Number of voters: 260
Voting only open to members of private forum number -2493
Number of votes: 137 (53%)
b) [Sagacious Turkey]
Number of votes: 32 (12%)
c) Mort again!
Number of votes: 27 (10%)
Number of votes: 9 (3%)
e) [Hedda] *cough* loser *cough*
Number of votes: 36 (14%)
f) [Nekko fox]
Number of votes: 3 (1%)
g) [Mortified Penguin]
Number of votes: 13 (5%)
h) [~Crimson Angel~]
Number of votes: 3 (1%)
26.6 cpd/9709 cpy
18.6 cpd/6789 cpy
15.2 cpd/5548 cpy
15.3 cpd/5580 cpy
14.6 cpd/5333 cpy
13.5 cpd/4924 cpy
13.6 cpd/4972 cpy
12.5 cpd/4563 cpy
11.4 cpd/4165 cpy
10.5 cpd/3824 cpy
09.6 cpd/3512 cpy
08.9 cpd/3237 cpy
08.3 cpd/3017 cpy
2018-02-02 [Mortified Penguin]: ...
*stabs you with the knife*
2018-02-02 [Pied Crow]: Oh, I see how it is. I know when I've been insulted! I know when I've been insulted!
*over-exerts self and passes out*
2018-02-02 [~Crimson Angel~]:
2018-02-02 [Mortified Penguin]:
2018-02-02 [Pied Crow]: Sorry, I'm not into humans with knives.
Um, and I'm not good with forum games. Talking with degenerate birds is the most social activity I do for leisure these days.
*cooks for another 12 hours*
2018-02-02 [Mortified Penguin]: *looks up from his bible*
I'm not degenerate.
*goes back to eating his bible*
2018-02-04 [Nuktae-tal]: Hay now! *throws hay in the air.*
2018-02-04 [Mortified Penguin]: *a cute, sweet pony looks visibly upset at the waste of all that perfectly good hay*
HAY! Get back in that meat grinder!
*shoves Misty into the meat grinder*
*gathers up all the loose hay and feeds it to the happy pony*
2018-02-05 [Pied Crow]: Hooray for birds!
2018-02-05 [Mortified Penguin]: Nobody likes birds. *spits in the bird bath in the middle of the diner*
2018-02-06 [Nuktae-tal]: *builds crows nest in ceiling fan and settles in comfortably* aye captain.
2018-02-06 [Pied Crow]: Hmm, let's think about this... What kind of ceiling fan would Bob's Diner install?
2018-02-06 [Mortified Penguin]: You'd think it'd be something funny, like a helicopter propeller or something, but it isn't. It's just a regular old fan.
*turns it on, messing up several spider webs and launching a number of angry spiders into the air*
See? Lame. Though, it is impressive we managed to install a ceiling fan with no ceiling...
*the fan starts sparking up and spinning wildly out of control*
*it catches fire and detaches from the nonexistent ceiling*
*the flaming fan flies throughout the diner, flinging furious fiery spiders and decapitating a number of screaming, terrified patrons*
Laaaaame... *casually goes back to reading the paper*
2018-02-06 [Mortified Penguin]: *circles an ad looking for new ShareBlue employees to shill Bob's Diner*
Hey, have you guys heard about this awesome Hillary guy? Totally better than Drumpf! And I'm like 80% sure she isn't a reptilian... But in all seriousness, we can't let that man near the nuclear codes.
*starts screaming incomprehensib
*five cents is deposited into my account*
2018-02-06 [Mortified Penguin]: Roll Tide!
But seriously though, they shouldn't have messed up my order...
2018-02-07 [Nuktae-tal]: Sad days...
2018-02-07 [Mortified Penguin]: The nights are also sad too as well...
2018-02-07 [Pied Crow]: Hey. Don't joke about people being reptilians. We take that stuff seriously! Don't get our hopes up!!
2018-02-07 [~Crimson Angel~]: Taco Bell apparently has fries now, which is weird...
