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Character, art, writing all (c)2003-2006, Paul J. Doyle. All Rights Reserved to author/artist/player only. "Pauly the Anthro-Dragon" may be used as an RPG character with [Paul Doyle]'s WRITTEN permission only. That's snail-mail, boys and girls, and I have to know you, to give you permission. And you have to be a good player, too.
While this page most certainly about Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, for role-playing purposes it disregards the following:
(1.) Pretend this is not the scaly alter-ego of the real life person, Paul J. Doyle born 10/31/73, an alter ego usually (but not always!) used to poke fun at himself, at Elftown, or various other relatively harmless, sometimes naughty things. Best example: Pauly the Anthro-Dragon's Halloween
(2.) It also disregards the strong Force capabilities of Darth Paranoia
, and anything else connected to the Star Wars universe, to Lucasfilm or George Lucas. It also excludes connections to The Sith Lords
. This is because even though Darth Paranoia
is simply Pauly the Anthro-Dragon as a Dark Lord of the Sith, with a black cape, red contact lenses, and red stuff added to horns and nails, it's also an aspect of P-the-AD which gives him a really unfair advantage in a RPG setting. Even though Darth Paranoia
is meant to be satirical, he really does have very strong Dark Side powers! So forget this aspect of him exists, for the purposes of this RPG character presentation.
Statistics, etc. Do note I'm using the (general) kind of stats from way back in the day, when I played the First Edition of Advanced Dugeons and Dragons, which had books with vivid but slightly incompetent cover art by David C. Sutherland III. Old School, I am. I never got into the newer versions, though the book cover artwork was vastly improved.
PAULY the ANTHRO-DRAGON
NO. APPEARING: 1
HIT DICE: 15 (100 hit points)
ARMOR CLASS: 0 (unaided) Normally wears little or no clothing.
ATTACKS: 3 (2 claws, 1 bite) or by weapon type 2/round
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Breath Weapon, Psionics, see below.
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Magic Resistance, Psionics, see below.
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 35% base, against 15th level enemy-originated magic spells resistance again character level, not spell level! P-the-AD might easily get nailed by a simple "magic missle" spell cast by a 35th level wizard!) or magical weapons. Add/subtract 5% for every level against stronger/weaker opponents. Example: A sixth-level fighter with a +5 sword will find (much to his dismay) that it will properly function 20% of the time against Pauly the Anthro-Dragon. Should he resist, it will be treated as a standard nonmagical sword!
TREASURE TYPE: less than 100 gp on him at any given time but is never broke; huge bank account "hoard" rumored to exist somewhere.
SIZE: L (7'6" height excluding horns, broad-shouldered, 15' wingspan, 7' tail, 550 lbs weight)
ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good (chaotic good tendencies)
SAVE AS: 25th Level Fighter
CLASS EQUIVALENTS: 15th level fighter, 8th level thief
STRENTH-------18/76...from sheer size, favorable genetic engineering, and self-conscious athletic conditioning.
INTELLIGENCE--17...formidable but not infallible, frequently appears to be "confuzzled" when he really isn't. He just likes to make habitual, exaggerated, goofy faces when alarmed or confused. Quite frankly, a terrible poker player!
WISDOM--------14...with his vast knowledge of other worlds and excellent common sense, score should be higher, but isn't due to vulnerabilities caused by openly flirtatious, amorous nature (see below)
DEXTERITY-----16...very, very quick and nimble for his size.
CONSTITUTION--19...over 18 because of his dragon blood, athletic conditioning and stamina.
CHARISMA------16 (18 with dragons and other sentient reptilians) ...could be a natural leader, but refuses. Knows that depite his personal popularity, and natural knack for making friends and entertaining, he is ultimately the outsider, wherever he goes. Much more of a talker and a thinker, than a fighter. Would much rather entertain people, and have a steady stream of good fun, good food and good recreational sex with good partners. (See below)
WEAPONS of PROFICIENCY: Two-Handed Sword, broadsword, halberd, longbow. (Also fully trained in firearms and an indigenous form of martial arts, back before he came to this world). Note that magical items and weapons have a 50% chance of failure in his hands! Almost never carries arms, unless needed. Will carry a shield (typically, a buckler shield) only against strong opponents. Usually his natural weaponry and natural armor overwhelm two-bit thugs and such thinking of "jumping" him.
PAULY'S PHYSICAL PROFILE
—7 foot 6 inches high (excluding horns), broad-shouldered, 15-foot wingspan, 7 foot tail, 550 lbs.
Depending on your sexual orientation (or perhaps your height if you are one of the wee folk), the first thing you will notice about Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is either his intelligent, perceptive eyes and grinning, good-humored toothy demeanor, or his muscular, nicely toned and well proportioned, smooth, golden-scaled naked body. Regardless, he attracts positive attention by his appearance alone.
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, like the regular, genetically engineered New Earth anthrodragons (see "Origins" section!), is a mammal although this might not be obvious at first glance (female anthrodragons back home have mammaries and bear live young, unlike dragonesses who are egg-laying and have no mammaries). His golden-scaled hide is smooth and warm to the touch, and has a healthy glow. Like the dragon parental stock (who are their own category of animal, since they have a blend of mammalian, reptilian and a few avian features) the scales are living tissue, a specialized skin layer which (with the thicker layer of hide underneath the scales) )offers incredible flame resistance and superb toughness despite their negligible bulk. Underside his body, running from underneath his chin down his chest to the end of his tail is a thicker, even more protective row of flexible plates which obscure most of his extremely developed chest musculature, and also protect his ample genitals, hiding them discreetly. These fade to a yellow-gold, matching the color of his wing membranes, and were deliberately fashioned that way by the research team to differentiate him from the regular, less intelligent anthro-dragons, whose wing membrane colors matched the colors of their scaly hides.
