll introduce you to the corner first but then you are definatly meeting the netire neighberhood. They'd love you." Samee laughed. "And the best part? Free food! Everyone eats over at everyone else's houses. Everyone from my block eats over at Tancretii's house. His mom makes the best pasta from Randal to Laffyt."


"sounds...um...fun.." Alexa says before opening her book ad reading it instead of thinking about all those things. She was begining to rethink going there and stay at the orphanage again instead.


"I know that look." samee looked at her. "you're coming to New York. I'll kidnap you." she laughed


"um..I don't..think you'll need to go that far Samee..."Alexa says looking at Samee slightly shocked above her book, she was blushing slightly.

--------------------------------------------
Bob and Soapy had decided to skip class. As they walked down the halls, they heard footsteps approaching! Just as they ran into an empty room (why is there so many empty rooms?!), Snape passed by. "Crap..." panted Soapy, "that was close!" "Yeah," Bob started to agree, "wait... shouldn't he be teaching class now?" The two look at each other and decided to follow Snape. I mean, it's not like they had anything better to do... other than learn.
--------------------------------------------



As Bob and Soapy continued to wander around in the vast wilderness of the untaimed forest (how they got way out there from following Snape, we'll never know), they heard a low roar. "Did you hear that?" Inquired Soapy, tapping Bob's shoulder. "Yeah... what do you think it could b-" Bob started to reply, but was cut off by another roar. "It's coming from there!" Soapy pointed at a small, yet quite wide, brush. Suddenly, something rustled in the leaves. They stepped back, but it was too late... a small group of hobbit-sized people jumped out and shouted, "We represent the lollypop guild, mother f*****s!!" The small creatures withdrew their lightsabers and began to chase the dimwitted duo. "AAAAGH!!!" they screamed in unison, as they were chopped to pieces by the lightsabers. And so... Bob and Soapy were never heard from again... or were they...? No... they weren't.




Bob suddenly burst into the room. "Whoa! ...where was I just now?!"

Samee looked at him and scoffed. "With your head up your ass apparently...." she muttered to herself

"I wish... that would be so cool!" Bob replied.

Alexia snickers softly. "Perhaps in a secret room in the castle. with magic being worked there must be dozens... why don't you look for more? who knows one might be filled with flying monkeys or something." Alexia suggests.

"Mmm... Flying monkeys..." drooled Bob.

"Or a female boxer from New York who has no issue with kicking your ass...." Samee looked at Alex.

"why not go look for either Bob... it might be an adventure." Alexia says just trying to get rid of the young fool.

Samee laughed hard. "I think I've been a bad influence on you Alexia!"

"huh?" Alexia turns looking at her friend curiously.

"The sarcasm...." Samee laughed

"The plan is going swimmingly," Bob muttered incoherently, "The Pokopenians won't know what hit 'em..."

Samee looked at him. "So....having grown up with basically no parents, I feel no guilt sending my condolences to yours for having a child that was born ass backwards..." she said surely before grabbing some books and paper and beginning homework

"Are you sure the fairies haven't taken his mind? I hear they like little children." Alexia smiles sweetly.

"They have better taste then that..." Samee said
Cynthia, being irritated by Bob, gave Artemis one last swat with her paw and bounded gracefully towards the lake.

Artemis barks happily and runs to follow only to fall snout first from the seewead still around two of his paws. Artemis yelps loudly and struggles against it all once more.

Samee laughed and pulled Artemis out. "You okay pup?" she looked at him.

Cynthia reached the lake just as the giant squid was reaching up into the air and snatching a bird from flight. Hiding behind a conveniently planted, and rather large, cherry blossom, she transformed. Making sure that her hair was in place and that she was missing fur and a tail, she headed over to the group to join the girls in a Bob roast.

Artmeis yips and licks Samee's fae a whole lot.

Alexia giggles.

Cynthia returns to the group. "Didn't you die recently?" she asks Bob.

"Guess he just likes getting our hopes up..." Samee said

"Apparently," Cyn said as she sighed.

"Is he that smart?" Alexia asks softly.

"Compared to a cracker..." Samee whispered back.

Alexia giggles.

"My cat's on fire!!" screamed Soapy, bursting into the room. "Wait... I don't have a cat... but then... who's.........?" he trailed off. "Ooo... cookies!" he began eating some cookies from the trash.

"Someone better stomp that cat out, before the flames spread..." Said Bob, climbing in through the window. "Ooo! Trash cookies!" He joined Soapy in the consumption of what appeared to be cookies.

"I wish it wasn't a crime to Avada Kedavra him," Cyn said to the other girls.

"Yeah, but what are ya' gonna do..." Bob said, munching a trash cookie.

"...*eats ramen*...," said Mort. Or not said, rather thought.

