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2009-09-30 00:31:42
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Stupid Moments ~ At the Workplace


~*~


Stupid Moments ~ Old and Busted
From the good old days.


~*~


Readers of Stupid Moments





September 29


(H) I had one of those dreams again last night, the ones where there's an emergency and I can't dial 911. This time, this guy dressed as a plumber carrying a wrench that was two feet long broke into the house, and I tried calling 911, but I hit 711 instead, and it was this scripture of the day type thing, and they were like, "You have the wrong number, dear, you need 911." Then I kept trying, but I kept getting like 922, 119, or 411. I even thought in the dream that it was just like a nightmare come true, but it was way too realistic to be a dream.
(Wendy) That's an anxiety dream.
(H) I know, but I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be anxietous about.
(Wendy) What??
(H) What?

August 30th


(So earlier my husband told me that he had given our dogs bones to chew on and asked if they had finished them yet. About 15 minutes later, we looked back over at them and this conversation happened:)
Rachel: OMG look at Brandy!
(We both start laughing hysterically because Brandy had this weird look on her face and wasn't moving)
Hector, I think there's something wrong with Brandy, why isn't she closing her mouth??
Hector: ...cause she has a bone hanging out of it
Rachel: Ohh yeah...
(We both start laughing even harder)
Hector: Thanks, now I know you really pay attention

July 7th

(I think...)

(I (Rachel) am prego, and I had my first ultrasound on July 7th...I think. Before it, they tell you to turn off your cell phones cause the mess up the machines sometimes, so, I set my phone down next to my purse. Once we were done, I picked it up and put it in my pocket while we were walking out. As we were walking out I said:)
OMG Hector! I left my cell phone on the floor in the room!
(So freaking out, I ran all the way back to the room and looked and couldn't find it. Then I put my hand on my pocket and went:)
Ohhhhh nevermind lol It was in my pocket.
Hector: Wow Rachel...way to go.
The nurse: Haha it's ok, she's pregnant, she's allowed to be absentminded.

Newest of the Old


(H was working at the register when Nick, a kid she went to school with, came up to buy something)
(N) Hey! Do you remember me?
(H) Of course I do! How's it going?
(N) Not bad. I'm a senior now. Do you feel old?
(H) *pouts* Just waiting for my social security check.
(N) So do you still work here?
(H) Nope, I'm just here hanging out.
(N) Right...duh.

Old


(H is a closer at her job, and before they can leave, all the closers have to stand around and wait for a few minutes)
(Nathaniel the Team Lead) Wow, I just looked up and the popcorn machine said 'Hot Butt!!'
(H) What??
(Nathaniel) You know, the message was scrolling, and it hadn't gotten to the 'er' yet, so it said 'Hot Butt.'
*all stare at the popcorn machine*
(H) Wow, it's not just Hot Butt, it's Fresh Hot Butt!!

[long one, maybe not stupid or funny, but funny to H, so here is is]
(H is afraid of spiders, apparently big time, and one day when she was closing the book department alone, there was a big ugly one on her desk)
(H, frantically into the walkie) Can somebody please come kill a spider for me? Please!
(A, other associate) No, but I'll come catch it and put it outside.
*A comes over, but the spider's already gone because H was whacking at it)
(H) It ran when I tried to kill it.
(A) I wonder why...
(H) It was so fast! And it kept looking at me...
(A) Well it has eight eyes, what do you expect? Are you sure it's gone?
(H) I don't see it anywhere.
(A) Okay...still, you're probably risking your life standing so close to where it was.
(H jumps back) Right!
*LATER*
(H and A are helping another associate in another department. H picked up a Playboy purse and remarked that she liked it)
(A) Spider!
*H drops purse and squeaks*
(A) Oh my God! That was hilarious.
(Two days later, H was working a register when a huge, and I mean huge quarter-sized spider crawled out from the counter)
(H, again frantically into the walkie) Don't laugh, but can someone come kill a spider at register one? Please!
(A and D arrive, D tries to kill it but it's too fast, A tries to catch it, but it escapes into a corner)
(H) Great, now I can't go near that corner.
(A points at her shoulder) There it is!
(H) *takes her vest half off in a rush* You jerk. Someday I'll kill you for this.