When the anthrodragons were created the researchers disregarded the full dragons’ gender imbalance, which favored males five to one, although females are the dominant gender! The anthrodragons’ gender proportions slightly favor females, much like human population statistics in the real world. However, the sexual dimorphism has been carried over: males are significantly larger than females, who have no hair and lack spines past the base of their necks. Like all other normal male gold anthrodragons, Pauly has thick silky black hair lining his jawbone, behind his arms (but not in his armpits), and from the top of the skull to the end of his tail, all but obscuring the 1-3 inch spines projecting from his backbone.
Because many of the anthrodragons had unflatteringly ugly, sometimes horrifically ugly facial features blending human and dragon features, the genetic engineers spent much effort making sure he looked somewhat handsome, carefully manipulating the genes to give him a face that was 95% dragon. Pauly the Anthro-Dragon’s face has startling similarities to that of the renowned, outspoken and handsome male gold dragon Jak’edrac sel’Gury (the main major dragon character—but not the actual protagonist, who is human---of the author’s forthcoming five-novel sequence). Where most anthrodragons from back home would scare or frighten the uninitiated, mostly because of their unflattering looks, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon scares very few, despite his imposing size and obvious power. His distinctly intelligent looking eyes feature slightly shiny brown-orange irises (almond-shaped in normal light) are set on yellowish eyeballs.
He frequently makes interesting, often amusing (and sometimes annoying) facial expressions, which when combined with his penchant for gesticulating and smiling and grinning, makes Pauly the Anthro-Dragon a visually entertaining personality. Like most dragons back home on the New Earth, he speaks human tongues with an unavoidable, barely noticeable lisp which is caused entirely by the size and shape of his long rounded pink tongue. (Some people who don't know know him jump to conclusions that he is flamingly gay, which of course is mostly untrue, as 85% of his lovers have been female!) That, combined with his hard musculature slightly softened by his scale cover and underbelly plates, makes him rather physically attractive in the eyes of many females (and some males!), to say nothing about his actual personality. His habitually walking about nude (with private parts hidden from view!) in places where this is legal draws him additional attention from people who equate nudity with sex.
His overall external appearance from the neck down is about 90% dragon, 10% human, which is consistent with the standard, less intelligent (but not sterile!) anthrodragons, and just like them has two five-digit hands including an opposable thumb, which has claws which never fully retract. His feet are much more dragonish, and have wickedly sharp claws that cannot be retracted; he will wear special shoes if needed, and avoids certain lovemaking positions if he has no access to them. His tail is rather short and narrow, only slightly obscuring his hips and butt, yet he also knows how to use it as a dangerous weapon. Overall he is lean and muscular, but not so heavily built it impairs his lithe dexterity. He knows he is physically AND mentally attractive, and thinks the sexiest parts of his body (besides his brain) are his legs and butt, which naturally waggles when he walks! Pauly the Anthro-Dragon keeps in athletic shape to stay fit and to be ready for combat, but his real reason---quite frankly---is to attract lovers, who almost always make the first move. P-the-AD is a bit vain, but considering how talented he is, it’s a wonder he isn’t completely conceited.
For anyone concerned about his nudity, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon keeps his impressive but not monstrous genitals inside a very tight slit that loosens slightly when he has to urinate, and relaxes completely when he is about to make love (when it all rolls out at once, and is unmistakable!) Otherwise it's a barely noticeable large bulge that blends in with his tail-body junction. He takes special care of his hygeine.
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is fully bipedal when walking or jogging. When running , however, he takes a semi-erect stance, tail parallel to the ground, much like a velociraptor, powerful muscles providing startling bursts of speed. He can’t naturally walk on fours, though he can crawl longer and faster than most humanoids in similar shape.
Some pictures of Pauly the Anthro-Dragon. Do note that none of these pictures are 100% accurate, some are kinda old, some of them do not directly relate to the RPG aspect (especially that last one, which obviously refers to the author's RL alter-ego aspect!) , and I’ve only settled on a head size relatively recently (click them for full size):
for more, go to Pauly the Anthro-Dragon main page which is not part of the official Elftown RPG contest.
PAULY THE ANTHRO-DRAGON'S PERSONALITY
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is (usually, unless preparing for battle when he is fierce yet controlled) an unassuming, friendly, accepting and warm individual. He is assertive without being aggressive, smiles a lot, and is generally calm and mellow when not trying to make people laugh at his antics. He uses a lot of body language, gesticulating like an Italian guy, and has a nearly endless variety of facial expressions. He can positively liven up most situations, and for this reason he is eagerly sought by bars, clubs and pub across the Elftown metropolis and beyond. At these places he performs decent (but not great) original music on his twelve-string acoustic guitar (along with classic stuff from Old Earth and New Earth), sometimes recites his amusing but forgettable poetry (along with much more famous stuff from both Old Earth and New Earth), and easily gets the customers laughing with his clever and silly (and frequently bawdy) humor. He can act drunk or stoned while being completely sober, and he has yet to get himself either stoned or drunk (and has no plans to ever get stoned or drunk!) He does drink socially, generally preferring red wine and dark beer over anything else. In especially festive, partying situations he will slowly breathe fire as he drinks, to minimize the alcohol entering his bloodstream.
P-the-AD is a bit immature, regardless of his promiscious sexual appetite. He does not like long-term commitments to anybody or anything, and he is rather self-centered, generally choosing situations that benefit him first, and everyone else second. He is happy he can’t be a natural father because the thought of having children of his own frightens him. He senses he would have all the love and affection, but nowhere enough patience and know-how to be a good parent. He might be selling himself short, but he doesn't want to touch parenting with a ten-foot pole. He can also be rather manipulative, and this can be a big turn-off to would-be allies smart enough to see through his schemes, which generally involve bedrooms and uninhibited hedonism or self-glorification. He has definite problems respecting grand institutions, and though this can be extremely funny in comedic situations, in serious situations this can rub the wrong way with allies who are deeply offended, but have the maturity and self-discipline to not respond in kind. P-the-AD has a real problem keeping his mouth shut, at times. He has been banned from a few places because of his sharp tongue, dissing political and religious figures and institutions.
