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2007-07-09 00:26:50
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[The Coffee-Prophet]s cold coffee


Now, on to what you came here for.

Before you ask, this site does not contain GTA-jokes or parodies. On the contrary, it is my personal vent, it will be here I rant about people, ideas, phrases and generally anything that can annoy me.

Note My house is a Safe Zone, and I stand for that, so this wiki is also a Safe Zone. Meaning anyone is allowed to post comments or write messages, telling me how horrendously wrong I am. That's not saying I'll listen to you, though.

The Coldest Coffee (Archive 1)
The Cold-Ish Coffee (Archive 2)

And he ranted

Before I start, I feel it's time to indeed admit that I haven't been ranting as much as I should lately. Meh, what can I say, I've been through some rough seas emotionally, but I'm better now. I can't really promise it getting noticeably better anytime soon either, because I've got another little writing project rolling. Anywayws, I've got my regular brand of coffee back, and the Pulp Fiction Soundtrack is rolling, time to get ranting.

You know what annoys me with Christmas? Ah, now you'll probably expect me to start raving about how comercialized this little christian/pagan holyday has become. Au Contrare, ladies and gentlemen. Quite simply, I'm tired of these people always whining and complaining about comercialization. You don't want comercialization? Very well, then just plug out, bake your own cookies and give less gifts. It's not that hard, and it's nothing to make the same mess out of each damn year. Sure, modern christmas decorations are hideous, and there's not really much more left of the original idea of the Birth of Christ.

Still, if you want Christ, go to a church, if you want peace and quiet, find a forest, if you just want to be with your friends and loved ones, just do it, ducttape the family together if you have to.

Another thing that annoys me with Christmas. Every year, I hear massive anti-alchohol campaigns, urging parents to think of the children and not drink during Christmas. This is probably good advice and all, but it really bases itself on the premise that people can either be not drinking at all or children-abusing alchoholic bums. This is, as you probably can see from the extreme contrast of my statement, not the fact. I believe there's a very definite line between 'drinking' and 'drinking too much.' There's thousands upon thousands of parents out there who knows to drink responsively, and I think that they should be allowed to take a glass of wine or two with good conscience.

That's a trend I notice, you know, there's nothing in between, no balance, no grey, just black and white. Either you don't drink at all, ever, or you're on your way to either AA or death by liver failure. Can't people just start learning moderation again? If they ever did it, that is.

Definitely out of good punchlines
[The Coffee-Prophet]

And now, Anime

It's nearly unavoidable nowadays to stumble accross anime or manga in one form or another. What was only entertainment for the super-geek, is now entertainment for the masses. Sure, this isn't a bad thing, and more people opening their eyes for masterpieces as Death Note or the manga version of Hellsing is not a bad thing. However, as so many times before, there's a snake or ten in paradise. One thing is the extreme fanboyism all the time, I mean, Naruto fanboys, for example. I've not really seen much Naruto, but I've seen enough to know that I'm not really interested, seeing as there are many other better manga/animes that I want to watch and read. However, at every forum I go to, there's always a wave of idiots, whining, "Why the hate of Naruto?" while every discussion about said subject always end up with off-topic weirdness which nobody really want to be a part of.

Also, other annoying tendencies. For example, when some of my non-anime watching friends hear about anime, they usually go "teh lawl, cartoon pron.. lolzor!!!11oneone," after which I am, sadly, obliged to ask what they are on and what they've been looking at on the net. Usually I don't like the answers I get, but that's most often because I don't get any answers at all.

Meh, back to waiting for another episode of Death Note to be subbed.
[The Coffee-Prophet]

A slightly larger subject

Today, I thought I'd rant about something bigger than Naruto geeks, getting my beard stuck in my velcro or whiners. The target of the day is Inteligent Design. My impression over this theory of why we're here is that it's a way to prove there is a god, because things wouldn't fit together so seamlessly if we've gotten to where we are by survival of the fittest-evolution style.

