Everything to Me
You were everything to me
But i was nothing to you
I worked so hard to make you smile
But all you did was make me frown
I loved you with all my heart
You just wanted to tear my heart apart
To me you were and angel
To you i was not but another life to destroy
Sitting here now alone and broken
I realize something
I was in the deepest love with you
But you were not with me
I tore my life apart for you
You would never do the same
I would give the world to see you happy
but you would give it to see me hurt
I would cry every night for your love
You just laughed at me as i cried
All you ever wanted to do was hurt me
All you wanted to do was use me
The only thing that wanted me for
Was my popularity and friends and
My social life
Have it all
Have my friends
Have my popularity
Have my life
I don’t need it
I don’t need your pain
I don’t need your scornful words
I don’t need your abusive hands
I can move on with my life
I can move past what you did to me
I can move on with my ways
I can move on WITHOUT you.
My one my only
You want me gone but yet I stay
You say go but I do not go away.
You want me dead but I do not die,
You look in my eye and then sigh.
I love you more than the earth alone
I love you move than what can ever be shown.
I love you so my one and only
I want you to know that you are my one and only.
I care for you so much I cry when you are in pain
I care for you so much that I take not your name in vane.
I love you my one my only.
But I can not be with you for
I can not show you that love
That care and
I cannot give you the love you need.
I am not the one that can care for you how you need it
I can not be there for you that way they way
But maybe one day I can be.
My one my only.
Sickliness rings through the hall... Then a piercing scream... Mine... Nobody looks up and nobody shows concerns. I then realize that they cannot hear me, everything that I have said has ninth penetrated their ears. I realize then that to them I am not realty and to them I do not exist anymore. I am but a ghost and a shadow of nothingness. The one that I wanted to care has no time to and the one that did care dose not realize that I was in the pain that I was in. But it dose not matter. Not any longer who thinks about the ghost that hovers around thinking of what sold have been with her life. Who thinks about the lost soul that was searching for her destiny but never got to find it? No one dose any longer... They all think about what has happened to they and how it was not what they wanted or how that was not god enough for then. Maybe One day they will wake to fine that the lost soul had something major to say and she was the one that mattered. Maybe one day they will wake to find that everything that they has is good enough for them. And that things are not better in other places. One day this ghost hopes that the memory of her and her inspirational words will leave a mark on people and make them realize that things will in time change... But only when you allow yourself to change in the manner of opening your eyes and seeing beyond the outer shell of people.
As I Leave
As I begin to leave,
and I open the door,
I begin to notice
that I'll miss you more.
Stopping now to look in your eyes,
and holding close to your hands upon my palms,
then caressing your lips with a passionate kiss,
taking in an overcoming feeling of calm,
moving my hands down towards your waist,
feeling your fingertips upon my back,
becoming familar with all I'll miss
looking at everything I soon will lack,
leaving the door with a frown on my face,
feeling tears falling upon my lips,
looking over my shoulder always still wanting to stay,
feeling your hands slide from grasping my hips.
Dusk is now just beginning to set,
facing my front as a kiss falls to you,
twisting around with another tear to fall,
knowing I'm leaving everything I love and knew.
Stone by Stone
I have a wall that you cannot see
Because it’s deep inside of me.
It blocks my heart on each side
And help emotions hide.
You can’t reach in,
I can’t reach out,
So you may wonder what this is all about.
The wall I built that you can’t see
Results form insecurity.
Each time my tender heart was hurt,
The scares got worse and worse
So stone by stone,
I built a wall,
That is now so thick it will not fall.
Please understand that it’s not you-
Continue trying to brake through.
I want so much to show myself
And love from you will really help.
So bit by bit,
I chip at my wall,
Till stone by stone
It starts to fall.
I know the process will be slow-
It’s never easy to let go
Of hurt and failure long ingrained,
Upon ones heart from years of pain,
I’m so afraid,
To let you in;
For I know I just might be hurt again.
I try so hard to break the wall,
But seem to get nowhere at all.
For stone upon stone that I have stacked,
And left between them no crack,
The only way
To make it through is the small
Imperfections in my wall.
I did my best to build
A perfect wall
But there is still one small flaw.
Which hold the key,
To braking through to me.
Please use the flaw
To cause a crack
To knock a stone off the stack.
For just as stone by stone was laid
With every hurt and pain
So stone by stone,
My wall will brake.
Will you be the one?
Who cares enough?
To find the flaw no matter what.
Everytime I close my eyes
All I see is blood
Is it your blood or mine?
That, I wish I Knew.
Sitting in the bathroom
Holding the blade tight
I start to slice away
And then I see your face
As it drips I feel the relief
A day so hectic lying in a puddle
A reflection of me looks up
I want to be free
I am Consumed by the puddle
So deep and so red.
It calls to me pleading and tempting
just one more then a taste
Sweet, sweet sin
Learn to love
I lie among a bed of dreams,
In happiness or so it seems.
For it’s been long since life began,
And the search goes on for a holding hand.
What doesn’t kill me makes me strong,
And strength grows wings to fly upon.
I fly on wings so white and pure,
For in my dreams I feel secure.
Lines of songs and verses in rhyme,
Will heal the wounds of bitter time.
No longer will I lie in sadness,
And put on a smile to hide the madness
Young soles that slip away by tears,
Can strengthen hope through many years.
And with new strength I’ll rise above,
Heal my wounds and learn to love.