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2009-09-30 00:31:42
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Stupid Moments ~ At the Workplace


~*~


Stupid Moments ~ Old and Busted
From the good old days.


~*~


Readers of Stupid Moments





September 29


(H) I had one of those dreams again last night, the ones where there's an emergency and I can't dial 911. This time, this guy dressed as a plumber carrying a wrench that was two feet long broke into the house, and I tried calling 911, but I hit 711 instead, and it was this scripture of the day type thing, and they were like, "You have the wrong number, dear, you need 911." Then I kept trying, but I kept getting like 922, 119, or 411. I even thought in the dream that it was just like a nightmare come true, but it was way too realistic to be a dream.
(Wendy) That's an anxiety dream.
(H) I know, but I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be anxietous about.
(Wendy) What??
(H) What?

August 30th


(So earlier my husband told me that he had given our dogs bones to chew on and asked if they had finished them yet. About 15 minutes later, we looked back over at them and this conversation happened:)
Rachel: OMG look at Brandy!
(We both start laughing hysterically because Brandy had this weird look on her face and wasn't moving)
Hector, I think there's something wrong with Brandy, why isn't she closing her mouth??
Hector: ...cause she has a bone hanging out of it
Rachel: Ohh yeah...
(We both start laughing even harder)
Hector: Thanks, now I know you really pay attention

July 7th

(I think...)

(I (Rachel) am prego, and I had my first ultrasound on July 7th...I think. Before it, they tell you to turn off your cell phones cause the mess up the machines sometimes, so, I set my phone down next to my purse. Once we were done, I picked it up and put it in my pocket while we were walking out. As we were walking out I said:)
OMG Hector! I left my cell phone on the floor in the room!
(So freaking out, I ran all the way back to the room and looked and couldn't find it. Then I put my hand on my pocket and went:)
Ohhhhh nevermind lol It was in my pocket.
Hector: Wow Rachel...way to go.
The nurse: Haha it's ok, she's pregnant, she's allowed to be absentminded.

Newest of the Old


(H was working at the register when Nick, a kid she went to school with, came up to buy something)
(N) Hey! Do you remember me?
(H) Of course I do! How's it going?
(N) Not bad. I'm a senior now. Do you feel old?
(H) *pouts* Just waiting for my social security check.
(N) So do you still work here?
(H) Nope, I'm just here hanging out.
(N) Right...duh.

Old


(H is a closer at her job, and before they can leave, all the closers have to stand around and wait for a few minutes)
(Nathaniel the Team Lead) Wow, I just looked up and the popcorn machine said 'Hot Butt!!'
(H) What??
(Nathaniel) You know, the message was scrolling, and it hadn't gotten to the 'er' yet, so it said 'Hot Butt.'
*all stare at the popcorn machine*
(H) Wow, it's not just Hot Butt, it's Fresh Hot Butt!!

[long one, maybe not stupid or funny, but funny to H, so here is is]
(H is afraid of spiders, apparently big time, and one day when she was closing the book department alone, there was a big ugly one on her desk)
(H, frantically into the walkie) Can somebody please come kill a spider for me? Please!
(A, other associate) No, but I'll come catch it and put it outside.
*A comes over, but the spider's already gone because H was whacking at it)
(H) It ran when I tried to kill it.
(A) I wonder why...
(H) It was so fast! And it kept looking at me...
(A) Well it has eight eyes, what do you expect? Are you sure it's gone?
(H) I don't see it anywhere.
(A) Okay...still, you're probably risking your life standing so close to where it was.
(H jumps back) Right!
*LATER*
(H and A are helping another associate in another department. H picked up a Playboy purse and remarked that she liked it)
(A) Spider!
*H drops purse and squeaks*
(A) Oh my God! That was hilarious.
(Two days later, H was working a register when a huge, and I mean huge quarter-sized spider crawled out from the counter)
(H, again frantically into the walkie) Don't laugh, but can someone come kill a spider at register one? Please!
(A and D arrive, D tries to kill it but it's too fast, A tries to catch it, but it escapes into a corner)
(H) Great, now I can't go near that corner.
(A points at her shoulder) There it is!
(H) *takes her vest half off in a rush* You jerk. Someday I'll kill you for this.