(H was making an associate purchase at the place she works, so she had to provide her associate number to receive the discount)
(other associate) What's your number?
(H) 40766
(o.a) That's not you.
(H) Yes it is...
(o.a.) 40766?
(H) Shit! No, it's 869***!!
(o.a.) I was going to say I didn't think you'd been here that long.
(lol 40766 is H's ET number!!)

Older


(H was closing at work, like always, and everyone was up front for associate purchases. H was working the only open register, and she was tired and loopy)
(H) *in a singsong voice* $11.90 is your change, sir.
(Joey) Uh, thanks!!
(Sammy) That's my change!
(H)Oh! *takes money from Joey* $11.90 is your change, sir.
(Joey) Do you need to go to a meeting?
(H) What kind of meeting??
(Joey) AA.
(H) Maybe NA. Just kidding...I don't do drugs.
(Joey) Can I buy my stuff now?
(H) Sure. After, will you check me out? I really want to buy some Captain Morgan *pause* shoes. That's my nickname, you know. Captain Morgan.
(Joey) ...see? AA.

(H was at work, two associates were near her, one boxing rentals, one shrink-wrapping a buyback)
(Bailey) Joey really loves to shrink-wrap!
(Joey) I just can't get enough of it. I'm a shrinkaholic.
(H) That's odd...a guy obsessed with shrinkage.
(Bailey) Oh!! Ha!
(Joey) That's just...wrong.
(H) You brought it on yourself.

(Horizon was closing at work, and we all know how she loves to take any chance to be sarcastic)
(Bryce [singing to his iPod]) Rueben, what he be doin?
(H) Your face.
(Bryce) Ugh...
(H) OMFG, I swear I didn't think about that one before I said it. It was a reflex! Stupid catholic school kids, they're all a bad influence.
(Bryce) Aren't you one?
(H) Of course, that's where I learned it!

Olderer


(Horizon was working with a n00b Team Lead. He was doing pretty well, but he didn't quite have it yet. Someone had paged him on the phone in Guest Services. He thought it came from the walkie)
(Aaron) Okay, I'll be right there.
(Horizon laughs)
(Aaron) What?
(Horizon) You might want to push the button before you yell into the walkie.
(Aaron) ...I knew that!
(Horizon) Besides, they used the phone.

(Horizon was at work, again just talking with friends. They all have to wear name tags that say their home town, and Bryce's says Waterloo, Ia.)
(Bryce) People keep asking me where Waterlooia is.
(Ronisha) You're from Hawaii??
(Bryce) Oh my God, no! See?
(Horizon laughs)
(Ronisha) What?
(Horizon) It's like Josh. Everybody keeps asking him where Bath, Wales is.
(Ronisha) Where is it?
(Horizon) ...The UK.
(Ronisha) I didn't know Josh was from Africa.
(Horizon and Bryce) What?
(Horizon) Because he's from England...
(Ronisha) Oh!

(Horizon was at work hanging out at Guest Services with a couple work friends. That day, there were random incense sticks all over the store. Horizon found one, and she was trying to figure out what it smelled like.)
(Horizon) Bryce, what does this smell like?
(Bryce) *mumbles*
(Horizon) What?!
(Bryce) Apple Cinnamon.
(Horizon) Oh! CINNAMON. I get it.
(Bryce) What did you think I said? Oh my God!!
(Ronisha) What??
(Bryce) I said this smells like cinnamon, and she thought I said *semen*.
(Ronisha laughs)
(Horizon) I'm sorry! It was a Freudian slip I guess.
(Bryce) Hey, John, what do you think this smells like?
(John) Oh hell no, I'm not smelling that.

(Horizon took a trip to Fort Worth to see her Dad. She was in the computer room on Elftown listening to her iPod on the Bose dock)
(Horizon's dad's wife) Ooh, that sounds pretty. Who is it?
(Horizon) ... Tenacious D.
(Horizon's dad's wife) Hmm...

(Horizon was at work hanging out in the office with a few work buddies.)
*Nick pulled Horizon's Santa hat off*
(Horizon) Noo!! I have hat hair!
*we all laughed, Nick gave me back the hat and hit my shoulder*
(Horizon) Ow!
(Nick) Sorry, didn't mean to hit you so hard.
(Horizon) That's okay. It's the way I like it.
(Nick) Oh my God!
(Horizon-to the girl she'd been training) I'm sorry. You learn quick that some weird people work here.
(Nick) You're being trained by one.
(Horizon) Yep.