Despite all those character faults and weaknesses, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is a kind, good-hearted soul. He will stop and help the weak with no thought of reward (unless, of course, they are hot and of age, but he will not solicit sex as a condition for helping them!) Apart from his many unwise sexual dalliances (which significantly lower his Wisdom score!), he is a shrewd, far-thinking character, and knows when to make a real difference for the benefit of all. He is a real asset to friends and allies, and he knows how to loosen up both friends and enemies, and make them laugh. Because of his unusual nature, he has helped mediate disputes between dragons several times, and his reputation has spread to the point where one time he was sought to peaceably mediate a horrifically bloody vendetta between feuding clans of hobgoblins—and succeeded and earned their respect, even though they are lawful evil, and he is neutral good. He is well-recognized, and has few real enemies. Where an evil creature might attack a good creature just because it’s a good creature, an evil intelligent creature will more than likely peacefully acknowledge P-the-AD’s presence, or even help him out!
PAULY THE ANTHRO-DRAGON IN A FIGHTING PARTY
In the right situation Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is an immensely potent part of a fighting party---having 15th level fighter skills and 8th level thieving skills with little need for armor or forged weaponry---but if there is unresolvable arguing, he will leave and never return. He can also cause envy and resentment, because he is so multitalented and has wonderful intangible skills that make a huge positive difference in encounters. Many unnecessary encounters (like wandering monsters) don't happen, because instead of fighting they usually move along peaceably.
Unless the threat is really strong, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon will not wear armor or much of anything else for that matter, carrying only his two-handed sword across his back, along with his longbow and quiver, none of these getting in the way of his wings and case he needs to fly. He will also wear a few harnesses that he prefers to save for lovers who have leather fetishes, that contain assorted lighweight odds and ends. He will never have more than 100 gold pieces on him at any time, and is not greedy claiming his share of treasure.
If the threat IS strong (and is has to be really strong since he naturally has a very low armor class), P-the-AD will wear a customized suit of very lightweight but very strong elfin chain mail, keeping the bow and arrows, but replacing the two-handed sword with a broadsword, so he can carry a buckler shield. He absolutely refuses to wear a helmet, but the elfin chain mail does have a hood. He wears an extremely expensive, custom-fitted metallic fabric mesh over his wings which greatly reduce their vulnerability to missiles while in flight. (This was also made by elves.) He takes the risk and leaves his feet bare, since he has ways of inflicting horrific damage with their claws (see below). The less worn, the better in his justifiable opinion. The two-handed sword is by far his heaviest item, and it hardly wears him down.
Natural/learned abilities: Infravision and Ultravision to 120' (a trait carried over from his dragon blood), natural armor and weapons, attack/defense psionics (see below), immunity to fire (although he can possibly die from dehydration brought on by intense, sustained heat!) He is completely fluent in (in addition to the human and Modern Draconic from back home on the New Earth) several dragon languages, Common human language, Elvish and Lizardman, and also Thieves' Cant. He never bothered to learn his alignment tongue, thinking it silly and a waste of time.
Since Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is so powerful and has his ultravision and infravison temporarily ruined by torchlight and latern light, he will often scout ahead in pure darkness, moving with surprising quietness giving his large size, and keeping his toes from clacking against hard objects. He is brave and ballsy, but he isn't stupid, either. There may be horrible traps ahead, and a party who loses him to stuff like that is an incompetent party who are a bunch of hurting unit.
TYPICAL PC/NPC CLASS REACTIONS TO PAULY THE ANTHRO-DRAGON
***based on Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, First Edition***
Fighters secretly want to avoid pissing off or fighting Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, if at all possible! They are wowed and intimidated by his various skills which far exceed the standard parry/hack/slash/raise-shield/fall-back routine. While they are weighed down by plate mail armor, great helms, and large shields, he is bouncing all around them with a better armor class, absurdly less encumbrance, and happily enjoying his nakedness. And then there is that little matter about magic not really working around him, unless cast or used by very high level opponents . . .
Rangers think Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is an enjoyable but . . . interesting . . . companion who is even rougher around the edges than they are. Nevertheless, a formidable ally. They can certainly relate to P-the-AD's self-sufficiency and resulting self-centeredness, and particularly always being the "outsider".
Paladins are deeply offended by Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, and personally despise him. Even without the paladins' nit-picking moral standards, P-the-AD still offends them, because he was concieved of science, rather than by a deity. Nevertheless, paladins don't need to cast a detect good spell (not that it would work on P-the-AD!) to realize he is on the side of Good. So they bite their tongues and can only pray he cleans up his adult-oriented act and either gets faithfully married, or at least finds God if he stays single. (Like that's ever going to happen! :PPP) During wartime, paladins are genuinely grateful for any and all assistance from Pauly the Anthro-Dragon.
Clerics are somewhat predictable. "Good" clerics have almost identical general reactions to paladins. "Neutral" clerics avoid P-the-AD and don't touch him with a fifty-foot pole. "Evil" clerics immensely despise P-the-AD since only the most powerful clerics' spells will have any effect on him, although their control over the undead will not be affected by P-the-AD's presence.
Druids have rather similar opinions as the rangers. They are curious and tolerant of P-the-AD's antics, provided he continues to respect the natural balance, and doesn't unneccessarily breathe fire.
Magic-Users greatly fear Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, since weaker ones are completely defenseless and totally at his mercy, as their low-level magic will not work against him. (P-the-AD's magic resistance is 125% against first-level magic-users!)
Illusionists don't bother. They suck, and they know it.
Thieves frown upon Pauly the Anthro-Dragon's heavy use of natural and forged direct-attack weaponry at the expense of his competent thievery skills. They think he's missing out on using poison as a weapon, something P-the-AD will never do. Nevertheless, they are awed at his versatility. P-the-AD will happily work with them, allowing the full-fledged thieves to take the lead. Even with low-level thieves he does this because P-the-AD finds it necessary to show good form. He is quite good at picking locks, but when all else fails he'll simply yank it open with his brute strength.