2018-02-07 [Pied Crow]: Oh. Yeah, nacho fries! They must be advertised well, everyone's talking about them.
2018-02-07 [Mortified Penguin]: I tried to order some, but apparently they were out and just gave me chips instead... Hence, the arson my lawyer keeps telling me to stop "bragging about" and "admitting to"... that fire was pretty nifty though.
2018-02-08 [Nuktae-tal]: That's because they were my fries nachos...
2018-02-08 [Mortified Penguin]:
2018-02-08 [Mortified Penguin]:
2018-02-08 [Mortified Penguin]: *shrugs and just grows his own nacho potato tree*
2018-02-08 [Sagacious Turkey]: *bursts in, brandishing a pile of cash threateningly*
HAND OVER THE SPECIAL AND TWO ORDERS OF THE MORE EXPENSIVE COOKED SUSHI OR ELSE!!
2018-02-08 [Mortified Penguin]: I TOLD YOU, WE DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!
Anyway, it was good doing business with you, Achmed. *hands him a large box labeled, "BOMBS - for rats"*
Good luck with your infid- er, rat problem. *tips his hat*
2018-02-08 [Sagacious Turkey]: Waaaiiiit a second... you don't have a hat!
*immediately calls the police*
Yeah, I was trying to rob this shithole and this guy here has a really suspicious hat. Yeah. Uh huh. My name? My location?! MY HIP SIZE?! Sorry, wrong number. Bye, I love you too.
*slams the rotary phone into the wall*
A swat team should be arriving soon to arrest everyone except me.
2018-02-08 [Sagacious Turkey]: *glances at the clock on the wall*
Aaaany minute now...
2018-02-09 [Pied Crow]: Mort!
... What happened to your pocket knife?
2018-02-09 [Nuktae-tal]: Hands up!! I'm the police! *rips off pants and begins to strip tease*
2018-02-09 [Mortified Penguin]: This one...?
*starts to pull out his pocket knife, but is promptly gunned down by several naked police officers*
2018-02-09 [Mortified Penguin]: *the police surround Mort's corpse and start putting his hat in cuffs*
*they also cuff Mort's corpse's lips*
*shrugs and goes back to reading his paper*
2018-02-10 [Pied Crow]: People? But, this isn't a village!
2018-02-10 [Mortified Penguin]: Your Village People joke disgusts me. Those men are heroes, don't be disrespectful. *angrily spits on one of the police officers, who runs away crying*
As of before this comment, here are the most frequent words that appear in Bob's Diner:
2018-02-10 [Mortified Penguin]: Here are some random 'f' words that were only ever used once:
2018-02-10 [Mortified Penguin]: Now they will have appeared at least twice!
2018-02-10 [Mortified Penguin]: There have been 54,322 asterisks.
2018-02-10 [Mortified Penguin]: Here are some other alleged, useless statistics:
Number of words: 723898
Number of full stops: 37575
Number of long words (7 or more characters): 117777
Number of words per full stop: 19.26541583499
Percentage long words: 16.26983359534
Lix (readability): 35.53524943033
Number of different words: 42530.0
Lexical variety: 0.059
2018-02-10 [Mortified Penguin]: Though, LibreOffice claims there are 629,953 words. And 330 Asian characters and Korean syllables.
2018-02-11 [Mortified Penguin]: The current comment count for this friscal year (including this one) is:
[Mortified Penguin] 388
[Pied Crow] 92
[Sagacious Turkey] 83
[Mrs. No_One] 45
[~Crimson Angel~] 14
[Sheamus Finn] 13
[Nekko fox] 6
[Delta Operator] 1
[Emily June] 1
[Alexi Ice] 1
[Wulf Skjaldr] 1
2018-02-11 [Mortified Penguin]: That's 895 comments (not including this one) so far for an average of 5.496932515337
2018-02-11 [Sheamus Finn]: 896
2018-02-11 [Sheamus Finn]: 897 lol
2018-02-11 [Pied Crow]: Nice, good to see bird got in! .... But, why CHAD? Is it spoilers?
