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2006-11-27 23:01:07
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Common Sense Llama

"Stupidity Kills"

True story rants created by [Dark Side of the Moon] for those with common sense


One of the top 5 Wiki Award winner's for April/May 2006!


Comments from the bosses: Feeling pissed off? Feeling like you just need to share your rants with someone? Feeling that you'll blow unless you find that someone else is feeling just like you??? Well, go and pay a visit to the Llama. Read some of the greatest rants you'll ever find, and share your disgust with the rest of the world. And what's so great about this wiki? That it's also a respectful wiki, so no racism or intolerance here, just pure, nice (and sometimes even funny ^^) hate.



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Common Sense & Defenders of Common Sense






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[# Common Courtesy]
[# Garbage Disposals]
[# Absolute Stupidity]
[# Bridge Jumping]
[# Walking In Front Of Moving Trains]
[# Electricity]
[# Farding In The Car]
[# Traffic Tickets]
[# I dont even have a title for this one...]
[# The Perfect Crime]
[# Catching Demons]
[# What An Idiot...]
[# Bottlerocket Arse]





The Common Sense Llama on common courtesy


I have a rant today. I do not and will not ever understand why people cannot get out of the way when others want to exit/board the train. I got onto the train this morn as I always do. For some reason, folks like to congregate in the doorways and stay there for the entire trip if all of the seats are taken. It's as though they're afraid to move down the aisle and stand there instead.

"No! I must stand in the door area where others must fight to get around me!"

I'm claustrophobic so I generally don't stand in the doorways if there are a lot of people there. This morning it was crowded there so I decided to park myself in aisle. One guy saw me wanting to get by him and just gave me a dumb look. I said "excuse me", rather rudely I might add, and pushed my way past him. The trip was uneventful until we arrived at a station where a lot of people de-board. I had folks lined up behind me wanting to get out, and these idiots that are blocking the doorway don't have enough common sense to step off of the train, let the passengers out, and then step back on. So, here I am, fighting my way past these jackasses and there is one man trying like hell to get IN! I push my way out, the others behind me did likewise, and then I stepped back in. It may have been much easier if the two women blocking the doorway would have done what I did. But no! Why? That would be too much like right. Then, of all things, I have to shove my way back in because the man that wanted on decided he wanted to now block the doorway also! What a bunch of twits!!!! Now I fully understand why, in the Bible, Jesus always referred to people as sheep. Sheep are stupid, they don't think, they can't act independantly and must follow a crowd.

"Everyone else is just standing here, I guess I will too."

IDIOCY! SHEER IDIOCY!! They do that at crosswalks also. One person walks out in front of oncoming traffic and several more blindly follow. See? Sheep! Sheep are so stupid, that some herders are now putting a llama into the herd for every twenty sheep. There are two reasons for this:

1. Llamas and canines are natural enemies. The presence of a llama will keep the sheep from being slaughtered by wolves. Sometimes the llama will actually kill the wolf (or coyote or wild dog, etc.);

2. Llamas actually think and won't run headlong into a ravine if they're suddenly startled by something. The sheep will follow the running llama rather than committing inadvertant suicide.


I like to think that I'm one of the llamas in the sheep herd that rides the train every morning.

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on garbage disposals


Why is it that when you tell folks not to do something they do it anyway? Is it the challenge to see if they can make something worse? Or is it the thrill of pissing off the person that asked them not to do it? I am assigned and paid extra to keep the kitchens clean where I work. I have asked in the past that people not put certain things in the sink's garbage disposal. True, the blades are evil looking and made of metal; but there are just some things that this machine doesn't like. Only soft food is to be put into this device. Such things that I've found in past include:


plastic forks
plastic spoons
plastic knives
plastic coffee stirrers
a chicken bone
a peach pit seed
a soda cap
a sponge


I still have not found out what the cause of the backup in this thing was yesterday, but when I went down to clean up the kitchen on the 18th floor, there was a disgusting, pukey-red sludge in both sinks because the garbage disposal was so engorged with something that it backed up both drains. If I find out what it is and find the person that did it, I'm going to throttle him/her. Doing things like this creates more of a mess for me to clean up. Thanks a million my beloved co-workers. I respect you also. >:^/

Update: I found the cause of this problem. Someone dumped a huge amount of spaghetti into the garbage disposal and did not bother to turn it on to get rid of it. Buttholes. I sent a rather mean e-mail out to the entire firm regarding this. It will be pasted here when I get to the office.

My e-mail to the office: (Yes, I was pissed off)

I found out the cause of the horrendous backup in the sinks in the kitchen. Someone put a very large amount of noodles or spaghetti down the drain and did not bother to run the garbage disposal. The operation of this machine is not hard. Most of us have some type of college education and know how to turn on a light. This device is very similar: 

1. Put the food in.
2. Turn on the water.
3. Flip the switch up (just like turning on the lights)
4. Food goes away.

It takes 6 seconds. I can't see anybody missing anything important over 6 seconds. Not only that, food that is left to sit in the drain for very long begins to smell really bad.

The firm is billed for service calls made to building maintenance. They came, but this call really wasn't necessary. Also, I now have a very disgusting mess to clean up. Thanks, whoever you are.

If you have a large amount of food to throw out, please put it in one of the three or four trash cans that are in the kitchen. These are emptied every evening.