Assassins try to ignore Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, because he is an extremely dangerous opponent who will certainly survive the kind of assassination attempts carried out against political or religious targets. He is frankly too intimidating for most assassins' skills, and those who could charge prohibitive fees. Therefore, P-the-AD is rarely if ever has a bounty on his head. In a party situation, the dislike is mutual, and will undermine the unity of the party. Pauly will be the first to leave, as he has plenty of other people vying for his attention!
Monks wish they were like P-the-AD when disarmed. These warrior monks spend extra time meditating to relax, and not to be so completely jealous. After all, P-the-AD had martial arts training while being scrutinized by the study team (see below.)
Bards can't help but wonder if Pauly the Anthro-Dragon will be an amazing musician at some point though he currently has trouble playing the more difficult chords on his accoustic twelve-string guitar. Pauly is the sideman musically, and he is the lead in combat. Pauly definitely clicks with most bards, and likewise. With both P-the-AD and a bard in the same party, there will never be a shortage of lovers, and never any weird desperate thoughts (beyond dinner and some warm clothing?) if the party encounters a flock of sheep.
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon hails from the universe the author ([Paul Doyle]) is creating for his upcoming five-novel sequence, of which the first novel Telkar Chronicles: Book One is already completed, copyright-registered st the United States Library of Congress in Washington, DC, and now awaits possible publication. See Pauly's Book Stuff for more information.
During the final fourth and fifth novels (which have yet to be written!) the (mostly) heroic, sympathetic, fully sentient dragons are nearly extinct, driven from one exile to another by the ultra-powerful, evil son of Phil Telkar (whom the entire sequence is named after!), who is himself quite powerful, and responsible for the dragons' existence in the first place.
Choked up at the devastating losses (though his own personal circle of friends---dragon and human and Yourubi)---remain mostly intact, a very aged, yet still very sharp Phil Telkar has a temporarily falling-out with Jak'edrac sel'Gury (still a very virile male and father-to-be after many decades previous on Old Earth). Phil Telkar has a confrontation with the surviving elders, and convinces to activate an emergency plan to genetically engineer a race of anthro-dragons, with equivalent subspecies derived from all nine dragon subspecies' genetic codes. The approval doesn't come easily, as the dragons have very strong ethical codes which prohibit any form of fertility drugs or contraception, since the dragons are notoriously infertile with only the "best" males (like Jak'edrac) mating and fathering children, monogamously pair-bound for life to females who are---despite being outnumbered five to one, and physically less impressive---the dominant gender. Dragons are very lusty creatures, but only a small percentage actually procreate, and then for only a relatively short time before the female becomes completely infertile. Such is the price to pay for being at the very top of the food chain, for living extremely long lives, and being exceptionally powerful.
Anyhow, after some relatively hasty debate, pressured by the ongoing onslaught by their enemies, the small, rickety alliance beween the surviving dragons, their human supporters and the Yourubi goes ahead with something which would have previously been unthinkable, in the dragons' view. Human and dragon blood is genetically (and most artificially!) fused by teams of Yourubi scientists who have been doing ongoing experiments on their own species for decades.
The result is terrifyingly impressive at first glance, despite the intellectual limitations demanded by the surviving dragon elders. The anthro-dragon troops are definitely the physical superior of human counterparts, and breed efficiently and successfully like humans. They retain many of the dragons' telepathic and psionic powers (as well as their teeth, retractable claws and breath weapon!), but within strict limits, for military superiority. They are infinitely trainable, and very effective in combat. They are somewhat lacking as individuals, and are neither particularly good-humored nor chatterboxes. They are aware of their limitations, and generally find ways to constructively vent their frustrations.
Approximately 2-5% of all these anthrodragons are genetically defective, meaning they will either die young or will exhibit various incurable mental illnesses which make them a danger to themselves ans others. Even with Yourubi know-how, perfect dragon and human DNA splicing is extremely difficult. Most anthro-dragons exhibit some mild forms of odd or strange behavior, but this is tempered because their bioengineered personalities are created that way. As time goes on, and the species naturally reproduces, it is hoped the quirks and such will disappear, giving way to anthrodragons with varied personalities and intellects. For the time being they are a fairly awkward creation created on rather short notice by an extremely desperate coalition trying to fight for what is right.
After a few stunning victories spearheaded by anthro-dragon troops, the coalition has some---but not a lot---of breathing room. The research team is able to speculate on what a viable, naturally flourishing anthro-dragon race might be like. They get the go-ahead to create more advanced anthro-dragons, physically similar to the troops, but far more stable, and infinitely more complex. The catch---the BIG catch---is that these "sports" must be sterile, though of course they could express their sexuality in a more sophisticated way than the mating-to-procreate standard anthrodragons could ever hope to achieve. The dragon elders also wanted nothing to with them, because they were seen as unnecessary abominations of necessary abominations needed to reverse the fortunes of the failing interplanetary war effort.
And so, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon was created.
(2.)How did Pauly the Anthro-Dragon wind up on Planet Lysator? (If you have no idea what Lysator is, what the heck are you doing on Elftown? Honestly. Please note the following stuff will not be in the official novel sequence. Just consider it peripheral fanfic by an author who hasn't even gotten past Chapter Two of Book Two, never mind Book Four!)
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon was allowed to begin his life at an accelerated age of thirty years, which for the anthrodragons is like a ten year old kid (standard anthro-dragons were accelerated to 55 years old, roughly equivalent to an 18 year old human, before being allowed to procreate naturally, with females giving live birth, after 9-month pregnancy, to offspring far less helpless than human newborns).
(Yes, the anthrodragons are mammalian and do not lay eggs, unlike their dragon progenitors, who are neither mammals nor reptiles nor birds nor anything else!)
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon (he named himself that, once he learned how to speak properly) quickly showed the observers an uncanny basic athletic ability, along with a broad interest in the arts---not excelling in any particular area, but dabbling competently in all, enough to get the notice of the artistically-inclined dragons who tended to look down upon the anthrodragons as an inferior abomination of a race, and yet an indefinite buffer for the dragons' impending extinction. Pauly the Anthro-Dragon also exhibited a quick wit, and even befriended some of the elders. He met Jak'edrac sel'Gury and Phil Telkar a few times, even though by that time he was becoming an outspoken critic of the war. He opposed the deliberate creation of the anthrodragons as cannon fodder, and fervently wished the warring Telkar clan would reconcile and spare the universe further damage.
