So You Wanna Make an Emo House?

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I remember the good old days when ET wasn't infested by emos. Heck, even your stray goth was not too terribly common. Now a days I can click on 30 latest logins and only one of them may or may not be emo. And to tell you the truth, I miss the pre-emo days, because everyone was someone. Now everyone dresses the exact same and says the exact same things. It's enough to bring me to tears... congrats. You've made me cry.

Not to say I hate emos. I very much dislike the culture, attitude, music and style but the people can be kick ass. So at looking at your bio I will point and laugh, but I will not shy from making quick friends with you. I don't judge books by their covers, but often times that cover is fun to make fun of.

The intent of this page is to document some observations I've made on trends in emo behavior. This is meant to be very harsh. If you're offended, hah hah, sucks to be you.

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Well hello there miss! What are you up to? Making an elftown account?!?! Why, what a wonderful idea. But what is that? You don't know how? Well here, lemme walk you through it little miss emo and you'll have a perfect emo house!

1. Your name If people can't tell you're emo by just looking at your name, you fail.

One of the tricks for the perfect emo name is something dark, painful and twisted, like some observation about how life is like a slow disease or you're lonely. Here, try this name, Withered Black Heart. Now that's shnazzy.

But you're not done! Being and emo means you are a whiney attention whore. You want your name to stick out, right? Try throwing in as many useless symbols and capitals as you can. Internet lingo is good too, especially the </3 broken heart and the <) tear drop.

Name: ..~~.//.//Withered BLK heart//.//.~~...

That'll get some attention!

Also, you may consider some sort of internet hooker name, like Sexybabe3000. After all, most emos are horny 14 year olds anyway.

Don't forget your favorite emo band with symbols or numbers around it! A name like that's a way to be even less original than you already are!

2. Your bio Don't spell anything correctly. Intelligence is WAY too mainstream.

The best things to include in your bio are song lyrics or dark twisted poetry of your own making. Make sure your poetry sucks. If it doesn't your not emo enough.

Also include a long pointless list of all the bands you like. Which bands are those you ask? Easy. List off 30 bands that sound exactly the same, whine about life and relationships, look the same, and are anything but original or brilliant. Then scream about how much you love certain ones, 'cause I can tell you, most people wanna know.

Also list all of your friends and their sexual connections with you. Sure we could go look at your relations list, but you might as well waste the time typing it out for us.

Also, big text, [dead links so they're red] and anything else meant to draw you your oh so loved attention is a bio must. Don't forget long long lists of things that say "Drugs? Tattoo? Farthest ever traveled?" and you write yes no or whatever.

Also obscure messages to your friends about some boy or party last night really make your house seem lived in.

Also make sure all your guy friends are horny and shirtless. In the first sentence of their bio they claim not to be perverts, but quickly contradict themselves in the next.

3. Your picture You talk like everyone else, you act like everyone else, hey, why not look like everyone else too? After all, conformity takes away your responsibility of being interesting!

First let's practice.

Practice opening your eyes REALLY wide. Apparently, looking like someone surprised you with a stick up your ass is cool. Wide eyes will help you with your final emo photo.

Do your best to look sullen. For no apparent reason, always look like you're on the verge of tears. Even if you're in a good mood, or a rare jolly emo, never ever look anything less than suicidal.

Also try some sexy faces. This will help when you get the nerve to photograph yourself half naked and wonder why people are asking you to cyber. At which point the guards will have to protect you slut like ass.

Bad photo? Acne flaring, ugly nose, the like? Think you can't use the photo? WRONG.

Super expose it so all people can see is a white orb with large stick-up-the-ass eyes. It makes you so much hotter, kinda like how paper bags work for burn victims.

Finally, take your main picture somewhere ugly like in the kitchen or bathroom. Make sure to open your eyes really wide and take the photo yourself mysapce style.

Don't be shy about being vain. They rest of your house tells us as much.

For your bio pics, get drunk group shots, you kissing/snuggling another girl or have a bunch of pictures where your expression and pose don't change at all.

4. Your mood Even if you are actually happy, you are depressed. Why? Because apparently that's cool.

For your mood, basically do the same thing you did for the name, that is something dark, painful and twisted, like some observation about how life is like a slow disease or you're lonely. Either that or yell at some guy who broke your heart, your wiki, or how some guy left and you miss him.

5. Your wiki pages You have no imagination. That's why your emo. You let the style do the imagining for you.

You wikis are your photos or a pointless extension of your bio. You have nothing interesting to say, basically. Sometimes you have poetry. Make sure your poetry's as whiney and unoriginal as you are.

If you do have art, flip a bitch about it. Say it's a window into you deep and twisted soul. Threaten thieves with slow death. Your art looks like something a 12 year old geek would make. Anime fanart... dragons... pretty ladies in freaky dresses, even some pervy things like bondage. Most of it you've copied line for line from some picture you saw. People can tell because that art is much better than the art you made from scratch.

CONGRATS EMO KID! You are not longer an individual. You are an ant in the mound of dirt and slime we call emo culture. And remember, being emo is magical. If you wear a black dress and more makeup, you magically become gothic. And if you take off your makeup and spike your hair, you're magically punk! Why, your just a fashion wizard!

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This is me... in a wig and a toe ring in my mouth. This helped me remember why I HATE makeup and tight pants.

Now for some Pimping
unique emo descript by [Dil*]
The Official Elftown Hero by [Evilmonk]
Elftown is better. by [skeledoll coffin.]
The Anti Emo Army by [Panda_Manic]
Stay At MySpace by [Chaotic Serenity]

**Also, guys, if you like this page don't message me about it! Just comment, god damnit. That's kinda what the comment button's for! GOD!** Also, you don't need to ask to link to this page. I don't care. DO IT.

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The Official Banner!
- By the loverly [Kay-chan]!
To see other banners for this page seeSo You Wanna Make an Emo Banner?

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