Please remember also that some things do not go in the disposal, even though the blades are made of metal and very mean looking. These are examples of some things that I have found in the past:

plastic forks
plastic spoons
plastic knives
plastic coffee stirrers
peach pit seeds
soda caps
a chicken bone

Don't put things like this in there. If something gets lodged in the disposal, maintenance has to be called and then we are billed for it.

(My apologies to those of you that never use the kitchen on the 18th floor)

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on absolute stupidity


Gather round my fellow llamas and I shall tell you a true tell, a tale that will astound and confuzzle you with the amount of stupidity contained within one human being. Grab your teddy bear, for the tale I shall tell is one of such shocking nature that you may well see it in your nightmares when you sleep tonight.

A few years ago in a town very close to where I live, there was a wise man that decided to it would be a good idea to siphon gasoline from his car into his lawnmower, because half-ass laziness is always better. This wise man took a long hose made of the finest rubber and inserted one end into the gas tank of his auto. But how to get the gas from the auto to the lawnmower via the rubber hose? This man, because he was wise, sucked upon the other end of the hose until there was brought forth gasoline from the auto. And when he felt the insidious taste of fuel upon his tongue, and saw stars of the greatest scintillation, this man thrust the other end of the hose into the tank on his lawnmower; and thus he filled it with precious gasoline. And it was good. And this wise men then cut off the supply of fuel running from his auto to his lawnmower via the rubber hose and emptied the extra content of the hose into his auto. But before revving the 50cc engine of his lawnmower, this wise man was tired and light-headed from the toxic fumes of the gasoline and his tongue did burn with the taste. And he brought forth from his pocket a lighter, and with a flick of his thumb there was light in the form of fire, for he thought it best to rest for a bit with...

...a cigarette.

Rest in peace, Einstein.

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on bridge jumping


"If everyone was jumping off of a bridge, would you?!"

Parents in the States are rather fond of asking their kids this question. It's meant to keep their young ones from just blindly following some dangerous trend that their peers are moving in. This question never works though. While I was at least smart enough to stay away from the popular crowd while in school (and thus keep myself out of trouble), there was a time not long after I graduated high school where I decided to take the biggest dare of my life.

There was a guy named Ben in the church that I was going to. Ben was a nice guy, cute, a little flirty, and loved his cars...fast, loud, mean, greasy cars. He was kind of dangerous, and to some girls this is a turn-on. Not long after I started attending this church, it was decided that we should have a ten-mile float trip down the Meramec River in Missouri. Imagine my delight when I was put into the same canoe as Ben. The day was beautiful for canoing: warm, sunny, light breeze. Perfect. And I was in the boat with my Ben. 

Now, I'm sure that some of you can see that I'm setting myself up for something here. Let's continue with the story.

I learned from others in our group that Sappington Bridge expanded the Meramec about seven miles downstream from our starting point. We floated along, stopping to play for a while at a rope swing, explored a cave, killed a large water moccasin, and then moved down to Sappington Bridge. I found out why everyone wanted to go to Sappington Bridge. They wanted to jump from it - a nice thirty-five foot drop to the green water of the river below. Ben and I put the canoe on shore and made for the bridge. Now, it doesn't look so high - until you get up there and look down. Ben climbed over the railing and stood on the beam for a while, looking down, down, down to the water below him. Others were leaping off, swimming to shore, and coming back for another jump. I tapped Ben on the arm:

"You've been talking about this all day and now you're not going to go through with it?"

"I dunno. It's higher than I thought."

What a chicken. I climbed over the railing and stood upon the beam next to him. Here it was: my chance to impress the guy by doing something dangerous and so win him to myself.

My stupidity was never greater than at that moment.

"I'm going," I told him. And before he could say a word to stop me, off I leapt into the murky waters. My jump was not perpindicular to the surface of the water. Anyone that has landed on their stomach on the surface of water will in a moment understand my pain. Rather than going straight in, my feet skidded over the surface of the water and I landed smack on my ass. As if that wasn't bad enough, I went under the water deeper than I had thought I would. The initial shock of pain drove the wind from my lungs. Now I can swim and hold my breath, but alas swimming was excrutiatingly painful as I made my way to the surface; for the moment I went under the water, the pain went from my ass, shot up my spine, and gathered in my neck. Something inside of me at that moment screamed "YOU IDIOT!! YOU STUPID, MORONIC, IDIOT!!" I came up a few seconds later. Just as my head broke the surface, I took a huge breath and let out a bloodcurdling scream, because one cannot scream under the water. I had to be helped to shore by a passing boat that was not even part of our party. 

And there were still three more miles of river to paddle. 

And that my friends, is why you should never jump off of a bridge...even if everyone else is doing it. I also learned that guys are not impressed by stupidity.

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on walking in front of moving trains


"Look both ways before crossing the tracks and do not cross too closely in front or behind the train."

-safety rule from http://www.metrostlouis.org/MetroNews/FAQs/safetyFAQs.asp

Safety rules are in place for a reason. They are not there to tell you what to do as though you were a child. They are not there to be condescending. They are not there to make your day miserable. Nor are they there to insult your intelligence. They are there to remind you to be careful. They are there because the people that write the rules do not want you to get hurt or killed. They are there because you are made of flesh and blood, are a soft being, and because large, heavy objects made of metal are in the area. Yet there are some that feel that rules do not apply to them.