Yet it wasn't going to happen. P-the-AD volunteered at the earliest possible age for full conditioning, though his exotic "sport" nature and strong personality prevented him seeing any actual war service unless, of course, the installation was under attack by enemy forces. Nevertheless, he impressed the heck out of his trainers, who had improvised a style of anthrodragon martial arts derived from various human styles, as well as the completely different dragon styles, which made good use of wings and tail. He also learned to operate several types of small spacecraft, and purchased a small but roomy cruiser he secretly had armed and shielded . . . just in case. He saw that his future was either his secluded limbo, or at the mercy of the enemy if the enemy won the horribly destructive war. He just wanted to have fun, to entertain, and to get laid---but not under the watchful eye of the research team. He needed a fresh start, a new lease that got him the hell away from the oppressive war environment.
When he knew it was time to leave, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon loaded his personal spacecraft with extra fuel and provisions, and crossed several artificial wormholes into remote, uncontested and uncharted space . . . and just as his fuel started running on empty, he encountered PLANET LYSATOR.
(3.)Robert E. Heinlein would be proud?
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon orbited Planet Lysator a few times, viewing the snug yet endless world from a short distance from its outer atmosphere. Although he powered his ship's limited weaponry and raised its energy shields, he quickly stood down from both, quickly realizing that there was no planetary defenses to speak of, although there were pockets of highly advanced civilization interspersed throughout a decidedly archaic world---little or no hope of returning home on his own, though right now he needed to stay away from home, for the goodness of his sanity. Though he knew he'd have little fuel to escape this world's gravitational pull, there was real reason to conserve his ship's power, since he didn't know what to expect. His sensors detected tons of life forms, many of which were widely believed to be "mythical" . . . and then he looked down at his unclothed, sleek golden-scaled dragonman form. Yes, he had been created by science . . . but science based almost wholly on fantasy. Dragons hadn't even existed, where he came from, before Phil Telkar inadvertently brought his imagination to life, on Old Earth, many decades ago.
There were many different types of dragons on this world, though many of them were clearly less sentient than he was accustomed to, and many of those who were sentient were of the sorts stereotyped by Old Earth mythology. And unlike his home world, populated by exactly three intelligent species (two of them indigenous), this fantasy-land Planet Lysator had countless numbers, particularly on the thickly populated continent known as "Heddate", according to the information gathered by his onboard computers.
Though he certainly came here in search of refuge and some good old-fashioned adventure and excitement, he knew he had to make some inroads with the populace. Neither he nor his parental dragon stock looked like this world's dragons, and the "common" tongue he spoke was considerably different than the "common" tongue around here. He was about as magically inclined as the locals were tech-saavy, so bearing all this in mind he realized there was no escaping being the outsider, but there were some universal ways of making friends?
Landing his ship on a plateau behind some hills overlooking a large city called "Elftown", Pauly the Anthro-Dragon bided his time. He released a dozen robotic sensor probes and sent them through Elftown, gathering information and recordings about the habits of the locals.
During the day he practiced two skills he sensed would take him places in this new land: His two handed sword-fighting training, and his acoustic twelve-string guitar playing. He had learned both two decades ago, and had always enjoyed them. The research team amusedly granted the sword-fighting training, which in their extremely high-tech universe was a hopelessly antiquated and useless waste of time during a terrible war. Much to their surprise, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon proved a very quick learner, and effortlessly and dextrously beat the teacher after just a few months. In his hands the two-handed sword was relatively light and nimble, and his natural stamina and subtle wing and tail movements allowed him to learn a lot more than just simple hack-and-slash moves.
The musical training had been anticipated by the research team, since Pauly the Anthro-Dragon had shown artistic talent and inclination almost from the beginning of his artificially-adjusted, bioengineered life. More important, the artistic inclination ran very deeply in his dragon blood, since most of the New Earth dragons were artistically accomplished in one area or another, or in several. The anthrodragons lacked the dragons' formidable artistic skills, yet still enjoyed them. Since Pauly was more intelligent and well-rounded than the anthrodragons bioengineered for the war effort, he absorbed the arts like a sponge, though he'd never be confused for a virtuoso in any field, whether music, art or writing. Though P-the-AD's ambition far surpassed his skill, he learned what he could, wherever he could. He impressed and charmed his small audiences, generally (but not always) female. Though it wasn't his favorite instrument (his favorite was his new model of an Old Earth relic called the Chapman Stick) the acoustic twelve-string guitar seemed to seduce and charm all on its own. Coupled with his naturally attractive personality and his physical prowess, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon had plenty of sexual encounters even before packing his ship and leaving.
Now, having arrived to this new world, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon patiently brushed up the local dialect (taught to him by a flexible computer-taught language program), brushed up on the two-handed sparring in a virtual environment, and shook off a lot of twelve-string guitar rustiness. He happily relearned ancient, preserved stuff from the Old Earth's late 1960s to 1980s-era AOR rock and roll radio scene, music that was nowhere near as challenging as the stuff performed by the dragon musicians back home, and stuff which endlessly amused the research team. So he relearned relatively simple, crowd-pleasing songs from Led Zeppelin's third and fourth albums, from the Who's Tommy, and so forth. As a nod to his ancestry, he also memorized certain New Earth dragon traditional a capella ballads which worked much better with several other singers. There was no way he could achieve that level of spine-tinglingly emotional vocal resonance, but hey, at least he could try? After all, if he hooked these new audiences, and kept true to himself without getting a swollen head, he'd never be out of money, friends, companions and lovers. With that firmly in mind, he flew every night to stay toned, and quickly learned the local common tongue.
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon knew he was the proverbial, Heinlein-ish "Stranger in a Strange Land" though he could certainly do without all that grokking and cult hero worship, thank you very much. He also realized that no matter how smart and intelligent and strong and sexy as he was, he would naturally have to expect the unexpected.