Now, am I only the only one who see the similarities between this and the belief that there's something such as Fate? I mean, sure, it could be that the hummingbirds beak is specifically designed by a divine force to drink the nectar of flowers, and it could be that this was caused by the fact that those with less opportune beaks died out and thus couldn't reproduce. However, you can't prove that evolution wouldn't provide similar results, and therefore, Inteligent design is about as probable as Fate. It's not unprobable, but by whatever forces there may be, it's not enough to call it a science.

Which reminds me, why is always religion and science clashing?I mean, ok, evolution may clash a little with the statement that god created every specie on the planet in his six-day working spree, but why does one have to clash with the other? Which again reminds me, how come people take every word in the bible litteraly, yet wear clothes made out of two different materials?(as prohibited by the book of Levicus.)I mean, following that logic, people preaching against gay marriage in a shirt made by cotton and polyester should be shunned, and/or stoned. If you're going to be a fanatic fundamentalist, then at least do it properly.

This encouragement to either be a proper fundamentalist or drop it was brought to you by:
[The Coffee-Prophet]

It's back

As you may know, from reading my older rant, I don't like chainmail, I don't like it at all. In later times, however, it would seem that the majority of these most annoying products of the Internett. However, there's a snake in paradise, yet again. The chain mails haven't dissapeared, they have just moved, to YouTube. That's right, in comment fields and messages, you can now read about horrible things being done to innocent little girls, who now will haunt your ass untill kingdom come unless you spread the filth to at least three new comment fields.

What's bothering me with this isn't that I'm scheduled for a metric ton of various hauntings, bad luck, bad relationship, impotence etc, but that people actually believe this stuff. I mean, even when accepting that ghosts exist and that the utter hogwash that are these letters are true, where is the logic? Sure, it's a letdown to get killed by being hanged upside-down on a meathook for 42 days, having the entire Exodus carved into your back while your killer switches between sing an Acapella-version of the 1812-Overture and reenacting Pulp Fiction in poor Islandic, but how would sending out unimportant messages all over the damn web help you in any way?

It strikes me as odd how people manage to come up with this kind of stuff. The mix between bizzare lack of realism and an oddly standarized form it's written in is almost amusing.

Anyways, send this rant to a kajillion people in the next three minutes or a beaver will eat your kidneys.
[The Coffee-Prophet]

About time

At last, today I decided to seize a ranting subject that I've avoided for a long time, merely because it required research I didn't care particularly for doing. Now, however, I've ventured into the oh-so trendy world of MySpace. Please note that my writings here is about the non-musician part of Myspace, seeing as I only have good stuff to say about it. This makes it a very bad ranting subject, heh.

First thing that struck me with this place was the alarming lack of structure, the layout was simply horrible, a neverending flow of unimportant information. Secondly, I failed miserably at seeing the point. As far as I could see, it's a messy network of friends and friends friends and 'hey look at my profile damnit.' I mean, Elftown is a place for people to meet other fantasy/scifi-interested people. Here, it would seem that the number of people on the friends list is secondary, although I have a few comments on the current state of the 'town right now. I'll get back to that later.

Also, a final note on Myspace, the sites more often than not look like someone slew the ghost of 90's HTML and spread its intestines over my computer screen. If this is because of bad user interface or because the users don't really know the first thing about making a website that's actually pleasant to look at, or at least not stabbing you in the eyes.

Now, on to my second thought. Is Elftown turning into a Myspace-clone? I mean, I see a lot of people nowadays that seems to be totally uninterested in Fantasy, and a lot of people that seems to think this is a dating comunity, a subject I've written about several times in my rantings. This is, I'd say, the biggest problem with Elftown at the moment. Can we blame Myspace for this though? I think not. Can we make an effort to stop the Myspacification though? Hell yes we can, we can Take Elftown Back

[The Coffee-Prophet]

Common misconception and why you should kill it with fire

If you are a litterature-, and culture-interested for that matter, young man like me, you may notice a lot of people gets a lot of things very wrong. Chief example; Frankenstein. Most people think of Frankenste in as a towering monster with bolts on the neck, preferrably green and about as inteligent as a piece of rock. You know, the whole 'fire baaaaad' thing. Sure, it's an interesting monster design, but let me tell you one thing, the Original Mary Shelley's Frankenstein was not like that. For one, said Frankenstein was a doctor that created a creature, which despite its epic proportions, was not green, if memory serves me correctly. So, I'll repeat that, in bold. Frankenstein = Doctor. Monster = No name/Frankensteins Creation.