As I've stated before, people are like sheep - if one goes, they all go. Only the llamas are smart enough to know that a light-rail vehicle will kill you if you if you are unfortunate enough to come in contact with one as it moves toward you. You are not Superman. The train will not stop if it makes contact with you. It will mash you to a bloody pulp. As much as I like to hear "Amazing Grace" played on bagpipes, I want to hear it when you've fully lived your life and died of old age.

Every morning I take the bus to the train station. Whomever designed this station didn't put much thought into it, for, when you step off of the bus and head up to the platform you must cross the east-bound tracks to await the next train. Sometimes there is an east-bound train getting ready to pull out of the station when our bus arrives there. 

One morning, there was an east-bound train getting ready to leave the station. As our bus pulled up, the west-bound train arrived. This is the train most of us take everyday. Rather than checking to make sure the east-bound train wasn't moving forward, a group of people ran blindly forward over the tracks to try to catch the other train before it left. The reasoning behind such behaviour is profound to me. There will be another one in ten minutes but... "NO! I must get on THIS one!!" At first I gasped in horror when I saw the east-bound train moving forward as these people dashed over the tracks. The driver, thankfully, saw them, stopped her train suddenly and blew a long, ear-splitting horn-blast at them. I began to laugh evilly within myself as she made her announcement, loud and clear through her train's speakers, to these idiots: "You can always get another train, but you can't get another life!!" And then these same people, who just stepped in front of a 20 ton moving vehicle, have the nerve to be insulted at what she said to them. Like one of the d.j.'s on a talk radio station in St. Louis used to say, "You can't fix stupid."

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on electricity


<img500*0:stuff/electricsquirrel_23.jpg>
Stupid squirrel. If he only knew that you shouldn't connect opposing polarities. But he's squirrel, so he didn't know and his little squirrel guts went KERBLAM!

Electricity...it's our friend. With it you can surf the internet, dry your hair quickly, have light in the dark, microwave a frozen burrito, and listen to CD's. But electricity is also a dangerous force. It must be respected, for if it is not, one could end up like our pet squirrel up there. Yet there are some that either don't understand this or are so dense that they'll just do dangerous things with or around electrical appliances.

There are two things that electricity does not play well with: water and metal. Yet that doesn't seem to stop certain folks from doing certain things with electric appliances. A toaster is meant only for flour-based products and will brown them nicely when properly used. Never press a piece of cheese between two pieces of bread and put it into a toaster. This will only piss it off. Steam will rise and the toaster will hiss. A toaster does not like cheese sandwiches. But sometimes a piece of bread will fall into the wires and get lodged next to the heating elements. The proper way to shift this is to turn off the toaster, unplug it from the power-source, and remove the cancer with a plastic or wood utensil. The bread will usually come out as a blackened lump of charcoal. But you know...some just can't be bothered to do it the safe way.

There is a toaster where I work.  Once a co-worker observed another co-worker prodding about in the toaster with none other than...

*insert dramatic music here*

...her fingers. "Ow, that's too hot," she says. Well DUH, moron. Then this savvy person reaches for the first thing that electricity hates: a metal knife. Now, as she is poking around in this device with the metal knife (and bear in mind the toaster is still plugged into the wall) the sink right next to the appliance has water (electricity's other enemy) running vigourously from the tap. The little twerp was damn lucky she didn't get the shit shocked out of her. But what blows me away is that people like this are allowed to breed.

Secondly, folks that use hairdryers while in the bath are definitely looking forward to an early funeral. There is a tag on hairdryers that spells out in huge, bold, black (or red), angry letters that a hairdryer should never be used while in the bath. Well, that didn't stop one gal that lived in my area. A life shortened by stupidity. By trying to save herself some time, she never made it to her friend's wedding. At least she made a good-looking corpse.

[#]



The Common Sense Llama says: "Don't fard in the car!"


fard - to paint (the face) with cosmetics.
source: Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary

Driving instructors tell you that the best way to hold a steering wheel while driving is at the 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock positions. While driving, one must keep alert, watch at all times, and obey all traffic laws.

Sometimes people decide they don't want to do that but would instead rather look in the rearview mirror while brushing their hair with one hand and applying eyeshadow with the other. Both hands are now removed from the steering wheel, one foot is on the accelerator, and the other is waving about in the air just above the floorboard because the only thing that is now maneuvering the moving vehicle is the left knee (or the right knee if you live in the British Isles). Now, if there are no hands on the steering wheel this means that their vehicle is free to rove into the other lane to cut someone off, to sideswipe them, or worse yet, to cross into oncoming traffic. The knee's primary function to help you walk. It was not designed to control things the way your hands were. Look ladies, if you cross into oncoming traffic while applying make-up and you get killed, the funeral director is just going to wash the make-up off and apply some brand that you wouldn't touch with a 30-foot pole. So wait till you get to the office bathroom and fard there. Or better yet, just get your lazy ass out of the bed earlier. It doesn't take a genious to figure out that farding in the car is extremely dangerous.

Oh, and so is reading a newspaper that's spread across the steering wheel while consuming a breakfast of biscuits and gravy, which requires the use of both hands while mashing down on the accelerator at 60 miles per hour.

Remember, I said these are true stories.