Just as an afterthought he found out travelling unclothed in Elftown would be acceptable, just as long as it was deemed artistic nudity by the Elftown Council and the Town Guards. He had a very obvious male bulge between his thighs, but as long as his penis stayed flaccid, it would always be inside his bulge (along with his testicles)behind a tight slit. Nothing to worry about, unless of course he got aroused when the erection would be impossible not to notice. For someone who could not be a father, P-the-AD had no hormone shortage whatsoever.
Though he disliked anthro-dragon shorts because they tended to run up his butt under his tail, and also hated loincloths crude and puritanical, he made sure he had them on hand at all times, just to be safe. Uninformed folks got all wound up and bent out of shape, about the littlest things.
SEMI-IMPORTANT STASTISTICS, etc.
AGE: 75 (actually born 45 years ago; age artificially accelerated) which is the human equivalent of a 25 year old man. Standard anthro-dragon life expectancy is estimated to be around 150-200 years. Because P-the-AD was genetically engineered under much more personal attention, he will most likely live well beyond that.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual, favoring females over males.
MARITAL STATUS: Most definitely single, incapable of being a natural father, too "swinging" to ever consider long-term relationship.
SEXUAL INHIBITIONS: Must be adults, must be consenting, must be sentient, must not have communicable diseases. Must not be pair-bound, mated-for-life or married. He will never give or receive money/cash as a sexual proposition. And that's it. Prefers females, usually. He is quite adventurous, and despite some humiliating setbacks (like being forced-upon by a very powerful, but very gay, red dragon lord who couldn't control himself after a private solo musical performance by Pauly the Anthro-Dragon) can't be shy for long.
WHAT KIND OF LOVER? This is here only because this character is highly motivated by sex, far more so than with the author's other GOOD aligned characters, or the author himself! Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is very strong but very gentle in the bedroom and elsewhere, and endlessly flexible and tolerant of weird stuff, provided they don't violate his few sexual morals. He is quite passionate and tender, and although he is honest and open about his swinging ways and his inability to commit to a long-term relationship, he has broken more than a few hearts. Though he always takes "NO" for an answer, he does sometimes use sex as a tool to help smooth over disputes, etc. Despite his overwhelming physical strength, he has never ever thought about forcing himself on others, and thus stayed out of trouble. He will never sexually harrass others, and true to form he rarely spurns others' advances, whether harrassment or not!
RELIGION: Doesn't touch that with a ten-foot pole.
POLITICS: Doesn't touch that with a twenty-foot pole.
PHILOSOPHY?: Doesn't touch that with a thirty-foot pole.
PLACE OF RESIDENCE/LAIR As a condition of his permanent resident status in Elftown, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon must pay rather stiff, semi-annual storage fees for his spaceship, which he has moved to a nearby hill immediate outside the downtown district. The ship itself is heavily protected with various non-lethal self-defenses (including a few sentry robots armed with stun guns and such) which P-the-AD added when he modified the civilian craft with weapons and defense shields. Even bird poop sizzles and crackles into nothingness just before it splats against the hull.
If in the area, alone, and badly wounded with no help in sight, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon will turn his ship and some of its cargo (including a standard military assault bike from his homeworld!) into dangerous weapons. In an extreme case when he knows he is going to die, is mortally wounded and motionless, and lacks the psionic energy to shape-change to full-sized dragon form (see below) he will make his spaceship self-destruct, putting him out of his misery and instantly killing everyone and everything within a quarter-mile diameter (see below!)
If Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is not sleeping in his ship (or having a "friend" over for the night ;-P) he is generally staying over somewhere in town, usually upstairs from a pub or bar he is performing at. Sometimes he sleeps in the wild, as dictated by the primal non-sexual urges in his dragon blood (occasionally eating raw prey and drinking its blood, temporarily living a feral existence, etc, which every dragon from his homeworld must do at least a few times a year), or sometimes he stays with friends outside town (after all, he has a lot of them!)
TOLERANCE OF P-THE-AD BY ELFTOWN RACES (This is not absolute for all individuals!)
---Humans. . . have a wide variety of opinions. Neutral, on average.
---Dwarves . . . value his fighting prowess, his way with the ladies, and his ability to liven up a beer hall with his simple music and entertaining personality, but otherwise think he's a twit who needs to discover hard work and firm adherence to law. Neutral.
---Elves. . . love him and his randomness, but are worried about how most magic has little effect on him, and are dismayed to see that magical weapons, rings, etc, function feebly or not at all when in his posesion. Elves also tend to believe P-the-AD desperately needs to become a better musician, and better train his perfectly good, but untrained, singing voice. Positive.
---Halflings . . . are rather frightened of Pauly the Anthro-Dragon (mostly because he was bioengineered through science and not born the old fashioned way!) and are put off by his philandering ways. However, if P-the-AD tries to be polite, he is eagerly sought for outdoor food and music celebrations on nice days (usually in late spring and early fall), since on rainy days he can't possibly fit inside halfling dwellings. Negative, except for when he performs when he is "positive."
---Orcs . . . think P-the-AD is fake and totally weird, is too smart, too "artsy-craftsy", is too "nice" and has way too many inhibitions. However, he does know how to party and have a good time, and he "gets some" a lot more than they do. So they kind of look up to P-the-AD, in a strange way. Neutral.
---Ducks . . . Fear Pauly the Anthro-Dragon for good reason. He is a dragon-man who towers far above them, and has lots of pointy teeth and claws. He also has that fiery breath he can use several times a day (but rarely does, outside of combat). Ducks taste good. You figure out the rest. Negative!