People getting this wrong vexes me endlessly, but there's one other little thing that keeps pouring sand in my gears. Romeo and Juliet. Not the play itself though, it's a good play, one of the most famous one in history, and for a good reason. However, I'm tired of EVERY unhappy love-story being reffered to as 'similar to Romeo and Juliet.' What brought this to my attention was an amateaur movie award show, where the winning movie was made by a friend of mine. Good movie, and I could talk about good things about it for days, however, the ones introduced it called it 'A futuristic Romeo and Juliet.' I've watched that movie pretty many times, and let me tell you, it doesn't have more in common with Romeo and Juliet than Titanic has.

I mean, ok, love-story with an unhappy ending, killings and stuff, that's hardly enough to call it a new version of Romeo and Juliet is it now? I mean, people seem to miss the whole dimension of the two waring faction united by the tragic end of the two lovers. Classics being simplified pisses me off to no end, but I guess it's a thing of the times.

Viking helmets do not have horns, Vlad Von Tepes was not dracula and this is [The Coffee-Prophet] signing off.

Ah, wonderful inspiration

Some times, you are just struck with inspiration, and in most cases, that's one of the best things that come to you as a writer. For me, not so much, because I write about stuff that annoys me. So, when I get annoyed, I get inspired, or vice versa. Anyways, I'm not complaining about that, I like ranting here.

'Neways, my topic of the day; Self-censoring. You have probably seen it too, people using such adjectives as "fucking," but writes then such as F**ing or F*****, you get the picture. This strikes me as being... well, where do I start. I haven't really got a problem with swearing, I mean, it's just words, and how offensive they are depends on what meaning you're willing to give them. However, if you're gonna swear, then for the sake of all that's cute fluffy and caffeinated, don't pretend you're not.

I mean... first of all, who do you think you're fooling? Who, do you think have managed 13 years or more without grasping the concept of 'fuck' and the majority of the various word-evadings there has been made of this word. Of course, F*** leaves more possible words than F*ck, but when all comes down to it, what will most... no scratch that, as good as EVERYONE think you are saying? If you want to display a poor mastery over the English language, masked by unneccesary rudeness, then do that, but don't pretend you're not rude, that's just... moronic isn't quite covering.

Western Censorship still puzzles me, by the way, how come smudging out ass cheeks, middle fingers etc. makes anything more acceptable to watch? I mean, you don't have to know *all* that much about anatomy to know roughly what you're 'missing.' And while we're on the topic, what's so goddamn dangerous about nudity? I can understand why people would want to censor violence, but nudity in itself can't really be explained by the same logic, in my opinion. I don't in any way endorse people like the now hairless Ms. Spears, who use nudity to sell their... product. Note that I refuse to refer to the sounds Spears and co produces as music. Tasteless nudity isn't advisable, but few things tick me off more than when people condemn art with artistic nudity because it has artistic nudity.

Let's face it, the human body is a bloody masterpiece, most of the blood being on the inside most of the time, but still. It takes a true artist to portray this beauty in a good way, and it's REALLY annoying when people go 'zomgzor pr0n' over such pieces of art. It's childish and immature and... well, it gives me a lot to rant over.

Untill next time, this is [The Coffee-Prophet] saying: "Fuck-a-doodle-do."

Dentist Rant

It's not what you think
Today, I went to the dentist, and judging by my phobias regarding such visits, it would seem that I'll now talk about how sadistic dentists are, and all that jazz. But no, dentists are just doing their job, and such, I find it hard to truly dislike them.