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on traffic tickets


I watched a bit of local news this morning and heard a story that was so utterly ridiculous that it could not be ignored. My friends, in a city in California, a traffic ticket was issued to someone that broke the law. It was a heavy fine of $114. If you want to know how much that is in your own currency, then go here:

http://www.xe.com/ucc/

What was it that was so horrible that this person was given such a hefty fine? This person was crossing a five-lane street with heavy traffic. The crossing signal gave this person the go-ahead to proceed to cross. But, much to the dismay of the pedestrian, the signal began to flash "Do Not Walk" before this person made it across to the other side. The pedestrian's actions had held up traffic for a few moments before she finally made it to the other side. The crossing signal gives people a 20 second chance to cross this roadway, plenty of time to get across. But a police officer watched this person cross slowly, taking her time as she wandered over the five lanes of street. And when she arrived at the other side the officer issued a fine to her of $114. 

It didn't matter to the officer that the pedestrian was an 82 year old woman and was using a cane to keep her from falling in the street. Are we now fining the elderly because of their disabilities? Keep the traffic tickets for the real offenders, my dear officer, and do not fault an old woman with a cane just so you can fill your monthly quota.

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on... *thinks* *thinks hard* O.o Oh, screw the title...



<img:http://www.elftown.com/stuff/Deiscorides_Rated_R_0_05.jpg>


An actual legal case found at this site: http://www.re-quest.net/g2g/humor/cases/

Salinero v. Pon
124 Cal.App.3d 120, 177 Cal.Rptr. 204 (1981)



   Who Left this Sand Bag Here?


"The owner of a six-story apartment building hired an independent contractor, the plaintiff's employer, to wash the windows of the building. No safety devices from which windows washers could be suspended had been installed on the building. Consequently, the owner and the contractor agreed that the windows would be washed by means of a ladder extended over the edge of the roof from which the workers would be suspended in a boatswain's chair secured to the roof by a weighted sand bag. While the plaintiff was suspended in the chair some 35-40 feet above the ground, a fellow worker mistakenly removed the sand bag anchoring the plaintiff's chair, causing him to fall and suffer injury."

*end website quotation*

I don't know about all of you, but I'm speechless.

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on the perfect crime



<img:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v252/mitsune/Convienence.png>


A man decided one day (or night, I wasn’t there) that he would burglarize a place. But it would not just be any place…it would be a fast-food restaurant. The job must be planned. It must be done with stealth and cunning. And when the man made his plan, he set about to rob the restaurant.

Well…maybe he didn’t actually plan it…

Very early in the morning, before the sun rose, at 3:45 a.m., this man slid into the vent of the restaurant. Farther and farther in he went and then much to his dismay

the vent narrowed

and he was trapped.

Now, I’m sure the man hadn’t allowed for this in his planning. Surely he struggled to free himself. What animal caught in a trap wouldn’t fight to get free? But, alas, he was resigned to calling out for help. Soon, his pleas wakened a resident of a nearby home (who also worked at the restaurant). She called the authorities and soon the police and firemen arrived at the scene of the crime.

Firefighters set to work cutting the metal of the exhaust system in order to free the man. After a solid hour of imprisonment in the vent of a chicken fryer, the man emerged unharmed, but slathered in grease. The police took him to the station for questioning.

I have but one thing to say about all of this: good job, slick.

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on capturing evil


Out there somewhere is a house, just an ordinary house: nothing forward or pretentious, just your average house sitting sweetly in the suburbs of Americana. 

But one day a man came and went into the house. And, as people do, he also left the house. Another man came…and another…and another… Each one went into the house to meet someone. They were each questioned by another man inside the house. After the questions, the visiting man left. None of the visiting men ever saw each other, did not know that others had been there before nor did they know that others would come after. Each of the visiting men were invited to come to this house, but their visit would be short. 

One man brought his five year old son with him. He told his boy to wait in the car and be good. The boy watched his father go into the house. A few minutes later his father emerged and was immediately taken down by police officers. His father, face-down on the driveway, begged the police not to let his son see as they bound his wrists behind his back with zip cord. The father and his son were taken to the police station where the boy’s mother was called so that she could come and get him. The father would have to stay for a while.

And still the men came to this house – men of every size, shape, colour, creed, and background. One by one they came to the house at all hours: morning, afternoon, evening, night, pre-dawn. And not one of them ever was aware that another had been there before. Each one, as they left their vehicle, walked up to the door of the house to enter, urged to come in by a sweet, bubbly young voice: “Hey, c’mon in!” Each man went through that door with but one thought in their minds. And each one was surprised to find instead, another man coming through another doorway to speak to the house’s visitor. He questioned each man:

“What are you doing here?”
“Is this your first time?”
“Have you ever done this sort of thing before?”
“What would your wife say if she knew?”

And with other such questions, the now embarrassed men would mumble that they would never do it again; or that they did indeed know better; or that they had been jailed before because of this; or that their wife would be furious if she found out.

But, they would find out. For, even though not all of them were married, all of them had undercover cameras and then, eventually, television cameras turned on them so that the entire country could see the faces of these perverts – these on-line sexual predators – predators that were taken in and fooled by a team of undercover police officers in a sting operation. For each of these men, in an on-line chat-room, was lured by a young girl (or sometimes boy) whose age ranged from 12 to 16, a child that did not exist and tempted men to come to a house for sex.