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[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: I had 2 of their rolls, and A LOT of their mashed tators! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I guess so. I was so upset when I found out I wasn't going to be able to go home for Thanksgiving. I almost wanted to cry.

Lol Well hey, if it lets me see a familiar face, I won't read them!

Lol Our keyboard, I've spilt so much dr. pepper on it, and it still works pretty good. Except our space key. Sometimes it feels weird when it goes down, but other than that its pretty good.

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: lol Yeah, that's basically all I eat when we go there. I dip the rolls in the mashed tators, or make mashed tator sammiches.

I'm sorry :( But you're all growed up and married, and you chose to live with your hubby. But I'm glad things are better between you and your parents. So you know that the people you're missing are missing you too.

lol No! You have to read them! So I'll find another excuse to go down and force you to do something, just as long as you read them!

lol It works fine, but it feels retarded. I'm just so not used to the way it feels to type on it.

I'm so sleeepy. I stayed up all night. LOL Then I went to school, and in my first class we watched about half an hour of a movie, and after the teacher was lecturing, and I was taking notes, and I kept dozing off in the middle of writing a word, and I would wake up to find crazy squiggly "words" on my paper. It was really funny.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: Lol Me too! I actually got some turkey and some stuffing though. I just wanted some cause it was Thanksgiving.

Yeah. Well I'm glad I'm here. I hate not seeing my family, but being here is a new experience that I'm glad I chose to go through.

Lol So what will be your other excuse?

Lol Wow. I'm a little drunk right now. For the first time ever! lol Earlier I was frustrated cause of the weekend, then Hector came home and he was like, keep doing it, make some jello shots. I haven't had those yet, I think I'm done though. I feel so dumb!

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Well that's because we've been brainwashed into craving turkey and stuffing on Thanksgiving. And it's all yummy.

That's good.

My total lack of coordination/brains.

Wow. Just wow. Jello shots, srsly?

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it isssssss yummmmmmmmmy. Though, Golden Corals stuffing could have been a little better, cause it wasn't the best I had, but it was still pretty good.

I guess since Hector's parents it wasn't that bad cause we still got to see family. My mom said she was going to try and come up next week for a few days, so I'm looking forward to that. But seeing any familiar face will make me happy.

Don't ask. Jello shots was Hector's idea. We haven't even had them yet cause he ended up freezing them. Hector hears lots of stories from the people he works with. EVERYONE here drinks. Even military wives, like the girl here I know. Its amazing.

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: lol That seems a little too enthusiastic, but okay. I really usually just like Stove Top stuffing, but my brothers both made some pretty yummy stuff.

Yeah, I get that. I'm totally a home body. I like the familiar, the safe, the not-new. I want to move away some day, but I don't know if I could because I'd miss Yellow so much. Not that there's much to miss...lol.

Wow. I guess it's not too surprising that the military drives people to drink, if you think about it even a little. I don't drink. Never been drunk. There are days, though, that I swear to Bob I need a drink. In my psychology class (lmao I typed psychocolate first, can you guess what I'm craving?) I learned that some people can know their alcoholics before they ever drink. I just know that if I had access to alcohol, I'd go overboard.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: lol Yeah, well, I'm still looooopy. But that's cool, I like stuffing, most of the time. Depending on who makes it. I can't remember where, but there was one place that made the bomb stuffing.

I know, right? Everyone says there's not much to miss, but when you to somewhere like...here...you're just like, why didn't I take advantage of Yellow when I could? Ugh, cause here is so gay. There is nothing here to do! The mall even sucks worse than Yellow's does.

lol I can totally guess what you're craving. lol That actually made me laugh really hard. You know, its not really that we have access, I mean, we know people that can get it for us, but we don't get it that often. We got it a few weeks ago, and Hector really wanted to get drunk, and boy...did he. He actually threw up that night, and after that he was like, I'm going to take is slow from now on. But the other day, I don't know what came over me, I just grabbed one, and Hector suprised me and came home, and was like, ooo, now you gotta keep going. (Instead of going, I actually said dreaming and almost didn't realize it lol Can you tell what I'd rather be doing right now?)

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Dude, now I want more stuffing :(

Wow, because Yellow's mall is so cool...>.< I get so bored here, but still, I guess I love it. Hell, I can take the same street, at least partially, to get to work, school, and Wal-Mart. Woot!