Don't get me wrong though, people can easily do their jobs and still piss me off, telemarketers, street salesmen, Jehovas witnesses (ok, maybe not technically a job, I don't quite know) and, well, pretty much anyone who wants to sell me anything actively, and we're talking 'shove it in my face'-actively here.

And about there, my inspiration stopped, oh well.
[The Coffee-Prophet]


According to myself, I'm a relatively tolerant guy. Sure, I have my bouts of irrationality, but all in all I see myself as a helpful, friendly young man. However, there is one thing that really makes me mad. Sure, other things may annoy me, but one thing makes me genuinely angry. Buying pants, seriously, it's the one thing that makes me about as nice as Stalin faster than you can say Pogrom. I mean, I'm no slender nymph, far from it, but still, I find it difficult one has to use an hour to find a pair of pants that actually fit, even if you know your measurements. I know what inseam and waist measurements I need to get pants that fit me, but yet, clothes with those numbers are either *just* too small or so small it makes my organs groan by the mere thought. Then again, there are also those which actually fits. I'm actually curious how anyone could fit comfortably into those clothes, seeing as they require a rather elf-like shape. I usually don't get personally mad at people for doing their job but in such situations, I'm so very tempted to ask the poor person who asks if I need any help kindly if they could track down the person that designed these pants and shoot them in the head.

Oh well, at least I got pants
[The Coffee-Prophet]


So, I'm practicing to drive a lot nowadays. Sure, not as much as I could, I guess. Regardless you do quite frequently find me in a large chunk of elegantly shaped metal. A murder machine on wheels, car, whatever you choose to call it, I'm drivin' it. Now, Norwegian roads are pretty good, but some places it's a disgrace, and the fact that you have only a foot-high concrete wall between you and a drop into the fjord, or a few inches before you get a somewhat intimate encounter with a solid rock wall. There's the odd landslide too, but that's another story, not much to do about that.

No, what annoys me are other drivers. For example, I was driving here today, trying as best as I could to keep my ass on the road. Now, by the road, there were some horses, or maybe they were cows, I didn't take too close a look. The car in front of me, however, did. In fact, it stopped in the middle of the road, with plenty of other places to stop the car, drive out of the road and look at the cows/horses/beings to end all life, but no, apparantly that'd take too much planning.

Which leads me to my point. Do people even think when they drive? I'm thinking no, after all, driving is a somewhat risky, and enviromentaly it's not exactly a smart move, in the big picture and all that. Still, driving is an activity that's remarkably free of social interaction, you follow the rules, I follow the rules, unless we're in the town we both live in, in which case the one who has lived there shortest, often counted in generations, gives way. Ok, the last bit there diverted from my original point, but still. You don't need to be polite when you drive. As long as you're not killing anybody, you can be as obnoxious as you like. Taking up half the road untill you're about ready to get to the second base with the car in the oposite lane is ok, as long as you get your chunk of metal faring at a potentially deadly speed, over at least 75 % in your own lane.

So yeah... drive safe, buckle up... and stuff.
[The Coffee-Prophet]

Username (or number or email):


2007-02-22 [Linderel]: Sounds like we have similar problems. Ah, the hardships of geekiness. xD
I have a wiki like that. :P Lami's reading list - if you want, you can drop by and leave recommendations.

2007-02-22 [The Coffee-Prophet]: I'll get to that. Oh well, at least I won't have to be bored, much.

2007-02-22 [Linderel]: Absence of boredom is a good thing. *nod*
Hmmm, now I got into thinking of making a similar list for films. ...nah.

2007-02-22 [The Coffee-Prophet]: If you do, I swear to the coffee-maker, I WILL give you enough new points to last at least a hamsters lifetime

2007-02-22 [Chrysilla]: Ah, thanks for advertising my tepes vs dracula wiki, you're a sweetheart and you deserve a cup of my best coffee! *hugs and gives you coffee*

2007-02-22 [The Coffee-Prophet]: Yay for coffee, and yay for hugs. I'm a nice guy, as long as I get my coffee, if I don't... I'm still a nice guy, just coffee-less.

