Product warning labels
Warning: May contain common sense. Not for use by stupid people.
These are some really good ones, found on actual warning lables. Why some people would think that doing some of this stuff is a good idea is beyond me. If you find any more good ones, feel free to add them below. SOmetimes, it may be necessary to tell what the product is in order to get a good idea of why the warning is stupid.
On the side of a hot chocolate cup: Caution: Hot
On a power drill: Warning: Do not stick up nose
On a microwave: Warning: Do not microwave live animals
On a curling iron: Do not stick in any orafice
On a hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping
On a toilet brush: Do not use for personal hygiene
On Silicone packet: Do not eat
On Belt fan in car: Do not install while engine is running
On a bottle of sleeping pills: May cause drowsiness *I should damn well hope so!*
On a Marks and Spencers desert: (on the opposite side) do not turn this way up. (opps, screwed up there didn't you)
On a Korean chainsaw: Keep out of children.
On a Swedish chainsaw: do not attempt to stop with hands.
On some soap: Use like regular soap. (And... how would that be?)
On a sprinkler system in a hotel: No hangers.
Sometimes at places like Wendy's or Quizno's or somewhere, they give me a soda that says 'Caution: Hot' when it's full of ice!!
On a snowblower: Do not use on roof.
How on earth do you get a snowblower on the roof in the first place?
On a jar of Planters' Peanuts: WARNING: May contain nuts. (Thanks, I almost didn't notice)
On a bottle of (cough cough) Authentic Rice Wine: "Ingredients: Corn syrup, salt, artificial flavorings." Real authentic. [Tolmeni
Child-Sized Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
*Phew* That could have been one nasty accident!
[a faerie tale
On the back of a board game that has faces on the pieces: Faces do not actually talk, as has been depicted in comercials.
In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS: USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)
19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS: OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
22. On some frozen dinners - SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box - FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron - DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine - DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
26. On Nightly sleep aid - WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)
On a sucker whose brand I forget the name of:
REAL FRUIT FLAVORS!
sometimes I wonder....
On some US Navy warheads: for technical reasons it is important that these warheads are stored with the top at the bottom and the bottom at the top. To avoid any confusion, the bottom has been labelled with the word 'top'.
This was on a packet of christmas lights I bought:
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.
On the Pennsylvania Turnpike:
Stopped traffic ahead. Be prepared to stop.
Rantings and Ravings