(H was making an associate purchase at the place she works, so she had to provide her associate number to receive the discount)
(other associate) What's your number?
(H) 40766
(o.a) That's not you.
(H) Yes it is...
(o.a.) 40766?
(H) Shit! No, it's 869***!!
(o.a.) I was going to say I didn't think you'd been here that long.
(lol 40766 is H's ET number!!)

Older


(H was closing at work, like always, and everyone was up front for associate purchases. H was working the only open register, and she was tired and loopy)
(H) *in a singsong voice* $11.90 is your change, sir.
(Joey) Uh, thanks!!
(Sammy) That's my change!
(H)Oh! *takes money from Joey* $11.90 is your change, sir.
(Joey) Do you need to go to a meeting?
(H) What kind of meeting??
(Joey) AA.
(H) Maybe NA. Just kidding...I don't do drugs.
(Joey) Can I buy my stuff now?
(H) Sure. After, will you check me out? I really want to buy some Captain Morgan *pause* shoes. That's my nickname, you know. Captain Morgan.
(Joey) ...see? AA.

(H was at work, two associates were near her, one boxing rentals, one shrink-wrapping a buyback)
(Bailey) Joey really loves to shrink-wrap!
(Joey) I just can't get enough of it. I'm a shrinkaholic.
(H) That's odd...a guy obsessed with shrinkage.
(Bailey) Oh!! Ha!
(Joey) That's just...wrong.
(H) You brought it on yourself.

(Horizon was closing at work, and we all know how she loves to take any chance to be sarcastic)
(Bryce [singing to his iPod]) Rueben, what he be doin?
(H) Your face.
(Bryce) Ugh...
(H) OMFG, I swear I didn't think about that one before I said it. It was a reflex! Stupid catholic school kids, they're all a bad influence.
(Bryce) Aren't you one?
(H) Of course, that's where I learned it!

Olderer


(Horizon was working with a n00b Team Lead. He was doing pretty well, but he didn't quite have it yet. Someone had paged him on the phone in Guest Services. He thought it came from the walkie)
(Aaron) Okay, I'll be right there.
(Horizon laughs)
(Aaron) What?
(Horizon) You might want to push the button before you yell into the walkie.
(Aaron) ...I knew that!
(Horizon) Besides, they used the phone.

(Horizon was at work, again just talking with friends. They all have to wear name tags that say their home town, and Bryce's says Waterloo, Ia.)
(Bryce) People keep asking me where Waterlooia is.
(Ronisha) You're from Hawaii??
(Bryce) Oh my God, no! See?
(Horizon laughs)
(Ronisha) What?
(Horizon) It's like Josh. Everybody keeps asking him where Bath, Wales is.
(Ronisha) Where is it?
(Horizon) ...The UK.
(Ronisha) I didn't know Josh was from Africa.
(Horizon and Bryce) What?
(Horizon) Because he's from England...
(Ronisha) Oh!

(Horizon was at work hanging out at Guest Services with a couple work friends. That day, there were random incense sticks all over the store. Horizon found one, and she was trying to figure out what it smelled like.)
(Horizon) Bryce, what does this smell like?
(Bryce) *mumbles*
(Horizon) What?!
(Bryce) Apple Cinnamon.
(Horizon) Oh! CINNAMON. I get it.
(Bryce) What did you think I said? Oh my God!!
(Ronisha) What??
(Bryce) I said this smells like cinnamon, and she thought I said *semen*.
(Ronisha laughs)
(Horizon) I'm sorry! It was a Freudian slip I guess.
(Bryce) Hey, John, what do you think this smells like?
(John) Oh hell no, I'm not smelling that.

(Horizon took a trip to Fort Worth to see her Dad. She was in the computer room on Elftown listening to her iPod on the Bose dock)
(Horizon's dad's wife) Ooh, that sounds pretty. Who is it?
(Horizon) ... Tenacious D.
(Horizon's dad's wife) Hmm...