"What?!" Said the new headmaster, Turkey (Rubber Buns) Johnson. "Yo' name is 'Soapy' young lady!"

"B, I'm whatever I want to be!" said Soapy...

"Huhwha?" said Bob, looking up from a face full of cookies. "Hey! A new headmaster! ...it's about time... the old one's been dead for like... seven years..." He said, pointing at a pile of bones in the corner.

"The killing curse is illegal, yeah. But as far as I know punching someone in the wizarding world is fine." Samee walked up to Bob and grabbed his collar. She pulled her fist back and punched him so hard he toppled over a coach. "We could just stab them and hide the bodies. I doubt their parents would care."

Soapy watched as Samee punched what she thought to be Bob. Little did she know, it was actually a replacement jutsu. What then, did she punch one might wonder...? Well, you see, it turns out it was glass.

Alexa bashes her books onto the real Bob's head as Artemis bites Soapies butt.

The real Soapy watched as Artemis bit into a bag of poisen.

Bob chortled into his champagne, as he pimp slapped Alexa. "Please refrain from touching the pimp," he stated.

"Bob! Soapy!" screeched Headmaster Rubber Buns. "Cease this fighting and come with me!!" The headmaster walked up to them. "Such brilliant fighting skills as you two have shown deserve nothing less than medals of honor and places of high power in my new kingdom..." he said laughing maniacally, patting their backs.

"Good..." muttered Soapy. "My plan is nearly complete." He then commenced to cackle evily.

"Yo, Soap." Bob said in a dignified manner. "You got tha' stuff?!"

"Yeah... I got the stuff!" He replied.

"Sweet!" said Headmaster Rubber Buns. "Gimme some of that stuff!"

A large scuffle then broke out between the Headmaster, Bob, Soapy, an unknown kid named Barry Cotter, Snape, and Jimbo the Janiter.

"KAMEHAMEHA!" shouted the janitor, firing a ball of concentrated energy at Snape.

"Ha ha!" Snape sneered, dodging. He unwittingly fell off balance and tripped into the middle of Bob and Soapy's brawl.

"Woops!" shouted Soapy, decapitating Snape with his Sword of Light©.

"Well, these things happen..." Bob replied, sheathing his Knife of Despair©.

The Headmaster and Barry both stopped their scuffle and dusted themselves off. "Hey Jimbo!" Rubber Buns said, "clean up that blood!" he pointed at the decapitated head on the floor.

Just then, a large explosion came from the room next door!

"That's the Room of Interesting Stuff©!" Shouted Jimbo.

"It looks like we'll have to solve another case, gang!" Headmaster Rubber Buns stated.

"To the equipment shed!" Soapy replied.

And so, Bob, Soapy, Headmaster Turkey, Barry Cotter, and Jimbo the Janitor set off into the sunset on their flying penguin demons.

Suddenly, the castle exploded and killed everyone inside.

The End


Well, it seems as though this story has at last come to an end... whatever will happen to the Fighting Janitor Squad, you ask? Find out in the new RP, Kung Fu Janitor Warriors! Until next time, this has been [Mortified Penguin]. Goodbye, and I hope you choke on it.



More of everyone's favorite character, Bob Soapy, coming soon! ...to a theater near you... *points at you*





From The Tale of the Civilhood 1


The trees above stirred. A large, brown, blur suddenly fluttered to the ground in front of everyone. Rising, the figure revealed his face from under the heavy hood. "Hello, my friends. My name is Radagast," the figure said in a low voice. As he spoke, a large eagle swooped in from the sky and perched itself on his shoulder.

Ruaera watched with held breath. "Oh my.... I... what..." she didn't know what to think from her picnic spot, forgetting about her pen and paper.

The teen laughed,"Yes,your still alive along with everyone here," said the teen with a evil smirk upon his face.

"The problem is that we're alive is it?" Lilinette said looking at the teen with a bored yet curious expression on her face.

Tsome rolled her eyes. "If I had a fish, I'd smack you with it." she said randomly.

Kindaro laughed,"My problems are about to be solved in one day," he said while grinning.

"So you have other problems then?" Lilinette asked Kindaro curiously while looking at Tsome out of the corner of her eye for her random fish related comment.

Ruaera stood up from her spot after quickly gathering up her things. Holding her basket in her arms, Ruaera watched the group from under the shade of a nearby tree. "I don't like this...." she whispered to herself.

"Listen, my friends! A dark force arises from the west. An army is growing in numbers and soon we may be forced to defend our very lives. For now, all we can do is train. Train and hope." Radagast spoke, as he lowered his head, "As for myself, I must leave to perform a task that may very well change the tide of this battle. Look to my coming on the first light of the fifth day, at dawn look to the east. Now, be ready when they come! They will show you no mercy!" He lifted up his staff and a rhino came bounding out of the woods, coming to a screeching halt right in from of the elderly wizard. He mounted the massive beast and jabbed his boot into it's ribcage, "KI-YAH! Ride fast, Shadowpager!" yelled Radagast, riding into the setting sun.