TOLERANCE OF P-THE-AD BY SELECTED (relevant) NON-ELFTOWN RACES
---Dragons have a tendency of really, really liking Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, but are generally confused by the ways of P-the-AD's original world. On this world, for instance, red dragons are almost without exception evil and largely fall under the stereotypical categories of Smaug from Tolkien's The Hobbit. Yet on P-the-AD's world, scale color alone does not dictate alignment. A red elder dragoness is the most powerful living individual on P-the-AD's homeworld, yet she is unmistakably good aligned, even if she does meddle a lot. Another difference: dragonfolk are (typically) thought of as foul, mostly unintelligent creations by evil magicians who stole the eggs of good-aligned metallic dragons and created them to do their foul deeds. P-the-AD, on the other hand, is a sterile "sport" variety of a genetically engineered race derived from the artificially induced fusion of dragon and human genes in a laboratory setting, a race that will naturally procreate and presumably evolve on its own. Further confounding the dragons, P-the-AD is completely nonmagical in nature, to a degree that magic frequently fails around him, and spells (even benevolent spells) generally don't work on him, unless cast by a very high level spellcaster. Not all dragons approve of P-the-AD, of course, but he has a way of bringing peace to warring dragons, and is welcomed even by evil dragons---and not just because of the novelty factor, but because he has a wealth of admirable qualities, and since he is on offworlder, he is perceived as an impartial mediator.
---Unsurprisingly, many dragons (whether male or female, but usually female) have a strong if fleeting sexual attraction to P-the-AD. If they are single or unattached, P-the-AD certainly won't resist their advances! (However, this has backfired on at least one notorious occasion) And likewise.
---Lizardfolk especially enjoy Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, even if he is mostly clueless wading around a swamp. He is an honorary member of one of the more advanced, "civilized" average-intelligence tribes, and has a permanent home away from home, (along with no shortage of lovers!) though he politely turned down the offering of lizardfolk wives. While on a little adventure to discover their culture, he helped them slaughter a sahuagin invasion force, and then with the tracking equipment on board his spacecraft, was able to locate their underwater lair. The evil sahuagin menace was subsequently annihilated through a surprise attack brainstormed by the tribal council and P-the-AD, using the information discovered by P-the-AD. P-the-AD also introduced to them the game of basketball, a nice fun secular alternative to the mostly religiously-affiliated team games played by the lizard men. He has also incorporated some of their tribal music into his original music. Word gets around, and other lizardfolk tribes know all about P-the-AD. He even learned their language! They are enthusiastic allies.
---Woodland folk like Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, particularly centaurs and satyrs as they see him as a kindred lusty, free-for-all soul. If he meets up with these guys (and gals), there is so much revelry and orgies happening that afterward he has to take a day or two off from sexual activity. However, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon draws the line at their random buggery of anything that moves (check out some naughty ancient Greek artwork if you don't know what I'm talking about!), and he certainly doesn't harrass the dryads and nymphs! As a matter of fact, they discreetly invite him, if so inclined, and Pauly has much more success this way than the satyrs because the satyrs seldom know when do separate thinking from lusting---and they don't control their wine intake, as Pauly does. Unicorns are too shy to meet Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, but they are definitely curious about his activities. Treants are deathly afraid of P-the-AD's fire, but P-the-AD has yet to use it around them, so nothing too upsetting has transpired. All in all, if Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is ambushed in the forest, he'll likely have help.
---Trogdolytes and Kobolds theoretically ought to like Pauly the Anthro-Dragon since they're scaly and all, but they're too stupid, too petty, too smelly and too mean to be friendly. Pauly doesn't like them either.
---Lycanthropes don't really know what to make of Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, since they can see he is part dragon and part human already, without magic, and without being afflicted with lycanthropy. Most of the original "Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, 1st Edition" lycanthrope types avoid him. One time a wereboar charged Pauly on a trivial pretext, and about two minutes later Pauly started cooking roast "pork" for dinner. Statement made, the evil lycans (werewolves, wererats) shy away. An amorous weretigress had a harmless week-long affair with P-the-AD after mutual curiosity got the better of both. P-the-AD is friendly with the "good" aligned werebears who will support him if needed, and likewise.
SPECIAL ATTACKS, DEFENSES, etc.
(A)Tail Slap. (Used against similar-sized or smaller opponents.) This isn't just a sissy kind of little tail-flinging. As stated, P-the-AD is fully trained in the kind of weaponless martial arts taught to all anthro-dragons involved in the ongoing war effort, back home. He puts his whole muscular body into spinning through the air and snap-lashing with his seven-foot tail, and always lands on both feet, fully balanced. A direct hit (50% base) is surprisingly effective: (1) 6-15 damage (1d10+5) from the impact alone; (2) 0-3 (1d4-1) incidental damage from impact with ground (depending on terrain type); (3) opponent loses any hand-held items including magical weapons, etc, and any fragile possessions are at risk of breaking ; (4) Opponent cannot attack the next round and loses initiative the following round. If this attack happens on the edge of a cliff, a wingless opponent plummets to his/her death unless there's an available remedy (such as a "feather fall" spell cast on self)
If his tail contacts a bladed edge while slapping, P-the-AD will sustain automatic 2-7 (1d6+1) incidental damage! So he waits for the right time to use this special attack.
(B)Raking Rear Claws. (Used against fallen, disarmed opponents, often immediately after a successful Tail Slap) This is arguably P-the-AD's most vicious, efficient and damaging natural attack. A fallen, weaker opponent is wise to surrender! If not, P-the-AD jumps onto opponent with full 550-pound weight (often breaking a few small bones), and puts full exertion into raking his wickedly sharp, non-retractable foot claws which are far more damaging than the retractable claws on his fingers It must be remembered P-the-AD has an extremely strong (and shapely) lower body, and damage will be intensified. An unarmored, immobilized face-down opponent will suffer 10-40 (10d4) damage per each long foot rake, which will surely rip back muscle groups to shreds, and render the opponent mostly helpless and debilitated. An unarmored, immobilized face-up opponent will likely be disemboweled, and die rather quickly, as P-the-AD generally knows his opponents' basic anatomy!
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon minimizes using this attack because (1) It flirts with evilness, and (2) It is justifiably feared, so the "mystique" factor alone works in his favor.