2018-02-11 [Mortified Penguin]: Here's a list of words and the frequency of their appearance in the place where a username would typically go on a comment (basically the overall approximate comment count for each user with more than like 50 comments):
2018-02-11 [Mortified Penguin]: What the actual comment count for each person is, I have no idea. LibreOffice sucks.
2018-02-11 [Sheamus Finn]: So, is it better to post often or just when you have a long drawn out post?
2018-02-11 [Mortified Penguin]: BOTH.
2018-02-11 [Nuktae-tal]: So what you are saying if I understand this correctly is that each individual person who visits and posts on this site needs to do so in a long winded and yet comprehensible manner but frequently as well on top of that. And now even when we do post we need to be mindful of the wordings that we use to explain the point of our monologue in the first place!
2018-02-11 [Pied Crow]: Yeah, and I'm worried about what's around my name...
2018-02-11 [Mortified Penguin]: BRICKY, NNNO-
Wait, that's Brickie with an 'ie'. I hate that bricktch. Carry on.
2018-02-12 [Nuktae-tal]: *sweeps up brick dust and puts it into the meatloaf.* gotta give this bitch some texture. Bitches love texture.
2018-02-12 [Mortified Penguin]: Where'd you get that broom?! We don't serve brooms here!
2018-02-13 [Pied Crow]: "Oh... This looks bad."
2018-02-13 [Mortified Penguin]: YOU look bad! *shoves a cigarette*
2018-02-13 [Mortified Penguin]: It's that Yuriona skank's birthday! *punts a cake out the window*
2018-02-13 [Mortified Penguin]: Now I'm hungry... :(
2018-02-14 [Mortified Penguin]: *punts Yuriona out the window*
2018-02-14 [Yuriona]: Didn't have cake. Had black forest pancakes instead! :D *grabs plate on her way out the window*
2018-02-14 [Mortified Penguin]: All I got for my birthday was a cup of ramen with a candle in it. Not one of those tiny birthday candles, but one of those big ass candles in a jar. It was jammed down in there. Caught the styrofoam on fire. My house burnt down. I lost seven cats that day. Also, my wife and kids, I guess, but I was bored of them anyway.
2018-02-15 [Pied Crow]: Oh! Black forest pancakes? Those are completely...u
2018-02-15 [Mortified Penguin]: Or are they butter flavored vegetable oil spread-y?
2018-02-15 [Nuktae-tal]: Isn't that chocolate?
2018-02-16 [Sheamus Finn]: I've seen pictures....an
2018-02-16 [Mortified Penguin]: Nah, track 7 goes to Pound Town.
*picks up some cute puppies that weigh one pound from the Pound Town pound for only a pound*
2018-02-16 [Yuriona]: Chocolate pancakes with whipped cream and cherries to be precises. *sits on tree branch eating cake stuck on another branch* And the train for Diabetes Train is track 2. Everyone knows that.
2018-02-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Stop avoiding the question! Are they buttery or are they butter flavored vegetable oil spread-y?!
2018-02-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Stupid people of Bob's Diner! You've been arbitrarily selected to be Mort's Member of the Month for the month of Second July™! First question: ARE THEY BUTTERY OR ARE THEY BUTTER FLAVORED VEGETABLE OIL SPREAD-Y?!
2018-02-17 [Mortified Penguin]: WELL, SHEAMUS?! ANSWER ME, BOY.
2018-02-17 [Sheamus Finn]: From what I saw...no butter...just brown chocolatey sauce everywhere....
2018-02-17 [Pied Crow]: Now I wanna ride one!
2018-02-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Second question: What's a good second question?
2018-02-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Third question: ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU!
2018-02-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Fifth question: *angrily flips a table*
2018-02-17 [Yuriona]: Definitely buttery. And chocolatey.
2018-02-18 [Pied Crow]: We have conflicting reports, sir. How should we proceed?
2018-02-18 [Mortified Penguin]: I think it's pretty clear Yuri is lying about this alleged "butter" nonsense. Sheamus wouldn't lie to me, he told me he never lies!