(Horizon was at work hanging out in the office with a few work buddies.)
*Nick pulled Horizon's Santa hat off*
(Horizon) Noo!! I have hat hair!
*we all laughed, Nick gave me back the hat and hit my shoulder*
(Horizon) Ow!
(Nick) Sorry, didn't mean to hit you so hard.
(Horizon) That's okay. It's the way I like it.
(Nick) Oh my God!
(Horizon-to the girl she'd been training) I'm sorry. You learn quick that some weird people work here.
(Nick) You're being trained by one.
(Horizon) Yep.





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[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: I did...which was weird, cause I don't usually get in to action-ish movies.

Lol I know! OMG! I watched it with my friend here, and she was like, bitching about the movie the whole time. "Its so fake. This is so stupid. This movie is retarded. I don't get it." She like, ruined the whole movie for me.

LMAO WOW!! I do that sometimes,and Hector thinks I'm nuts.

Lol Yeah. I'm thinking that I'll start doing a dark brown maybe. I don't know, I've started liking doing different things with my hair. Though for the past few days I've felt like shit so I haven't done anything.

I haven't been tanning. I haven't been since umm...before prom. I got burnt from being outside with Hector. I haven't been outside since. I mean, I have, but not sitting outside. Its like, killing me. I can't even sleep on my back. BUT! Its starting to get better and turn into a tan.

Then she totally should! I mean, like every time we talk you mention how they're there fixing the tiles. I would!

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Me neither.

Geez, that's stupid. That movie is the shiznit.

Well, you kind of are nuts.

Yeah.

I sit outside sometimes with the dogs, but never for too long.

We contacted a lawyer who says we have a pretty good case, and unless the tile company requests a jury trial, we'll be okay. Probably they won't want that, because from the way they've been treating us most recently, they know they're in a bad situation. LOL The last time the tile guy was here, my mom called because she left the number for the lawyer referral place written on a paper in the kitchen, and I read the number and the name "Texas Bar of Lawyer Referral", and the guy was in the dining room, so he totally knows :P

My grandma's really sick. My mom is going out to NC next week. I can't go, and I'm almost relieved that I don't have to see her suffering. Is that horrible of me? I remember her the way she was when I was young, and I don't want to see her so sick. I started crying hardcore at work today. It sucked.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: I know, I love that movie.

Yeah, I get it from you.

I wanted to go outside today, but I never did cause I was feeling the nausea hardcore today. It sucked really bad.

Lol wow. Well that's good, at least its getting taken care of, cause they freaking suck ass!

I don't think its horrible. Sometimes having the better memories are better, though, even if you see her sick you still have the good memories. I guess its just easier if you don't have to watch them suffer because its easier for you to remember all the good things. I don't know what I'll do when my moms dad gets sick. He's the only grandparent I've ever really known, well, besides my dads dad. I don't really remember a lot with him though cause he was always sick, so him being sick is all I really remember. Good memories are always better to have then the last time you see them be when they suffer the most.

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Because it's teh awesome. Speed 2, however, not so much.

Probably.

That does suck.

They totally do.

Yeah, I agree.

Dude, I'm sooooo tired.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: There's a number 2????

Wow, I'm guessing the tiredness is why your message is so short. I think this is one of your shortest messages.

You know, I hate morning sickness. I'm like nauseated all freaking day. I finally threw up though.

Ohh dude! Hector's going to another school during May, so I'm going to try and come home for a few weeks that month. I'll be there even if not for a few weeks but for a few days cause my Grandads 90th bday party thing is something I have to be there for, but I'm hoping I can come earlier and be there for a few weeks before that.

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: lol You didn't know there was a Speed 2??? Yeah, it's got Sandra Bullock, and the Keanu character is replaced by this other tough cop character and it takes place on a yacht. It's entertaining, but not as brilliant as the first.

Yeah, sorry. I just could not think of a damn thing to say, but I didn't want to not say anything.

Yuck. That sucks. Isn't there any meds for that? Or is it just one of those things you have to live with?