Well, I mean now I have one person that could get it for me if I asked, not that I would ask, and not that I should. And I definitely don't want to ever be drunk. Puking is on my list of least favorite things ever. lol I can tell what you'd rather be doing right now! Wow, we're all for Freudian slips lately, huh.

Oh hey, you know Ryan, Brittany's cousin? He just started sort of dating this girl from work that I've become friends with. It's weird how small Yellow feels sometimes :P

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: lol I'm sorry.

HAHA I know, right? OMG, I know, right? Yellow can be a great place, way greater than here. Here, gah...stupid.

I know. I haven't drank so much that I've puked. I'm hoping that will never happen cause I hate puking. Eh, drinking isn't even that great either. It all tastes nasty! So why does everyone like it? Psh, I don't know. I guess...again...everyone likes to escape, so whatever. OMG, I know. But, I'm still super sick, so everything that's come out of my mouth, I've been like, Ohh gosh, what did I just say? lol This morning, my throat was so dry and sore that when I was talking to Hector, I sounded like the little boy from The Shining when he's saying, Redrum. It was funny. I even started saying redrum.

Wow, that's interesting. You know, when Hector's parents were here visiting, we were all talking about how small Yellow is. Even the world. Its all so crazy!

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Wow, I thought I replied already.

I know you are, now apologize! lol I say stuff like that and "don't look at me in that tone of voice" at work, and they don't get it, and it makes me sad.

lmfao I just pictured you saying Redrum in that voice. Wow.

I mean, the world is frigging huge, just look at how vastly different Texas and ... Uganda are. Like different worlds. But still, sometimes it feels so small.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: You seem to think that a lot.

WHAT???????? How could they not get it???????? Stupid people.

Lol Yeah, it was crazy, but cool. It still kind of makes me laugh. But, I'm actually starting to get a little better.

I know, right? Its so crazy. We went over to Dallas for shopping, and we ran into some people we knew, it was crazy!

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Yep! Because I'm a dumdum.

I know!!! I get blank stares, and I'm like...hello? It's not rocket surgery! And that just makes them more confused.

Finally! That's good.

Wow.

I registered for next semester, and I have to take three English classes because what I really need is foreign language, but the class I need is only offered in the fall :( Poopy puepty pants.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: Lol you are, but its ok, I still love you.

Ohh wow. That's gay. Though, I'm sure if I said that to the few people I know here, they would do the same thing.

I know, I'm excited. Except my nose is still kind of stuffy.

Ohh wow. I need to register for next semester. Are you already done with finals for this semester?

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Yaaaay!!

Geez, why can't everyone we meet automatically understand our inside jokes????

Dude, you need to get all the way better!

Yeah, I finished my finals and now I have to wait to see my grades.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: I know! Seriously! Is it really that hard to understand something so simple?

I know. Fucking omg! My throat is swollen again! And I can't see my doctor til fucking January!

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: I know! It's like, hey, I know I'm a dumdum, but even I get the simple crap.

You can't see your doctor till January? Your doctor sounds sucky. I don't have a doctor of my own. I usually go to this clinic where you don't need appointments. Surely there's one of those down there?

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: I don't feel so good. I think you passed your germs through the intertubes to me. Jerk. :P

Just kidding. I'm not sick. But I do feel like crap. I hurt something around my lower back or hip and it hurts like a mofo. I think I need to see a chiropractor.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: Dude, lol, I've gotten so light-headed lately that I don't get the simple stuff. OMG. Hector asked me if he colored like Mozart? And I went, of course babe!

Well, since I have Tricare, the military insurance, I have to have a specific doctor for them to bill to cause me and Hector don't actually have to pay our doctors, or whatever, however that works, they just take $27 out of his paycheck every month. My doctor is sucky. I'm going to try and call them tomorrow and like, beg cause I'm getting really sick and can't wait til freaking Janurary.

lol Its ok, Hector's made me more sick than I was. So blame him! Dude, I messed up my toes at work cause I ran them into the stairs! It hurt like a biznitch!

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Yeah, you've been sick for a while, that totally sucks :(

OUCH!

Dood, merry Xmas eve! I seriously can't believe that it's Christmas already. I mean, I remember last Christmas so vividly, that I can't believe a year has already passed.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: I know. Its amazing how fast its gone by. Just think, this year is gonna go by even faster!

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Goram, don't say that!!! This year had fucking better be better than last year, or I'm going to go insane.

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