2007-02-23 [Chrysilla]: *bows* Coffee is served ^^

2007-02-24 [Fleuryrose]: You are so right, cool new rant!

2007-02-26 [Tyrana]: THESE ARE GREAT! So far, my fine friend, I am behind you on all of this. Was Frankenstein's monster named Adam, though? It's been a while since I've read the book, but I seem to remember his name being Adam. I could just be making it up.

2007-02-26 [The Coffee-Prophet]: I haven't read the book myself, just a heavily abriged version. Ah, according to Wikipedia, the monster didn't originally have a name, but was named Adam in one version.

2007-03-26 [hierophant]: The first ever 'vampire' story available in the English language was by Lord Byron. Not a lot of people know that.

Incidentally, I am a screaming atheist too. I like this rant-page, but I think it is a little unfair to continually attack a specific belief-system/group of people. You clearly have a bit of a psychological issue about God, methinks... and therefore it is perhaps not 'other people's problem' if they believe in God. Seems to me the 'problem' is all yours - your desperate need to put others down just because they believe in something you don't... and that's a bit disturbing.

2007-03-26 [hierophant]: Wait, you haven't actually read Frankenstein, and yet you feel qualified to rant about it?

All. respect. just. lost. Fucking educate YOURSELF before putting others down!!

2007-03-26 [The Coffee-Prophet]: Dear (once) Faithfull reader:
I am saddened that I no longer can claim myself a holder of your respect, but I feel we have a slight case of miscommunication here. I never claimed these rants to be anything but my own personal little place to write down things that annoy me, more or less constantly. It is inevitable that some groups vexxes me more, and therefor gets more attention in this wiki. If you find this disturbing or such, I suggest you instead gorge yourself on an encyclopedia or other objective source. This is the universe of [The Coffee-Prophet] and things tend to be a bit one-sided here.

2007-04-22 [Legolisia]: I feel a need to interject here,if you dont enjoy this page,or have extremely averse opinions to all said material,WHY are you here and reading it?I mean..REALLY! SOME people DO enjoy his veiws,some even share them.And let me simply say,if you're looking for someone to have a debate with,war of opinions with if you will,firstly,ARM yourself,secondly, do your debateing,somewhere where you SHOULD be DEBATEING. As is stated I do believe,either in his house,or in one of the previous pages here,this is simply a place for HIM to express HIS opinions. Now a quick opinion of mine,Elftown is a free place,you're allowed to have your own opinions.Also,if you read his commental replies to you AT ALL,he DID say"I read an ABRIDGED version of the book." Now,if you've EVER done a google search,which it appears you have not, there is more than one version of ANY book. Care for proof? I can name 5 copies of Frankinstein,I've read them all,they are ALL different. Also,Harry potter,Everyone loves harry potter,Ever read the london version?totally different from the one released in the US,and as I recall,the same goes for the austrailian version,excuse all grammatical errors my fellow ETer's,its 2 AM and I'm a bit testy.

2007-04-22 [Fleuryrose]: Yay, wahey for openness!!!
Speak up your mind!

2007-07-07 [Ramirez]: Your rants/beliefs are intellectual and humorous. I applaud you and await the next delightful rant.

2007-07-08 [The Coffee-Prophet]: Thanks for the most needed positive feedback. Haven't gotten a good rant rolling lately, but I think I've got something now.

2007-07-09 [Ramirez]: Ah, driving. I've got some good rants on that. I absolutely -hate- driving. If I didn't leave 35 miles away from every town, then I'd be walking. DX

2007-07-09 [The Coffee-Prophet]: Much the same here. I prefer to catch a buss if I can find one, but the busses come so infrequently I'm actually looking forwards to getting my license.

2007-07-10 [Ramirez]: The only bus that comes out here is the school bus...and it's an hour and a half bus ride full of screaming, undisciplined, foul-mouthed brats. Which is why I drive. DX

2008-03-25 [Chrysilla]: Hey, what happened to this? Is it dead? :(

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