Hey, that'll be great. We can get together and do stuff...like shop at maternity stores! Awww...:P

So my Grandma's still hanging in there, and my mom says she's comfortable, so that's good. I started crying at work today. I was really irritable and sad, and someone asked if I was sick, and I just started crying! They let me go home early.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: No I did not know, but I only knew about Speed because of you.

Its cool.

Its just one of those things you have to live with, and it sucks ass. I didn't feel that bad yesterday, but when I get really hot is when I get really bad, and I've been like...sweating today.

I know! I'm ready to find out the gender so that I can start looking for stuff. I'm starting to really hope its a girl more than a boy, I mean, I'll be ok if its a boy, but I want a girl more.

Wow, well at least she's ok. At least they let you off early instead of having to stay there. How old is your Grandma?

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Yeah, I'm a wealth of info on teh awesomeness.

Yeah, it was so hot up here that the house was 81 degrees, because I'm not smart enough to turn on the AC...

I kinda want it to be a girl too. Girls are so cute. I spent some time with my nephew Alex today, and he's adorable, but such a boy, and little boys are weird.

She was...I don't know. In her 80's. She actually just passed away, about an hour ago. I went to work, but I was crying so much they let me go. Mostly I'm worried about my mom. I have no idea how to deal with grief. I just don't know what to do, you know.

Anyway, on a happier note, I had lunch with Jason, Angie, and Alex today, and Angie asked about you. She'd been going threw some old stuff, and found the signature book from her baby shower, and you had signed it. I told her about Peanut, and she sends her best wishes.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: Lol I know!

OMG! Our ac hasn't been working, and I'm like always hot these days, and when I'm hot is when I get the worst, it was driving me crazy! We finally got it fixed now. I think this baby will love the cold because right now I really do!

I know. Me and Hector talked about it I think yesterday, but we talked about wanting it to be a girl more than a boy. I know our parents will go nuts if its a girl, especially my dad. Actually, him and Hectors mom will go crazy either way, but mostly if its a girl.

I'm sorry. At least she's in a better place now, hopefully.

Wow, I figured she'd have forgotten about me. Lol Peanut.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: So I had my appointment on Wednesday right? I didn't get the ultrasound cause this was just paperwork. I had to pee in a cup and have blood taken too. The blook part was the worst thing I'd ever experienced. I actually passed out because I was so...I don't know. It was bad though. I was taking Zofran before I went the see the doc cause of a friend who had some, so I told my doc when I got there, and he gave me an actual prescription for it, and it sucks! It like, doesn't work at all. I'm so pissed! I still want to throw up all the time, I don't, but I can't eat cause it makes me feel like it. Its supposed to prevent puking. Ugh, its so gay!

I didn't get to come home either because Hector didn't go to his school. I was actually a little upset. BUT! I will come home on...the 21st...or the 20th...I don't know, one of those days. I am so ready to go home though. I have my first ultrasound is on the 18th though, so I can't come home now. =(

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Hopefully you'll get over the morning sickness soon. And hey, you might still discover that there's one thing you can eat that doesn't make you sick. Just don't go and name your kid after that one thing. You remember Orangello and Lemonjello, right? :P When my mom was preggos with me, the only thing that made her stomach feel better was Altoids.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: Well, for a while it was umm...yogurt, but now its umm...any kind of fast food. Usually a burger... Its weird. I feel amazing after I eat some fries or a little bit of the burger. I also get full really fast on anything I eat, so I can never finish anything. Like I just ate maybe 5 pringles, and I feel stuffed.

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: I was randomly flipping channels today and there was this show on TLC called I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, and it was weird. This one girl, probably as skinny as you, got pregnant while she was taking the pill, and didn't know, and the only thing that changed was her crazy craving for pickles, and she gave birth just over two months early, and she didn't even get a bump or anything. Weird. The baby was only 3 lbs, but still...weird.

So my classes are all over. Technically they'll all be over tomorrow, but since it's an online class and I've already turned in the assignment, I'm pretty much through. It's nice. No more studying for a whole summer!