I’m 13 years old. I’m a virgin. My parents aren’t home…

It’s a sick, disgusting world we live in, that grown men would so want to defile a child’s body. It is hard to take in that people are out there that are that perverted, especially if one would drag his five year old son – a being of innocence – along with him. And there sat his father in the driver’s seat, with intentions of violating another child not much older than him. Common sense had left each of them…and now they’re paying for it.

To find out more about this operation, go to Dateline NBC's website, To Catch A Predator:

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/10912603/

[#]




The Common Sense Llama on getting pulled over


There's a show here in the States called "Cops". If you're not familiar with it, it's been on the air for friggin' ever and is really cool because you get to go on ride-alongs with police from all over the country via television. There's not always a lot of violence in these shows, but sometimes you get to see some pretty gruesome injuries and a lot of blood. But mostly it's folks getting pulled over for traffic violations or suspicions of driving drunk.

The last episode of "Cops" that I watched showed a guy that was pulled over by an officer for driving a little erratically. The officer peered into his truck, told the guy he smelled beer in there, and asked him to exit the vehicle. When the man got out of his truck the officer began to question him. He first asked how much the man had to drink. The typical answer is "a couple of beers". It really was clear to anyone that the guy was loaded on more than that. But, the officer then proceeded to ask him where he got the pot from. Dude had no idea what the officer was talking about and swore he didn't have any pot (marijuana). The policeman was insistent. The guy was also, stating that it had been a few months since he last smoked it. At this point, the cameraman came around to the drunk guy's right side and zoomed in on the side of his head. There, tucked quietly behind the guy's ear, just under his dirty red ballcap, sat a joint. The man, completely oblivious to its presence was quite surprised when the policeman reached forward and took the joint from under his ballcap. The man laughed and said that he forgot he put that there. The officer was also quite tickled at the man's drunken stupidity but arrested him anyway.

What a moron.

[#]



The Common Sense Llama on fireworks


There is a warning label on fireworks that basically tells you to do two things:

1. Don't hold a lit firecracker in your hand or with any other part of your anatomy.
2. Light the firecracker and get the hell away from it.

These warnings are put on fireworks for a reason. The thing is basically a miniature stick of dynamite and while it won't blow up anything it will either blind you or burn the crap out of you...or in this idiot's case...well, it burned the crap out of him.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/buttrocket.html
(you may have seen this already. if not, heh-heh, watch at your own risk... oO )

[#]



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If you need to vent some anger at someone's lack of common sense, go to Common Sense Llama Vent!


This wiki will be updated regularly so be sure to come back for more entertaining stupidity.

[#]

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2006-03-25 [Morrigon]: awesomeness

2006-03-26 [Urmando The Elfling]: Amazing hah, how stupid people can be in Sheep behaviour...?

2006-03-26 [NamelessMerc]: *Steals banner to place in diary*

2006-03-26 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Steal away! Tis why it's there m'dear! Yes, the stupidity of people is unreal sometimes, especially that last one. O.o

2006-03-26 [NamelessMerc]: I'm quite partial to the train one, having had the same problem when I went to Manchester last month to look at Salford University... Damned commuters, think they own it because they wear a suit and carry a briefcase >.<;

2006-03-26 [Dark Side of the Moon]: So very true...

2006-03-26 [The real life Bella Swan]: Its not just trains that they do that on. I hate how people, instead of moving off to the side and staying there, as would be beneficial to everyone, decide to congregate right in the middle of the hallway until the whole hallway is so blocked up you literally have to pull about 10 people out of your way to get through the hallway just to get to class on time. It makes no sense. And why do they do this? Just to sit around and talk, which eventually makes them all late anyway, so then, the next day while trying to get through you have to listen to them moaning and griping about how the passing periods aren't long enough . . . It frustrates me

2006-03-26 [NamelessMerc]: Interestingly, this happened at work today. Trying to pull stock out of the warehouse, I was beset by a gaggle of middle-aged housewives who had nothing better to do than stand there, trolleys in hand (all to aid the blocking process, I assume) and gesturing so wildly that I quite literally had to duck. The look on their faces when my store manager asked them to move, quite politely might I add, was hilarious. I instantly thought of this wiki.

2006-03-26 [Cyto]: You see if I try to get past people either in the hallway or even trying to get up so I can walk off the bus i just get pushed down. So they block by force for me.

2006-03-27 [Dark Side of the Moon]: This is where lack of common sense crosses over into lack of common courtesy. It would make sense to make a pathway so that others can get by, but then they ask themselves the question "Why should I move when they can very well go around me?" One can get around much easier if the blockers would simply MOVE! O.O I feel a little better now.

2006-03-27 [Cyto]: That song isn't new to me. I memorized it berfore it came on this site

2006-03-28 [moonscale]: I have actually had people say 'Why don't you use the other door' when I (very politely) asked to go through. 

2006-03-28 [moonscale]: All of my friends and I memorized the llama song, but then we are rather *cough* eccentric to put it mildly. :)

2006-03-28 [Cyto]: Ya. Doesn't just kinda haunt your mind after you memorize it. It's funny accually because word got out that I memorized it and a month ago I sang it ove the PA of my school. It was fun.

2006-04-03 [Dark Side of the Moon]: This song brainwashes people. I had that one part about an orange slaying a rake stuck in my head all weekend. After a while I really wanted to see it happen. 