Lilinette stared at the guy untill he couldn't be seen anymore, "Well, that was strange." she said as she turned back to the others.

Ruaera just continued to watch the area that the man had disappeared into for her place some ways from the small group of people.

Tsome laughed as the guy ran off. "It is quite a random town... you get used to it." she said. She looked at the teenager. "And you. This is a public park Mr. I hate life everyone should die."

Lilinette sighed, "How troublesome, maybe I shouldn't have come her to live if there is going to be guys like that one who just ran off and Mr. gloomy gus over here." she said to no one in particular.

The earth below their feet suddenly started shaking. From the west, a large number of dark looking figures loomed. Loud shouts were heard, then they began to charge.

Ruaera backed up against the tree, wide eyes.

Kindaro looked to the west,"This is master's land you shall die fools," he then charged the dark looking figures.

Dimitri laughed as he wondered aimlessly, he had no clue where he was going or where he would end up, but it sure was exciting. He hugged his doll and hummed loudly. "Walking along a path..lalalalaa....wondering the streets...lalala...billa bang". He yelled the last part loudly.

Tsome groaned as the dark figures started coming towards them. "Damnit, I didn't feel like fighting today!!" she jumped slightly in startlement as Dimitri yelled.

Dimitri stopped as he heard voices."Now who is this". He was speaking to his doll of course.

Lilinette stared at the dark figures, They don't look all that tough. she thought to herself, then she heard someone yell, "What the, who was that and why are they yelling, are they in pain?" She said aloud looking around for the sorce.

Ruaera looked at the boy, then back at the creatures. "No..." she whispered. She raised her arms, and the ground became to quake and shake. The ground began to open under the creatures.

"RRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Radagast. He burst up into the streets from the sewers below. He flexed his insanely huge muscles. "I'll be taking this!" he said, grabbing Dimitri's doll. "HA HA HA HAAA!" his voice echoed as he ran quickly away into the sewers.

Ruaera turned and looked, thrusting her arm in that direction. Water from the sewer shot up, hitting Radagast.

Lilinette looked at Ruaera, "What did you just do?" she asked looking in Radagast's direction.

"Stopping him....." she called to her.

Lilinette walked up to Ruaera, "Why, what'd he do?" she asked her when she got to her.

"Were you blinded or deafened to that guy's shouts.... he took the kid's doll for some reason....."

"I heard the kid's yells, but I didn't see him take the kid's doll." Lilinette said looking at the guy in the street covered in sewer water.

Ruaera jsut dropped to her knees. "I was trying to help... if you don't want me to help the kid.... nor help against them," she said pointing at the dark figures. "I'm just going to go...."

Lilinette looked at Ruaera then walked over to the guy covered in sewer water and pulled the doll from his hand and walked over to Dimitri, "Here kid, I think this belongs to you." she said holding the doll out to Dimitri.

Little did Lilinette or Ruaera know, the doll had actually been replaced with a fake one containing a bomb. This had been done when Lilinette was foolishly trying to take down a powerful, sewer-trained wizard with sewer water. She apparently hadn't realized that sewage only strengthened the bulky wizard, giving him God-like abilities. Radagast then turned, with the real doll in hand, and flew quickly into the sky. He then landed on a passing jet and rode far into the distance.

Despite this being a "random roleplay" that was just for fun, they took my random, fun roleplaying way too seriously and decided to restart the entire thing after this point and ban me from the wiki without warning.





...To Bob's Diner! (No affiliation with this Bob!)



Username (or number or email):

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2005-09-16 [Sagacious Turkey]: ...yo! *salutes*

2005-09-16 [nokaredes]: hmm...

2005-09-16 [Sagacious Turkey]: Uh huh... "hmm"...

2005-12-14 [Gluttony]: ...hmm, indeed...

2006-04-26 [General Jelly Jiggler]: ...totally...

2006-05-31 [Thε ßαd Turkεy]: ...quite.

2007-01-04 [Ω♥broken heart slayer♥Ω]: ...fo' sho'...

2008-01-07 [Mortified Penguin]: ...*eats ramen*...

2009-07-09 [The green Bastard]: *little puppy is confused, starts to look at mort*

2009-07-09 [Mortified Penguin]: You lookin' at me, boy?! ...*starts beating the puppy savagely*...

2009-07-09 [The green Bastard]: Ed's not a boy!*laughs*

2009-07-09 [Mortified Penguin]: Ed will be what I tell Ed to be! ...*savagely beats Edward IV*...

2009-07-09 [The green Bastard]: *falls over* owie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why would you hit a poor defensless girl *turns into a puppy*

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