2018-02-18 [Sagacious Turkey]: It's true, he also told me to get a liberal arts degree, which is how I ended up being so rich and famous.
*puts [Yuriona] in cuffs for her heinous crimes and hauls her off to Bob's Family Detention Center and Broom Closet*
Don't touch my brooms in there, criminal scum.
*crawls back into his decrepit hovel out back, before the pigeons pilfer his dinner rats again*
2018-02-18 [Nuktae-tal]: *silently eats a salad*
2018-02-18 [Sagacious Turkey]: Get your hands off my expensive crabgrass!
2018-02-18 [Mortified Penguin]: This interview sucks!
2018-02-18 [Mortified Penguin]: -tal]! Ask some hard hitting questions!
2018-02-18 [Nuktae-tal]: Kay!! How fast would a train from Cleveland travel if it wasn't a locomotive at all on a free way made of jello?!
2018-02-18 [Yuriona]: Hmm... I wonder which of these brooms is the fastest broom. I'll need to make a quick getaway for sure. *examines brooms*
You forgot your bracelets by the way. *holds up cuffs* I have too many pairs already.
2018-02-19 [Sagacious Turkey]: That mahogany broom in there used to be the fastest, but it blew a head gasket.
Also, which flavor of Jello?
2018-02-19 [Sheamus Finn]: Wait...wait...
2018-02-19 [Yuriona]: Head gasket huh? I might be able to fix that.
2018-02-19 [Mortified Penguin]: I'm pretty sure it needs an engine swap at this point. And a new radiator. Not to mention, it has all kinds of electrical issues and the CD changer doesn't even work. I really think we need to just upgrade to a mop, they've got much better mileage and maintenance doesn't cost nearly as much.
2018-02-20 [Sagacious Turkey]:
2018-02-20 [Sagacious Turkey]:
2018-02-20 [Mortified Penguin]: You can't post pictures in an interview! I hate you all...
2018-02-21 [Nuktae-tal]: We love you though Mort. Also the jelly flavor is bananas because they have a bad reputation.
2018-02-21 [Mortified Penguin]: ...!!
2018-02-21 [Mortified Penguin]: Wait now it's jelly and not Jello?! Get your story straight! Don't make me have to arrest Yuri again!
2018-02-22 [Nuktae-tal]: Fine.... it was pistachio flavour all along!! Are you happy now Mort??!!
2018-02-22 [Yuriona]: But why? T_T
2018-02-22 [Sagacious Turkey]: The brooms get lonely in there. Someone has to keep them company.
2018-02-22 [Yuriona]: Oh. I guess that's ok then. I wouldn't want the brooms to get lonely.
2018-02-22 [Mortified Penguin]: Yes.
2018-02-23 [Sagacious Turkey]: Uh huh... riiiiiiiight..
2018-02-23 [Mortified Penguin]: CUT THAT OUT.
2018-02-23 [Emeni]: One comment.....
2018-02-23 [Pied Crow]: Yeah, Turkey Bird, don't steal other people's stuff!
*eats instant noodles*
2018-02-23 [Sagacious Turkey]:
*eats eventual noodles... eventually*
2018-02-23 [Sagacious Turkey]: There, there's some quality content to keep the average up. I'll take my trophy now. *snatches an old ladies purse and sprints out the door*
2018-02-23 [Sagacious Turkey]: Our original 2004 slogan, "Bob's Diner is the place for you! Unless you're a monkey or a Jew!" is clearly still apropos.
2018-02-24 [Sideways]: Apricots are nasty. Why can’t you use peaches?
Millions of peaches
Peaches for me
Millions of peaches
Peaches for free
2018-02-24 [moira hawthorne]: sits in a corner eating ramen from a shoe with a silver dollar... there! hicough
2018-02-24 [Pied Crow]: Without Bob...it's just diner.
2018-02-24 [Mortified Penguin]: Because 80% of Georgia's peach trees froze this year due to global warming.