***Pauly the Anthro-Dragon will frequently use attacks A and B in consecutive rounds, but will relent immediately should his opponent surrender***
(C)Fiery Breath Weapon Generally the most anticipated of all his attacks, but quite overrated. Pauly the Anthro-Dragon rarely uses it in combat. Nowhere near the controllable strength of the parental dragon stock, it is nevertheless quite effective. Up to three times a day he may use it as an attack form, bursting forth from his mouth in a ten-foot cone, almost completely devoid of smoke and smell and searingly hot. Anyone caught directly in its path will suffer 50 points of damage, saving for 25. Those caught along the periphery will suffer 25 points of damage, saving for 12. Generally, Pauly uses this attack form as a springboard for more effective attacks, as he will automatically get the initiative the next round. Generally he'd rather save the flame for mundane things, like cauterizing wounds, providing heat, entertaining people or what not. He even uses his breath to clean his teeth (true to his dragon blood) as he feels the burn of the heat and gets a very dry mouth, but does not actually injure himself. His breath weapon connot possibly compared to those of full-sized dragons from his homeworld.
D.)Psionic Attacks---these are nowhere as developed as they are in full-sized dragons (especially elder dragonesses) back home, yet they are much stronger than the psionic abilities of regular anthro-dragons who are limited to telepathic conversation only. In addition to his basic ability to converse telepathically with any other telepath with range, he has the ability to (1)*Mental Stab (2)**Dream Stalk (3)***Charm Animal (4)****Full-Sized Dragon Shape Change
*Mental Stab---This is a weaker version of an old-fashioned Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 1st Edition "psionic blast", which was the prime psionic attack against non-psionic opponents, a mode especially favored by the mind flayers (AKA illithid). Since it can be draining to use, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon keeps it simple and efficient, costing him little energy. He intrudes on his opponent's mind and upturns the opponent's composure. The opponent will be briefly confused and unprepared, losing an attack that round, and losing initiative the next round. By that time substantial real damage can be done! A psionic opponent with basic defense modes will negate this attack.
**Dream Stalk---Potentially, this is such an evil ability that Pauly the Anthro-Dragon uses it only against the strongest, most evil non-psionic opponents, while they sleep. Every time they slep P-the-AD intrudes on their dreams, and turns pleasant sleeping into horrible nightmare/night terror filled sleep that saps the will and energy of the opponent, when it actually comes time to fight.
One time P-the-AD had an especially good time with a lover, and while curled up next to her as they slept, entered her mind and induced a very erotic dream. She woke up and was all to eager to start Round Two. Within a day, P-the-AD was very ashamed of himself for using her in this fashion, but because his maturity is limited he did not have the courage to tell her the truth and try to atone for it. Instead, he left her, and never returned.
This ability is rather draining, and given the devious nature of it, he will absolutely never use it unless absolutely necessary, against the most powerful and most evil of opponents. Anyone even THINKING of playing this character must keep this in mind! He will not be dissuaded, ever.
***Charm Animal---Rather self-explanatory, but this is not a spell, of course. Basically a watered-down and somewhat unreliable version of a stronger dragon power that allows a dragon to help a willing friend relax and regain composure through eye contact and a mental flex. In this case P-the-AD soothes an animal instictively afraid of someone like him, or quiets a watchdog (but an attack animal trained for combat!) While this is relatively straightforward, it can backfire amusingly. One time Pauly the Anthro-Dragon wanted to charm a mortified donkey in a similar way Jak'edrac sel'Gury charmed a terrified stallion---the stallion became Jak'edrac's friend for life, nickering and trotting right up to a 70-foot creature who could very easily kill the horse. So bearing this in mind, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon tried the same thing on a champion stud male donkey whose owner lived on the edge of Elftown. Oh, that terrified donkey became P-the-AD's friend, all right---as P-the-AD tried to affectionately scratch his new friend under the chin and give him a carrot, the donkey tried to mount Pauly the Anthro-Dragon! Now P-the-AD certainly has a dirty mind, but even he wouldn't do that. So he quickly flew away from the fully aroused donkey, never to return to his new "friend". Sometime afterward Pauly got word that the male donkey lost all interest in female donkeys, and aggressively pursued anyone or anything that faintly resembled Pauly the Anthro-Dragon!
Since that time, P-the-AD has been VERY careful when using this power.
****Full-Sized Dragon Shape Change---he will now only use this when he is mortally wounded, if he has plenty of psionic energy left, and if not near his spaceship.
Otherwise, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon will only use this when extremely emotional, when his composure is completely lost (which is rare). Only drawn example, which the author/artist used to successfully cope with his real-life loss:
Size, statistics, are quite similar to Jak'edrac sel'Gury's, though in a one-on-one match with Jak'edrac, Jak'edrac would win almost completely unscathed since P-the-AD lacks full-sized dragon powers, and is not familiar with the full-sized form!
AC -5; HD 35; hp 280; MV 12"/36"(MC:C)//24"; AT 2 claws/1 bite; D 4-16/4-16/10-60; MR Standard (as 35 HD creature)
Fire breath weapon: 3 times a day, 140 hp damage (no save) or 70 hp (save).
No psionics, special magic resistance or special attacks while in this form! This form takes all his concentration and skills, and in aerial combat he will be much easier to defeat than similarly-powered dragons.
*No matter how long he is in this form, once back in regular form he will be helpless, and will need 24/7 round-the-clock assistance during which time he will be weak and bed-ridden! For every hour he will need one additional day to adequately recover (while not being totally helpless). Once recovered, he will be back to full health, though he might be temporarily rusty in combat.*
If Pauly the Anthro-Dragon is killed in this form, he cannot be resurrected!
Pauly the Anthro-Dragon has used this power once before, and will not use it again unless absolutely necessary, even though it automatically heals all damage sustained in normal form. He used it during a dalliance with a female bronxe dragon that became very hot and sultry. He succumbed to temptation, and became full sized, and subsequently had the greatest sexual experience he has ever had. Totally shattered afterward, he recovered, bedridden, while being tended to by the dragoness' servants. Unfortunately the dragoness was killed by dragon slayers during his recovery, and this is another reason why he generally doesn't use this power unless totally necessary!