2006-04-04 [Cyto]: Oh I've already see it happen. The orange fell from a the oragne tree my uncle has and it hit the rake toppling the rake over onto its side.

2006-04-04 [The real life Bella Swan]: I don't remember who it was, all have to look it up, but one of my favorite quotes of all time is, "Stupidity is forever, ignorance can be fixed."

2006-04-04 [Dark Side of the Moon]: That is so true. Ignorance just requires a little learning and a bit of change in the thought process. But someone that sucks gasoline through a tube is just stupid. Oh well, no one has to worry about him anymore. He's dead. O.O

2006-04-07 [moonscale]: I think you might be wrong with the safety rules. Yes they are important to protect you, but there are some very stupid labels/ instructions. On a bar of soap: use like ordinary soap. On a hairdryer: do not use while sleeping. On sleeping pills: side effects may include drowsiness. (Why should I take these remind me again?!)

2006-04-07 [NamelessMerc]: I prefer the one on Sainsbury's Cashews: "May Contain Nuts". Well, yeah, I thought that was the point?

2006-04-09 [iippo]: Has anyone actually seen those instructions? I tend to think it's just another email legend (like this 6-year-old girl with cancer... or "Hotmail will cancel your account if you don't send chainletters" *rolls eyes*). The email "stupid instructions" is either made up or there's a 'lost in translation' -factor. (the nut-thing is law, they have to put allergy-info on everything, no matter how ridiculous it might sound.)

2006-04-09 [iippo]: But this wiki is priceless.

2006-04-09 [SilverFire]: Just so someone doesn't make a huge deal of it later, and try to rub it in your face, you spelt 'genius' wrong. o.<

2006-04-09 [Cyto]: and spelt isn't a word, you should use spelled

2006-04-09 [iippo]: Actually 'spelt' is a word. it's an English word. 'Spelled' is American (whatever that language is...) because apparently they don't like cool verbs.

2006-04-09 [Cyto]: Acually Americans speak English too.

2006-04-09 [iippo]: *sigh* I know I was being sarcastic. "Two nations separated by shared language", that deal, you know..? Anyway, irrelevant. Both American and English spellings are correct online (not in academic writing though; so in an English essay in England, 'spelled' would be a mistake...)

2006-04-09 [SilverFire]: <3's La iippo. :)

2006-04-09 [Cyto]: ...

2006-04-10 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Hold on then! I use a LOT of English spelling, though I'm American! And English slang. I just love the Brits. But as for instructions and how to use them safely, I think the dumbest one I ever saw was on a can of deodoroant: "Do not spray into eyes." Look, if your eyes stink that bad, you should see a doctor.

2006-04-10 [Cyto]: Ya I mean if you eyes have some sort of nasal cavetie that allows them to smell that really should be checked out.

2006-04-11 [iippo]: But it sounds like there has been a really crappy translation thing going on in that can. Usually they say something to that effect, like "don't allow the spray to get into the eyes" or "if spray gets in contact with eyes, rinse with cold water" or something like that. It's just that those instruction-things have to be short and clear, because sometimes people are a little bit stupid *coughs and points at the page* and it's some people's job to try to protect people from killing themselves with the company's products. Maybe if the pack of cigs had said "do not smoke a fag if you have just put petrol in your mouth" the stupid twat hadn't died... *shrugs*

2006-04-11 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Unbelievable, but true [iippo]. People would rather sue over the way instructions were stated on a product rather than using their damn brain and figuring it out. It's like the time I heard of a guy keeping the rear guard off of his lawnmower because he couldn't be arsed putting it on there. Well, when he backed the thing up it chewed up his foot. Way to go, genius. People know what things say and what they mean. It's just that some would rather be stupid about it.

2006-04-11 [iippo]: I wonder if sometime in the future there will be some kind of common sense tests on people. Like "are you un-stupid enough to have a child" and then if you don't pass the test, you're not allowed to reproduce...? *imagines what a perfect world that would be* :P

2006-04-11 [Dark Side of the Moon]: *groans* I wish there would be. I soooo wish there would be... :^/

2006-04-13 [sequeena_rae]: *worships the llama* >_>

2006-04-19 [moonscale]: Only problem is, sometimes stupid parents have intelligent children, and vis. versa.

2006-04-19 [NamelessMerc]: *Ish living proof* :P

2006-04-19 [iippo]: Now now, Merc, you're not that stupid...

2006-04-19 [NamelessMerc]: Yeth I am *Drool* Meh babbeh ish smarts tho... Gotta be, he gots all his teefs!

2006-04-19 [iippo]: You're just special.

2006-04-19 [NamelessMerc]: By the way, the 'babbeh' isn't real, I'm not a teen parent XD

2006-04-19 [Dark Side of the Moon]: :^)

2006-04-19 [NamelessMerc]: Like the page says "Stupidity Kills" and I know a babbeh would kill meh XD

2006-04-20 [Dark Side of the Moon]: They're more powerful than you think. A baby will work you to death. I don't know how anyone that has three or eight at once ever manages to live. O.O

2006-04-21 [kittykittykitty]: hahaha 'screw the title' made me laugh ^_^

2006-04-21 [Dark Side of the Moon]: XD

2006-04-22 [iippo]: I like that one. At least it shows that you can get sued for being stupid.