2018-02-24 [Mortified Penguin]: I'm sorry, but we don't accept silver dollars here. *grabs moira's dollar and puts it in his shirt pocket*
And don't forget about the 's. We wouldn't be where we are today without that 's... we'd be five feet to the left.
2018-02-25 [Emeni]: But I'm allergic to apricots
2018-02-26 [Mortified Penguin]: And I'm allergic to backtalk. Now get back in that blender, you're still too lumpy.
2018-02-27 [Pied Crow]: Oh, cool... Our single mouse wheel can be pushed to the side for horizontal scrolling. Only five programs total have been compatible with it.
2018-02-27 [Nuktae-tal]: Hey peeps what's up here?! I went back for the weekend to get vikinged
2018-02-27 [Pied Crow]: I think I blacked out and forgot everything? Turkey Bird pulled some hypocritical stuff, though. Yeah. For sure.
2018-02-27 [Mortified Penguin]: You should upgrade to the new three wheeled quantum mouse they got these days. If you install the right Dynamic 5D Scrollware, you can scroll forward in time! It's great for stock trading.
I got vikinged once. Got horned and got my booty plundered. And then some guy stole my treasure! The treasure of my virginity. He raped me...
2018-02-28 [Nuktae-tal]: Yikes!! Well then... you should be on the other side... much more fun taking the treasure from others *winks badly with both eyes... blinks.*
2018-02-28 [Pied Crow]: Mr. Penguin, it wasn't a filthy human viking, was it?! D:
2018-02-28 [Sagacious Turkey]: ...no, you're a hippogryph! *points a talon at Crow and angrily stomps his hoof*
AND I BETTER NOT FIND OUT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT KEEPS BUILDING NESTS IN THE MICROWAVE! I'm tired of having to make Paco clean it out before (and after) I microwave hamsters.
2018-02-28 [Mortified Penguin]: But no, he was actually pretty clean. Except for all the blood and feces and stuff. At the very least, his fleas looked pretty hygienic.
2018-02-28 [Pied Crow]: Uh oh. Me thinks I need a new sleeping spot. I wonder if the cash register is open...
2018-03-01 [Mortified Penguin]: It should be empty, we haven't had any customers in over 10 years.
"Can I order a-"
NO, DISEMBODIED VOICE, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M ON BREAK?!
*points at a sign by the register that's dated 2/31/1997 that says, "on break - be back in 5 minutes"*
2018-03-01 [Nuktae-tal]: Wheee!!!!!! *Breaks all the eggs... from morts butt*
2018-03-02 [Mortified Penguin]: It... it's not what you think... they're in there for sexual purposes, I swear!
2018-03-02 [Mortified Penguin]: THERE, I UPDATED THE DAILY SPECIAL.
2018-03-02 [Pied Crow]: Better than drive thru!
2018-03-02 [Pied Crow]: Wait, what?! Nuktae-bird, why would you do that!? Are you trying to get back at your elitist father by helping your brother‽
2018-03-02 [Mortified Penguin]: ANSWER THE INTERROBANG, THIS IS STILL AN INTERVIEW!
2018-03-03 [Mortified Penguin]: *eats a hard, uncooked block of ramen*
2018-03-04 [Nuktae-tal]: Hahahahahahhaa yyyyaaaasssss
2018-03-04 [Pied Crow]: What a horrid way of referencing that game, Nuktae-bird!
But, we'll take it.
2018-03-05 [Nuktae-tal]: I'm a bird Now? I thought I was soup?!
2018-03-05 [Mortified Penguin]: Just believe in yourself and you can be both! That's how Saggy Turk became this delicious bowl of chicken soup.
*points at a bowl of Corn Flakes and goes back to cleaning blood and feathers off his hatchet*
2018-03-05 [Pied Crow]: Maybe I'm just calling everybirdie a bird, now...
Oh, a dragoon? Hmph, I wonder what kind...?
2018-03-05 [Sagacious Turkey]: Pretty sure he's the kind of Dragoon that gives rats cancer.