I've been listening to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on audio (I rented the cds from Hastings and put them on my iPod :P), and I've been getting way to into it. I was making dinner while listening on earphones, and...have you read the books or seen the movie? You know the Dolores Umbridge character? I got so mad at something she did that I growled and yelled "Bitch!" And my mom thought I was talking to her O.o

I went to bed at nine pm the other day. It was odd. I figured I'd start trying to go to bed earlier, but nah. No fun in that.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: I've been seeing that show a lot. It is weird, I don't get how you could not know. I'd love to not have the morning sickness but know I was pregnant,

That's cool.

Lol wow. Yeah, I've seen all the movies. That's funny. I've been talking to myself lately because Hector's been out in the field all week.

WHAT??? You went to bed at 9? Holy hell!

We're coming to Amarillo today, but we'll only be there until Sunday. We're hoping we can use this weekend to see everyone because when we're there next weekend we won't get the chance to see a lot of people since its my grandads 90th bday and my whole moms side of the family will be in town.

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: I totally can't think of anything to say.

I'm gonna buy Sims 3 today! If they have it. I didn't think that they might have sold out...hopefully there will be at least one.

Did you ever have a sonogram??

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: Me either. We've been out swimming a lot lately, I'm getting a tan...after I got burnt, and my feet are starting to swell, they keep getting all purple, and they turned blue when I was in town one night. It was weird!

Nope, I have to call and make an appointment for it in July, and I have to call sometime this week to make the appointment this week, and I tried calling earlier, but no one ever answered, so I might have to go in and make the appointment instead of calling. They told me that it would take a while if you called and I don't have the patience for that. So I don't know, we'll see what happens.

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: That is weird. But feet swelling, that is kind of a ubiquitous preggo symptom.

Okay.

I totally bought the Sims 3 and it's teh awesome. There's already hacks online, except the process of downloading custom content is a lot more complicated. And the Sims totally look retarded. I mean, Sims 2 Sims could be pretty, but Sims 3 Sims look weird.

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: Yeah, its really freaky looking, and a little annoying.

I got my ultrasound appointment made. Its on umm...July 7 at 9:30, that's the earliest appointment they had!

What do you mean they look weird? I want to get it, but the Sims doesn't work on our desktop, and my laptop broke, so now I'm stuck with nothing.

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Wow, your doctor's office sucks ass.

Well, some of the faces just look totally unrealistic, like I've never ever seen anyone who looked like that, and I've seen some freaky faces at Hastings. Plus, for some reason, their eyes are moving like all the time, especially in Create-a-Sim, their eyes just like roll back and forth and they look up a lot, but they never seem to look straight forward. It's still fun.

Speaking of freaky people at work...zomg...Okay, so I'm on my lunch break right now, and as I was leaving, I had to stop by customer service to be signed out, and everybody over there was laughing so hard, so I asked what was going on, and this guy who works in Cafe said he went to the bathroom and in one of the stalls there was an open porn mag with jizz all over it, so he wrapped it up and carried it out to the registers, all jizzy and smelly...People are fucking disgusting! If you're gonna jerk off, whatever dude, do it at home, and don't leave your jizz lying around for people to find!!!!! Blech!!!!

[Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]: There's just that many pregnant ladies that are involved with the military! Its amazing how many army chicks are pregnant.

That's crazy. I want it still, but I want to wait til I get my laptop cized cause we finally took it to Best Buy, and I don't get it back til June 29th, well that's the latest. GAY!

OMG! That's freaking gross! Who would do that? In a Hastings?? Yucky!

[there's a bluebird in my heart]: Wow. Yeah.

My laptop is dead. I think for my birthday, I'm gonna ask my family for just cash, so I can buy a new harddrive, gut my laptop, and put something like Ubuntu on it instead of fucking Vista, because fucking Vista fucking sucks. :P Oh, and Ubuntu's totally free.

I know!! Dude, we get some freaks there. Last night I was working register, and this girl came and she was so high she couldn't finish a sentence. Oh hey, I totally just made the connection, I'm retarded. The cafe guy who found the jizz mag is Brittany's boyfriend.

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