2006-04-25 [moonscale]: The rest of the website is funny too, or at least some parts. At the bottom there is more funny stuff.

2006-04-27 [Clairey]: This stuff is funny because its true...hehehe Farding...LMAO

2006-05-02 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Amazing isn't it?

2006-05-02 [NamelessMerc]: Yum... Chickeny good.

2006-05-02 [kittykittykitty]: -_e he must have been greasy and smelling of chicken for days!

2006-05-02 [Dark Side of the Moon]: And finger lickin' good! O.o I should slapped for that...

2006-05-03 [kittykittykitty]: I'll do the honours *slaps [Dark Side of the Moon]* ^_~

2006-05-03 [Dark Side of the Moon]: ow... too hard...

2006-05-03 [BinaryPhoenix]: o_O

2006-05-04 [kittykittykitty]: sowwee! *hands her a big tub of ice-cream and a spoon*

2006-05-05 [Dark Side of the Moon]: woo-hoo! Mint chocolate chip!

2006-05-05 [moonscale]: I like Butter Pecan *pulls out magic spoon*

2006-05-05 [Dark Side of the Moon]: A magic spoon? What's it do then? *looks at her own spoon* Mine's only made of plastic. O.o Well that sucks...

2006-05-05 [kittykittykitty]: you... don't like the spoon I gave you? *cries* What's so magical about the magic spoon?

2006-05-08 [Dark Side of the Moon]: It's magical! That's just it! A plastic spoon is just, um...plastic. *ahem* yes...

2006-05-08 [moonscale]: the magic spoon will make the ice cream...ummm...The flavor you want! *throws lots of magic spoons at kitty and Ir-Iddyn*

2006-05-08 [The real life Bella Swan]: *stares at the spoons* Now how so they work exactly? Do you tihnk a flavor and poof! It's on your spoon or do you have to make a formal request?

2006-05-09 [moonscale]: why are you asking me? sheesh, use some "common sense". ask the spoon. *looks superior and walks into a door in the process.*

2006-05-09 [Dark Side of the Moon]: I have just discovered that my plastic spoon is indeed magical! I was eating some rocky road ice cream and thought, "Gee, I'd really love some mint chocolate chip also..." and *poof*! It appeared on the spoon! They like to disguise themselves as plastic spoons and sporks. At least that's what the green elf I keep seeing on my desk told me.

2006-05-10 [The real life Bella Swan]: Well, see? Question answered.

2006-05-10 [kittykittykitty]: oh spooonie? *holds the spoon to her face* Will you make me some marshmallow and peach flavour ice-cream please? *ice-cream appears, then falls off the spoon onto the floor* Oh, not again...

2006-05-11 [moonscale]: YOu have a green elf on your desk? I have a purple dragon! and a green one, and anotyher green one, and a yellow one....and....you get the idea.

2006-06-06 [kittykittykitty]: Congratulations on the wiki award [Dark Side of the Moon] ^_^

2006-06-06 [moonscale]: Yes, Congradulations! It really deserves it.

2006-06-07 [Dark Side of the Moon]: muchas gracias!! Ooh, and sorry I've not been round to update this. I've been very busy and can only poke my head in for a minute or two here.

2006-06-08 [kittykittykitty]: We'll still be waiting until you add your next anecdote ;)

2006-06-08 [moonscale]: If someone else finds one may they suggest it to you?

2006-06-09 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Oh, I don't mind suggestions! But, there is a place for those willing to post a rage against common sense: Common Sense Llama Vent. I'd like to see someone else's ire at idiocy. 

2006-06-10 [moonscale]: i meant if someone found an ancedote actually, but no matter. I haven't.

2006-06-10 [The real life Bella Swan]: Oh, I've deffintely got one of those. It happened at my school too. The sophomores were right in the middle of testing, which meant we had to stay in our first period class for and hour and a half longer than usual. That makes it a total of two hours and twenty minutes that we were supposed to be in first period. Ten minutes before they were supposed to finish the fire alarm goes off and the whole process starts over again. Now I wasn't too phased about it, as I'm a junior and didn't have to take the writing test, however, every single sophomore had to start over with a new subject and format, even if they had finished. Why? Our french teacher decided she wanted some popcorn.

2006-06-10 [The real life Bella Swan]: Instead of pressing the automatic pop button like most poeple would do, she decides to leave the bag in there for 7 minutes.

2006-06-14 [BinaryPhoenix]: o_O

2006-06-15 [kittykittykitty]: Wow. That must have royally sucked for all involved

2006-06-17 [The real life Bella Swan]: Like I said, I wasn't test-tacking, but every single sophomore was pissed.

2006-06-29 [Fireblade K'Chona]: ...hello! I took the liberty of adding myself to the list.

2006-06-29 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Welcome! Make yourself comfy!

2006-06-29 [Fireblade K'Chona]: Oh, thank you!

2006-08-25 [The Scarlet Pumpernickle]: Ha! Finnaly! Some Common Sense! Woot!

2006-08-26 [Dark Side of the Moon]: It's a nice thing to have isn't it?

2006-11-22 [moonscale]: <img:img/mood/44166_1164144892.gif> woot! first emoticon on this page! I think that last one is the best so far... arrested with a joint behind his ear?

2006-11-22 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Yes, what an idiot, huh?! <img:img/mood/44166_1164145262.gif> Emoticons, woo-hoo!