2018-03-06 [Nuktae-tal]: I love rats! Roasted on a spit with gravy made of the fleas!
2018-03-06 [Mortified Penguin]: Well, you'll have to go to McDonald's if you want fancy food like that. We only serve Hot Pockets here.
2018-03-06 [Mortified Penguin]: *scrapes the contents out of a hot pocket and packs a bunch of ramen noodles and a single stray spaghetti noodle into it*
2018-03-07 [Pied Crow]: Um... Why are there two things that claim the daily special?
2018-03-07 [Mortified Penguin]: One of them is hidden, so it doesn't count.
2018-03-07 [Mortified Penguin]:
2018-03-08 [Pied Crow]: Mort-bird, no! We can't handle your clever subversions right now!
2018-03-08 [Mortified Penguin]: Subversions? No, no. Clearly, if you look closer, those are diversions.
I SAID LOOK CLOSER.
Fine, I'll just do this the old fashioned way...
*smashes Pie's bird kneecaps in with a tire iron and snatches his wallet*
2018-03-08 [Mortified Penguin]: There's just two saltine crackers and a wad of pine straw in here... *tosses the wallet in the furnace*
...hey, Nuk. Look closer at that pic for me, will ya?
2018-03-08 [Pied Crow]: My crackers!
... My bird kneecaps!!
At least my cabbages are fine.
2018-03-09 [Nuktae-tal]: Looked!
2018-03-09 [Mortified Penguin]: Okay, now give me your wallet.
2018-03-10 [Mortified Penguin]: I SAID GIVE ME YOUR WALLET!
*smashes Cro's bird kneecaps in with a tire iron again and snatches his other wallet*
2018-03-11 [Pied Crow]: I am not responsible for any cars or dragons your eyes see in there!
Also, ouch, smashed bird kneecaps are kinda unpleasant. :c
2018-03-11 [Nuktae-tal]: *eats small roasted dragon on a stick* hahaha knee caps. *puts another fake wallet in Crows pocket.*
2018-03-12 [Pied Crow]: Nuktae...you break our little crow heart. ;( You aren't even a real bird, don't vore such things.
2018-03-13 [Nuktae-tal]: Kay! *eats chocolate covered mushrooms next*
2018-03-14 [Sagacious Turkey]: Those were growing in the urinal trough in the women's restroom. And that's not chocolate...
*sensually licks one of the mushrooms*
It's... dark chocolate.
2018-03-15 [Yuriona]: I think the mushroom liked that. Do it again.
2018-03-15 [Pied Crow]: I don't like mushrooms, though... It's okay if you do, I guessssss...
2018-03-15 [Yuriona]: I do like mushrooms! Only for eating though. I can't say I'm very friendly with them.
2018-03-16 [Mortified Penguin]: MY PORTOBELLOS!!
Darn you, they were still acidulating! *slaps Yuriona with a studded dueling glove*
2018-03-16 [Yuriona]: Darn you, it was Turkey who was licking them. *slaps Mort with a frozen lake trout*
2018-03-17 [Pied Crow]: Oh? Hey, Turkey-bird! Lick the fish!
2018-03-19 [Mortified Penguin]: The comments here have slacked off as of late. I'm clearly going to have to come up with some clever new spamming campaign.
*bandages up his various trout wounds (unrelated to Yuri's trout assualt)*
*almost puts a bandage on a bass wound, but catches himself just in time*
Whoa, I almost put a bandage on that bass wound... but I caught myself just in time!
2018-03-19 [Nuktae-tal]: I got it! *slaps bandaid that is too small on Bass wound* done!
2018-03-20 [Pied Crow]: It's not my fault Turkey-bird realized I'm leading him on!
2018-03-20 [Nuktae-tal]: *pulls on lead*
2018-03-21 [Pied Crow]: Don't do that, it might be super-poisoned
(18h ago) [Nuktae-tal]: *licks lead too* hmmmm my favorite.... poison anything!
(6h ago) [Pied Crow]: Don't make us threaten to threaten to tell Mort-bird to confiscate your tongue!