2014-10-19 [ancienteye]: I take it you want me to add something? XD
2014-10-19 [Flisky]: Um....so...wha
2014-10-20 [Veltzeh]: I was under the impression that other people read my explanations and then say something relevant. X)
2014-10-27 [Eyden13]: Pretty much look at TFK plotting and then leave two paragraphs; one of points liked and one of things the writer could work on. Each paragraph must be six sentences. I know it's not a complete story, but do you are best.
2014-10-28 [ancienteye]: ...It's hard to tell how the details will be handled, so only some of this can be categorized into "liked" and "disliked". Sorry. :/
If this was a draft of the book instead of a plotline list, I would be jumping all over the grammar issues and the confusion over who is doing what when you say "eir" and "ey", but since this is for outlining and gathering thoughts, as long as you can understand it, it's fine.
On the subject of "Availon's stupidity" during her pregnancy, I do believe that emphasizing the far-walker's influence on the situation would be a wise choice. Pregnancy only excuses so much.
As far as the sex scenes go, I suggest a touch of subtlety. You can use some explicit scenes to drive home an emotional point (such as a rape scene to convey horror and violence or a consensual sex scene to convey trust and romance), but it seems like you have a lot of them peppered throughout the text. Be careful not to overdo it or you'll lose the impact.
You were worried about Krezagon appearing Mary Sue-ish, and also asked how to give him/her more character development. The two questions answer each other: Start him off with major flaws and step-by-step, piece-by-piece develop him into a more powerful/skill
You do not have to explicitly state why or how Riyhneon has been demoralized, but it would add some dimension to the character if you gave some subtle hinting around it. Tease the audience and get them thinking about it. Imply things. You can do this by finding one situation--jus
I wouldn't worry too much about the island visit being relevant so much as how it affects the pacing/mood of that section of the story. A good scene does not have to be particularly relevant to a story so long as it's placed/used properly. If there has been days or months of tension and pressure, a bit of relaxation would be good for the characters--an
I like the "snowflake method" you're using for Part Five. It's actually a lot easier for me to understand what your goals are for this part and who's involved. But, again, since you are the author, you should plan in a method that works for /your/ thought process.
I only have one more piece of advice for you: If you want to write a scene--no matter how pointless or irrelevant it seems--write it. Sometimes you just need to get something stuck in your head and the only way to get past it is to write it out. Sometimes you have a character planned out, but you need to practice writing in their voice and portraying their honor/moral code/thought process in a realistic way. You don't have to like what you wrote, and you don't have to put it in the final draft of the story, but writing it out will help you move forward in the plot. And sometimes you can scrap the scene for parts and use some lines/ideas for another scene that /will/ be relevant. XD
2014-12-28 [Veltzeh]: Sorry it took so long to reply.
Hmm, I'm interested in hearing more about the grammar and confusion issues with the neo-pronouns. I'm pretty sure I've gotten them right but English is always English. :P
The trouble with Krezagon is that ey sort of needs to be pretty competent in the beginning (or otherwise I'd write about eir youth and not Tegafel's), but yeah, it's possible to have more flaws with em. For some reason I'm at a loss for flaws though. Eir main (only?) flaw now is probably social awkwardness, but it's always the way others treat em that creates the worst issues. (I just noticed that I haven't said it... but Krezagon is discriminated against a lot because prejudices.) Ey also has a phobia that gets namedropped in part three and properly dealt with in part five.
Ooh, nice ideas about Riyhneon. I'll see if I can make some hints that work.
I wonder if there would be a point in making a reverse snowflake out of the parts I already have written? It might force me to make sense to the story... or be just futile work. >_> I do kind of want to try reversing it though, at least for the least toilsome snowflake steps.
2014-12-28 [ancienteye]: That's ok. :3
Neo-pronouns? I might just be ignorant about the grammar rules you're using. XD
I'm not saying Krezagon can't be competent, but even older, more experienced soldiers can have flaws. Sometimes they might be flaws they developed as survival methods through their training, like being a /very/ light sleeper, or not complaining when something bothers them and they really /really/ should. I like the phobia. That's a good touch. :P
If you want to try doing the reverse snowflake, then go ahead. It might help you think of something or notice something. :3
2014-12-29 [Veltzeh]: Ahhh crap, I forgot to explain the pronouns too. They were on a separate page.
ey: he/she (from the word "they")
eir: her/his (their)
em: her/him (them)
Yeah, I use neo-pronouns because I feel they fit the best, and they can be changed into other pronouns somewhat easily since they're unique words. I think the same confusion issue would be there if I used either "she" or "he" (because I'd use a single pronoun for everyone anyway), and there would be even more confusion if I used "they" (would be confused with the actual plural) or "it" (would be confused with objects).
Hmm, I think I'll try making a reverse snowflake out of part three or four, those should be easier... and if it works, for the other parts too.
2014-12-29 [ancienteye]: Oh, in that case, the grammar's fine. XD
Sounds good. :P
2015-06-16 [Eyden13]: Just want to say thanks guys for taking part in the workshop!