2007-01-04 [PredatorX]: Hey, I want one of those crappy .gif T-shirts too! :D

2007-01-04 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Hang on, sending one to you now. :)

2007-01-04 [PredatorX]: W00t!
Looove the rants, by the by! Haven't read them all, but I'm enjoying them!

2007-01-04 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Oh good! Glad you're enjoying it. I really need to find some more material to add to this thing. 

2007-01-04 [PredatorX]: I'll ga-ladly give you ideas.
As... soon as I get them that is >.>

2007-01-04 [Fireblade K'Chona]: You know, whenever I hear the Bible referring to people as sheep (I go to a Catholic school. 'nuff said.) I want to stand up and go, "I am not a sheep! I am a llama!"

...besides, I have never liked sheep. Ever.

I do like goats, though.

Wow, clearly I'm still not awake yet.

2007-01-04 [The Scarlet Pumpernickle]: lol and clearly you're missing the point of the reference. The "Sheep" in the Bible refer to the people of God and how they follow him because he is the Good Shepherd. It's an extended metaphor. There's the parable of the Sheep and the Goats as well. Matthew 25:31-46.. just in case you wanted to know. :P

2007-01-04 [PredatorX]: Aye, but nowadays the Shepherd leads a herd of wolves if you ask me...

2007-01-04 [Fireblade K'Chona]: No no no, I know it's a metaphor! I've been going to Catholic school since KINDERGARTEN, I know more about the Catholic Church than I ever wished to know. >.< Bet you don't know how many books St. Augustine wrote! He wrote 3 major works of Catholic literature! These and other useless facts are things I must learn for my Catholic History class. Bleh.

....I have gotten no sleep whatsoever.

But anyway, I don't like the metaphor because I hate sheep.

2007-01-04 [Dark Side of the Moon]: The metaphor that I used, comparing people to sheep, applies to human behaviour. Have you ever watched sheep? They're absolutely ridiculous and will all move together in a deranged wad if someone says 'boo'. 

2007-01-04 [The Scarlet Pumpernickle]: pretty much. That's why they need a shepherd. It's pretty funny if you ask me. ...my mom has this thing for sheep. .. it's odd. :P

2007-01-04 [Dark Side of the Moon]: I think they're cute, especially lambs. <img:44166_1164903263.gif>

2007-01-05 [moonscale]: I was attacked by a killer sheep! I was sitting innocenlty on the top of a mountain eating my sandwich when a perfectly ordinary sheep sideled up. It glared hungrily at my sandwich I I realized, this is no ordinary sheep! This was an attac sheep of doom! And I was right. Within moments it charged and nearly pushed me over the hundred foot cliff. 

heh. *cough* yes...absolutely true story! Thats the reason why the Alps are more dangerous than the Andes. I was never attacked by a llama in the Andes, only by the sheep in the Alps.

2007-01-05 [iippo]: A sheep that wouldn't run when something scared the flock would soon be an ex-sheep and a current dinner for a predator. And that would be one really stupid sheep.

2007-01-05 [PredatorX]: "...and a current dinner for a predator"
I don't like sheep... =/

2007-01-05 [iippo]: What, to eat sheep or to wear sheep?

2007-01-05 [PredatorX]: Neither. I don't like sheep cheese either...

2007-01-05 [The Scarlet Pumpernickle]: ewww... never heard of it. I only like Cow cheese. :P

2007-01-05 [Hiuko]: I like blue cheese. especially the blue cheese with fuzzy stuff on it. The fuzzy stuff makes it cuddly

2007-01-06 [moonscale]: Goat cheese is good.

2007-01-06 [Fireblade K'Chona]: I love goat cheese!

...I love most cheese, actually.

2007-01-08 [Dark Side of the Moon]: I saw a guy feed a cheese sandwich to a police horse once. It didn't knock the guy over getting it though. Never had sheep's cheese [PredatorX], though I imagine it would taste much like goat cheese. Kind of "barnyard" flavour about it, but really good stuff. tee-hee, fuzzy cheese! *pets it* Anyone know who Wallace and Gromit are?

2007-01-08 [iippo]: Wallace and Gromit are awesome, that's who they are :P

2007-01-08 [Dark Side of the Moon]: I've got the Wallace and Gromit theme running through my head now... <img:stuff/sutN.gif>

2007-01-09 [The Scarlet Pumpernickle]: lol...ever seen the curse of the wer-rabbit?

2007-01-09 [Dark Side of the Moon]: Yay! I LOVE that movie!

2007-01-17 [Cyrano meets Merso]: lol.contact me if you want to.I have a bunch of those!

2007-01-18 [moonscale]: Moon cheese is easily the best. <img:44166_1164145171.gif>

2007-04-01 [Hiuko]: What's with the stop? What no more funny stories on the reduced common sense of people?

2007-04-02 [Dark Side of the Moon]: I'm very sorry. I've been busy lately with many things and haven't had the time to beat up on the intelligently unsound. I haven't forgotten this wiki though! Will try to put something up here soon. :)

2007-04-03 [Hiuko]: okay, just wondering what happened.

2007-09-03 [Death Dragon]: These are . . . not funny, persay . . .
You could submit these to the Darwin Awards! I love that website.

2007-11-09 [chyu]: [#]

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