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2009-03-12 23:54:35
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In The Past
[***NEW***]- March,12,2009

Mitternacht
NightWalker
Diiwica~Poems
Diiwica~Poems~2
Diiwica~poems~3
Diiwica~Poems~2007
Diiwica~Blurbs
Diiwica~untitled


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It is in the past


Screaming in pain
As the blade drags across my skin
Purples dilated
As I drag harder
Blood pouring out
Like a fontions continuous flow
Redder than a rose
Pours out onto the ground
Drip, drip drip as I walk
With each drop I grow weaker
Thoughts abandon me
Everything starts to turn black
As the last of my thoughts leave
I think up just this one
I am sorry Kam for the hurt
I die now and forgive me so
I hit the ground
I hear the thud
I feel the hit
I hear a cry of my Name
I wake up and realise I am still alive
No I am so post to be dead
I leave my eyes shut
To afraid to open them
I make a small sound
Then I hear a voice, a guys'
He calls my name and caresses my face
I know him, but why is he here
I open my eyes and turn my head
I look at him for a second then
Say "Why are you here you don’t care"
I sit up and tears flow down my face
He sits on my bed and looks at me cry
He starts to cry and says to me
"Because I love you and always will"
He raises his hands up from his lap to me
"No you don’t you love her and you want her,
You don’t want me anymore
I am nothing to you go AWAY let me die
Be with your love and reader my death letter"
I look away tears flow yet again
He goes to touch me I pull away
He walks inform of my face I turn my head
He says "I love you" I do not reply
I roll over to face to the other wall
I close my eyes
He puts his hand on my forehead
He whispers the one thing I thought him in German
I feel a blanket suddenly being pulled over me
I open my eyes and look up my eyes met his
I look deep into them and realize
He dose love me
His voice rings out over me like a melody
"I understand that I hurt you
I know I betray you, I'm sorry
But tell me id there any chance I can be with you"
I looked at him
Looked into his eyes again
I couldn’t say no
But I couldn't say yes either
"Nate I love you,
With all my heart and soul
But have you seem my arm
I carved your name into my arm."
"Nein I haven’t, you have your arm wrapped
I know that you cut yourself that is all
I wish that you didn’t you shouldn’t have
It hurts me to know that you did that"
I moved my hand to my wrist
Undid the wrap that was placed on me
Slowly I took it off
I for the first time saw the shinny staples in me
They outlined His name: Nate
From my elbow to my wrist
I study I knowing I'll have a scar
I'll remember this forever be for good or bad
"Are you sure you want to see
It is just your name
Nothing special really"
I say as I now realise how bad it was
"YES I do" he said without hesitation
"It is my name, you did it because of me
You nearly killed yourself because of me
Whatever you did I want to see it
I raise my arm and show him
The three gashing letters of his name
The 105 staples that pull the skin together
I show him how much I feel for him
Tears immanently swelled within his eyes
He drops his head
I hear him crying and muttering
"What have I done she doesn’t deserve this"
"Nate stop crying
Be strong and
GODDAMN it
STOP FUCKING CRYING"
I am mad why should he cry
He didn’t do this to me
He didn’t tell me to do this
No I did it all to myself
"STOP CRYING, why are you crying"
I hate to see him like this
However, it was the first time
It hurts me to see him in pain
"I cry because it is my fault
I made you resort to this
Nobody except for me,ME
I am going to live with this guilt forever
HE was screaming with anger
Maybe fear but most likely not
I wanted to laugh in scarcasism
But I didn’t I looked away and started crying
We left the hospital that night
I in his care and only his
Under constant watch
I hated it
We got home, my new home,
Ate a romantic dinner for two
Suddenly he was by me on one knee
"Kitty will you marry me"
"Yes m'love Nate I will"
I was filled with happiness
I couldn’t say anything else
I was so lucky
And this is were I end I have no more to say
What is there to say
I am happy and alive
Unlike a lot of others that are not



BY:Kayla Bockelman
[3/24/05]

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